SCP-9595-J-1 instance.
Item #: SCP-9595-J
Object Class: Neutralized Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Further SCP-9595-J manifestations are to be ignored until such a time when they can be abated by a HAZMAT-equipped team. SCP-9595-J-1 and SCP-9595-J-2 instances are to be abated in the Site-55 incinerator by said HAZMAT-equipped team.
Description: SCP-9595-J refers to a phenomenon occurring on October 25th, 2017 in the Site-55 break room. During the SCP-9595-J event, boxes of pizza (sub-designated SCP-9595-J-1) appeared upon the break room tables. A letter printed on 8.5 x 11 copy paper appeared alongside the boxes of SCP-9595-J-1.
A copy of the letter and its contents has been digitally replicated below.
Enjoy the pizza party.
Courtesy of your friends at the Fire Suppression Department.
- Michelle Iverson
Addendum 9595-J.1: SCP-9595-J-1 and SCP-9595-J-2 instances were removed by a HAZMAT team called in by Agent Hart after reading the note. The boxes and contents within were taken to the Site's incinerator and abated without issue. The SCP-9595-J file was opened shortly thereafter.
Addendum 9595-J.2: On October 25th, 2018, SCP-9595-J occurred again, with the addition of garlic knot boxes. The following is a log of security footage from the second occurrence of SCP-9595-J.
<BEGIN LOG>
Researcher Rex: Has anyone..?
[Gestures at the pizzas]
Agent Hart: No. You're more than welcome to be the first, though.
Researcher Rex: Yeah no, I— I think I'm good. Thanks.
Researcher Waters: Think it's a trap?
Doctor Everwood: It has the FSD's name on it. It is absolutely a trap.
Researcher Waters: Sure, but what would be the goal here? Isn't their whole deal related to personnel retention?
Researcher Odonye: They probably spike the pizza with something. Like those chemicals they put in the water to make you more suggestible and docile.
Agent Hart: Whatever, man. All I know is, I'm not touching that.
Researcher Rex: I'm gonna go ask them about it.
Doctor Everwood: Are you crazy?! Who knows what they'll do to you if you do that!
Researcher Odonye: Or the rest of us, for that matter.
Researcher Rex: Can't be worse than whatever these mind games are. I'm sick of it. Two years in a row this happens. Isn't it bad enough that we have to deal with the shit we do? I'm marching up to Iverson's office right now and demanding answers.
Agent Hart: Your funeral.
<END LOG>
<BEGIN LOG>
[Researcher Rex knocks on a door labeled "FSD".]
Researcher Rex: Come on.
[A woman opens the door. She looks at him with a smile and gestures for Rex to enter.]
Iverson: Come on in, Mister Alces.
Researcher Rex: Cut the crap, Iverson. What's with the pizza? What's in it? What are you trying to do?
Iverson: What? It's just pizza.
Researcher Rex: Bullshit. Where is it coming from? Did you spike them with something? Are they going to MK Ultra me?
Iverson: Calm down, kid. No. The Site has been doing an excellent job the last two years and we wanted to reward you guys. Simple as that.
Researcher Rex: … what?
Iverson: Yeah. It's a simple pizza party. Did you seriously expect us to engage in skullduggery? We're perfectly capable of operating above board, thank you very much.
Researcher Rex: … so you sent the pizza?
Iverson: Of course. Call your friends, tell them to feast. They've earned it.
[Rex sighs and pulls out his phone from his pocket. He dials his supervisor, Doctor Everwood, and puts it on speaker.]
Doctor Everwood: Yeah, Rex?
Researcher Rex: Talked to Iverson.
Doctor Everwood: And?
Researcher Rex: Normal pizza. Apparently we earned a pizza party for doing good as a Site.
Doctor Everwood: I see. Well, that tracks, I guess. Alright, everyone, dig into the pizza and garlic knots!
[Rex hangs up and stuffs the phone in his pocket.]
Iverson: Garlic knots? Did they say garlic knots?
Researcher Rex: Yeah? Why?
Iverson: I don't recall ordering garlic knots. I— oh no.
Researcher Rex: What?
Iverson: It's the fucking Garlic Knot Freak.
Researcher Rex: The what freak?
Iverson: We need to get an MTF in there before he kills everyone.
Researcher Rex: What?!
<END LOG>
Addendum 9595-J.3: Aftermath of 2018 manifestation.
There were no survivors.
