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NEW POST
CrossedDown 14:24:38 #1025436
Hey all! Long time reader here. I love this site. I got something for you all, I think. Something weird happened the other night. Middle of the night, yeah? I was sleeping in bed, and bam: the blood-curdling scream of absolute terror made me leap out the bed. I crawled right the fuck under there for quite a time until I mustered myself to look out the window to the alley outside, and I saw right across the way claw marks over the wall tearing it up. What do you all think? Some sorta slasher, serial killer?
ObscuredSofa 14:34:11 #1025440
Iunno, don't mean to be a buzz kill but someone got jumped by a wild animal maybe? Marking territory; probably bit someone.
RobTheBobbies 14:37:55 #1025443
It was those police dogs chewing down on the homeless, no doubt. They gotta keep them used to the taste of humans, probably a bum or something that got caught. Serve the public? It's more like serving the gentry.
DickensLeftFoot 14:50:24 #1025450
What sounds mysterious or paranormal about this? ACAB and all, but you could probably just check in with the police reports to see what went down and if anything was mentioned, or animal control as mentioned. Claw marks or a knife fight? Guessing they're a group of slashes if they're claws? You live on Elm Street or something?
CrossedDown 15:01:33 #1025455
I mean, the marks were across the way, the other wall of the alley right across from my window. I live on the fourth floor.
OneWithClouds 20:43:11 #10225500
Fuckin' kangaroos man.
NEW POST
DailyMailUKPoster 10:05:50 #1022556
Check out today's Daily News issue! Today's headlines: Confirmed sightings of "extinct" Dodo Bird? Is your renovated apartment building haunted? Find out these and more today!AviDEccentric 10:35:44 #1022556
The Dodo Bird is back? YES. WE can eat them AGAIN!
GothicGal 12:10:22 #10222557
Finally…
NEW POST
ObscuredSofa 14:22:45 #1023480
Hey, has anyone seen CrossedDown? I eat my words. Check out the last two weird in Wandsworth! Jumping giants! Giant eff-off claws! It's a fancy dresser, though. At least a urban folk monster has some class, ye?
Also, they're paying cash for any pictures, so any of you late-night insomniacs out there, get some film. $$$$. Hey, maybe they'd take your interview since it seems to have happened before this Mary chick.
OneWithClouds 15:30:10 #1023481
Fuckin' cloud jumper man. I wonder how the views are up there and how he keeps his top hat on? Why his eyes on fire like that? Whatchu think he's smoking?
RobTheBobbies
Bloody Nora, the gentry be drugging out and assaulting the poor. Thatcher, what witchcraft have you wrought down in hell?
CrossedDown 20:21:12 #1023485
Guys I don't live in Wandsworth
HindsightForesight 20:30:34 #1024490
Well, shit. That does not bode well. Well, I'm going to go put some nails in a cricket bat now, cheers.
NEW POST
ConspiracyActivist 09:22:45 #1024550
Good morning, mates. In the light of jumping with giants, apparently, how do we defend ourselves against this incursion of… giant jumping-clawed gentlemen? Reports of their eyes on fire, I don't think pepper spray would work on them.
Do common anti-supernatural methods work? What kind of fiend are we dealing with? Fiery burning eyes may suggest demonic origins, in which case a cross, holy water, or salt might be a deterrent.
Entity usually appears rather well dressed if not old-fashioned. What were Victorian gentlefolk aversed to? They're killing the average citizen so they don't seem weak to poverty, alas. Challenge them to solve a Rubik's cube. Their gentlemanly nature may compel them to accept the challenge, especially if besmirched.
Some gossip going around that this is the doing of the ghost of Thatcher, siccing a proper folk esque demon to deal with us common folk. May we use what got her in the end, a sack of potatoes, to defend ourselves?
Any shotgun certificate holders out there might want to invest in non-lethal rock salt rounds. Won't kill a person but would harm some supernatural types. Alternatively, switch out your birdshot from lead to iron if it's some sort of fae folk like the Irish.
Hell, speaking of fae, just carry an iron pipe around with you; if it's fae, it might work on it. Iron, works on supernatural and natural, hah!
Any more ideas, friends?
Honestly, a cricket bat with iron wire or nails does wonders for all sorts of self-defense.RobTheBobbies 15:45:12 #1024559
Gonna say it. I wish we were American at this point; an armed society is a polite society and all that. They got the first half down, at least.
Who needs to worry about jumping giants or the IRA when you got loads a guns without them pigs chasing after you about it?
RiskeryTom 16:20:55 #1024603
Sack of potatoes at the ready, can confirm works on normals. Awaiting testing on supernatural.
NEW POST
DailyMailUKPoster #1024711
This is just in! Lord May of London speaks of the villainy of the Jumping Giant of Wandsworth as he rolls out more bobbies in response!
Is this an excuse to empower the police against the public? Will we have American-style squads soon laden with lethal weaponry?
Grab today's article! It also includes "Police brutality and you! Know your rights" and self-defense advice against the police and the supernatural!DickensLeftFoot #1024713
ACAB, cheers.
RobTheBobbies #1024714
I'll drink to that! ACAB!
NEW POST
ConcernedConspirator #1026300
Hey, anyone else notice the increase in… I don't know what to call them. Rent-a-cops? Private security firms? Corpo-cops? Mercenaries? Class traitors?
I get stuff has been crazy, especially with preparation for the Olympics and all, which is still quite a while away, but what the fuck is it coming to when we're hiring armed mercenaries to police people instead of fixing the goddamned issues? The cost of eggs is crazy; we're literally having people shot in the streets like we're Americans while we're supposed to be showing the world how great England is.
How do we handle foreign guns that have no issue shootin' us over minor stuff? Frickin' miss the cops man.ObscuredCouch #1026304
All… mercs are bastards? Seriously though, with however much money they're shelling out, they should be fixing our issues, bloody politicians.
NEW POST
DailyMailUKPoster #1026444
Today's news! IRA Bio Terrorists spread across England & Scotland, targeting women! You know these frightening jumping giants! Well, here we are today with a groundbreaking expose on their origins funded by the paddies.
The Olympics are around the corner; what other bio-terrorism does the IRA have in store? Illegally genetically modified athletes? Should the Olympic Committee be screening participating athletes for modified genomes?
More on why Genetically Modified Organisms (GMOs) could be dangerous, and we're not just talking about the man-eating tomatoes!
Alternatively, seek out these Home Lab kits to work on modifying DNA in the comfort of your own home! Don't let the bio-terrorists win; become a "Bio-Patriot" today! For Queen & Country.OneWithClouds #1026446
I knew that tomato was looking at me funny, mate.
On the flip side, smoking isn't eating them. I wonder if I could make my herb garden more interesting.
NEW POST
DickensLeftFoot #1026503
It's the anniversary of the witch's death. Rest in piss, you hag. Ironically something to thank the IRA for. Maybe they can work on getting rid of the corpo-cop mercs next since they're just shooting everyone.
ObscuredCouch #1026504
Huh, cheers to the IRA! We can come together against shitty politicians, I suppose, bleedin' us all dry, I suppose.
RobTheBobbies| #1026505
Cheers, fuck the government!
DrunkenSailorRadio #1026506
A pint to you, you bombing bastards! Get more securo-corp and not us.
CricketsNNails #1026507
All it took for us to come together were the rich being bastards and a giant fucking demon man. What the fuck, mate.