Head of the Horizon Initiatives external relations division, Daniel Carson, was having a particularly shitty day.
At some level, every day at ChapterHouse 2 was shitty, but after recent events , he felt especially exhausted with it all, from threatening letters, trauma-riddled saints, and badly cropped cognitohazardous shitposts; the Initiative's reputation wasn't exactly thriving within the anomalous community. It wasn't surprising; everyone knew that heavy backlash would follow the erasure of an entire country. However, what bothered Daniel the most was the economic situation of the Initiative.
He knew that they weren't exactly swimming in money by the pained moans & groans emanating from the treasury office, but he assumed that the few allies they had left would be enough to weather the storm until they could recoup.
A frantic call from the director of CH2, Eli Burgess, would quickly dismiss this notion.
"DANNY, MY BOY! SUIT UP, YOU'RE HEADING OUT STAT!"
"Sir, I'm in the middle of the monthly report."
"AND IT'S ALREADY JANUARY! WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME FOR THIS MISSION, BOY, SO GET TO IT!"
An audible sigh rings out.
"What's the mission, sir?"
"COLA! GO TO COLA. I SENT YOU THE COORDINATES!"
"Sir, please quiet down, you're scaring the interns."
"We still get new interns? Huh."
Daniel pinches his nose, beginning to fold the stack of papers in front of him.
"Indeed, we do, sir. But I kindly must ask you to reiterate you're previous statement."
"Imma give it to you straight, danny boy."
"Go on?"
"We're broke as shit."
Daniel drove through the busy streets of Atlanta, Georgia, in a red 1962 Studebaker Avanti, a car Eli forced him to take because of its "Coke bottle styling. " Slowing down to park his car, Daniel looked ahead to see that signature logo of the Coca-Cola company, almost shining in front of the plain white building, which served as its background.
After parking the car and getting his coat, Daniel walked past the bright, decorated foliage to enter the sterile & colorless halls of Cola HQ.
The interior had a claustrophobic feel, like being trapped in a Coke bottle, or just being in a building so shameless in its corporate nature. Daniel moved on regardless, just passing the fitness center before checking his phone for the intrusion Eli gave.
"A-huh, Third floor from the…bottom? Second….hall next to the breakroom, uh-huh, put the bottle cap in the water barr-
THUD
The collision threw Daniel to the ground as he groaned.
"Oh- fuck sorry, man." Daniel looked at the man he had collided with. Mat black suit, golden Cola broach, and slicked-back hair.
"No worries, though you should watch youre footing around here, business moves fast." The man reached out his hand to pull Daniel up.
"You're Mr….. Pemberton correct?"
"And you must be Mr. Carson?"
"Indeed, I certainly wasn't expecting this to be our first impression."
Daniel chuckled nervously, hoping not to have blown it so soon.
"Bah, forget it, let us converse in my office."
"Of course."
Pemberton led Daniel through the building, almost zigzaging along imaginary lines as every hallway got emptier and emptier.
After a long walk down a worn-down staircase, Pemberton takes out a white Cola bottle cap from his pocket. He swipes the cap on an out of place high-tech door, internal machinery opening to reveal a large, dark grey office.
"Say, how do you like it? My apologies for the rather dirty staircase. We haven't done the renovations for the halls leading up to this place yet, though some of us believe it makes things more discreet.
"It's no problem, I'm quite fond of the desi-
Daniel chokes on his words as he sees the head of a man dressed in the colors of Pepsi appearing to be taxidermied like a deer. While it hangs just above the office clock, the being makes shallow moans every other second, begging for death under its shallow breath.
"I-is it a-alive???"
"Not enough for you to be concerned about. Let us get to business, shall we? I am quite busy today."
"V-very well."
Pemberton sits down, inviting Daniel to do the same as he sorts an assortment of documents.
"Now then, Mr. Carson. Before we begin, I would like to ask you how much you know about our organization."
"I know enough to appreciate the reference, Mr. Pemberton."
"Ah, yes, it is standard practice for us to take the name of our founder for anonymity. I must say you are rather informed. You don't see many drivers appreciating a beauty straight out of 1962.
"What can I say? I like to do my research, plus I'm not opposed to cracking open a cold fizz once in a while."
"You need not lie, Mr. Carson. Nobody who drinks cola calls it fizz. Also, we don't have any records of you actually partaking in our product. We here at Coca-Cola highly appreciate honesty, and would like for you to do the same."
"How would you even know?"
"Microchips."
"Oh."
"Anyways. What exactly did you truly come to SODA for today? I'm sure that you are aware of the secular nature of our group."
"Well, in truth, we wish to collaborate on a long-term alliance."
Pemberton cocks his head.
"Am I to assume that this involves the recent destruction of France?"
"In a sense, yes."
"You know, we had quite the operation over there; we lost so many good men back then. I don't see how you can come to face us with such an offer with such a shameless demeanor."
"To start, I wouldn't call those men 'good' like you; we have our ways of judgment. Regardless, our actions in France weren't out of mindless hatred, despite what most believe."
"Even if that were true, why should we risk allying ourselves with such a divisive group?"
"We aren't asking you to start putting crucifixes on bottles. We simply wish for a stable, mutually beneficial collaboration while things settle down."
"And what are these benefits you can provide us?"
Daniel takes a small document from his pocket, showing it to Pemberton.
"What is this?" Pemberton questioned.
"A list of every SCP Foundation front company with ties to PepsiCo. You guys aren't the only group we have allied with since France, you'd be surprised to see how eager people are for some….competition in the veiled world."
"Despite the military competency of our subsidiaries, we will not break the veil nor help you to do us. It would be a death sentence.
"You assume that the Foundation is some impenetrable anchor of the veil. You are severely mistaken. This attitude of complacency is what destroys empires. I say that with firsthand experience, France was the Initiative spreading its wings. So I must ask, how long will you wait until you decide to soar?"
Pemberton sits silently, fiddling with his fingers. Checking the time, he opens a laptop on his desk and rummages through it for three minutes.
"We accept."
"Perfect."
"On one condition."
"O-oh? And what may that be?"
Pemberton flips his laptop, showing Daniel its contents.
"You've gotta be fucki-
ARTEFACT: CCXXXMI
AGT LVL: 1 Liberum
Oscura | Saeculari | Animadverto
Auto de fé: The ASSCAPPER agreement is to be withheld until the Initiative gains sufficient financial backing from SODA.
Corpus: Coca-Cola Co brand bottles made of flexible churchglass silver alloy, manufactured under the ASSCAPPER agreement. Bottles are to be filled with holy water before distribution into the public & Initiative donation zones. Due to the akiva-sensitive material of the bottles, holy water consumed within them will produce the taste of what the consumer believes to be the taste of a standard cola drink. Consumers have reported higher-than-average consumption of products from the Coca-Cola Company post introduction to ARTEFACT: CCXXXMI.
- Autotranscribed by Cherubot.AIC
