SCP-????-J Extended Log

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NOTE TO ALL RESEARCH STAFF

All locking mechanisms related to the opening of SCP-????-J's container must be properly logged here. The following format must be utilized:

Name:
Date:
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Name: J.R. T██████ Lees
Date: 26/10/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Trivia Test Must answer correctly at least 7 of 10 questions on a variety of pop culture topics Completed after three tries1
Name: Advanced AI-NCD
Date: 21/11/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Wheel of Fortune Must spin the wheel and try to answer the phrases correctly CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WON ONE MILLION DOLLARS!2
Name: Y. P. L███████
Date: 29/11/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Memetic Agents Five extremely powerful antimemetic agents covering a button, which needed to be pressed Unsolved3
Name: Dr. Brim
Date: 30/11/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Solar System Trivia Must name all of the planets in the solar system Completed by Dr. ███████4
Name: Dr. I█████
Date: 2/12/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Verbal Statement Must confess a sincere love of Jar Jar Binks Completed by Junior Researcher █████████5
Name: Advanced AI-NCD
Date: 5/12/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Computer Test Must document an anomaly via computer Created a slot on 'Joke SCPs', created an anomaly and failed6
Name: Dr. Brim
Date: 6/12/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
A tray containing five glasses of pop, similar in color and taste to [REDACTED]-[REDACTED] brand cola Identify the brand of the sodas presented Incomplete7
Name: Dr. Brim
Date: 6/12/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
A miniature version of SCP-682 subtitled "Kill the lizard" We need to kill it. Anything that didn't work on the real 682 won't work here Incomplete8
Name: Dr. Niblic
Date: 7/7/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Tongue Twister Must say a tongue twister without any mispronunciations. Any vocalizations made by the speaker are telepathically repeated to them after a 0.5-second delay Complete
Broken Finger A completion bar increases for every finger broken by a resident of Dedoroto, Arizona. Complete9
Spin Must spin for 10 minutes with arms outstretched Complete
Garden Gnome Box dispenses a garden gnome every 24 hours. Mechanism locks itself if a garden gnome is removed from the containment chamber or is facing away from the box Complete
Name: Dr. Edison
Date: 7/8/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Crowbox A wooden box that must be opened with a specialized crowbar. Crowbar is inside the box Incomplete
Skeleton-In-The-Box [DATA EXPUNGED] whereupon a skeleton popped out No survivors
Atlas Shrugged A copy of the book Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. The book must be read in a single sitting No survivors
Don't touch me! A red button that expresses annoyance when pushed. To unlock, subject must *not* touch the button, but must instead hold his finger above the button and say "I'm not touching you!" for 15 minutes Completed
[DATA EXPUNGED] To disengage the lock, a subject who is of Welsh decent must perform a two-man version of William Shakespeare's Macbeth with the help of a trained Grizzly Bear no more than 12 years of age, while simultaneously gargling Listerine-brand mouthwash on a prime-numbered day of the month during an ongoing containment breach of SCP-████, but only when it is an overcast in Phoenix, Arizona unless Dr. Alto Clef is within 6 feet of a beagle wearing a "Groucho Marx disguise" Completed by accident
Name: Advanced AI-NCD
Date: 11/8/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
SCP-789-J Must interact with SCP-789-J See Footnote 1010
Name: Dr. Brim
Date: 9/12/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
A tin of Altoids Dr. Clef must consume an entire tin of Altoids in one sitting Complete, no survivors11
Name: Dr. Izza
Date: 01/01/2018
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
"Always look on the bright side of life" by Eric Idle "Always look on the bright side of life" will be played for 10 hours without pause Attempted. Result: Incomplete12
Dynamite Two kilograms of TNT dynamite will be lit on fire with one lighter No survivors13
SCP-666-J Dr. Gerald will drive a bicycle near the box No survivors with the exception of Dr. Gerald14
SCP-001-J SCP-001-J will be pushed Incomplete15
Name: Y. P. L███████
Date: 8/01/2018
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Miniature SCP-2719 Use SCP-2719 to go inside something Completed16
Name: Dr. Walker
Date: 8/08/18
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Limes Five limes dispensed from the hole in the box, along with a note reading "Go suck a lime, assholes". Having all five members of the research team suck on said limes disengaged mechanism Completed
Apple seeds Roughly eighty (80) tonnes of apple seeds exhuded from SCP-????-J's container No solution found17
Orbit Box rapidly gains density, causing small objects to orbit container Use of SCP-536 on SCP-????-J's container approved by O5 council18 No solution found
Name: Dr. Narinski
Date: 10/18/19
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Large steel vault door A Hilti dd350 core drill materialized onto a vulnerable point of the vault door when 4 personnel stool in specific pattern19 100m away from the door Completed, (20), (21)
Name:[REDACTED FOR PRIVACY]
Date:10/20/19
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
3 cm radius hole with two LEDs above it22 Can be opened by any key, except SCP-005 Completed, easily
SCP-005 must be inserted into standard locking mechanism Upon discovery of lock, SCP-005 disappeared from containment. The only reason the foundation knows that SCP-005 must be inserted into the keyhole is a note next to the hole saying "Please insert SCP-005 to continue." Incident labeled (SCP-????-J/SCP-005)-DIS. Incomplete. SCP-005 still not retrieved
Name: Dr. Spooks
Date: 02/01/20
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Satisfactory Speech Personnel are to please SCP-????-J's container through speech Completed23
Sports 12 personnel are to play any sport they may prefer for five hours without pause. Completed24
Name: Dr. Whomst'd've
Date: 31.7.2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
ball throw A Foundation standard-issue softball was thrown at SCP-????-J Complete
ball catch A large and handsomely muscular humanoid arm appeared sticking out of SCP-????-J, covered in an intricate full-sleeve tattoo depicting SCP-????-J engaging in various sordid and vile acts with SCP-527. The arm proceeded to manifest a Foundation standard-issue softball and throw it at the nearby Security Officer McSecurityofficerface, who caught it in mid-air Complete
ball run SCP-????-J manifested a large exercise ball, with a loud and quite rude robot voice instructing the nearby Security Officer McSecurityofficerface to "run on the ball like A MAN, you lil' shit" Incomplete. Security Officer McSecurityofficerface was promptly instructed to stop skipping leg day
ball kick SCP-????-J manifested a pair of large and handsomely muscular humanoid legs wearing a pair of equally large and equally handsome high heels and a pair of perhaps even larger but slightly less handsome hammer pants. Legs were promptly kicked in the crotch by a nearby Security Officer McSecurityofficerface, who had entered a rage state after falling off an exercise ball Complete
shoot ball SCP-????-J transformed into a Suomi KP/-31 submachine gun, modified to include the actual damn box in place of the cartridge. A nearby Security Officer McSecurityofficerface, who had entered a rage state after falling off an exercise ball again, aimed the patriotically named submachine gun between the legs of Dr. Whomst'd've and pulled the trigger Complete. Dr. Whomst'd've's left testicle has been declared KIA, and was posthumously nominated for the Alto Clef Award for Itching Horribly at the Most Inappropriate of Times before being buried in a Foundation standard-issue testicular burial ceremony attended only by Dr. Whomst'd've, his closest friends and family, and that one creepy Ethics Committee member who looks like former Finnish president Urho Kekkonen if former Finnish president Urho Kekkonen had sniffed glue since preschool and who always shows up for Foundation standard-issue testicular burial ceremonies
dong touch [DATA EXPUNGED] Ew
memes Security Officer McSecurityofficerface, along with his buddies Dr. van Doctorbutt and Janitor Janitorarmpit Jr, wrote and performed a five-act theatre production based on a rage comic from like 2007 Complete. Security Officer McSecurityofficerface, along with his buddies Dr. van Doctorbutt and Janitor Janitorarmpit Jr, were all demoted to D-class by Dr. Whomst'd've25
Name: Y. P. L███████
Date: 22/8/2019
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
SCP Joke One researcher must tell a joke involving an SCP to a wall-mounted face Complete26
Name: Advanced AI-NCD
Date: 09/09/2021
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Super Meat Boy Should play Super Meat Boy and get past Dr. Fetus Failed.27
WW█ 2K17 Must fight Brock Lesnar with The Undertaker on WrestleMania 30 Failed28
Name: Dr. ████████
Date: 1/4/2022
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
List of SCPs Had to list every single SCP's number, name, and give a short description. Impossible due to certain SCPs29

Name: Dr. Westrin
Date: 18/12/17

Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
List all known XK scenarios Subject was required to list every single XK scenario that the Foundation has documented. Completed30
Name: Dr. Henry
Date: 01/08/18
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Hippocratic Chicken Perform one surgery and completely fail to uphold the Hippocratic oath while succeeding. Completed31
Name: Dr. Doctor
Date: 06/04/18
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Practical Joke A thumbtack was dispensed from SCP-????-J. Subject had to place thumbtack on any O5's chair. Not Completed
Mario Odyssey Jump Rope SCP-????-J dispensed a Nintendo Switch, pre-loaded with Super Mario Odyssey. Subject had to attain a score of at least 300 on the "Jump-Rope Challenge" without cheating. Theoretically impossible
Name: Dr. L██████
Date: 17/09/18
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Bait Subject was required to descriptively tell SCP-????-J about ●●|●●●●●|●●|● Incomplete. 17 Casualties so far.
Name: Doctor Methusela
Date: 1-18-2009
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Oral Researcher Benjamin Lyleton must explain Memetics in a way that is equal to or greater in length than Doctor Sort's dissertation on the subject. Lyleton stood up in front of an auditorium of all the on-site staff, picked up a mic, and proceeded to go on a six-hour tirade on how, really, memetics is all about comprehension and meaning. Lock opened after the first five minutes. Lyleton placed on disciplinary leave immediately afterward on charges of unnecessary torture of subjects.

Namesplapped: Dr. Spanko
Date: Cack

Lock Type: Explainerate: Notes:
Stranglefruit Consumption Stranglefruit for mouthstuffs, elaborate on Kentucky? Cack! Galpitate the string-wing and cease. Profound appeasement to gargle bare o' square! Shallforth happenated.

Name: Dr. C. Rystlon
Date: 1/7/2018

Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Reverse Lock Lock is unlocked while at least one other lock is locked. Lock locks when all other locks are unlocked. Incomplete
Pay to Unlock $1,000,000,000.04 US dollars are to be deposited into a slot on the box. Incomplete. Money has been deposited into the box, but has not unlocked.
Button Pressing button created another box around the original box, complete with other locking mechanisms. Fuck.

Name: Dr. A. Dero
Date: 1/7/2018

Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
MEEP MEEP Lock is unlocked when a subject is shown the entire first season of roadrunner without laughing. Completed32

Name: Dr. Regn
Date: 2/2/1019

Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Solid Reasoning The Box requires a 5,000-word essay on why the Foundation feels they need to open it, as well as what they would do with what they found inside. Said essay must comply with the guidelines established in MLA Style Manual and Guide to Scholarly Publishing, second edition (1998). Complete33
The Impossible Campaign The Box will dispense an oaken table and three chairs, as well as a complete collection of Gary Gygax’s Dungeons & Dragons First Edition. A party of three players must complete the campaign Tomb of Horrors34 using level two characters. The game is run by The Box. Theoretically Possible, Incomplete3536

Name: Dr. Shelster
Date: 4/26/2019

Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Hit Those Notes Perform the song "Take On Me" by a-ha and sing all of the notes correctly Complete37

Name: Dr. Matism
Date: 5/2/2019

Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Staring Contest Win in a staring contest against SCP-096 Impossible38

Name Dr. Aiden
Date 5/8/19

Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
How many fingers? Temporarily blinds you and then asks you "How many fingers am I holding up?" Complete39

Name Researcher Toast
Date 5/21/19

Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Truth or Dare? If answer is "Truth", you will be asked "Who do you like?" If answer is "Dare", you will be told "I dare you to tell me who you like" After 13 attempts from staff and D-Class personnel, this has been marked as impossible.

Name: Researcher Hart
Date: 9/13/19

Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Heinous Introduce somebody to the box who has committed all seven deadly sins. Completed accidentally when a member of senior staff entered the room.

Name: Researcher Humphrey
Date: 12/28/19

Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Allergies!!!! A humanoid with a shellfish allergy must feed the box 10 clams. Completed after 3 tries and 2 casualties40.
The Big, Shiny, Beautiful, Red Button Go ahead. Push it. You know you want to. Do. It. Now. Incomplete. Complete.41
Screaming Contest A cartoonish mouth on a megaphone comes from a side of the box. Item must be beat in screaming contest. Completed by D-38538, subject lost voice and hearing for several weeks.

Name: Dr. Quincy S. Pook
Date: 3/2/2020

Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Kahoot The Box will dispense 8 Samsung Galaxy J3 Eclipse's and a monitor will show the starting screen for a standard, 20 question Kahoot game about SCP attributes. However, the participants must have a school-appropriate username. Completed42
Star Wars A monitor on the side of the box will play Star Wars Episodes 1-9, Rogue One, Solo, The Mandalorian, Gonk Droid, and every season of Star vs The Forces of Evil and Star Wars: The Clone Wars. The participant must watch all films in one sitting. Completed
Nose Picking A humanoid nose manifests on the side of the box. A person has to [DATA EXPUNGED] the nose Incomplete43
No Nut November A D-Class subject is instructed not to [DATA EXPUNGED] during the entire month of November Completed after 27 tries
Name: Dr. Oekn
Date: 4/13/2020
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
D.D.R. The Box will manifest a Dance Dance Revolution dance board and participant score a perfect on PSMO with no assistance Theoretically possible, Incomplete
Good Day Box produced a slip of paper that instructed Dr. Oekn to "have a nice day" Incomplete
Geography Must correctly list all 50 states in the United States of America Completed by Dr. ████████44
Name:Junior Researcher Mattiews
Date:4/24/2020
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Lost Rivers Survive listening to Lost Rivers played at 1██dB for 2 hours Completed.45
Name: Dr. "K"
Date: 17/5/2020
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
A rock and a keyboard Type a detailed description of the rock. Incompl46
Fuck you An unmarked red button that, when activated, resets all previously completed locking mechanisms through various anomalous means. Completed…?47
Name: Junior Researcher Philip Researcher Bertha
Date: 7/14/2020
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Cool Math Time A calculator is dispensed from the box, and a keypad develops on its front side. Solve the equation "9 + 10" using the provided equipment. Completed after 1 casualty.48
Name: Dr. Pepper
Date: 8/21/2020
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Verbal Statement Dictate to the box the reason why the Chicken crossed the road. Research Ongoing.
Name: Researcher Hayden
Date: 12/15/20
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Die D-43829 was ordered to press the button Completed, D-43829 died when a hand extended from the box and choked him to death49
Name: Dr. Calhoun
Date: 1/13/21
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Have a Gamer Moment A microphone along with a controller belonging to an unknown gaming console were dispersed from an opening in the box. D-67834 was ordered to shout expletives and insults over a microphone, along with proclaim that he had fornicated with another person's mother. Completed, however D-67834 reported hearing insults said back to him.50
Name: Dr. Oekn
Date: 1/18/2021
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Bonk A wooden mallet will manifest, and strike the subject on the top of the head, while a cartoon "Bonk" noise plays. Completed51
Name: Dr. Ser Bokal
Date: 2/2/2021
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Nations Subject must sing God Save the Queen to the tune of the State Anthem of the Russian Federation in a truly accurate French accent while wearing traditional Ghanaian clothing. Can only be done while bagpipes and an accordion play in the background to the tune of the Brazilian National Anthem while the box and subject is in Pyongyang, North Korea. The singer must be holding the National Flag of the People's Republic of China the entire time. A note attached to the lock claims that the consumption of saganaki beforehand will "make everything go faster", though it does not specify how. Incomplete. Theoretically possible, but nobody has had the energy to keep track of it all at the same time without getting extremely confused.
Name: Dr. Boots
Date: 5/20/2021
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Jumping Jacks Subject must do 500 jumping jacks without any breaks. Complete52
Impossible Fight Everyone in the same room as SCP-????-J must fight an exact replica of themselves and win. Impossible
Paradox Subject was asked the question "Is your answer to this question any form of no?" Incomplete53
Name: Dr. Kelp
Date: 18/06/2021
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Scary Movie Marathon A chair and CRT television extended from the left side of The Box along with a collection of 50's Horror movies54 totaling 10 hours in length. Pending Ethics Committee review55
Name: Dr. Nin
Date: 09/01/2021
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Gender? I never even met her! Subject was asked to explain how they viewed gender. Completed56
Name: Dr. Pine
Date: 01/09/2021
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
"Scary Movie" Marathon A chair and LCD television extended from the left side of The Box along with a box containing every movie in the "Scary Movie" film series57 totaling 7 hours and 5 minutes in length. Incomplete58
Name: Dr. West
Date: 09/13/2021
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Hug Subject was asked to give the box a hug. Completed
Name: Dr. ArchAngel
Date: 11/9/2021
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Guitar Hero An LCD screen and a controller from the Guitar Hero video game franchise appear. The screen displays the game Guitar Hero 3: Legends of Rock on the main title screen. After scrolling through the menu (occasionally making mistakes or "misclicks"), it eventually settles on the song "Through The Fire And The Flames" on Expert difficulty. Subject must complete the song on this difficulty without missing a single note. Completed after five hours of play.59
Name: Dr. Datrix
Date: 11/11/2021
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Photo of SCP-096 A photograph taken of SCP-096 at ██/██/██ No survivors60
Name: Dr. Lilac
Date: 12/15/21
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Harry Read the entire Harry Potter series in one sitting. Completed61
Cancelled Tell a offensive joke on the popular social media platform Twitter. Accidentally Completed
Education Listen to a 6 hour lecture on college-level mathematics. Completed by D-3957362
Name Researcher Galiak
Date 2/25/2022
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
SCP-173 A singular D-class must survive 10 hours in SCP-173’s containment cell with no other observation. Completed after 18 casualties63
Name: Dr. Valgard
Date: 3/1/2022
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Influenza Rapid Antigen Test Drop a sample of influenza-infected nasal mucus into a designated sample well. Completed64
Brain Surgery A synthetic human skull with an open cranium. A bullet must be extracted without causing significant damage to the surrounding brain matter. Incomplete
Chug! Chug! Chug! A yard glass full of beer. The beer must be ingested in its entirety in less than twenty (20) seconds. Completed65
Name: Jr. Researcher Graff
Date: 4/8/2022
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Browser History Search Read out loud your search history from the past week. If your browsing history is deemed “clean” by the lock the lock will be unlocked.66 Incomplete
WORLD RECORD BREAKER Break the world record for stages completed in scratch knife hit.67 Completed68
Lock-pick a lock Use your lock picking skills to pick a standard padlock.6970 Completed
Name: Researcher Neil Leinnes
Date: 11/28/2022
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Brain Fuckery Do not lie when saying the statement "this is a lie." Completed71
Name: Dr. Freemen
Date: 1/10/2023
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Gun Cleaning Field-strip a Colt M1911 in under 10 seconds. Completed72
Name: Dr. Researcher
Date: 1/10/2023
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
True Identity Determine the true identity of one (1) O5 Council member. Approved by O5 CouncilDenied.73
Name: Guest Researcher ███████
Date: 13/13/213274
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Time-Space Anomaly Must go to the future to press a button that WILL exist, eventually. Will eventually be completed.
Footnotes
collaborationresearcher-jamessupplement
page revision: 242, last edited: 31 Mar 2023 17:05
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