Tuomey Author Page
rating: +68+x

Heard you were talking shit.


Foundation artist Clone's impression of Agent Tuomey after the incident with the battleclan. Further information on said incident redacted for sanity purposes.


Agent Tuomey is advised to stop sending "Snaps" to regional directors. Agent Tuomey is also advised that a henna tattoo does not demonstrate "unwavering loyalty and dedication" and will indeed have to undergo standard questioning after undercover operations. Additionally, Agent Tuomey is advised that standard protocol requires agents to divest themselves of anything that might identify them as an SCP agent before undercover operations, not to get new identifiers on the same day.


Agent Tuomey is not a Pokémon trainer despite that the Foundation's mission is, broadly, to "contain 'em all." That said, we applaud his work ethic of training to be the very best, like no one ever was.


Agent Tuomey's small drinking glass

Security clearance: 4m - no high vehicles

Status: Hella awesome. Currently on long-term observation assignment in Ireland.

Bio: Agent "Tombstone" Tuomey is definitely a real character and not just some kind of shitty self-insert constructed for an obligatory thing people do when they hit an arbitrary number of articles. He even has a gun and everything, just like all the real agents. He has been reprimanded for being drunk onsite several times. See? Character flaws! Definitely a well developed character! Recruited, uh, probably by mistake or something? No, uh, from the Irish intelligence service. They totally exist, they're a real thing, shut up.

Fuck, if he's done that drinking shit, why does the Foundation keep him around?? Uh, Agent Tuomey once saved an O5's life! Yeah, that works, let's do this. He totally punched an assassin in the face and threw him through a window, it was fucking awesome! This was in a bar brawl and he didn't know the guy was trying to kill an O5 but the Foundation keeps him around anyway for some fucking reason, I dunno, maybe they don't want to admit to the assassin's employers that their guy only stopped him by mistake? What the fuck was an O5 doing in the kind of shitty bar this guy goes to anyway? Whatever, the point is, he would've got a medal but the Foundation likes to keep a low profile, so, I dunno, he got a bonus instead.

Right, fuck, now I've got to offset the overpowered bullshit of saving an O5's life. Hmm. Agent Tuomey's shooting range scores are average but within the acceptable bounds for an agent of his posting. There we go. Totes not a marty stu.

Agent Tuomey's life goal is to get a pizza from 458, a drink of "my favourite drink" from 294, and put them through 914 (separately) on Very Fine.

Stuff I wrote: No, no, you asshole, it's "Items and incidents Agent Tuomey was involved with:"
Blue Brotherhood - May 2012
A Working Computer - Nov 2012
Stop going in circles - Jan 2015 (Didn't quite finish in time for Dec '14, was going in circles and couldn't stop)
I also wrote this but you probably knew that - Jan 2015
Fault - May 2015 Maybe skip this one if you don't want to read a vivid depiction of emotional abuse, gaslighting, and suicide
Cameron the Crusader - April 2016 This is my xman skip what fights real good and the foundation even treat him like a real person because he's so nice!!! the argument over the best way to use his powers threatens to schism the foundation itself at the highest levels!!!
Punching The Mirror In Its Stupid Face - April 2019 Wow it's been three years since I posted something and I'm pretty sure I started working on this like two to three years ago. Anyway I wrote this at some point in the past and left the mostly finished draft in my sandbox for a long time before finishing and posting it. It's about dealing with yourself badly and gets a little heavy.
Bob - August 2019 This is Bob, they tell me he's totally normal and average but he murdered like three or four MTF dudes and then basically ollied out through a portal? Wild. Theme song!

EDIT: OC don't steel, literally 100% orange county donut steel, directly from California, seriously guys pls donut steel

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