Item #: SCP-9061
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-9061 is to be held within a standard containment locker when not in use for testing, interviews, or other approved activities.
Description: SCP-9061 is a brass hand bell with a mahogany handle and ornate engravings around the exterior. When rung, an entity referred to as SCP-9061-1 will anomalously manifest within line of sight and inquire what it needs to "clean," or where a "mess" is. SCP-9061-1 appears as a Caucasian woman in her late twenties with unkempt brown hair and an exaggerated East End London (Cockney) accent, in attire reminiscent of a Victorian-era housemaid. When directed to "clean" any location, object, or individual that can be verbally framed as a "mess," SCP-9061-1 will do so via any mundane or anomalous means necessary for satisfactory completion. While cooperative and non-hostile, SCP-9061-1 displays a generally apathetic and sometimes irritable demeanor, the source of its irritation most often being directives during testing or questions it deems to be redundant.
Addendum 01: SCP-9061 was discovered with the following hand-written note:
Dear Sir/Madame,
My utmost greetings! You very likely don't know me, and if you do, you certainly don't know of my… proclivities. Consider this note as my confession, a heartfelt proclamation of my true self to whomever may be listening. I am a murderer. Over many decades, I have personally killed eighty-two different people. Of these people, only a few were ever confirmed to have been murdered, and there was no evidence pointing to myself or anyone else.
How did I manage this? Well, my precious reader, I'm sure you noticed the bell you found in the same box as this note. That bell is a very special little thing, though I'm told there are a few others like it. I say this with sincerity: were it not for the little darling in that bell, I would have been caught years ago. Each and every victim she disposed of without a single trace, utterly out of sight and mind. It is to her I owe my many years of fun, and I cannot thank her enough.
Sadly, it would seem that old age has finally caught up to me, and I simply lack the mobility to continue my little hobby. It is then with a heavy heart that I gift my little darling to whomever may happen across her. Use her how you wish; I only request that you treat her with respect.
Sincerely,
A monster.
P.S.: Do you know what's ironic? I never once had her actually clean my house.
While the note itself shows no anomalous traits, requests to turn it over to the FBI's Unusual Incidents Unit have been denied for security concerns.
Addendum 02:
SCP-9061-1 Interview 1:
Interviewer: Researcher Bryce O'Leary
[BEGIN LOG]
O'Leary: Am I good? Yeah? Dope. Alrighty, first official contact with SCP-9061-1, here we go.
O'Leary rings SCP-9061
SCP-9061-1 manifests
SCP-9061-1: And where's the mess now?
O'Leary: Um, no mess. I was just hoping to ask you some questions.
SCP-9061-1 becomes visibly frustrated
SCP-9061-1: Is that a request?
O'Leary: Well, uh, yeah.
SCP-9061-1 aggressively sits down in the seat across from O'Leary
SCP-9061-1: Well then, spit 'em out.
O'Leary: Right, uh, what is your definition of a "mess"?
SCP-9061-1: Anything that needs cleanin'.
O'Leary: What would you do if you were asked to "clean" the wreckage of a large earthquake or similar disaster?
SCP-9061-1: Clean it, obviously.
O'Leary: What would you do if you were asked to "clean" a person's diseased or otherwise infected internal organ?
SCP-9061-1: You some kinda fuckin' tosser? I'd clean it.
O'Leary: Do you have the necessary medical expertise for such a—
SCP-9061-1 stands up aggressively
SCP-9061-1: That is it! You waste my time, ask me a bunch of trivial bloody inquiries, then you have the absolute balls to question my skill!
O'Leary: I-I promise no offense was intended!
SCP-9061-1: I'll have you know I have plenty of cleanin' expertise! Good day!
SCP-9061-1 de-manifests
[END LOG]
Addendum 02:
SCP-9061-1 Test 1
"Mess": Vacant humanoid containment cell intentionally littered with waste from site cafeteria.
Result: SCP-9061-1 manifested with the necessary cleaning implements already on its person. It finished and de-manifested within exactly one minute.
SCP-9061-1 Test 9
"Mess": D-92752's lungs, which had developed a benign tumor.
Result: SCP-9061-1 sighed and tied its hair into a ponytail before de-manifesting. Seconds later, D-92752 became unconscious, awakening exactly four hours later. SCP-9061-1 did not manifest again. D-92752's tumor was later confirmed to be completely removed.
SCP-9061-1 Test 17
"Mess": Wreckage of a 1993 Ford F-150 obtained from a junkyard.
Result: SCP-9061-1 manifested and momentarily observed the wreckage before whispering profanity and de-manifesting alongside the wreckage. Neither re-manifested at any point.
SCP-9061-1 Test 18
"Mess": Remains of a previously deceased D-Class individual, number reassigned.
Result: SCP-9061-1 manifested but seemed startled by the sight of the body. SCP-9061-1 paced back and forth for several minutes before sitting in the corner and vocalizing to itself.
SCP-9061-1: No, please…
SCP-9061-1 puts its hands in its hair and begins to take deep breaths
SCP-9061-1: Please, not again…
SCP-9061-1 begins to hyperventilate and weep
SCP-9061-1: I thought it was over…
This continued for several minutes before SCP-9061-1 de-manifested alongside the cadaver. Neither re-manifested again, though a note, presumably written by SCP-9061-1, did manifest, reading: "Apologies for freakin' out on ya'. Won't happen again."
Addendum 03:
SCP-9061-1 Interview 2:
Interviewer: Researcher Ashley Stevens
[BEGIN LOG]
Stevens: Second official interview for SCP-9061-1, conducted in regards to SCP-9061-1's peculiar reaction to Test 17.
Stevens rings SCP-9061
SCP-9061-1 manifests
SCP-9061-1 is visibly tired
SCP-9061-1: Just point me to the work…
Stevens: Greetings. I'm aware your last interview didn't end on an ideal note, but we noticed that you appeared to show signs of distress during your last test. Would you be willing to answer some questions regarding the cause of your distress? We would like to take steps to avoid your discomfort if possible.
SCP-9061-1: Look, I already bloody apologized, yeah? It was just a little slip-up. Have you never fucked up at work?
Stevens: Is your distress related to your previous owner?
SCP-9061-1: Boss.
Stevens: Is the term "owner" inaccurate?
SCP-9061-1 lowers its head and remains silent for several seconds
SCP-9061-1: No. But I still prefer "boss," if ya' don't mind.
Stevens: Very well.
SCP-9061-1: As for your question… it was that guy, but not just him. It's most of my bosses.
Stevens: Could you elaborate?
SCP-9061-1 becomes visibly angry
SCP-9061-1: What do ya' fuckin' think?! I've been used to dispose of bodies, cure cancer, tornado relief. One bird back in '78 even used me as a bloody Plan B! And all that's just left one question at the back of my mind.
Stevens: What's that?
SCP-9061-1 slams its fists on the table
SCP-9061-1: Do none of you bellends have a dirty fuckin' floor?! A shelf that needs dustin'?! A single bloody thing?! Do you see the outfit? What is it?
Stevens: A… maid dress?
SCP-9061-1: And do maids cure cancer or dispose of murder victims?
Stevens: Not traditionally.
SCP-9061-1: Anything clickin' into place?
Stevens: I could see how that may be upsetting.
SCP-9061-1 leans back in its seat
SCP-9061-1: I just wish I was like the others…
Stevens: Pardon?
SCP-9061-1 chuckles
SCP-9061-1: A few of us were made. Servants that come when called and do whatever their boss tells them, each with their own little bell. Dunno where the rest ended up, but I know I'm the first. Which means I've got the most mistakes…
Stevens: We'll look into that. But in regards to you, do you have any official requests in order to ease your distress? They will need to be approved, but we do value the comfort of entities in our custody.
SCP-9061-1: I just… I just wanna do normal bloody maid things. Why's it gotta be all illegal or supernatural shit all the time?
Stevens: I'll pass it along to the powers that be.
SCP-9061-1: I… thanks.
SCP-9061-1 de-manifests
[END LOG]
Addendum 04: