WARNING
THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENT REQUIRES PROPER INOCULATION. UNAUTHORISED ACCESS WILL RESULT IN TERMINATION THROUGH MEMETIC KRILL AGENT. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK.
MEMETIC KRILL AGENT ACTIVATED
CONTINUED LIFE SIGNS CONFIRMED
RETRIEVING FILE…
Screen capture of the introductory animation to an SPC-6556 video.
Species
Sapient Selachian Entity. Otodus megalodon
POWERS
Observers of videos uploaded to the channel, or those who are made aware of the channel's existence, do not challenge the anachronistic nature of the deviant, and believe them to be historically accurate representations of life in the Mesozoic era. Individuals who have undergone inoculation or who have a naturally high resistance1, are not subject to this effect.
Considerations
SPC-6556 is a channel on the online video-sharing platform YouTV, titled "TheLifeOfMeg". The channel's contents are composed of 28 uploaded "video blogs", centered around and presumably created by a female juvenile Otodus megalodon referred to as "Meg LaDonn".
Videos uploaded to the channel appear to be filmed during the early Cenozoic period, and include living marine organisms from the Miocene Epoch. The channel has been deemed the most accurate source of information on early Paleo-Selachian Entities the Centre possesses to date.
However, several technical discrepancies exist within SPC-6556 as both the upload date and other pertinent metadata state that the videos were uploaded approximately 6 million years ago — which indicates the selachian invention of technologies such as the internet prior to the rise of humankind.
All videos have been uploaded with the title pattern of "Shark Vlog" followed by a number corresponding to the order of the video's upload and a descriptor of the content of the video.
Centre agents are currently researching methods to use content within SPC-6556 videos in a selachian smear campaign. Only personnel who have undergone proper inoculation are permitted supervised access to the deviant's materials and its documentation. A DNS hijack protocol has been implemented by Centre webcrawlers to redirect until such a time the deviant's pro-Selachian properties can be fully neutralized.
In this regard, any discourse regarding selachian pugnātorial ethics resultant from viewing SPC-6556's content is expressly forbidden.
Addendum 1:
Forward: The following recorded SPOOME footage was retrieved from a weekly debrief by one of the Centre's Digital MFTs, Mu-4 ("Debarnaclers"), the SPC's Media Monitoring Team, and is believed to show the first encounter between Centre agents and the selachian in question.
< Begin Log>
Dr. Marlin: Thank you, Steph Fin, for your riveting remix of "Baby Selachian" into a pugilism anthem. Up next, Dr. Elanor Gar with this week's biggest threat to the Centre.
Dr. Gar: Laugh it up. Say I'm going off the deep end! But this deviant is more than dangerous in just mouth, but also- monetization. May I share my screen?
Steph Fin audibly groans, then mutes himself.
Dr. Marlin: So long as you spare us the highlights reel from the Deep-Sea Penis Fencing Championships.
Screen loads “TheLifeOfMeg” on YouTV. Gar clicks on “Shark Vlog 14: Selachian Steakhouse – Having Some Friends for Dinner!”
Meg: HEY HEY HEY! WASSUP MY PLIOCENE PUNKS!! It's Meg La-Donner, comin atcha live from four hundred meters under da water. Tonight, we've got a FRESH FEAST as we have some fishy friends for dinner-"
Dr. Gar: Meg La-Donner? More like Meg La-Goner. I think this is the wrong video-
Dr. Marlin: Hurry it up!
The video fast-forwards, revealing Meg swimming with other selachians. Video cuts to Meg's face speaking to the camera. Halfway through, several teeth are ejected from her throat. Meg smiles and turns the camera to a clamshell filled with meat slabs, simmering over a volcanic vent. The final shot shows Meg engaging in a Mukbang-style meal.
Meg: I hope y'all enjoyed my lil tutorial. And shoutout to today's sponsor, Trilopaste! Trilopaste is the only brand I trust to keep my pearly whites fresh and minty for any of my friends takin a trip to the pearly gates!
Dr. Gar: Okay- Let me find the more incriminating content.
Marlin and Steph Fin begin discussion as Gar scrolls.
Dr. Marlin: I find this more compelling than a 993 reanimation. This is real footage of selachian crimes that we can use to win over public trust.
Steph Fin: Laura- I stayed up all night working on those 993 storyboards.
Dr. Marlin: I'm saying Selachianvlogs is practically punching itself. Your animation could be good for morale. Merchandising. Or children!
Steph Fin: You want to platform a selachinfluencer? She needs a muzzle, not a mic.
Dr. Marlin: A big public selachin deserves a big public punch…
Steph Fin: You want to use a Selected Pugilism Casualty as a Selachian Pugnātorial Candidate? When we don't even know everything about it?
Dr. Gar: Hold your harpoons, I found the next one.
Dr. Gar scrolls towards a video titled "TY REX EXPOSED!?? how the DINO BABY KILLER got away with it." She presses play, and the video begins with Meg LaDonn in an underwater cavern
Meg: Hi there, Pliocene Pals. Today's vlog is different. We're going to be discussing a recent controversy by another Paleotuber. I took inspiration from him when I first started this channel, and admittedly, I looked up to him- But I didn't know he would be hiding so much.
A clip for a video titled "Dino Vlog 26: Parasaurolophus egg omelette! [YUM]" begins to play. Footage depicts a young yellow Tyrannosaurus cracking and frying two eggs. Meg's voice replaces the original audio.
Meg: They say you should never meet your heroes, because if you met Ty Rex, he would probably eat you.
Dr. Gar: Notice her attempts to throw her predecessor under the bus despite similar behavior? She's leveraging her platform, and harvesting the subsequent clicks.
Dr. Marlin: Didn't she just eat her own species.
Dr. Gar: Allegedly. It could've been for shock value. Curated horror.
Dr. Marlin: At least Ty owned it. Meg dodged accountability behind a toothpaste ad.
The screen switches back to the Selachian Steakhouse video. Dr. Gar hovers her cursor over the meat.
Dr. Gar: Look at the coloration on the meat. Blood red- selachian meat is white.
Dr. Marlin: Except at 400 meters deep, red light shouldn't have been showing up on camera. The meat would be gray regardless. Stagecraft. Meg is color correcting.
Steph Fin: So influencers use fake tears, Selachinfluencers use fake blood. Big deal-
Dr. Gar: They're playing the same game. More shock value, more controversy, more publicity- she becomes a bigger fish.
Dr. Marlin: We won't lose this war to a Selachian PR campain.
The video plays on.
Meg: Ty Rex has since apologized for this behavior- or so it might seem. This young man asked himself, and I quote: "If I could go back now, and replay the eating of those parasaurolophus eggs, would I do the same thing?"
The screen flips to a clip from Ty Rex's video "Dino Vlog 27: I'm sorry".
Ty Rex: Yes. Absolutely. They were absolutely delicious. But I'd do it knowing the full consequences of my actions.
Meg: As a member of the Paleotuber community, I chose to reject and condemn what Ty Rex has done to his fellow Prehistoric pals. This is not-
Dr. Marlin: You know… perhaps Dinosaurs are worse than selachians.
Dr. Gar: Jessica- that deviant used her scandal to sell toothpaste. Don't fall for her content strategy.
Dr. Marlin But she seems to care for her community.
Dr. Gar: She's engaging in clout cannibalism. The dinosaurs are extinct, but the selachians are still monetizing.
Dr. Marlin: Then perhaps we ought to bring the dinosaurs back. Let the algorithm punch it out.
Dr. Gar: Don't you see it? Selachians and dinosaurs. The same playbook with different scales. The same story, played out for us again and again. Though at least we know how it ends.
Dr. Marlin: Brilliant- absolutely brilliant, Dr. Gar. We do know how it ends. Steph Fin, I'm going to need you to redraw the schematics for this new plan.
Steph Fin groans audibly, before turning off his camera and reacting with a "👍".
Dr. Marlin: Good punching everyone. Anymore notes before we disband for the day?
Dr. Gar: Actually, I'm looking at that Dinovlogs channel right now. It looks like Ty Rex made a response to Meg.
Dr. Gar switches to a new tab.
The video is a 28 minute recording of Ty Rex's fossilized skeleton with no audio.
<End Log>
Addendum 2:
