You've been assigned a new mission. A simple one, at least compared to your last assignment. Break into Site-19. Retrieve the item known to the Foundation as SCP-269, along with all relevant documentation. Get the fuck out of there and return to your deployment base. Should be pretty easy, what with all your stealth abilities, right?
Well, that's the thing. You're pretty new to this stuff, but you're pretty sure that the Foundation has ways of detecting people they can't see. Hell, you almost died on that MC&D job because they had thermal cameras.
However, all is not lost. Luckily, your benefactors were kind enough to provide you with 500 USD, and your coworker was kind enough to provide you with a phone number.
You can't quite afford fancy Prometheus shit or anything, but from what Smith told you, you have more than enough for this.
"Let's see…"
Hello. Is this Dado?
it spelled dado but yes this is me purveyor of fine dado product and also laundry and tan. what u need?
I was told that you could provide me with a means of enhanced stealth.
u want steal hands?
No. I would like you to make me invisible to all forms of recording equipment.
Dado?
again it spelled dado but yes am here. sry dado type slow but he is gettin gbetter with web site
dado can make u invisible to camera things.
Excellent. One more thing.
what is?
I need a way to get out of somewhere quickly, and if that fails, a way to "go out in a bang," so to speak.
for recap, u want dado 2 make camera invisible, fast escape from house, and also go out with bang if fail.
Yes.
dado can do. will be $40 (dado have buy two get one free deal for third of july)
I see. How should I pay you?
wave money in air and say dado name five time fast.
You pull out your wallet and withdraw two twenties. Feeling slightly foolish, you wave them in the air.
"Dado. Dado. Dado. Dado. Dado."
Nothing happens.
I just did what you asked, and it didn't work.
make sure you pronouncing dado name right. is dado.
You repeat the process, this time attempting to speak in lowercase. Evidently, it works, as the money disappears.
delivering now.
You blink, and there are three pill containers on the ground in front of you.
How did you do that?
dado have amazon prime.
I… see.
You're sure they work?
u trust dado.
"Ok. Let's see what we're working with."
You bend down and inspect the bottles. They're filled with blue, green, and orange pills, and marked "camera hide by dado," "house escape by dado," and "bang out by dado," respectively.
You've heard that this "dado" figure sometimes misunderstands what his customers want, so you decide to test the pills before you try to use them. One more conversation, then.
Hello. I've got some stuff I want to use for the 19 heist, but the supplier is a bit… unpredictable, so I need some people to test it first.
Alright. How many you need?
Three. As soon as possible, please.
I'm gonna need some payment. 600.
How about 350 and I give you the leftovers from the pills I'm using for the heist?
I'd like money, thank you.
Trust me. I have a feeling these pills are worth a bit more than $250.
Ok. If you're cheating me with this, you'd better go into hiding real fast after you test them.
Sent $350 to Human Testing Man!
Unfortunately, this supplier isn't quite as fast as dado, so you need to wait about 25 minutes for him to get to you. When his black van pulls up, three humanoid entities get out of the back. He drives away.
"Alright. Let's get started."
You pull out the first bottle ("camera hide by dado") and give one pill to the first entity.
"Take the pill."
It places the pill in its mouth and swallows it. Nothing changes physically about the entity, and you pull out a camera, taking a short video. The video consists of a black screen, with the letters "you no see anything because dado make good pill for good money because dado good capitalist" on it in multicolor comic sans font. A thermal camera yields the same results.
"Not quite what I wanted, but it works, I suppose."
You place a tracking device (really just an Apple airtag, but "tracking device" sounds better) in the second subject's pocket, before instructing them to take the second pill, "house escape by dado." The subject vanishes, and reappears, according to the airtag, somewhere in Beijing.
"Excellent."
Finally, you give the third subject one of the "bang out by dado" pills, and step back. After approximately twelve seconds, it violently combusts.
"Wow. 'dado' really is proficient in his art."
You put the pills in your pocket, and get in your car.
You've got an anomaly to steal.
oh dado forget to say dont take pills within five minutes of each other.
no refunds btw (dado learn that from dr wintertable)