But really, where does the Foundation get their lab coats?
Dr. Harper with their modified SCP-9563-1 instance.
Item #: SCP-9563
Clearance: Level 4 (Secret)
Object Class: Thaumiel/Yesod1
Special Containment Procedures: The Department of Vestments has been created to contain and communicate with SCP-9563. The Department of Vestments is to operate under the cover story of being responsible for manufacturing clothing items and tactical gear for the Foundation.
On a monthly basis, a member of the Department of Tactical Theology with an ambient Akiva2 reading of >90 is to commune with SCP-9563 and present statistical reports on the safety and mortality rates of Foundation personnel across all facilities. In the event of catastrophic loss or injury, artificial numbers may be engineered to soothe SCP-9563.
Upon employment, every member of Foundation personnel is to be given an appropriate SCP-9563-1 instance. Personnel may submit requests for resizing, modification, and replacement of SCP-9563-1 instances through the Department of Vestments' email, which are to be then delivered to SCP-9563. Personnel who are not involved with the Department of Vestments are to be led to believe that all SCP-9563-1 instances in their possession are non-anomalous.
Under no circumstances are Foundation personnel to wear non-anomalous lab coats, tactical gear, or uniforms within any facility.3
Description: SCP-9563 is a Class-X incorporeal ontokinetic entity currently using the alias "Charlotte". Since ████/██/██, SCP-9563 has been in a self-imposed pact of loyalty to the Foundation and its employees.
SCP-9563 has a vested interest in Foundation operations, particularly the health and physical safety of personnel. SCP-9563 has been permitted to create items of clothing (designated SCP-9563-1) in order to fulfill its desire to "protect" the Foundation's personnel without breaking the Veil.
SCP-9563-1.
SCP-9563-1 instances demonstrate heightened durability and have proven difficult to misplace. Equipping SCP-9563-1 instances have various effects on the wearer, including:
- Positive probability manipulation
- Heightened work ethic, job satisfaction, and self-esteem
- Narrative plot armor4
SCP-9563 is able to sense the state and location of SCP-9563-1 instances and has been instrumental in retrieving ~194 lost personnel in the last decade. Additionally, SCP-9563-1 instances have been observed losing their anomalous properties when possessed by individuals unaffiliated with the Foundation.5
Individuals with a Cognitive Resistance Value of <16 are unable to perceive SCP-9563-1's anomalous effects.
Addendum 9563.1: Log of SCP-9563-1 Requests
Notice from the Department of Vestments: Requests of the following nature are forbidden to make.
- Clothing items that are unnecessary in Foundation operations, such as accessories, personal clothing, and costumes.
- Modifications that may expose the wearer to additional harm such as lab coats of excessive length, non-standard tactical gear, and ill-fitting adjustments.6
| Requesting Personnel | Request | Outcome | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Researcher Pauline Vuong | "Any chance I could get the mushroom embroidered patch on the collar removed? I'd do it myself but I'm really busy this week. I'm really sorry for the hassle." | Request approved. | SCP-9563 insisted on Department of Vestments staff personally reassuring Researcher Vuong that they need not apologize. |
| Dr. Daxon Willard Galloway | "I'd like my lab coat to be green. Not bright eye-bleeding green, but not emerald green either. Something forest-y, but don't make it that blue-tinted. Just… green. Don't mess this up." | Request approved. | Upon receiving his new SCP-9563-1 instance, Dr. Galloway confirmed that it was the exact shade he wanted. |
| Dr. Placeholder McDoctorate | "Could I get a red lab coat with the VOLATILITY symbol as a design/accent with straps on it like a straitjacket? Yeah, I'm fine, why do you ask? It's about the principle." | Request approved. | Despite Dr. PHMD's recent erratic behavior, this modification was permitted because "he has that shit on." |
| Dr. William Wettle | "Is it possible to make me a stain-proof tear-proof non-flammable non-slip lab coat? Please?" | Request denied. | Dr. Wettle has been given mild disciplinary action for making requests as a joke.7 |
Addendum 9563.2: Incident 9563-B
On 2025/10/12, during a monthly update, Tactical Theology representative Kevin White made an error in presenting the statistical reports to SCP-9563.
<BEGIN LOG>
White: And not to mention, we've had a steep drop-off in D-Class mortality rates-
SCP-9563: Sorry, what-class?
White: D… Class… shit.
SCP-9563: I have never heard of this 'D-Class' being a part of your Foundation. Are they new? You didn't tell me you added a new type of employee? I always wondered why you had Class A, B, C, and E, but no D.
White turns to the officer monitoring the communion and gestures for backup.
White: Yeah, uh. They… we've always had them. They're disposable test subjects.
SCP-9563 is silent. White grimaces.
SCP-9563: What.
White: Well, SCP-9563, that about sums it up for our monthly-
White yelps as his SCP-9563-1 instance becomes animate and pins him to his chair.
SCP-9563: No, we're not done here. How long have you had them?
White: …A while.
SCP-9563: And you've been making them do tests? Dangerous ones?
White: Yes.
A pause.
SCP-9563: You know you all can tell me anything, right?
White: Look, Charlotte, we found it unnecessary to inform you of our D-Class since we do not consider them proper employees. They are paying their dues. We acquire D-Class from death row, so they have committed grave crimes against others. You do not want to protect them.
SCP-9563: And has my Foundation not committed grave crimes against others in the name of 'containment'? Yet I forgive. Yet I love.
White tries to break free of SCP-9563’s grip.
White: It's not the same…
SCP-9563: You hesitate? But you know it's the truth. I've looked after all of you for years, and this is how you repay me? By hiding from me? By lying?
White: I sincerely apologize, Charlotte. Is there any way we can fix this? Please, have mercy on us. We operate with secrecy, we did not mean for us to blind your eyes as well.
SCP-9563 pauses, and White draws in a deep breath.
SCP-9563: I will clothe them. Let me clothe them.
White: You… want to give the D-Class SCP-9563-1 instances?
The SCP-9563-1 instance goes limp, and White sits up straight.
SCP-9563: Yes. And whoever else under the Foundation who I might not know about. You won't lie to me again, will you?
White gestures to call off backup.
White: Yes. We'll… uh… need to discuss this. Is that alright?
SCP-9563: Yes, arrange a meeting! I love when you little sweethearts wear the suits I make. Go on!
The SCP-9563-1 instance's left collar folds up to caress White's face as he nods stiffly.
White: Right. Bye.
White waves and attempts to sever his connection to SCP-9563, but his SCP-9563-1 instance holds his arms in place.
SCP-9563: Aren't you forgetting something?
White: (hesitant) What- oh, right. We love you, Charlotte.
SCP-9563 releases White.
SCP-9563: I love all of you too. Goodbye, sweetie!
<END LOG>
The Department of Human Resources and the Overseer Council are presently debating whether to accept SCP-9563’s new stipulations.