WHAT THE FU-

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Thump.

The Library stood still and calm, among the chaos that raged outside. The Pages refilled the shelves, filled to the brim with books and guides. The Archivists worked away silently and the Docents guided patrons in and around the library. All was well. A woman walked through a Way on the far east side of the library, adjusted her crooked glasses, and walked straight towards one of the working Archivists. She was young and stumbled around clumsily throughout the library, her clothes were untidy and her hair ruffled up. She looked as if she had just been in a one-sided fight. During her entrance, she had caught the eye of something that lurked within the depths of the Library. As she approached the Archivist, it continued typing away.

Thump.

"Hi," the woman blurted out abruptly, "can you, uh, tell me where the magic section is?" She said, twiddling her fingers underneath the Archivist's dark-oak desk. You could tell she was panicking. The Archivists immediately stopped typing and faced the woman.

Thump.

"Thaumaturgy section, ask a Docent from there." The Archivist groaned, before diverting their attention back to the typewriter. Someone had a bad day. The woman rushed through the library, desperately trying to find the thaumaturgy section of the Library, trying to find a needle in a haystack as an ant. She had her head down, as she walked among the other patrons and guests.

Crash.

She fell to the ground and her glasses quickly slipped off her nose. A large shadow stood above her. Her head craned up towards the top of the giant, in shock. A Docent. She frantically began to crawl backward.

Snap.

Her body accidentally crushed her glasses. The Docent from before sat in front of her, shadowing her like a mountain to a river. Its face loomed in toward her, and she was paralyzed. They were face to face. She felt its breath blowing at her hair. Its twisty and turny body stretched on for what seemed like forever to her. She was petrified, but still had some sort of confidence within her that kept her going.

Thump.

"H-Howdy." She slowly rises from her position on the floor and stares the Docent in the eyes. The Docent growls back, almost piercing her eardrums. Throughout the entire confrontation, neither had blinked once. The woman's eyes were strained and welled but the Docent's illuminated eyes were half-closed as it attempted to keep them open. To win.

Thump.

The Docent's piercing-white eyes slowly closed as it slithered back to its corner, annoyed. She has just won. Asserted her dominance. She walked away as if unfazed, walking away with the same, if not more amount of confidence as before.

Thump.

She finally reached the beloved thaumaturgy aisle, eerily quieter than she had expected. Nonetheless, she entered and started pulling book after book from the shelf. She got a quick glance at each of the titles before she threw them into an ever-growing pile behind her

Thump.

A Magician's Handbook: Original Ultra Mega Super Extra Deluxe Edition 2 by Daniel Snake.

Thump.

How To Grow Certain Parts Of Your Body: 13th Edition by Cole Thereven.

Thump.

how to gaslight, gatekeep and girlboss like a boss by dado.

Thump.

Death in Disguise: How to Fake Your Death Effectively by Michael Jackson.

Thump.

Disguise in Death: How to Fake Your Death Better by Elvis Presley

Thump.

I, Magical Handbook by Some Dude.

Thump.

The Death of The Peanut: An Exposé by Moto Fortito

Thump.

A Day In the Life of An Anomalous Content Creator by Matthew Patrick

Thump.

The Claw Theory: An In-Depth Essay On Ethics by Plato.

Thump.

At last, she finds the book she was looking for: Anomalous Beats: And How To Play Them. by Justin Timber.

Thump.

She flipped it open hastily, almost ripping the cover off, and finds page 68. She admired the page for a few moments, before she reached into her red sweatshirts jacket, and pulled out a mini wooden violin.

Thump.

She looked at the large sheet of music in the book one last time and began to play, using a splinter of pinewood to hit the strings. As she began to play, a man jumped down from the top of the shelf, creating a small crater in the wood where he landed. He slowly raised his handsome face to look directly at her, but she continued playing. The thumps that grew ever louder from before transformed into a rhythmic and steady beat.

The man then began to say words, melodic words, that slowly transformed into a song. Brendon Urie then began dancing but then something else has happened. The entire room had frozen, Brendon was about to do the splits, the woman from before was playing her harmonic piece. The others in the library were intrigued, their faces stuck with an expression of shock and disbelief. The Docent that the woman had her confrontation with began to do something odd. Strange. It looked as if it had begun to bop its head.


You sit at your desk, an expression of dissatisfaction and confusion as you stare at the screen in front of you, the new "Panic! At The Disco" music video sitting paused on your laptop.

You take a quick look at the description.

"Announcing our new name, in partnership with The Serpent's Hand, Panic! At The Library!"

WHAT THE FU-?

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