Wilson's Wildlife Solutions Orientation

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Hello. My name is Faeowynn Wilson, though if you're here I'm sure you already know me. I'd like to welcome you all to our humble little Center.

As you all know, the Wilson Center deals in animals. We are primarily a rehabilitation center for wildlife, be it mundane or magical. Yes, magical. No, I don't know why they're like that, all we know is that they are. And like the sign outside says, every critter is welcome here. That means you will probably at some point in your volunteership be dealing with a frightened animal that can also do things like discharge electricity or turn completely invisible.

Is 'volunteership' even a word? I don't think so. Anyway.


Now, I know what you're thinking. This all seems rather dangerous, right? Well, you'd be right. There is a reason we ask you to sign waivers before onboarding. But don't worry too much. Old Al here; say hi, Al,Hello! will be showing you all the ropes on how to properly handle an animal. Proper safety and precautions will be key to all your interactions with animals here at the Center.

But even being safe isn't enough sometimes. If you at all plan on interacting with the critters here at the Center, know that odds are you will be bit, cut, or otherwise injured while on the job. That's why we have a trained nurse on payroll, Miss Lisbon; say hi Miss Lisbon,Hi! to treat any injuries you may suffer. I'm sure the older among you in the crowd remember the Ursus Maritimus Incident from a few years ago where the town was covered in snow and we had an almost fatal incident involving one of the volunteers. Rest assured that a lot has changed since then, and we now have much more efficient safety measures in place to protect our volunteers.


And speaking of new safety measures, I'd like to introduce you all to Captain Esau. Say hello, Captain. Greetings.Captain Esau here is in charge of retrieving and classifying the critters we find here in Boring. You've probably seen her response teams chasing after some critter in your neighborhood at some point over the last few years. Before she came along, it was typically my father and a few other volunteers wrangling animals with nets and trucks.

Well, no more. Captain Esau's team largely consists of professionals, so odds are you won't wind up on her response team, but you'll still see her and her guys around the Center, especially if you work in intake. Despite working with us, Captain Esau and her team aren't technically a part of Wilson's Wildlife Solutions. They are technically out on loan from the Supervisors.


Now about the Supervisors. If you spend any amount of time with us here at the Center you will notice certain people coming and going, typically in helicopters or big trucks. Those are the Supervisors. The Supervisors are very important to our work here. They help bankroll us and provide us with access to experts like Captain Esau and Miss Lisbon to ease our work. You can easily identify who is with the Supervisors by looking for this logo projected on-screen.

Just a word of advice when dealing with the Supervisors, by the way; don't ask questions. Not only will you not be answered, but they will also probably look at you dirty and get really cross with you. They may look all intimidating what with their curt demeanor and standoffish personalities, but dealing with them is my job, not yours. So really, just pretend they aren't there.

But just so you all know, the Supervisors only get called in to deal with things when they get too out of control or whenever we find a particularly dangerous critter. Hopefully the former won't happen ever again. Some of you may remember those earthquakes about town some months ago, yes? That was the work of Ringo, a kangaroo we found but ultimately could not contain due to his seismic capabilities.

Anyways, the latter scenario might just happen someday, and if it does, just know that in that situation all you have to do is steer clear of the Supervisors and let them do their business. In the odd event one of them addresses you, listen to their instructions and try to follow them to the best of your ability. Again, this isn't very likely to happen, but it's better to be safe than sorry.


Now, I'd like to talk about something that you probably don't hear too much about as a person on the outside. You will see animals in poor condition. You will see animals covered head to toe in mange. You will see abused animals. You will see animals die. For all of the feel-good things we share on social media and on the Critter Profiles, there are just as many cases that are downright heartbreaking, infuriating, and otherwise upsetting.

Take for example the case of Thunderhorn. Thunderhorn here was a narwhal we kept in our aquatics center last year who was able to generate electricity from his tusk. Sounds all well and good, right? Well, Thunderhorn was unfortunately very mean and didn't quite like any of the caretakers, meaning he would blast electricity at them constantly. He got so mean, he eventually just started zapping himself in his pool. Thunderhorn could generate electricity, but he wasn't immune to being electrocuted. Unfortunately, this means that Thunderhorn ended up frying himself.

Not every critter wants to be helped, and some of them will be downright hostile to you. Even if they're very clearly suffering and you have the power to help them. As the saying goes, you can bring a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

If this at all bothers you, I recommend you leave now, because this is just the harsh reality of animal rescue.

I see you're all staying. Good on you. Not everyone has what it takes to work in animal rescue, but I must commend you all for choosing to stay even after hearing the ugly truth. Like my dad used to say, 'it's not pretty work, but it is good work'.


And I'd like to think he was right. Animal rescue has got to be one of the most rewarding pursuits I've ever taken up in life. It's not just me saying that, either. Feel free to talk to any of our other volunteers, they can tell you. There's a reason most people who volunteer here once tend to come back. It's not just about the feeling of doing good, but also the relationship you form with the critters and even your coworkers that keeps people coming back. It may sound a little dramatic or overly sentimental, but there's an awful lot of love in this place. After all, it was born from my father's love of nature and kept alive by people like you who share in his passion.

Anyway, that's all I've got for you folks. Feel free to help yourselves to the donuts and coffee in the back. After a short break we'll be taking a tour of the facilities and Old Al will teach you how to wrangle some critters.

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