Electronic copy below as per Federal Records Act
UIU File 1997-024: Criminal Clown Casefiles
Summary: Suspect has the ability to change their body via anomalous means
Name: Robbie Red-Nose
Irregularity Cross-reference: Humanoid, Self-augmentation, Shapeshifter, Clown
Physical Description:
| Sex | Height | Weight/Build | Race | Hair | Eyes | Identifying Attributes |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Male | N/A | N/A | Clown1 | N/A | N/A | Despite his ability to change his shape and size, he constantly wears a red nose and clown makeup |
Capabilities: Suspect is able to change his body to different shapes. He mostly stays in a humanoid form but he has also been known to grow to inhuman sizes, with accounts from agents seeing the suspect grow too big to fit through doors or too spherical to use legs. Suspect has been seen able to produce a large amount of pies from a pocket which he only says is "a pocket dimension".
Purpose/Motive: Intoxicated, possibly rage induced to attack the college.
Modus Operandi: Suspect primarily uses his abilities to perform for his job. However, in this instance, the suspect used a mallet, several spray cans, and a clown car. The first two of which was produced from the suspect's "pocket dimension".
Behavior: Generally co-operative with UIU agents and Special Agent Santiago. He will, however, enter a docile state if he is forced to re-count his time at Fuller's Circus. So far has not displayed hostile actions towards UIU agents but it is advised that agents do not provoke him.
Eyewitness account: The eyewitness (who wished to be made anonymous) saw the suspect vandalize the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Clown College at midnight. They stated that the suspect broke in and smashed several items of interest in the college, before spray painting pictures of graduates from the college, then collapsing on the floor.
Interviewed: Eyewitness
Interviewer: Special Agent Santiago
Foreword: The eyewitness was brought in for a formal interview after the failed Herman Fuller raid. They have asked to have their identity redacted, but their actual name has been preserved in a separate document in a Witness Protection Programme.
<Begin Log>
Special Agent Santiago: Thank you for coming in on such short notice, [REDACTED]. We need to talk about what happened on the night in question. Can you tell me where you were prior to the break-in?
Eyewitness: Well, after class finished, we went to town, me and the boys from class. We went there to get a drink or two - uh… I'm not gonna be arrested for underage drinking, am I?
Special Agent Santiago: No, you won't. At least, not by us. But if you can verify anything you saw, I'm certain we can look over this incident. Provided that you weren't intoxicated.
Eyewitness: Oh don't worry, I was breathalyzed and did all the tests. Just… don't tell the college, okay?
Special Agent Santiago: Don't worry, it will be our little secret2. Now go on, tell us more about the night out.
Eyewitness: Well, we got to town and decided to buy ourselves some hard stuff. We were outside a bar and waited to go in when… well you ever hear of the Clown Car joke? Small car pulls up and out pops so many clowns of varying sizes, you wonder how they got so many to fit in.
Special Agent Santiago: I know what you mean. So these clowns just walked out of a car? Sounds like regular clowns.
Eyewitness: That's the thing, there was at least seven fat clowns, five tall clowns, and probably twenty little clowns. I couldn't tell cause the fat ones rolled, the tall ones leaped out and the little ones pulled a cart out and rode on in. What's more weird is that no one reacted to it. No one except me, my friends, and the bouncer who smiled and allowed them to skip the queue.
Special Agent Santiago: What did you do then?
Eyewitness: Well after seeing a fancy-dressed man that looked like a ringmaster stroll out on a wet looking red carpet, I just left my friends. That was when I bumped into… well… him.
Special Agent Santiago: Could you define who is "him"?
Eyewitness: The… Clown.
Special Agent Santiago: (pulls out picture of the suspect and places it in front of the eyewitness) Is this the one you saw that night?
Eyewitness: Yes! That's him! He was at the bar that night. Although he had this… look on him.
Special Agent Santiago: What do you mean by that?
Eyewitness: He looked like he was on the hunt for something… or someone. I don't know, it was just the look in his eyes that burned into my head.
Special Agent Santiago: Which was what exactly?
Eyewitness: Malice. Pure malice at me. I don't even know what I did to earn it but as soon as I turned and made eye contact with me, he looked like I offended him by being near him.
Special Agent Santiago: He didn't do anything to hurt you, did he?
Eyewitness: I thought he would deck me in the face but he just stopped and walked on into the bar. I looked behind me but all I saw was the Ringmaster, tipping his hat to me before waltzing with the Clown into the bar.
Special Agent Santiago: Can you provide a description of the "ringmaster"? For the record.
Eyewitness: I guess… (he shakes his head and looks at the ground in thought.) He had a top hat on, was wearing a black coat and a fancy shirt but… I guess he had pale skin? Or was that the light? I'm sorry, I can't recall.
Special Agent Santiago: That's okay. Did you do anything after that?
Eyewitness: I thought of just going back to my dorm and go to sleep. I wasn't in the mood for a drink after that ordeal. My friends went in though so I'm not sure what happened to them after that night.
Special Agent Santiago: So you went back to your dorm and that was when the Clown appeared?
Eyewitness: Yeah. It was around eleven that night when a huge crash came from down the hall. I couldn't sleep that well after meeting the Clown so I leaped out of my bed and rushed down the hall to investigate. What I saw was quite… surreal. There was the tiny Clown Car all crumpled up just outside the wall and out popped that Clown again. Drunk, I presume, cause he just flopped out of the car.
Special Agent Santiago: What was he doing in the hall?
Eyewitness: He pulled out a lot of objects from his pockets. I'm talking a lot of objects. Mallets, a pie, loads of spray paint. You name it, it's in there. He used a mallet to smash his way into our building and he just started hitting our busts of clowns, threw pies at our portraits and then spray paint several rude gestures on the walls. He must have found it funny cause he was laughing and crying at the same time.
Special Agent Santiago: Is there anything else he did?
Eyewitness: Yeah, he walked into [DATA REDACTED]'s3 room and I heard him smash a lot of things in there. I think they were still out so I don't think they were back in the dorm room.
Special Agent Santiago: Anything else?
Eyewitness: Uh no, he just stumbled out, fell on the floor, and fell asleep? It was hard to tell from where I was but security was coming up and held him down so I just sat on the stairs. Then you guys came along and started asking me questions when he started doing some strange stuff. I think you guys know what happened from there.
Special Agent Santiago: (Nods sincerely and looks at the watch on her wrist) I'm afraid that's all the time we have for now, but I would like to chase you up more about this though. We also got people to help you relax after such an ordeal.
Eyewitness: Oh by the way, I don't know if this is important or not but he kept saying "This was your fault, Fuller," over and over again. Who is he, miss?
Special Agent Santiago: I'm afraid that's classified.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: When the interview was over, the eyewitness was placed into a UIU protection program in the event of an anomalous attack.
When the suspect was questioned on the information contained within this transcript. The only response was "Kid wore clown makeup. I hate clowns."4 A psychiatrist has been arranged to see the cause of this hatred and if it had any correlation to the attack on the College.
Red gloves: The paint used to ruin the items in question was red paint in a spray can. During the night, the paint can was leaking onto the suspect's gloves, staining them in the process.
CCTV footage: Suspect was caught on campus security logs, showing that the suspect used a large wooden hammer to smash through the window before putting it into his pocket so that he could crawl through ease.
Current Status: In UIU Custody at the Florida Irregularity Vault.
Crimes: Breaking and entering, vandalism, suspicion of theft
Sentencing: Indefinite Imprisonment, with chance to have parole hearing every six months
Former Sentence: Indefinite Imprisonment
History of UIU Action:
09/13/1997: Herman Fuller's Circus of the Disquieting arrived in a secluded part of Sarasota, Florida for a week stay. UIU branch office in Florida has been alerted to the arrival of the group, which prompted Special Agent Santiago to the area to maintain watch on the Circus in the event of hostile intent.
09/15/1997: Special Agent Santiago reports that numerous members of the Circus have been seen roaming the streets of Sarasota. The UIU branch office sent an investigation team to the Circus to discuss the Masquerade Agreement and therefore all anomalous appearances of the Circus performers are to be kept secret.
09/16/1997: Day of the Incident. Robbie Red Nose got drunk in a bar located on the other side of Sarasota, near the Ringling Bros. and the Barnum & Bailey Clown College. The College called in a break-in, which alerted the UIU office when the phone call reported that there was a Clown causing havoc, and Santiago was sent to investigate and redact the incident from public police records.
Local police and security forces fought the suspect when he was awakened from his unconscious state. Special Agent Santiago identified that the suspect was using his powers to avoid being sprayed in the eyes by shifting his face to other parts of the body, while also stretching his body out whenever he was hit with a Taser. A team shortly arrived with the correct gear to make the arrest. It took half an hour to subdue the suspect with the use of specialised handcuffs developed by the Three Portlands division.
After arresting the suspect, Santiago brought him to the UIU branch office for interrogation but was stopped after the ringmaster, Herman Fuller, arrived and offered to pay damages with interest. The following is an interview with Mr. Herman Fuller:
Interviewed: Herman Fuller
Interviewer: Special Agent Santiago
Foreword: Herman Fuller requested that everything he says is on record and in audio. When agents attempted to get information out of Fuller, he would plead the Fifth unless there was proof of a recording being kept for the record.
<Begin Log>
Special Agent Santiago: Could we get your name and-
Herman Fuller: (Interrupting) Tell me, Agent, do you even need to ask me? I have my face plastered on the billboards and I give out fliers whenever I arrive! I even talked to a fair number of your agents here so I don't need to introduce myself.
Special Agent Santiago: Well, in that case, care to te-
Herman Fuller: (Interrupting) Fine, I'll tell. I am the Master of Mysterious Men, the Curator of Curious Creatures, the Wandering Womanizing Widower, the Amazing Adventurer of Astro-Four! I am (Fuller drum rolls on the table) Herman Fuller, at your service m'dear.
Fuller moves to kiss Santiago's hand before she moves her hand away from him.
Special Agent Santiago: Mister Fuller, please answer our questions as much as you can. Your… antics are not welcome in this room. Oh, I'm also not an agent. I'm Special Agent Santiago.
Herman Fuller: (Sighs) Okay. What do you want to know? My childhood? My way of life? How I became, (Climbs on the table and poses) Ringmaster of the Strangest Show in the Multiverse?
Special Agent Santiago: Please get down from the table. We just want to know why your employee broke in to the college. We also want to know if you had any knowledge or plans to attack the college while in town.
Herman Fuller: I will admit that I had no idea about anything to do with that college. The clowns, on the other hand… They ain't exactly human. Won't say anything else cause it's a trade secret. I cannot be held responsible for their actions but seeing as they have been under my employ, I will gladly pay the money needed to pay for damages.
Santiago: So there was no plans to attack the college? Do you know why the suspect in question did this then?
Herman Fuller: How do I put this? Ah yes, so as I said, the clowns at my circus are not exactly what you call human. So whenever they see a regular clown, they don't exactly take kindly to them. I had to order the clowns to stop kicking out my more-human clowns for that exact reason! Do you know how much multiverse insurance is for normal clowns in my kind of circus? Astronomical I tell ya…
Special Agent Santiago: Does your Clowns have a racial bias against human clowns?
Herman Fuller: Oh my, yes! I have to keep the human clowns away from the others, else they… might not survive. Again, not cheap to cover insurance for them and their families.
Special Agent Santiago: So the suspect just chose to attack the college due to his views?
Herman Fuller: Goodness me, that is what I am saying! The clown's had a few too many and must have gone on a wild ride. Needless to say, Robbie's actions while using both Circus property and in full clown getup is also saying Herman Fuller hates normal clowns. Something I can't abide by. So, how much is the damages?
Special Agent Santiago: (Slides over a slip of paper) This is the amount that it is estimated to have costed. Of course, we can negotiate the payments to a more agreeable term with the college if the suspect wears a tracker.
Herman Fuller: I'm afraid I can't exactly do that whole tracking thing. Its bad for morale. Surely there must be other ways we can work something out. Why do you even want a tracker on him anyways?
Special Agent Santiago: This is to ensure that the suspect does not run away. We have to make sure no illegal activity occurs while he is out. This is a mandatory requirement for all suspects being let out of our custody.
Herman Fuller: Come on, agent! It was just a bit of drunken fun, surely you tracked criminals for far more heinous crimes! No one was hurt, were they? This… This is madness!
Special Agent Santiago: In which case, this matter is between you and the college. Until then, the suspect remains here.
Herman Fuller: (sighs and looks at the paper again) Same pie, different flavor, ain't it agent? I clean up the mess that my family makes… Honestly it's why I love them so much. Fine, I'll pay the full damage. Bring in the legal team or whatever, but if I see a tracker anywhere on my Clown, then I'm coming back for the money.
Special Agent Santiago: Very well, we'll arrange things to be sorted out then. And its Special Agent Santiago, Fuller. Don't forget it.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: After agreeing to pay the funds, Herman Fuller waited with Santiago until the college's legal team arrived to take Fuller's briefcase with the exact amount needed to pay off the damages to the College. Suspect was released after the college refused to press charges on him. However, on the next day, the accounting office of the College informed the Unusual Incidents Unit that the money was counterfeit due to the fact that the actual paper was green dyed flyers for the "Herman Fuller's Circus of the Disquieting".
According to an in-depth analysis, there was a memetic marker within the paint that caused anyone to view them as currency. The Irregularity has been placed in the Florida Vault Item Lockup for further examination.
09/17/1997: After acquiring a warrant from the judge, Special Agent Santiago led a team of agents and a unit of SWAT cleared to know about the Irregularities within the Circus. A helicopter flew over the location to provide tactical feedback, while infiltration teams entered via armored vehicles. However this was proven to be ineffective when the first agents to step foot on the grounds reported that caravans and tents were disappearing around them. As the rest of the team arrived to apprehend civilians and any Irregular personnel affiliated with Herman Fuller, all but the main tent disappeared.
When the Unusual Incidents Unit arrived to prepare a siege, several of the irregular entities were still outside. The SWAT Team was authorised to use non-lethal weapons to subdue unless they are attacked first. As the remaining stragglers were running towards the big top tent, however, the structure convulsed and warped until the tent disappeared from reality. A small cage was left behind with the suspect held captive, a note was left on top, addressed to Special Agent Santiago. Letter reads as follows:
TO the little missy known as Special Agent Santiago;
I apologize for leaving so suddenly, it's just that I don't think prison orange is acceptable for a man of my grand stature. You see, I didn't exactly have the funds to pay for Robbie's rowdy rampage. I thought if I could have one more day, I could get all the funds and pay you in time. Guess accountants can see through my "money memetics" haha!
Anyways, how about I leave Robbie here for you and we get called even Stevens? I'll even throw in some free tickets for you and your family.
I'll see you next fall, Special Agent Santiago.
- Herman Fuller
The suspect resisted arrest first but was soon placed back in cuffs and brought to a facility to await for transport to the Irregularity Vault. Stapled to the suspect's skin was two non-anomalous family tickets to Herman Fuller's Circus, valued at $50 altogether.
All of the remaining members of the Circus that didn't get warped with the big tent is now in confinement and await sentencing, or escaped and is now placed on an Irregular Watchlist for all UIU agents to be on the watch for.
09/20/1997: Suspect has been transferred to the Florida Irregularity Vault for Indefinite Imprisonment. Witnesses and suspects to do with Herman Fuller have been dealt with via the use of injection amnestics and given cover stories for their whereabouts.
09/25/1997: Special Agent Santiago has requested to lead the questioning process with the suspect. This request was granted and the suspect was placed in interview room #15 while Santiago gathered evidence to ask questions about the Circus and the suspect's attack on the college.
Interviewed: Robbie Red Nose
Interviewer: Special Agent Santiago
Foreword: Suspect has so far been co-operative with UIU orders, however, like Mr. Fuller himself, he would plead the Fifth unless there was proof of a recording being kept for the record.
<Begin Log>
Special Agent Santiago: Hello, Mr. Red Nose. I'm Special Agent Santiago and I'm leading this process. Do you have any problems with this arrangement so far?
Robbie Red Nose: (Silent.)
Special Agent Santiago: I'm going to take that as a no. Lets start talking, or rather, I'll talk and you let me know if I'm telling a lie or telling the truth. Is this acceptable?
Robbie Red Nose: (Silent.)
Special Agent Santiago: On the thirteenth of September, 1997, you and your employer moved into Sarasota, Florida for a week to do some anomalous performances. We also note that when you and your fellow employees are on break, you would move into the nearest urban area and frequent a local bar that, to the best of the UIU's knowledge, knows and allows anomalous individuals. Is what I stated true or do you have any objections?
Robbie Red Nose: (Silent, but shakes his head.)
Special Agent Santiago: The UIU was notified of your employer's presence in the area and requested that all of you stay away from the public as much as possible. However this was ignored as on the night, according to an eyewitness, you and your fellow employees were not only sighted at the local bar but also interacted with people who are unaware of the anomalous. The eyewitness left but not before he encountered you coming up the street. Do you think you can tell me where you were prior to the bar?
Robbie Red-Nose: (whispering) I… was talking with a dealer.
Special Agent Santiago: Does this dealer have a name? Were they already aware of your anomalous nature?
Robbie Red Nose: (whispering) The dealer helps me and other Clowns with… private matters. Matters that would seem gross to you or others but not to Mr. Fuller. He knows what we need to do so he lets us go do it.
Special Agent Santiago: What is it?
Robbie Red Nose: (Goes back to being silent.)
Special Agent Santiago: I'll move on then, if you do not want to discuss this matter. When you approached the eyewitness, you proceeded to threaten them with a stare. As far as I understand the facts, the witness stated that there was no exchange of words but it appeared you would punch him if your employer, Mr. Fuller, hadn't stepped in. What caused you to stare at the witness in question?
Robbie Red Nose: (whispering) Kid wore clown makeup. I hate clowns.
Special Agent Santiago: But are you not a clown? Or your fellow employees?
Robbie Red Nose: We're Clowns. The kid was mocking me with that happy clown make up and just… if your gonna be a clown, do it right.
Special Agent Santiago: I see. Now, my timeline here is a bit dark between Mr. Fuller calling you away from the witness to the crime. So please enlighten me. What happened inside the bar that made you go for a drunk joyride?
Robbie Red Nose: (Sits up and looks into Special Agent Santiago's eyes.) With all sincerity, it was not my fault. I ordered a Bloody Mary and I was with my own Clowns. Then Bianca The Mime decided to get real flirty with the college clowns from that Clown school and just… we had to pull her away from one of them getting very possessive. Mr. Fuller went over to smooth things out with them and he came up to me and slide me and Bianca a drink.
Special Agent Santiago: Do you believe your drink was spiked? Would there be any security cameras to prove this happened?
Robbie Red Nose: Possibly to the first and no to the second. Cameras was all over that place but Mr. Fuller has a deal with them or Manny5 does something with the cameras, I don't know. Point is, any security footage would either be deleted or we would just be out of shot.
Special Agent Santiago: I see, and why do you think you might have been spiked?
Robbie Red Nose: Clowns have… certain benefits when it comes to drugs. We can't get high and we can't get drunk unless its for an act, cause if we're intoxicated or high, it makes it hard to interact with the kids. Still tastes nice but you lose half the stuff that comes with weed or alcohol. Even with all that, Fuller, myself, and the others still don't know much about how we work. So a spike could be possible but its hard to say.
Special Agent Santiago: Okay, so what happened after you took his offer? What do you remember?
Robbie Red Nose: I honestly don't know. I remember crying and driving but after I had downed that glass - Mr. Fuller always gets me a large bottle of wine - I woke up being dragged down the corridor and I saw Mr. Fuller talk with you. And that's what I can recall from that night.
Special Agent Santiago: (Makes several notes in her notepad.) I see. We have an account telling us that, during your "rampage", you went into a dorm and smashed up the interior. Specifically anything to do with clowns. Is there a reason for that?
Robbie Red Nose: Oh golly, I didn't kill anyone, did I?
Special Agent Santiago: No one was inside so don't worry about it. However, we are curious why you ran into the room and vandalised it? Why didn't you attack the students or go after other dorms?
Robbie Red Nose: I… I don't kn- wait, I remember something. It was their scent! I still remember the stench of those fake clowns from the bar. Must have been on… Bianca! (Robbie Red Nose stands up and walks around the cell.) Is she okay? Did she get captured or is she free? What happened?
Special Agent Santiago: (looks at the camera and shakes her head.) We have had no signs of any sightings of Bianca so we don't know if she escaped or is with Fuller. However, if your willing to provide us some details, I will make certain that the UIU will be on the watch for her.
(Robbie Red Nose grabs his head as he walks around before settling down and seats himself at the table, wiping his eyes.)
Special Agent Santiago: So is that the reason why you attacked the dorm? Because of a scent?
Robbie Red Nose: Pretty much. That and what I learned from my time with the other Clowns: the human clowns mock us, so hit them hard. Its what we normally do, anyways. Although… I'm wondering if Fuller told me to do it…
Special Agent Santiago: I see. I have one more question, then you can go back to your cell if you'd like. Why were you left behind when we raided the site?
Robbie Red Nose: Mr. Fuller is always happy to cut off people when they caused trouble for the Circus. Hank The Blind Man was thrown halfway through a portal and was closed on him because he actually hurt someone. It wasn't nice but the crowd didn't know the difference… I brought trouble for the Circus and rather than keep around, I'm tossed aside for you.
Special Agent Santiago: Right… You're free to go back to your cell now or you can stay here for the moment. Its up to you.
Robbie Red Nose: Miss. Santiago? Thank you… for listening to me.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: The suspect has since been co-operative with the UIU, leading to numerous stations being set up at ideal locations of Herman Fuller's Circus of Disquieting. UIU has put out a warrant for the arrest of Herman Fuller to all paranormal law enforcement agencies across the globe for numerous crimes.6
04/27/2000: After three years since the suspect's arrest and since the UIU has now caught additional members of the Circus, Special Agent Santiago has pushed for the suspect to have the chance to have a parole hearing. After a lengthy discussion with UIU agents, the Director of the FBI, and the paracriminal courts, it was decided that the suspect is granted to have a parole hearing every six months, should he not pass the hearing.
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