Talking To Myself


You can't see me!

rating: +35+x


The sun rose many hours ago. It is 4:37 pm, and a young woman is still in bed. Yesterday, she had been berated by her landlord. The day before that, she had lost her job. Today, she is experiencing what is colloquially known as a "depression spiral". There isn't a single person who she feels she can ask for help, no family and no friends. While the lack of family was not her fault, the lack of substantial relationships was a direct symptom of her trauma. An absent father and a dead mother will do that to someone. As she allows herself to sink deeper and deeper into her own fears and sorrow, her thoughts begin to repeat themselves. The same words like a mantra echoing in her mind.

"I should just give up."

"I should just give up."

"I should just give up."

"I don't think you should."

"I don't believe that."

"That's okay, but we don't see it that way."

"You really are far too hard on yourself."

"I just keeping making mistake after mistake, over and over again. I'm tired of this knot in my chest."

"How does the knot make you feel?"

"Bad… like there is nothing I can do right. I just want to do something right but there is something wrong with me."

"Right and wrong is subjective. There is nothing wrong or right about you. You are simply… you-"

"-and you are absolutely marvelous."

"That's the thing though. I don't like me. I don't want to be the type of person who lays in bed and struggles to move."

"Oh darling, if only you knew just how special you are."

"Place your feet on the ground. That is always the first step."

"But it's so much easier to stay and sleep."

"To sleep is to dream and there is nothing wrong with that, but it is so easy to spiral. Reality is where you belong. Don't be afraid of the world. It's so much better with you in it, you just need to realize that."

"You are worth far more than you think."

"You're just a bunch of voices in my head."

"We are you. The many parts of you."

We are here for you and we will always be here for you. Please… do it for you. Stand up for yourself."

"We believe in you. You can do it."

"I promise you will feel better if you do."


"See, now you have taken the first step. Wasn't so hard was it?"

"No but my head hurts."

"Give it some time. You will start to feel better now that you're up."

"You should get some water. You are probably dehydrated."


"When was the last time you ate?"

"I don't remember."

"That's not good. Do you have anything in the house?"

"I haven't gone to the store in days. I don't want to talk to anyone."

"Delivery sounds like a good plan then. Chinese is always good"

"Or pizza."

"You can order anything nowadays, doesn't matter what it is as long as you take care of yourself."

"Oh then maybe something from a nice fancy restaurant then."

"Not anything expensive though."

"Breakfast maybe? Cheap and good."

"That won't age well if it's delivery. I still think pizza is-"

"Can you just shut up! I don't want to eat anything. I just want…"

"What do you want, Alison?"

"I want to be loved."

"You deserve to be loved."

"You will always be loved."

"We will always love you."

"Have you ever tried meditation?"

"I used to do it with Mom."

"Do you remember how?"


"Back when she was still here, on my first day of school, I had my first panic attack right before we were about to get in the car. Mom called the school and lied. She said I was sick. Then, she taught me how to meditate."

"She was a good mom."

"After dad disappeared, she did her best to take care of me, but she worked long hours to pay the bills and wasn't home a lot. It wasn't her fault but I wish I had more time with her."

"She was fantastic."

"The best."


"Even though she left such a long time ago, I still miss her. If she were here, she would tell me exactly what I need to hear. She would make me feel loved."

"Unfortunately, she isn't here. Right now, you just have yourself. Do you love yourself?

"No. I feel worthless. I've felt that way ever since I was young."

"After he left?"

"He never even said goodbye. One day he was there, and the next day he wasn't. Mom cried all night."




He made you feel worthless, didn't he?

"After Mom died, I lost the only person who saw worth in me."

"You need to see yourself as someone who has worth. Your opinion is the most important. The way you see yourself will dictate who you are. You need to take care of yourself. Eat a good meal. Drink some water. Take a shower. Hurting yourself like this won't help you."

"…You're right."

"You are priceless, Alison. You are a queen, and it's time for you to see that. So, tell me, what are you?"

"I'm a queen."

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