whenwerewe's Pseudonormal Authorpage

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For many weeks, you have been asking: Who is whenwerewe? This is whenwerewe writing. I am the man who loves his posts. I am the man who does not sacrifice his taste or his inexplicable obsession with shortform. I am the man who has deprived you of lengthy articles and thus has flooded your new posts section, and if you wish to know why you are drowning—you who dread my constant stream of articles—I am the man who will now tell you.

You have heard it said that this is an age of bad posts. You have said it yourself, half in fear, half in hope that I might stop with my awful gimmick. You have cried that unfunny metacommentary is destroying the quality of this page and you have cursed my name for squandering good concepts with my laziness. Since virtue, to you, consists of quality writing, you have demanded I stop being so bad at it.

yada yada yada yada lorem ipsum dolor sit amet you get the idea. The gag is now old. You're all obviously right, I apologise, and I will now recommend some good (web?)fiction. Hopefully the text is transparent enough most people don't see this. Read 1/X by Bavitz, Almost Nowhere by nostalgebraist, Knausgaard's My Struggle (yes, ha ha, what a funny name, but it's good!) and Serious Weakness by PORPENTINE CHARITY HEARTSCAPE (but read the warnings. Seriously.)

Intro

Now that that's out of the way, first things first:

READ 1/X
(this used to just be a segment in the above gag but it deserves a straightfaced recommendation I think)

If you just want a list of what I've written, it's in this collapsible.

The rest of this will be reserved for bits of commentary.

Various SCPs

These are ~5k words, and feature characters talking to each other and having arcs and so on. "Standard" SCPs, if such a thing can be said to exist. Not the thing closest to my heart, but I'm happy with all of them.

SCP-9981: FEED THE HAND THAT BITES YOU


Dumbcon entry due to mothmanUXOmothmanUXO, horror and grief and ignorance. I tried very hard not to make a 1/X reference in this piece, despite the obvious relevance, because it would have just made me look worse by comparison. Also, probably, the article by which you navigated here!

SCP-9271: The Same Place in a Worse World


Artex gift for SynthPanda_SynthPanda_, bleaker than I tend to go. Happy with the character work here, I think. Dialogue is naturalistic which makes it read a bit off at times. Aside: I submitted something like four articles with this title to this slot, all bad, before I landed on this one. At some point I started sticking to the title as a gag.

SCP-9474: Some of Their Parts


This was my first article, and is a good fun romp through mindspace.

SCP-9948: Constructive Containment


This is plausibly the technically best thing I've put out on here so far, containing actual extended dialogue, a longform narrative, etcetera. Unfortunately my soul is not in it, and it shows. But hey, nobody has yet downvoted it!

Assorted Tales

These can be divided into two classes: banged out in a few hours, and wrenched into shape with careful consultation. Let's call the former class "reckless" and the latter "measured".

IRON EXORCIST, GOOD INTENTIONS was written with the intent of being a mindless action sequence, because I needed to learn, but I went off on a tangent and threw in some bizarre mechsploitation flavour. Then it became my most successful work for some reason. Hooray!

NON-CONTINGENT VIOLENCE is a fun sequel. Fundamentally if you liked previous you will like this. Not a huge amount to say.

Sermon On Good and Evil, c.a. 606 AD was written because some poor soul had been stuck in the greenlight mines for three months and I wanted to get them out, and I needed a third successful page for it. Which is not to say that I halfassed it! No, really, I mean it. I tried to find a real low-level Roman officer who got lost in the Balkans out of the Chronicon Pascale, but it turns out those people mostly don't get a mention at all. So instead I wrote about Sarkic/Christian syncretism, which was fun.

Tiger Madness Loosed was my attempt at a) trying to write better prose (failure) and b) getting a glimpse into the nonsensical power-struggles of the high Foundation (success). You can think of this as canon to Ada's story. We might see Ms. Basile again, too…

Holy Patrimony is an attempt at a short and somewhat unconventionally told tale. It feels like it doesn't quite have the spark, but I enjoy the density.

Fun Challenge For The Kids

Use a line from this poem in the introduction of Permutation City by Greg Egan as a prompt or title for an article:

Remit not paucity

(tell me if you do this and I'll mark it!)

Footnotes
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page revision: 35, last edited: 26 Jan 2026 12:59
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