rating: +11+x

I am an SCP author.

Yes, thank you very much. You are absolutely correct.

It is, in fact, quite the achievement.

You see, not everyone can be part of such a refined writing community.

See that guy over there?

I´ll bet he's posting on Wattpad, I tell ya.

Oh, I know "authors" like this, you can see the pro-shipping scum dripping out of their pores, don't you?


We littérateurs on the SCP Wiki will not allow such figures on our site, no we don't. We have requirements, you know? Demands, standards, yes … very high standards indeed, my friend.

Have you seen our Ideas&Drafts forum? I ask you, where can you find such fine craftsmanship anywhere else?

No, I do not read AO3! What are you even thinking?!

Suggesting I would waste my precious time on such platforms!

The idea alone … preposterous!

I think you need to see for yourself, the master-pieces on our site!

You know people are calling us the next Dicks and Asimovs?

Like - like Philip K. Dick?

There are stories on this site - oh boy, they will go down in the history of literature!

Especially this one!


What - what do you think?

Incredible writing, isn't it?

How about this one, then? See, it got over 1500 Plus-points!

One of the highest-ranking articles on the site, a classic!

Oh - oh that part's the best!

Always makes me laugh, ha ha …


What - what do you mean?

Excuse me ..?

Con - Conservative?!

My friend, I must tell you that this is one of the MOST progressive writing communities anywhere on the web!

Conservative writing - I cannot believe how you can come to such a conclusion?

There is absolutely nothing conservative about a secret organization jailing anomalies in underground facilities to uphold an artificial status quo!


What - it's supposed to be subversive!

I bet you don't even know what subversive means, don't you?

Ah, I should've known … pearls before swines.


No - no no no, that story got rewritten ages ago!

Here, see?!

Yes, I know, I know, it was quite bad, but -

Okay, I'm not sure why that one is still up here, but this is old SCP. You have to read the new ones!

No, not that one, that is obviously a joke article, can't you tell?

Yes - yes it is, see the -J on the title?

… the J stands for joke.

Like - like J in - in Joke … see?

But - but these are just articles no one reads anyway.

Amateurs - no idea how they even got into the wiki.

Must've slipped through the system, hehe …


What do you mean, animation channels?

NO - no, they are not part of us! Those are just some clickbait youtubers, they are not authors!

How can you even believe …

Knockoff creepypasta??!!


We are NOT "knockoff" creepypasta!

You - you know what?! Creepypasta is knockoff SCP!

"Jeff the Killer"? Ha - ha ha, that's - that is nothing compared to Bobbles The Clown!


(Is there a "Jeff the Killer" Skip?)

(Jesus Christ, please do not let there be a "Jeff the Killer" Skip …)

I fear you simply do not possess the intellectual maturity for us.

Maybe - you know, just go back to AO3 or wherever you came from.

Or go to RPC, I bet they will welcome you with open arms!

Yeah …

There he goes … idiot.

"Knockoff creepypasta" … the nerve!

But …

But what if

What - what if …

A creepypasta would come to life and murder everyone!

Oh ho hoh, oh boy oh boy!

*Heads off to write SCP-8012: "Scary-faced Skin-Eater Lives Inside My Grandma's Closet"*

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License