Taste-Testing SCP-999 (for science, I swear)
rating: +15+x


"Doctor I don't think you can do this," Dr. Belinski shuffled his feet against the carpet. He knew there was nothing he could do, but it was at least worth saying something on the record for the sake of his reputation.

"Whatever you say, Andre. Anyway," the other man in the room spoke while putting on a fresh lab coat over his orange jumpsuit. "For the stupid records, this is Dr. Bright and I'm gonna eat a sample of 999 because I goddamn feel like it. Apparently, this test was approved by…" Bright glanced down at the packet sitting on the little folding table the doctors brought into the pen with them, "Of course. Redacted. It's always fucking redacted. Whatever. I was gonna do this whether they approved it or not. What are they gonna do, kill me?"

Dr. Belinski scribbled those last two lines on a notecard, then spoke again.

"Alright, Jack, go ahead and-"
"That's Dr. Bright, to you. We aren't that close yet."

"Apologies. Dr. Bright, please talk us through your procedures as you perform them. For the records."

Bright gently knelt beside the sleeping orange dome. In his hands were a plastic spoon, courtesy of the site's cafeteria, and a scalpel.

"So the plan is," Bright cleared his throat, "I will make a small incision in the membrane around 999, collect a spoonful of the orange stuff, and eat it. For some reason, O5 approves this despite it being so unprofessional, but apparently, I wasn't the only one that wanted to know what this fucker tastes like."

"And what is the goal of this experiment?" asked Dr. Belinski.

Bright chuckled. "I intend to prove that this little squish really does taste like tangerines, and not mandarins as Veridian and Andreas want us to believe."

"Right, and what is the plan for when this inevitably kills you?"

"Put the necklace on another D-Boy, I dunno. You guys always worry about me and I honestly don't know why."

"We just want to plan ahead, Doctor."

With that, Bright began making a small incision on the side of SCP-999. It seemed not to be disturbed. Bright then holds the spoon under the incision and catches a bit of the slime that seeps out before the wound closes itself up. He then turns back to Dr. Belinski.

"This is Jack Bright, preparing to eat some fuckin' Jell-O."

Bright stuck the spoon in his mouth and moved the small mass of 999 around with his tongue, making sure to get the full range of flavors. After a while, his mouth stopped moving and his eyes widened.


"Yes, Dr. Bright?"

"It's fucking delicious!"

"Any more specific descriptions for the record?"

"No, it's indescribable. Delicious is an understatement Belinski! This is the greatest taste I've ever tasted! And you know I've tasted a lot of tastes-ack-"

As Bright rambled on, the sample slid down his throat and caused him to gag. Both doctors fell silent and stared at each other. Belinski spoke first.

"Dr. Bright has, uh, swallowed the sample. He appears to be stunned but otherwise-"

Belinski is cut off by Bright erupting into a fit of laughter. Bright can be heard flailing against the floor, and SCP-999 is awoken by the sudden commotion.

SCP-999 squeals happily when it sees the amulet around Bright's neck. It reaches out to grab his hand and starts working it's way up his arm. it starts making a sharp squeaking sound similar to an old door hinge, seemingly mimicking Bright's laughter.

Bright is barely able to speak.

"God damnit! Not more- more- HA-! tickling!"

He returns to his fit of laughter, which is slightly muffled as Belinski turns away to close the report.
"This is Dr. Belinski, standing in for Dr. Bright as he is currently incapacitated. Bright successfully consumed a material sample from SCP-999, which seems to be tickling him from the inside, as expected. Descriptions of the flavor were lackluster at best, and since apparently, that was the whole point of this experiment, I'm declaring it a failure.


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