First day on the job, and you've already been called up to the Site Director. Obviously, you haven't done anything wrong. No. Between learning the ropes and finding the ins and outs of this place there’s been no time to screw anything up. But the email is clear: You have been summoned to attend Director Arch's introduction to Site-387.
You do some asking around, but eventually enough of the older-looking staff roll their eyes and point you towards a maintenance door labelled "site 387 here". The writing made out of Legos doesn't scream official, but what are you going to do? Risk ignoring a direct order from the Site Director?
The door leads down to a large, dingy room, completely devoid of any features apart from some trash in the corners and the only illuminated object, a large, central table taking up most of the space. Before your eyes can adjust to allow you to take in the mass of tiny bricks on the table, an old bearded man jolts to face you.
"Beccathy! I've been waiting for you!"
"AH!- Shit, dude… You can't just…"
You compose yourself and manage to get a good look at him; A pale, goulish man with sunken eyes, who had clearly not eaten a proper meal in a while. He definitely doesn't look like a Site Director, but his badge says otherwise.
"Umm… Apologies for that. And just Becca, thanks. A pleasure to meet you-"
"-Site Director Arch, yes."
Really? Him?
"Yes, I'm here about the email regarding Site-387."
Almost as if a handler activated his trigger phrase, Site Director Arch lights up like an ambush predator spotting prey and scrambles away to retrieve a small blue paper booklet.
"Good, yes! Read this! Now."
"Thank you… Sir."
You gingerly accept the booklet and start reading it. Site Director Arch hovers over your shoulder, probably to read along.
SCP Foundation Secure Facility Dossier
Site-387
Official Designation: SCP Foundation Incidental Anomaly Containment and Research Facility
Site Identification Code: OKIRK-Site-387
General Information
Constructed: 07/02/2014
Founder & Director: Ferris Arch
Location: Remodelled Site-19 basement
Site Overview
Site-387 is the Foundation's smallest site, being a 1:42 scale replica of the more prominent areas of Site-19 built primarily out of SCP-387. It contains several replicas of other anomalies the Foundation has already contained; these replicas also imitate the anomalous properties of the original but are only able to affect structures composed of Legos. Site-387 functions almost identically to Site-19 with some adjustments to accommodate the minifigures.
Experimentation of these sub-anomalies has been pushed by the Ethics Committee due to their safety and replaceability. Although the sub-anomalies can be destroyed and rebuilt easily, destroying entities made out of SCP-387 has been proven to be unethical due to their apparent sapience equivalent to their real-life counterpart. This is why most sub-anomalies are contained in containment chambers similar to their non-Lego counterparts.
Site-387 is staffed by minifigures identical to the current staff of Site-19. They are fully sentient and are protected under the SCP Foundation Human Rights Act. Communication between them and the Foundation at large is carried out by Site Director Arch using electronic Lego parts. Housing is provided for the employees in the table space outside and below Site-387 where a number of buildings have been constructed to facilitate them, as well as some generic minifigures for enrichment. Each staff member directly correlates to the individual creating them, so new staff members are required to create a minifigure of themself when they are first employed or their previous minifigure is disassembled.
Site-387 was constructed solely by Site Director Arch during a containment breach when he was locked inside the storage room where SCP-387 was stored. During those 28 hours, it was discovered that SCP-387 can replicate most anomalous effects, as well as individual personalities. Following this incident, Site Director Arch managed to convince the O5 Council to create Site-387, arguing that it would be a simple way to conduct experiments on dangerous anomalies without any risk of danger or containment breaches. It was eventually passed with the support of the Ethics Committee, who overlooked the implications of replaceable personnel. Arch has remained the director and sole human staff member of Site-387 given the lack of any other interested personnel.
Seriously? He's just the director of a glorified Lego room.
"Let me guess, you want me to make you a staff member?" You prod.
"Shhhhh no interrupting" Mutters the Director quickly.
"We still haven't gotten to the best paaart yet!" He sings. "Ms. Moose said I can write whatever I wanted here!"
You are slowly losing your patience. But hey, after this is done, you just have to hope your minfigure doesn't die and you'll never have to come back to this… Depressing basement.
Contained Anomalies
Site-387 contains nearly every anomaly that Site-19 does. However, most anomalies are simply contained in an enclosed cube since entities made out of SCP-387 require no upkeep aside from a bimonthly dusting. Because of that, only a select few anomalies that are commonly used in testing are listed below:
SCP-173-Brick
Director Arch's Notes: This little fucker's one of the worst things to contain in the non-brick Site-19, luckily, minifigs don't need to blink. So I just removed the legs from some D-class and put them in its cell. In fact, the little guy's pretty harmless really, it can't snap necks anymore since minifig necks can just rotate back.
Sometimes I use it to practice my staring. It may not have eyes, but the way it looks at me… I could get lost in those blank, painted studs all day. And I have! I'm very good at staring contests now!
SCP-049-Brick
Director Arch's Notes: 049 is different. He's no longer his harsh, zombifying self. He is… different. His crass beak is softer. His mysterious cloak is open. The Pestilence cannot infect bricks, so 049 passes his time by talking to the staff. Alleviated from his problems, he is kinder now. He talks to me, and even though he sees the sickness in me, he loves me anyway. But, we can never touch, for he is brick, and I am meat. I have sworn to never make myself a minifig, but 049 makes it challenging.
Although it pains me so, I have had to lock him away from me, for both of our protection. The depravity of the flesh must never meet the lust of Legos.
SCP-096-Brick
Director Arch's Notes: Don't worry, this image is safe, it only goes after minifigs, which gave me a lot of opportunity to test out some questions with it! The reason they hired me in the first place, really. In fact, so many people were curious that four whole real-life people (or as I like to call them, megafigures), came down to Site-387! And three of them even meant to come here! So here are some things I found out in testing:
Yes, it can get you on a plane, it just jumps. No, it cannot get you in space, it just stares at your exact position until you come back to Earth. No, you cannot seduce it. Saying that it's actually very handsome only works for a bit. Showing it a mirror forces it into a depression state. Yes, it can fit both its hands in its mouth, but you have to detach them, minifig arms don't bend like that. No, it cannot survive in the sun, it is plastic. Yes, it can swim and is shockingly good at it. We're pretty sure it can't speak, the most we've gotten was a very high-pitched squeal when we showed it SCP-729-J-Brick.
re-assembled afterwards.
SCP-682-Brick
Director Arch's Notes: I tried, I really did. It's still unbreakable. I tried almost everything on the termination logs, I even used a brick separator. But no results. The bricks just crawl back to each other, or regrow, or duplicate, or whatever.
The silver lining; even though it still hates all life, it can't do much against us megafigs. If it adapts too many times, I build another one and bury the previous one in concrete. It's also a little cutie pie. I mean, the way it talks about ending all life in its little chipmunk voice is just adorable. I keep one in a jar on my desk for entertainment. Ms Moose says I make too many 682s, but she hasn't been down here since this place was founded, so I think I'm good. The 682 that's contained in Site-387 has to be contained in acetone since I'm not allowed to use hydrochloric acid anymore.
Is that everything? Can you go now? The director yanks away the "dossier" and throws it onto the second, smaller desk you didn't notice earlier. Probably because it's piled under so many stacks of take-out food, parts, litter, and what was once a mattress, that you simply assumed it was a trash pile.
Anyways, you start leaving at as brisk a pace that politeness would allow. As you reach the stairs, Arch grabs your shoulder. Your entire body freezes. Rigid as a cheap plastic brick.
"No no no. You can't leave yet."
Oh fuck.
"You forgot your minifigure!"
You consider breaking past his hold and never turning back, but that's more trouble than it's worth. He is technically a Site Director, after all. You peer into the red tub he conveniently presented and pick out some parts that make up the most important part of you: Torso, legs, head, and hair.
He grabs it and holds it right up to his face, one eye at the minifigure and one at you. After an awkward few seconds, he places her in the SCP-682-B containment cell.
"What the hell!" You shout.
"Hehe. Rite of passage. Just make another one."
Disgusted, you make another one. "I may have brought you into this world. But you're Arch's now. I'm so sorry." You whisper to your self before eternally handing over her soul to the Director.
Arch simply plucks her and drops her off with SCP-131-B. He continues toying around with her. While he's preoccupied with finding a suitable job for your plastic doppelganger, you tiptoe out of the basement before he asks you to make another one. Re-emerging into the nice clean halls of Site-19 you take in a breath of the nice fresh-ish air. You hope your minifigure won't get the separator.
You notice a whiteboard opposite the door you must have missed earlier. It reads: "Site-387 minifigure death count: 5603". You sigh and change the number.