by Dr Moned
Never’n Not, La Rue
Chatter and noise fill the air. With the smell of freshly cooked meat hitting Six’s nose, he sighs. The ambience of this place was great. Slowly putting down his glass, he smiles at his companion.
“I feel as if you are enjoying this too much, Six.” said Four disapprovingly, turning to survey the room.
“When in La Rue do what the La Rue’ians do, or something like that.” Taking a last longing glance at the platters of food around him, Six jumps off the barstool. Chatter of twenty or so patrons echo around him, the music of their voices swirling around the humble bar.
Quickly drinking in the scene as he left, he saw Four watching him curiously. “What? The damn authentic pub atmosphere in there. I 'aven't felt it in ages. Need to bathe in it yunno, keep me-self grounded.”
Four shakes their head wearily. “Who are we meeting here, Six? All you said was that they were an “informant” known to Evans."
Six chuckles. “If I told ya that, it’d be no fun.”
Four looks at him slowly, an eyebrow raised. Six just winks slowly.
Eyes subtly follow the pair as they left The Never’n Not. Outsiders weren’t a common occurrence here and these two especially stuck out like a sore thumb. Quickly getting out a notepad, their details were noted down, along with the peculiar chameleon badge upon their shoulder. It never hurt to be careful after all.
The two slip through the throng in Market Square as the sun retreats below the horizon. The stalls were packing up, but the after-party certainly was not. "Didya get the location I sent?" said Six worriedly.
Four stood still for a second, his eyes glazing over. "Take a left out of the square, fifth intact house on the right. You didn't forget already, did you? "
"Well, I mighta been busy concentrating on the inn's gossip. Getting interesting info from the locals ya know?"
Four sighs, "I'm sure that meal of yours contained a lot of something interesting, though I doubt it was information." Six looks away sheepishly. "I honestly don't know why Evans sends you along."
"Oi! I think it is my sparkling charisma, ya sorta loom over people. Ain't good fer sweet talk."
"Remind me what happened to the last person you tried "sweet-talking.""
"Alright, alright. No need to bring that incident up."
Four stops suddenly, Six deftly sidestepping him as if he was used to it. "We are here, I believe." A large inn of a kind lay nestled in the darkness of the trees, the large swinging sign above denoting it as the "Maison du Fonteyn." Four looks up slowly, "If you didn't give me the wrong address, the person we are here to see sh—"
"Ooh, one of Andersons', we don't often see your kind around here." A tall, well-built man steps out of the gloom. "The name's Giraud Fonteyn, a pleasure to make your acquaintance."
"Ah ha, just who I was lookin fer. You're like, the mayor fer this place, right? Evans sent us over to fix somethin funky that's goin on. Don't look at me like that Four!"
"Apologies for my companion," Four said wearily "He is on the eccentric side of insane, fortunately."
"Hey!"
Giraud smiles, gesturing towards the building behind him. "No worries, we get all types in La Rue; do you want a drink whilst we are here?"
"Of cour—"
"No thank you, we've been to the pub already and better be getting on. Right, Six?" Replies Four, Six merely groaning in response. "We have been led to believe you possess a map to the location of the… "oddity." As well as a guarantee of safe passage."
"I can't fully guarantee safety as there are things in this swamp that even I avoid, but we will have someone watching out for you. As for the path, here you go." Giraud hands Four a slim USB stick, "I had wondered why your boss didn't want a physical map, now I see. Must come in handy."
"Blimmin' know-it-all is what 'e is," mutters Six, lightly punching Four in the shoulder.
"Thank you for the help, Mr Fonteyn. Apologies if we were interrupting your evening."
"No worries at all, I am sure we will meet again. Ah! I forgot to ask your names?"
"This is Percy, aka Six. And I am ThreeOne, aka Four. Either works."
"Well, good luck to the both of you. It'll be good to finally have that issue fixed."
They both watch as Giraud ambles back towards the mansion, the blackness of night pooling behind him. Four inspects the USB before slotting it into a small opening in his wrist. Pausing for a second, he nods to himself. "Let us go then."
"So… any reason we're doing this at night? Or do ya just like tormenting me." remarks Six sardonically.
"The information on the USB indicates Damnum-004's activity is substantially decreased at night, so I thought it a good time. Though if you are unable to function properly in the dark, I am happy to come back tomorrow."
"Smartarse."
Four and Six slowly walk through the silent swamp, the decaying buildings of Old La Rue slowly succumbing to the fetid waters. A dark, scratched red sign came into view as they round the corner, carefully avoiding the rotten planks of the decrepit walkway. A slight rustling could be heard from within, akin to the scratching of a quill.
"The La Rue Macabre post office, bit of a mouthful." remarks Six.
"Indeed, trying to eat it would probably be a bad idea."
Six turns, absentmindedly raising a hand to scratch the back of his head, "Sometimes ya scare me. I ain't fully sure if you're joking or not."
"My attempts at humour are well received by the majority of people we speak to. Unlike a certain someone."
Six grunts, pushing aside a curtain of beads hung by the entrance. His eyes gradually adjust to the dark interior, sheaves of disintegrating papers scattered on the floor. Evading much of the paper waste and murky water, the two navigate toward the front desk. Atop the wooden counter sat a small gold bell, which was promptly rung by Six.
"…I think I've found the issue, they're lackin staff. Must be underpayin them or something."
"I rather think the issues may stem from that." Four points towards a set of stairs behind the desk, pieces of paper and envelopes continuously sliding down the stairs into the numerous streams of water running through the degrading floor of the building.
"It's a post office, nothin' unusual about them 'aving a large number of letters. 'Specially if it has been out of action fer a while."
Four levels a stare at Six, before turning back to the stairs as another lump of paper comes tumbling down.
"Aight, yeah. I get ya point."
Stepping past the desk and into the back office, they pass multiple open cupboards containing abandoned parcels. Six stops numerous times, though a quick look from Four seems to dissuade him from trying to rehome the packages.
Unlike most of the ground floor, the stairs themself seem mostly intact, if not rather tough to ascend given the letters coating the surface. Four and Six cautiously climb upwards, keeping to the side as several piles of paper fluidly slide past them.
Entering the top floor of the post office, it appears that someone had attempted to clear the paper out to give them access to the end of the room, though both the paper covering the floor and in numerous large piles against the wall suggests that it was just a temporary measure. Beside one of the stacks leant a large broom and hammer; whilst it was clear what the broom was for, the hammer was a bit more of a mystery.
Six grabs a small envelope off the top of the nearest pile, "Ooh, this one's a birthday message, gotta ten dollar voucher in! I can't remember the last time my birthday was celebrated."
Four ignores him, stepping around the large piles.
"Granted, I'm not even sure how old I am at this point, but it's the thought— Ah."
Six rounds the corner to see Four staring at a large machine resembling an old printing press. The machine was rather complex, with several different stages appearing to have been bolted on at later dates and for various unknown purposes, though hammer-shaped indents on much of the structure seem like a more recent addition. Despite the significant damage to most of the structure, paper is still entering the press and printed messages are still exiting, getting folded, and then being unceremoniously dumped on the floor.
Four knelt, picking up one of the freshly folded letters. Quickly scanning it, he pauses, staring at the date given, "I see, temporal issues, this must be why they called us in. This did not feel like a place that would happily ask for external help."
Six threw the birthday letter to Four, "Ah, ya spotted it too. I did think it was a lil' strange they were giftin someone a voucher that wasn't active fer three more years."
"I imagine whoever made this machine was trying to get an instantaneous letter travelling system, but they went a bit too far into the future, giving it a rather large backlog of letters to produce."
"Alright, simple then. Ya got the thingy? If we get this done fast I've 'alf a mind to get another pint."
Four shrugs his backpack onto the floor, pulling out a wired rectangular device and placing it next to the printing press. Once the device was set up he grabs some poles, a small spinning cube, and a power bank from the backpack. Plugging the power bank into the initial device, he throws the poles and cube to Six who clips it all together, placing it on the opposite side of the printing press. Switching the power bank on, Four boots up the wired device.
"Heya Four, didya read the rest of this document ya 'ad?"
"No, I merely read the date stated."
"Thought ya might've. This thing reads real weird like. I mean I'm no fancy doctor man, but this is a formal document and uh, well, give it a look."
"Will do. Though I may need a minute, something's wrong with the nullification field."
Loud creaking and groaning echo around the room as the printing press appears to strain outwards.
"Ya know what, Four. That don't seem quite right either. I've a bad—"
Before Six could continue, a scream full of papers and ink sears through his head, causing his vision to swim. "Motherfucker. A Lost One is 'ere. Hey, Four, ya good?"
"I appear to be unaffected. Though I may have to increase the power drain of the ETNC to try force it out."Evans Tachyon Nullification Construct.
As Four tries to increase the intensity of the nullification field, the screaming continues to grow in volume.
"Hey Four, ya nearly done yet?"
"I cannot say as it is currently resisting rather strongly. The lost one seems particularly attached to this concept."
"Right, if this gonna take ages, we're gonna give my version a go."
Four turns to see Six holding the hammer that was leaning up against the wall.
"I would highly advise against this."
"You've 'ad plenty of time to do techy shit and I really can't deal with this fucker in my 'ead fer much longer."
Four sighs, "I doubt it'll do anything…"
"On the contrary, it'll surely make me feel far better."
Taking up a poorly imitated baseball stance, Six swings the hammer directly towards the rapidly spinning printing wheel causing a large bang. The cylinder appears to resist strongly against Six for a moment before rapidly flying towards the wall behind Four, leaving it embedded deep in a large wooden pillar. On the other end, Six is sent stumbling backwards, collapsing into some papers as a small green chameleon badge comes flying out of his pocket. After a few seconds the machine grinds to a halt entirely, ceasing the creation and modification of all paper.
Six slowly pulls himself to his feet, pushing aside the paper around him and grabbing his trinket. "See, this is why Evans sends me. I can think outside the box."
"Hitting things till they break seems like very in-box behaviour for you, though I certainly admit I wouldn't have tried the approach without your… assistance."
"Brilliant, glad to 'ear it. Now, can ya shut that asshole in the cylinder up? They're driving me mad."