rating: +812+x
Serious Note

The following article was generated by loading 3000+ SCPs into the Botnik predictive keyboard app.

Aside from some minor formatting edits, everything presented below is taken verbatim from the results.

Please note that this was done in 2018, back when the idea of a computer trying to write like a person was just a silly novelty.

Item #: SCP-3004

Object Class: Euclid Safe

Special Containment Procedures: The searches are not optional. Information pertaining to SCP-3003 is to be suppressed until confirmation of the appendicitis diagnosis (blood). Individuals exposed to SCP-3505 must be administered Class-B amnestics and repurposed as the feast. In order to ensure that no members of the public are able to view SCP-3006, it must have written permission from Site-28 Roget to take over the Gulf of Mexico.

Procedure Lambda Manos is to remain constantly monitored for possible issues with the following:

  • Breakfast sensation
  • Initiating flight path through the skin layer
  • Silly crab productions
  • Agent Cooper's sexual education
  • Facility Director Shirley Gillespie and the smell her body is wrapped in

Dr. Oswald is currently available for further details.1 Deceased relatives are no help.

Description: SCP-3004 refers to a 2 km2 area of landmass deep in ape corpses piled outside Mongolia. A single living instance is currently believed to absorb nutrients directly from a sock full of dead insects and pigeons. Within SCP-3007, no specimen of balaenoptera (another placental mammal) vessels have been found in the location other than cloud types.

Protruding from SCP-1762 is a male humanoid figure approximately five corpses tall. The subject is able to exert an extreme amount of food products filled with spherical members from its body. Further investigation revealed the composition of its body to be an infinitely special holiday stuff.2 When questioned, the subject reported itself to be made of softened materials incapable of being communist.

SCP-3007 has been found to produce fragrance with its corpse creatures. Clinging to the top layer is a very slight minty smell, thought to originate from further beneath the shroud.

Addendum: SCP-2282 was discovered after reports of males becoming inexplicably harmless people were recovered. All personnel assigned to SCP-2003 have been found completely emptied of contents. Removing their dead bodies started feeling kind of formal, and the smell was later described as "crispy sex pirates".

Agent Maxwell lost some vital minutes before abandoning flesh itself.

Dr. Oswald: I want to talk to you directly into the transcript.

Agent Maxwell: Copy that. What makes sense to you is worthless to me. Father wanted a fresh source of noise, and we wanted a good time. All the memories I've written on the back of his skin have become a single footnote in his head.

Dr. Oswald: Why do you still have anything to do the face protruding from behind me?

Agent Maxwell: I was pretty much the only Foundation personnel in the area. No more perpetual snake species. Apart from my mouth, the whole world felt alien. The effect had turned my hand to a skeletal golem. This place probably spread beyond its body and watched as I cried. All I could think was, "this asshole killed my fucking sass threshold."

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