Dear [Name],
It is my pleasure to welcome you to [Department Name.] You have been chosen from amongst your peers for your [Relevant work experience.] and [Positive personal quality.]
The Department handles a very specific subset of anomalous phenomena affecting [Relevant Information concerning the Department.]
[Additional paragraphs detailing relevant duties covered by the Department.]
Regards,
John Doe
Department of Unreality
Director
[CLICK TO EDIT TEXT]
The building blocks of deconstruction.
(Ordered Chronologically.)
The Afternoon (Department of Unreality Orientation) – by Fishish.
I grab a bagel and head out into Site-19.
Your Imaginary Friend – by Fishish and
Deadly Bread.
Slowly, I try solving a puzzle with no real pieces.
Something Glowing – By Deadly Bread.
all ancillary functions will be moved to preventing subjective reality loss during this process.
The Castaway From Unreality – by Fishish.
In the time I've been at Site-19, I've done maybe one or two things that could be considered actual work.
It's Not Real, It Never Was, You Pathetic Fools – by Fishish.
Material Requirements: Nothing. (Already in my possession)
SCP-6208 - Amnesia Was Her Name – by Elunerazim and
Fishish.
Foundation staff are to be made aware of the existence of the SCP Foundation Department of Unreality.
SCP-6938 – Alex Thorley Gets A Gift Horse – by Uncle Nicolini and
Fishish.
"Any objections?"
Haunt Me, Haunt Me, Haunt Me – by Fishish.
The morning sun hates you, and everything hurts.
Disintegration – by Fishish.
[02.39 AM] — Alex Thorley: I'm scared of blood.
SCP-001-NULL - Fishish’s Proposal – by Fishish.
We'll meet again. Same as it ever was.
Site-19 Cafeteria
O.R. #: 000000 Guest: 7
Cashier: N/A 18:24:30 PM
13/02/2021
1 Plain Bagel 1.75
1 D Water bottle 0.99
Subtotal 2.74
12% VAT 0.32
Amount Due: 3.06
Running on Empty
Standalone tales featuring the Department of Unreality (singular).
Alex Thorley Eats A Burger – by syuzhet.
The smell of cooked meat, the taste of it on your tongue, the soft fat oozing from between the edges of your teeth.
It's a nice thing to be able to eat real food for once.
Alex Thorley Hungers For a Bagel – by JakdragonX.
Oh, speaking of feeling things: I'm still hungry.
alex thorley dreams of sushi. – by LORDXVNV.
You would expect an ocean this big to have actual waves, but it's just ripples. They're just there. They'll never crash onto the shore. There won't ever be a climax.
The Blank Page – by Prismal.
You stare at the empty page, scared.
Alex Thorley's Christmas Special – by FLOORBOARDS.
After [Period of time of employment.] we are [Sad/relived/excited.] to see you go. Your transfer from [Insert former Department here.] to [Insert current Department here.] has been approved. We are thankful you have continued to dutifully serve the Foundation in our mission.
Alex Thorley Goes on a Blind Date – by IronShears.
You are Alex Thorley. You have been waiting for 30 minutes.
Give me Back to the Sky – by Fishish.
You have never felt better, which makes you nauseous.
Alex Thorley Writes A Poem – by IndustryStandard.
You don't need to know your hands // if you do no work.
ILLCOVETYOUIFYOUCOVERME – by FLOORBOARDS.
Kindness: But the defense of love remains where it was: Standing on the bastion of the night, overlooking the red dawn where one day the sky will be painted with yellow stars as well.
[Donald John Trump exits from behind the podium. He smiles widely and repeatedly bows. He waves both his hands. He looks back and forth.]
Sundial – by Aftokrator.
What is the inverse of a human being?
Alex Thorley in A Dramatic Irony – by Cyvstvi.
ALEX THORLEY
I’m just going through the motions. That’s all.
Alex Thorley Confuses a Guy – by Kothardarastrix.
"I don’t not do anything."
**BAROQUE** – by Fishish.
How this make u feel white boy
scatterbrained. – by TroutMaskReplica.
god, what am i doing?
[ACCESS DENIED]
Standalone SCPs involving the Department of Unreality (plural).
SCP-5863 – Myths Made Plain – by SynthPanda_.
The nature of SCP-5863 is currently unknown to the Foundation. The following proposed explanations are currently under investigation.
SCP-983 – The Party is Today – by FLOORBOARDS.
I can't keep pretending these aren't presents from myself.
SCP-6478 – Not Dementia - It's Something Else – by Quicksilvers.
The results and side effects of ingesting SCP-6478-1 are inconclusive.
SCP-6558 – Word Disassociation – by Tstaffor.
Special Containment Procedures: Containment.
SCP-7591 – Alex Thorley Kills A Guy – by PlaguePJP.
Lague: Have you ever had violent thoughts?
SCP-7356 – Noncanonical Materials – by FLOORBOARDS.
Those in the presence of SCP-7356 have not reported adverse effects. However, assigned ritualists — even those who had been amnesticized — have reported experiencing dreams depicting an unknown species of bird, possibly a crow or raven, gliding down a hallway.
SCP-7365 – Take/Off/Day – by IndustryStandard.
Congratulations! You have won (earned) a complementary, all-expenses-paid, trip around the world!
SCP-6352 – Mother Died Today – by fabuIa.
You are not a member of the Department of Unreality. This does not concern you.
SCP-7488 – anything for your eyes – by winkwonkboi.
They all died, screaming. SCP-7488 wields a gun. The bullets are painted in kaleidoscopic hues.
SCP-7413 – Rhizomatic Serial Killer – by FLOORBOARDS.
Several calls were made to the police precinct of northern ████████, ██████, USA, in which a low, androgynous voice stated "there is a killer on the loose" before hanging up.
SCP-8993 – embody – by SynthPanda_.
While the SCP-8993 CORE will regain what was lost, it will never regain its shape.
SCP-8591 — Alex Thorley Doesn’t Get Away With It – by PlaguePJP.
Thorley: (On the phone) It’s here again.
SCP-8195 — Alex Thorley Gets Away With It – by syuzhet.
Thorley: (On the phone) Yeah, no, that's okay.
Thorley: Like… chicken? No, that's fine. Just get that one instead.
Thorley: Yep.
Thorley: No, really, it's it's okay. We'll talk about it later, okay?
Thorley:
Thorley: Love you, bye.
SCP-7646 — Alex Thorley is Implicated in the DuPont Teflon Scandal – by Billith.
The consequences of SCP-7646's existence, as well as the existence of similar events, are to be ameliorated in perpetuity by the ongoing efforts of OPERATION ALEX THORLEY DRINKS 700+ GLASSES OF WATER.
SCP-8797— The Collected Works of Alex Thorley – by Tufto.
SCP-8797 has been discontinued as a result of reader disinterest. We thank you for your interest in [publishing company] and encourage you to check out our works by other authors, such as:
SCP-7825 — Thorley Minus Thorley – by TroutMaskReplica.
Special Containment Procedures: Alex Thorley is the sole individual responsible for the research and containment of SCP-7825.
[Alex Thorley sits in a chair in the Department of
Meeting Room. They are in the center of a long table. They are alone.]
NULLISOMY
A veces dejo de respirar por un instante..
SCP-CN-2186 - Alex Thorley每次回办公室都看到同事在装死 – by sjx07.
Alex Thorley had died at Alex Thorley's hands a few times, but Alex Thorley was still alive, still writing this document, still able to kill Alex Thorley if they so wished.
SCP-031-VN - Listen To The Whispers Of The Unreals – by Welpermander.
[DATA IRRELEVANT]: Unreality is so basic, so easy to comprehend. You are but a burden to everyone. Nobody here is not disappointed with you.
SCP-ZH-161 - Alex Thorley Works From 9 To 5 – by Kikunai.
Special Containment Procedure: Currently, the whereabouts of Unreality Department liaison Alex Thorley should be identified and located.
Alex Thorley品尝薯条时不蘸番茄酱 by blackinblack. — NOT TRANSLATED [CN]
这封信是一份指南，指引你在这个全基金会最安全的尸坑里拯救自己免于成为他人餐桌上的寿司。
Alex Thorley想要一杯水 by Turpentine. — NOT TRANSLATED [CN]
你没法呼吸，没法用一个装着薯条的肺呼吸。现代医学称这种情况为“条状马铃薯肺部沉积症”，又称“薯条肺”。
[MEMORY UNALLOCATED]
Portraits of what lies between.
![WfKbub4.png style="width:100%;"](https://i.imgur.com/WfKbub4.pngstyle="width:100%;")
What is this?
Nice try Officer.
The Department of Unreality is a Foundation department1 that handles a set of anomalous phenomena. You really have to not see it to believe it.
[CLICK TO EDIT TEXT] encompasses the original articles written by team The Wiggles Hate Each Other in Real Life for DEPARTMENTCON 2022, as well as a continuation by Fishish.
Although the department is open to interpretation, only articles internally consistent with those articles already on the hub are eligible to be added to it. Please contact Fishish through either Wikidot PMs or Discord if you have any questions.
Writing Guide
It has to be good.
One of the rules, as a freebie: Alex Thorley is the only existing employee for the department.