Othello The Cat Presents: Seduce, Caress, Propose!
rating: +48+x

Hello everyone, and welcome to everyone's favorite anomalous dating show…


I'm your host, Othello the Cat, and I'm actually not a cat, nor am I a character from a Shakespeare play! Now, allow me to introduce the contestant to the following eligible bachelors and bachelorettes!

Our first bachelorette is the lovely SCP-3811! She's an excellent listener, considering that she's a therapist, and better yet, she knows how to make you feel reeeeeal good. She loves taking pictures of food, heartfelt conversations, and helping people with their darkest fears and regrets! If you want a night where you feel like Superman, go on a date with SCP-3811!

SCP-3995 is an interesting bachelor, mostly because it's not really a bachelor! SCP-3995 may or may not exist, but you know that a night with it will leave you breathless. It loves meditation, a good beer, and . The man of your dreams may not be real, but that doesn't mean you can't date it!

For people who love someone who's caring and thoughtful, look no further than SCP-3430! Just one look at him and you won't want to be apart from him, you'll see that he's kind, caring, and really only wants to do what's best for the world. He loves to travel, go to clubs, and personal boundaries. A date with SCP-3430 will make you the happiest necrophile!

Everyone talks about Mr. Right, well they're actually talking about SCP-3323! You want someone who checks in on you, makes sure that you get through the day feeling like the champ you truly are! SCP-3323's patented suicide prevention techniques will make sure that you're going to be there the next day, and you know he'll be there for you too. He loves technology, family, and just a tiny bit of black magic. Date SCP-3323 and live your best Lyfe!

We regret to inform you that SCP-3774 is no longer with us, but we can still tell you all about what she was like before her tragic death! SCP-3774 knew that it wanted to make a permanent connection and settle down, so if you're looking for someone who's willing to be a homebody, SCP-3774 would have been for you! She loved romantic comedies, surprises, and human blood. A date with her definitely wouldn't have sucked!

SCP-3177 may not be a celebrity, but he's the next best thing! If you want all the romance of dating Steve Buscemi and none of the hassle, SCP-3177 is the ideal dreamboat for you! All that Buscemi in a convenient cardboard package! He loves tinkering, knives, and being framed for murder. The perfect guy isn't far, go for SCP-3177!

SCP-3771 is the perfect woman if you want someone who likes staying healthy! She's an excellent chef, and a good motivator for a healthy lifestyle! She knows how to get your heart pumping if you know what I mean. She loves hula, home cooking and transmutation magic! Come say Aloha to SCP-3771!

If you like nerdy people, meet SCP-3504! It's got a lot of knowledge about ancient history, some stuff you might have never even known! Take it to a trivia night and rock the competition together! It even got advice from famed author RimpleRimple! It likes fancy jewelry, Northern European culture, and pagan demigods! Amber is the color of SCP-3504's energy!

Sometimes when you need a break from the normal, you need something exciting. You need SCP-3287! You think you know what SCP-3287 is, but BAM, suddenly and spontaneously it takes you on a journey you never expected! It likes kids, fresh air, and it used to like something else but it doesn't anymore. You want to have the time of your life? Maybe you'll get it with SCP-3287!

If you thought one person wasn't enough, meet SCP-3677! Six whole people in one whole package! So many personalities to get to know, and so many chances for… experimentation. They like drawing, parades, and existing. A date with them will be paradise for you!

Are you a horse person? Then gallop on over to SCP-4111! Take its hoof in yours as you walk along the riverbanks, eat delicious apples at the orchard, and drink precious filtrated water from the only water source in the area. It likes fruit, open fields and a distinct lack of molten lava. You won't be salty after a lovely date like this!

Why worrying about finding the perfect date when you can have one made for you? Well, if you're that kind of a pervert, take a look at SCP-4599! Their soft skin, lovable exterior and obedience make them the perfect partners, and that's what they were designed for anyway! They love cute naps, cuddling on the couch, and literally anything but another episode of that goddamn fan service anime you're obsessed with. Presented by Accelerate the Future, and brought straight to you!

Sometimes you're not looking for excitement, you're not looking for adventure, you just want someone you can settle down with and live a comfortable life. Well, then take a look at SCP-4080! He's a stable, normal man who lives a calm life up in Maine, but he's a bit handy too, considering his job is working at a woodworking shop! He likes lobster, his grandchildren, and the greater good. Nobody will make you feel more important than SCP-4080!

Feel like indulging on something you know isn't good for you? Well look no further than the lovely SCP-4405! They know how to cook, make drinks, and make you feel at home when you don't have anywhere else to go! At least, unless you have universal travel of course. They like mixed drinks, hard work and Douglas Adams. Spend the end of the universe with someone you care about!

Once you've chosen one of our fine dates, you can choose one of many select date destinations!

If you love adrenaline and like getting a good workout, run for your life from bugs with Population Control(led)! Enter a world where the majority of Earth is covered in immortal mosquitoes, though if you find yourself overwhelmed, there are always things that you can do about it.

If you're looking for a place to relax with a view, visit the luxurious Cordelia Royale, located in sunny 5 Reasons the Foundation Wants A Robot Army! The Cordelia Royale is definitely the place you'd want to go to if you want to get serious and talk about your future, because what better time than when you're all immortal? Plus, the view over the city is incredible! All the bustling people trying to go from place to place, hoping that they don't rot from being too old.

If you're looking for a place that lets you leave feeling refreshed and healthy, look no further than Let Her Heart DEET Once More! State of the art doctors and physical therapists will get out all of the stress and built-up anxiety you have in you, and you'll leave feeling like you were brought back to life! Though if you arrived dead, it will be very literal! Just be sure that you don't let the doctors touch you directly, there's been a bit of a Pestilence going around, but it's nothing you can't ignore!

Trying to find an escape? Then escape to sunny La Marcha GrenaDEETa! Heed the call to adventure as our handsome and kind staff take you on a trip of a lifetime! Action, excitement and romance are abound with a visit here, just be sure to watch out for the man with the pots and pans on his head. That man also has a sword, maybe don't touch that either. But hopefully you'll enjoy your time regardless!

Looking for an authentic Italian experience? Well look no further than Spicy Crust Pizzeria, featured in I am Become DEET, Destroyer of Worlds! Get all the delicious pizza, pasta, mozzarella sticks and more, served by a staff made entirely of reformed criminals! Spicy Crust Pizzeria: hopefully it won't be attacked by an Eldritch Cactus again!

For those who want a more chaste experience with their date, try Eat Your Greenes! You won't have to worry about being tempted with naughty things before marriage, because you'll likely die due to an unfortunate reaction with your dopamine limiter! A treat for those who want to live the rest of their lives in mediocrity!

Want a little action in your date? Want to meet a bunch of interesting people? Then go no further than The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate DEETstiny! Get your choice of feeling like a noble knight on a quest to save a maiden, a spy infiltrating secure locations or an innocent soul looking for their lost love! Just be sure you're in it for the long haul, because this vacation takes a while to get through!

And of course, we'd like to thank our sponsors for this evening's show!

If you're looking for a refined experience where you get to look at incredible hand-made art of other anomalies, look no further than Othello Makes Some Drawings, located off Highway 10.

Feel like getting a new you? Why not try a Buteo Series Mechanical Exoskeleton? Feels like the real thing, but none of the uncomfortable rotting. Plus, each one come with a handy instruction guide! Order today, from Anderson Robotics!

Tune in next week to see who our lovely contestant picks!

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