by Mr Carbon
THE BALLAD OF THE SOUP DOG
Those in the know, allegedly, say:
A long time ago, in a Site far away
We contained a peculiar golden and friendly old mutt.
He lived in a cell; ate kibble; and to
The average well-wisher's innocent view
Appeared to be totally unremarkable.
But!
A few times a week, it burned in his chest:
The urge to soup-seek! And when on this quest
Any who saw him felt strongly compelled by his yelps.
And on one such day, one distant July
He headed away. And we still don't know why,
Save that the Soup Dog was bound and determined to help.
Soon followed around (as staff adhered to
The guidance that's found in Skip Six Eight Oh-Two),
The canine displayed some unusual seeking behavior.
For example, he strode past huge barrels of gloop
(More precisely, a vast cache of canned Campbell's soup)
Even though all of it was his time-tested favorite flavor!
Instead, with his usual handler in tow
Our delusional-acting pup wanted to go
To the Site's other wing, where the vehicle pool could be found.
Bemused by all this, but also compelled
To follow each wish of the pupper they held
Our faithful attendant decided to drive him around.
Turned out, when the car left the Site's main garage
It didn't get far before Soup Dog took charge:
He barked, whined, and pointed to show which directions to choose.
And after a trip past the few nearby towns
And into the sticks of their rural surrounds,
An ominous series of buildings rose up into view.
"Well, Soup Dog: why here?" groaned the pup's human friend
But then, as they peered at the sign near the end
Of the road, they read: REGIONAL CAMPBELL'S SOUP BULK HOLDING POOL.
"Oh, come on! Not even you'll drink all of THAT —"
A metal-stress screaming! Abruptly, a vat
Bursts wide open! A soup-nami heads for the quaint local school!
"…You're shitting me, man!" But Soup Dog was not!
He broke from his leash, ran - and inhaled the lot:
All ten thousand liters. (We still don't know how it's digested.)
Then, as the steam cleared from the site of the fray
The witnesses cheered: "Soup Dog! Hip, hooray!!"
(Don't worry: we tracked them all down to give them their amnestics.)
And later, when all the excitement died down
Our soup hero, sated, and wearing a crown
That said "BEST DOG EVER" the schoolkids had all made for him,
Allowed the Foundation to drive him right back
To his usual location, and then, as he tracked
Soup behind him, he entered his cell again.
…Was that a grin?
Can dogs show emotion that way? It sure seemed,
As Soup Dog went back to his bay to be cleaned,
That he was amused at the chaos that had just transpired.
Just one final thing: next day, a curt note
Went to Dr. 'Zim. Their Director wrote:
"A one-twenty liter top limit? I think not. You're fired."