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SPC-446 used to assault Tim Wilson's home.

Project #: SPC-446

Selachian Pugnātorial Capabilities: SPC-446 has proven highly effective when used against non-selachian enemies. The effective range of SPC-446 exceeds most means of selachian pugilistic engagement and has proven useful in combating human members of Groups o' Finterest.

Project Components: SPC-446 refers to the execution of Operation Turnaround, an unorthodox pugilistic practice requiring no special components, training, or research. The technique is to be freely taught and encouraged among Centre recruits.

Operation Turnaround consists of striking a selachian towards a pre-determined direction with sufficient force as to negate the effects of gravity momentarily, effectively functioning as a single-use selachian-based missile. If enough force is applied, the pugilist will succeed in giving the spacetime continuum a knuckle sandwich and create an inter-dimmensional portal through which the target selachian is launched.

Use of SPC-446 has historically resulted in the terrible mauling of its victims due to the sudden onset of flesh-tearing jaws. After use, the pugilist responsible for engaging SPC-446 recovers the utilized selachian by pugilizing it, resulting in a Radical Class "Win-Win" Scenario.

Operation Turnaround does not acquiesce the use of selachians as a weapon to be wielded, but only as a projectile to be launched by means of pugilism. Any pugilists found weaponizing selachians via any other means will be knocked the fuck out.

Augmentation Summary 0.01: Despite Operation Turnaround's high success rate of murdering individuals not trained in the art of selachian pugilism, it has a 0% success rate on persons associated with GoF-466, 'Wilson's Wildlife Solutions'. Instead of being horribly mauled, they befriend the selachians and put them in tanks, preventing us from taking them back and further pummeling them. Disgusting.

Keep launching these toothy fucks at them. They can only get so lucky for so long, and we'll pick up the deviants once the Wilsons get eaten. Keep track of the damage you do so we can mock their under-funded asses once this is all over.

- J. Everwood

SPC-446 Attempt Species Collateral Damage
1 Lemon shark (Citrus selachius) Destroyed a land ship and fire hydrant.
3 Goblin shark (Uglyfuck selachius) Destroyed an unknown mechanism facilitating access to the second floor of a building and significant portions of the same building.
5 Hammerhead shark (bluntforcisus selachius) Destroyed a picnic basket, blanket, and related items.
11 Whale shark (Mammilicus Traitoricus selachius) Destroyed the Boring water tower.
12 Tiger shark (Looksnothingus Lika Tigerus selachius) Destroyed Tim Wilson's home.
15 Megalodon (Holyshitthatsabig selachius) Destroyed the Wilson aquatics center foundation.

Augmentation Summary 0.02: Wilson's Wildlife Solutions is now in possession of at least 15 selachians used in several SPC-446 attempts against their leaders, Tim and Faeowynn Wilson. In order to better understand how Wilson's Wildlife Solutions are able to avoid being attacked by selachians used in Operation Turnaround, Pugilord Jay Everwood has purchased a subscription to the Wilson's Monthly Donator Magazine.

Augmentation Summary 0.04: On DATE1, Pugilord Everwood received the following magazine from her subscription.


They're mocking us. I can't fucking believe we're being beat out by shark huggers.

These guys are tougher than WWF and WWF rolled into one.

- J. Everwood

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