Talk the Talk
Or, some fun tricks you can do with dialogue
This is the companion guide to the Writing Club Seminar on dialogue! Same technique, but now in written form. Don't worry, you don't have to have listened to Writing Club to follow along (but you could! You can find the recording linked here). We're going over the same things (albeit with less tangents) in this guide! We're specifically going to look at the kind of stuff that goes into dialogue crafting: word choice, rhythm of your sentences, implicit meaning and subtext, and flow.
Before we start, I want to make one thing clear: these are just interesting tricks and techniques that have helped me personally. This is not a manual or requirement, just something to get you going. If this doesn't work for you, totally fine. I'm not the king of dialogue and I don't get paid for this shit. Just a nerd on the internet with a hyperfocus and an interest to infodump. Take what you like and could use, leave what doesn't!
During this guide, we're going to tweak a little scene to illustrate the techniques. So, before we get down with it, let me set the scene for you:
Practise scenario
The scene we're describing takes place just before the finale of our story. There is a void-like entity on the loose in the small town of Dusk's Edge, creating spots of shadow all over the place. In the big finale I plan to go with a ridiculously over-the-top lightshow, and this dialogue scene is going to explain to the reader what they need to know, and hype them up for that big set piece.
The conversation will be between a researcher who's studying the phenomenon, and two agents in charge of containing it. In an earlier scene, the agents managed to escape when they used a flare.
Ready to start writing about speaking? Let's get to it!
Dialogue's goal
A recipe with two ingredients.
Before we dive into the fray, let's first establish what dialogue actually does. Like everything in your draft, it serves a goal to tell the story. Dialogue's goal is two-fold:
1) Conveying information about the narrative or scene;
2) Showing something about the personality of the character saying it.
If your dialogue scene is lacking in one of those two components, it'll fall flat. That means it needs to tell the reader something to move the story forward, but it also needs to be done through the voice of a character.
Think of dialogue as a subjective way to convey information. It is not numbers and graphs, not an exact method - it'll have a lot of flair based on the person saying it. So your character is like a lens through which you show information to your reader!
So that doesn't mean that your dialogue only needs to contain information. Having your characters banter between them serves your character development! It lets the reader be invested in the people they're reading about, as well as giving them a moment to breathe. But if it's the same kind of banter that already happened 3 times before, it might end up slowing your story down. Sam and Alex can shoot the shit and out-talk each other for pages and pages and it might be funny to them and you, but it might not be interesting to read. It's adding nothing to your story that isn't already there.
Simply said: do not confuse character moments for filler! Remember that they're both needed to balance out your scene!
Alternatively, dialogue that only contains information and not much character will feel stiff. Ever heard that some dialogue is too expository? That usually means the reader isn't believing these characters would say these words out of nowhere. There is no character reason for the information being there. Ingredient 2 is missing.
In other words, there needs to be a balance between these two ingredients. How that balance looks will be different depending on scene, genre, story, writer, and probably also reader. It's something you'll have to feel out. An action piece will have a different approach than a character study or a romance. It's also related to pacing techniques, which is a subject we'll be touching on in the future.
Showtime
With our example, we're going to approach writing a fast-paced scene where these characters figure out how to save the day. I know what information I want to convey in this scene:1
1) Void = shadow. We can fight it with light.
2) Instead of just light/flare, use fireworks. Explosive ending!
3) Researcher figures out the weak spot.
4) Agents figure out how to contain it using the weak spot.
I already established that the flare worked on this creature in an earlier scene, so the connection can be made between our characters and by our reader.
If I would just convey the information, this is what the dialogue could look like:
CHAR: This map has all the locations of the phenomena we need to contain. Since it's a shadow-creature, light will disintegrate it.
CHAR2: So we just shine a flashlight on it?
CHAR3: I have some fireworks and flares, too.
There is almost no distinct voice here, each line could be said by any character. Almost all of it is just information, no personality. As a result, this scene reads rather bland. That's not what I want for the scene that's supposed to get my reader hyped to read the explosive ending I have in mind!
Let's see what happens when we add a little of ingredient 2!
CASSANDRIA: The creature's steps are predictable, if you have the right tools at your disposal. Which, of course, I have. I have analysed the phenomenon's behavioural characteristics and projected the most likely pattern of void appearances onto the map of Dusk's Edge.
ALEX: Fascinating, doc. How do we contain it?
CASSANDRIA: Its nature as a dark pattern can be exploited to draw it out of its hiding place.
ALEX: Meaning?
CASSANDRIA: A shadow that meets a light will not remain.
ALEX: So we could just point a flashlight and watch it go away?
SAM: I was thinking something a little more explosive, like fireworks.
ALEX: That could work.
SAM: Hell yeah. Let's light this town up, baby!
That's a lot livelier already! You'll notice I added several aspects to these characters:
- I gave them a name, which already gave them more personality;2
- I established the use of a nickname ("doc"), telling the reader a little bit about the relationship between Alex and Cassandria;
- They have different vocabularies: Cassandria sounds overly complex and obtuse as a result, in stark contrast to the agents;
- I gave them different pacing in their lines: Alex' lines are compact, while Cassandria's are long, fitting with their respective lines of work;
- I let Alex and Sam have a little back-and-forth, telling the reader a little bit about their relationship as well.
If you want more insight in how to add characterisation to your character through dialogue, check out Talking It Out by Ori!
Dialogue can add a lot of personality based on just the choices here. Instead of bits of information, we now have three people with distinct identities. Cassandria's lines are more obtuse than needed, Alex is direct and cutting through the bullshit, Sam is irreverent. Their lines are no longer interchangeable!
However, I might've slightly overdone it. This is a fast-paced scene, so some of this might end up needing to be tweaked. I'm not going to do all of that right now, but I might already make a (mental) note of it.
CASSANDRIA: The creature's steps are predictable, if you have the right tools at your disposal. Which, of course, I have. (AUTHOR NOTE: already implied in the sentence after this) I have analysed the phenomenon's behavioural characteristics and projected the most likely pattern of void appearances onto the map of Dusk Town.
ALEX: Fascinating, doc. How do we contain it?
CASSANDRIA: Its nature as a dark pattern can be exploited to draw it out of its hiding place.
ALEX: Meaning?(AUTHOR NOTE: cut and combine Cassandria's dialogue, not needed)
CASSANDRIA: A shadow that meets a light will not remain.
ALEX: So we could just point a flashlight and watch it go away?
SAM: I was thinking something a little more explosive, like fireworks.
ALEX: That could work.
SAM: Hell yeah. Let's light this town up, baby! (AUTHOR NOTE: needs tweaking. It has a lot of character but I'd like to see if I can make it fit in more.)
Remember: every line counts.
If two lines say basically the same, whether that's about information or characterisation, you might consider cutting, combining or tweaking it a bit. However: you get to decide which lines count and which don't. You get to decide the balance here, and you're allowed to indulge!
Aside from the line that's clearly not needed, I'm going to leave the stuff that need some polishing for later.
Alright, so much for balancing your information and characterisation for now. Let's move onto the next technique.
Dialogue's rhythm
No rhyme without reason.
Now we're going into one of my favourite techniques: rhythm in dialogue. I don't mean rhyming or intonation, but leading the reader through the dialogue by playing around with words. It'll bring the blandest lines to life!
Firstly, let's look at the flow of the dialogue. You could have a very plain back-and-forth that keeps every bit of information within its own space.
Al: I'm going to the shop.
Bee: Can you pick up some coffee for me?
We can easily shift some of this to the next sentence:
Al: I'm going to the shop, want something?
Bee: Yeah, pick me up some coffee, would you?
We can add a little bit of the beginning of one phrase to the ending of the one before it. That way, your dialogue will flow better. Think of it as "yes, and" the way you see in improv: leave an opening for the next line to pick up. You might already do this without realising. If you feel your dialogue isn't flowing well, you could grab a marker and see if you can spot this pattern.
Let's see it in action in a more advanced conversation. In this example, taken from SCP-5595 by PlaguePJP, SCP-5595 is a sentient gumball machine that wants to be Site Director.
As you can see, the information is spread over several sentences, and characters often refer back to something that was said earlier. There is "yes, and" happening here, too: the block starts in one line of dialogue, so that the other party in the conversation can finish it or play around with it.
Plague does this throughout the scene, which leads to SCP-5595 bringing the conversation back to its desire to be Site Director. If you read this article, you'll notice that the information in the green blocks keep on popping up throughout the scene. It's the central piece of information in that scene and although other threads keep on being picked up and dropped, it always circles back to that core.
A second "rhythm" technique I like is shades in word meaning, and play around with that. Think of synonyms, or the different meanings for a word in the dictionary. Honestly, this technique is better shown than told. SCP-7000 by HarryBlank does this amazingly. Here are two examples:
You see how the shifts in meaning are used? "Spill (talk)" > "spill (water)" > "flood". The line about the wedding connects the two, too.
Here he does it twice, spread over two segments of dialogue. First: the connection of "driving mad" > driving dangerously/crazy and "driving mad" > driving while angry. Then he continues that shift in meaning in the second bit of dialogue, with "furious (calling back to driving mad)" > "seeing red (anger)" > "seeing red (stoplight)". Also included in this example: shat-on-the-rug > bullshit.
So let's go back to our little scene, and see if we can do something similar.
Showtime
There is already a little play-with-meaning going on in our setup, by linking a void > shadow > light > flashlight/fireworks. We can add to that, by having "away" change to a "poof", which fits with explosives, see the purple.
I'm going to use green to show you where specific parts of a sentence were moved. I'll also clean up the lines in blue that could be partially or fully removed.
CASSANDRIA: The creature's steps are predictable, if you have the right tools at your disposal. Which, of course, I have. I have analysed the phenomenon's behavioural characteristics and projected the most likely pattern of void appearances onto the map of Dusk's Edge.
ALEX: Fascinating, doc. How do we contain it?
CASSANDRIA: Its nature as a dark pattern can be exploited to draw it out of its hiding place. A shadow that meets a light - will not remain.
ALEX: - has nowhere left to go. So we just point a flashlight and poof.
SAM: I was thinking something a little more explosive. —like fireworks.
ALEX: Fireworks ? That could work.
SAM: Hell yeah. Let's blast this town to the 4th of July!
There we go, we cleaned that up quite a bit already! Two bits of information were spread over multiple lines of dialogue, and we played around with the shades of word meaning.
The technique used for slightly different meaning to push the narrative forward in dialogue is great, but you might've noticed I only did it between Alex and Sam. That was a deliberate choice, since I wanted to show Alex and Sam have a bit more of a bond, and this mimics that age-old "finish each other's sentences" feel. It's subtle, but by having not every character in your writing use it, you could set them apart and imply a deeper connection. However, that is my personal style choice. You might prefer to use this trick differently, and both of us would be right!
Dialogue's delivery
Don't forget to tip the driver.
SCP dialogue is a special kind of beast. It's based on screen-writing, but not the same. We also do a lot of scene setting and tonal intonation in our video logs. Screenwriting has some room for "less is more", because the actor gets to do some interpretation of the lines as well.3 However, as SCP writer, you get to be both: you write the lines, but also interpret how they're delivered.
An extreme example of the difference between a script and an actor's interpretation of it is Jack Sparrow from the first Pirates of the Caribbean film. This script was written with a "regular" but off-beat pirate in mind. The lines were still logical and made sense for a "regular" pirate. The actor added the bizarre over-the-top interpretation of those lines with mannerisms, intonation and facial expression. The character sounded and looked like a lunatic, but he made sense! In later scripts, that bizarre lunacy was added into the writing, which I personally feel is a loss.
You can add some of that interpretation of how the line should be read to really bring your characters to life. You can also use it to speed up or slow down a scene, or help with the delivery of a line.
Cici: That's actually a clever idea if you're an asshole.
Cici: That's actually a clever idea -
[Dee's face lights up.]
Cee: If you're an asshole.
How much or how little scene direction you add, depends on what you want to achieve. Do you want fast-pace action? Maybe don't add too much scene direction. Want to slow down a scene or give a lot of breathing room? Add some more!
Let's play around with it in our example scene.
Showtime
At this point, I have a clear vision of how these characters are standing, moving and speaking in this scene. Adding scene direction here is going to help deliver the story I want to tell.
Let's start with something less advisable:
CASSANDRIA: I have analysed the phenomenon's behavioural characteristics and projected the most likely pattern of void appearances onto the map of Dusk's Edge.
[Dr. Cassandria folds her arms behind her back. Alex rolls his eyes.]
ALEX: [Sigh] Fascinating, doc. [Frowning] How do we contain it?
CASSANDRIA: Its nature as a dark pattern can be exploited to draw it out of its hiding place. [She points to the ceiling lamp] A shadow that meets a light -
ALEX: - has nowhere left to go. [He pauses, still frowning] So we just point a flashlight and poof.
[Alex mimics an explosion.]
SAM: I was thinking something a little more [they put their boot on a chest with fireworks] explosive.
ALEX: Fireworks? [Smiling] That could work.
SAM: [Smirking] Let's blast this town to the 4th of July!
The first thing you'll notice is that I've overdone it, by a lot. Too much interpretation, too much pausing in a scene that wants to be fast. Maybe this is exactly how I see the scene play out, and that's fine! But resist the urge to define every part for your reader. Reading is a little bit of puzzling, and having everything pre-chewed is not enjoyable. Leave some chewing for the reader!
CASSANDRIA: I have analysed the phenomenon's behavioural characteristics and projected the most likely pattern of void appearances onto the map of Dusk's Edge.
ALEX: Fascinating, doc. [Frowning] How do we contain it?
CASSANDRIA: Its nature as a dark pattern can be exploited to draw it out of its hiding place. A shadow that meets a light -
ALEX: - has nowhere left to go. [Pause] So we just point a flashlight and poof.
SAM: I was thinking something a little more explosive.
[Agent Sam has placed their boot on a wooden chest. On the side it says "Caution! Keep away from fire!" in big, bold lettering.]
ALEX: Fireworks? That could work.
SAM: [Smirking] Let's blast this town to the 4th of July.
Way less direction here, but still plenty to give an interpretation to the reader. I'm going to guess the reader is interpreting Cassandria as measured and pompous anyway, so I opted to not spend more words on that. I didn't like how rude Alex was coming off as with those scene directions, so I removed them. I also changed some of the dialogue as well: since I added a direction for Sam's inflection in the last line, I removed the punctuation mark. Again, not a must, but I felt it had enough expression already.
I can't give you precise insight as to where to place the scene directions. Personally, I just kinda feel it out, and even then I'm sure I'm far from perfect in it. I like to search for moments where a pause can heighten the tension, or where a specific way of reading the line can add to the drama. If this doesn't really work for you by re-reading it, saying it out loud and noting where you naturally put a pause can help. Since this essay focusses more on how you can play around with the dialogue delivery rather than pacing, I'll leave it at that.
Dialogue's layers
Light the bulb.
Dialogue is rarely as to-the-point as our notes, because people aren't to-the-point. Remember how characters can be like lenses through which you show information? That's great for characterisation, but you can even use it on your readers! Have a line or comparison in there that's less direct, so your reader can make a connection and have a lightbulb moment. It's great to use it in the age-old "show don't tell" sense. A character that makes the connection at the same time as the reader or later, says a lot about your character's awareness!
Most of the time, people aren't directly saying what they mean. There is subtext in every conversation, and a lot of the first practise with dialogue is figuring out how to use subtext effectively. You can practise it by starting small. It's another interplay of dialogue and character, but it uses the way you phrase your dialogue to tell your audience what they do or do not pick up on. There is tension you can add, or a fun flair, or a twist, or a punchline. It's something you can start to stretch out more or make more complex once you get the hang of it.
You could use it as a continuous theme, something that keeps coming back in your entire scene. Remember that repeated thread in the example by PlaguePJP? That's also something you can do with subtext. However, this is a more advanced trick. If you overdo it, your dialogue could become extremely obtuse. If you do it every scene, your reader will get tired of it. If it's not a good enough piece of subtext, your reader won't pick up on the comparison (and still, some readers might miss it. Which is why you also need to build in a solution). So use this technique sparsely and carefully.
However, it's great fun to have a scene where your characters are realising something, include a moment of dialogue where the reader also gets to figure something out between the lines.
Let's go back to our scene, and look specifically at the final part of this exchange around the fireworks.
CASSANDRIA: I have analysed the phenomenon's behavioural characteristics and projected the most likely pattern of void appearances onto the map of Dusk's Edge.
ALEX: Fascinating, doc. [Frowning] How do we contain it?
CASSANDRIA: It's nature as a dark pattern can be exploited to draw it out of its hiding place. A shadow that meets a light -
ALEX: - has nowhere left to go. [Pause] So we just point a flashlight and poof.
SAM: I was thinking something a little more explosive.
[Agent Sam has placed their boot on a wooden chest. On the side it says "Caution! Keep away from fire!" in big, bold lettering.]
ALEX: That could work.
SAM: [Smirking] Let's blast this town to the 4th of July.
All I changed here is removing the "Fireworks?" from Alex' last line. Every other clue is already given: explosion, 4th of July, light. The reader can add 2 and 2 together, and figure out they're talking about fireworks. There is nothing as fun as figuring out what is actually going on just under the surface of a scene, so this technique is one of my favourites to see in the wild.
However, this technique is only workable in a bigger context. It needs to be set up far further than just this little exchange. You can make this connection because you read the earlier versions, so you, too, have been properly set up for this puzzle!
At the beginning of this essay, I explained I already included a scene where Alex and Sam were saved by using a flare, so my reader would have been set up already. I also told you I planned on having a big finale with fireworks: there needs to be a pay-off that is telling the reader they were right. Without that, the subtext is not going to work.
Which makes it hard to show examples in this essay, but I'm a stubborn bastard, so I'll try nonetheless. Mostly because I want to show something else you can do with this technique.
Our little fireworks example is good enough for this essay, but certainly not brilliant. You wanna see brilliant? Check out the Coin Toss scene from No Country For Old Men. This scene is using this technique to perfection. The setup is Anton Chigurh (the guy with the weird haircut), who is a stone-cold and calculated killer, choosing whether or not someone gets to live based on the outcome of a coin toss. With just one simple change of the phrase, we realise what is actually being said here: "You stand to win everything."
The great bit about this scene is not just that exchange. Chigurh has decided this gas station clerk is a dead man, and allowing him with a coin toss to "win" his life back - but the clerk is picking up on that! He's squirming, trying to get out of it. There is the actual dialogue in this scene, and the conversation that is happening underneath it. There is tension in the fact that those two different conversations never cross over, but we're seeing them both play out.
Instead of saying directly he's playing for his life, the conversation is about how much you can lose or win. The audience gets to figure out what is actually being said on their own.
Subtext, but longer
Since it's pretty hard to demonstrate the use of this in a longer scene, I'm going to make myself the victim here. In SCP-7873, scalykitty and I write about an anomaly that affects a group of 4 Dutch teenagers. During interviews with the parents, they try to find out what the victim profile of this anomaly is, and discover they started using an American version of their own names. In earlier scenes, they had already figured out that the first two kids didn't feel like they belonged, and one of the characters has figured out what the reason is for Matthew/Manon, laying it out for his fellow investigator:
In the above scene, Jacob (who serves as an audience surrogate throughout the article) gets to figure out at the same moment as the reader that the victim's original Dutch (dead)name was femme, while the new name is obviously masc: the victim was transmasc. Not only does the reader get to put the pieces together themselves at the same moment as Jacob (who in a later scene confirms it for readers who might've missed it!!), both are having the realisation at the same time. It emphasizes Jacob's role as audience surrogate: reader and character have the same competence.
Now let's compare that to a situation where the characters are supposedly less competent than the reader:
SCP-7769 by DodoDevil features a monster that is attacking Site-333, which is the dumping Site for incompetent Foundation workers. They are panicking about how to protect themselves or attack the monster, while on the phone with Director Bohart, who is driving his car (extremely dangerously) to the Site. Then we get this:
You, reader, might have figured out already that the previously mentioned extremely dangerous driving lead to him hitting the anomaly. However, we have 11 more lines of dialogue before the characters catch up, with Bohart's line "So I've got some good news…". Instead of the character and the reader realising it at the same time, the dialogue is helping underline the incompetence of the characters. Also of note: the second part of the punch-line is a neutralised containment file, so it's still also stated what happened.
In other words: you can use this technique to let your reader to put a little satisfying puzzle together. But always make sure you have a setup before it, and a confirmation in a later moment, or it'll fall flat. Remember how much setting up I needed to do for these examples to even make sense!
This is a technique that'll take a little more practise to get the hang of. So before you put it into your writing, you should see if you can recognise it in other people's writing first. See what makes it tick.
Conclusions
In this essay we looked at a couple of writing techniques for dialogue.
- Information and Personality: the two goals of speech in writing are to convey information, seen through the specific lens your character views the world through. Make sure that your dialogue is a balance between the two. If there is just information and no characterisation, it sounds like an info-dump. If there is a lot of characterisation but no information? It'll slow your story down. But you need both, and how much you need of each depends on you and your story. Find your balance!
- Flow of words: you can use different layers of meaning to push the narrative forward. If you make your dialogue feel like the sentence isn't finished, it'll help your push your reader to the next line.
- Delivery and pauses: use scene directions to add tension and clarity to your story. Give a scene direction to show personality or interesting tension by its delivery, and add a 'beat' for pause. But don't overdo it, even though you feel like you see everything play out exactly like this. Part of the fun is imagining it yourself when you're reading it, too.
- Add a light bulb: every once in a while, you can hide a bit of the conversation behind an interaction or word choice. Do this on the moments that fit with a narrative instead of every scene, because otherwise you'd tire out your reader. You can even use this to tell you reader something about your character's awareness of what is actually being said.
So those are my tips on reshaping your dialogue. Are they going to be perfect? Absolutely not. I'm still learning myself, after all, and I'll never stop doing that! But they're neat little tools I like to use.
I'll leave you with the most important tool you have: your own voice. Read your dialogue back to yourself. Is a line "extra"? Remove it. Does it the sentence flow awkwardly? Rephrase it. Do you feel a pause that could add to the tension? Note it down for possibly a scene direction. Record yourself, or have a friend or co-author voice-chat with you.
You could also do that to someone else's dialogue, as an exercise. There is a lot you can learn from analysing another person's work!
That's all I have to say. For someone who just talked a lot about talking, I'm not sure what to say to stop. Have any further thoughts, questions, suggestions or insights? Don't stay quiet, talk to me!
Wanna read more in this series? Check also:
Writing Club: Plot vs. Narrative
More Examples
Referenced in this guide:
Talk It Out Essay on Dialogue by OriTiefling
SCP-7873 by FlyPurgatorio and
scalykitty
Other great stuff:
SCP-7999 by OriTiefling
This is not just a great character piece, but also shows different character voices really well. The non-humans have a very distinct way of speaking, and the way they deliver their information is full of character as a result.
SCP-8400 by Uncle Nicolini and
PeppersGhost
The switch in dialogue styles is fitting with how the format changes, and it is just a blast to read the subtext in this piece!
SCP-6317 by AstersQuill
The anomaly is moving through the dialogue too! Here's how you can use dialogue to set that up.
delta-wave by Rounderhouse
Get out your marker and see if you can figure out the same technique I pointed out Plague used, of circling back to a previous theme. The dialogue logs are also extremely fast-paced, with only a couple of scene directions. See why they are exactly there on those moments?
SCP-7326 by IndustryStandard
The whole anomaly hinges on double meanings of words, and the characters choosing one specific meaning at any time brings the dialogue a lot of life.
SCP-8166 by AstersQuill,
FlyPurgatorio &
sailorenoch
Come on, I made this guide! I get to add one of my own as a recommendation. Although I add it for a reason: we used the above techniques throughout the piece, so you could see how that plays out. After all, we should all try to do more than just talk the talk here :fingerguns:.