Anomalous items in preliminary containment, awaiting SCP-9033 designations.
Item #: SCP-90331
Object Class: Thaumiel
Special Containment Procedures: All new SCP entries are to be approved by at least one researcher of level 3 clearance or higher before being added to the main database. Pre-existing SCP's receiving a new designation require approval from at least one researcher of level 4 clearance or higher.
Researchers tasked with designations are to reference the existing database to ensure there are no contradictions with pending entries, and to locate any deviances (whether anomalous or not) in standard filing and behaviours with said entries. .AIC's are available to assist with these tasks.
Description: SCP-9033 is the procedure in which SCP objects are sorted in the database. Certain anomalies are effected by attempts to categorise and describe them, which therefore necessitates certain SCP slots being reserved or repurposed for appropriate containment. In anomalies where such procedures aren't applicable, it has been found that SCP's with random designations have been subject to incidents such as containment breaches, damage, loss, and unintended neutralisation at a higher rate than those with intentional designations. The reason for this is unknown.
Addendum 9033-1: Dr. Mulligan's statement on the nature of SCP-9033.
Any of you who have worked here long enough have definitely noticed that SCP items aren't coherently designated. You'd think we'd give them a number based on when we discovered them, but no. Maybe some of you have kept this to yourself because you were afraid of being amnestised for noticing too much. I'm writing this primarily to calm you guys down, and assure you we're not trying to keep this secret. That, and to clarify some things which aren't immediately clear from the conprocs.
Whilst it's true an SCP's designation can be part of how it's contained - for example, a mathematical anomaly that can only be assigned prime numbers - that's not the whole purpose of SCP-9033. We have reason to believe numbers in of themselves are, at least in part, anomalous.
We have evidence of this, some of the oldest anomalies we've kept contained are mathematical in nature. Numbers hold power, they hold deep meaning. People can get attached to them, or fixate on patterns that aren't there. Sure, some SCP's assignments are cheap jokes from bored researchers (we will not be reopening slots with the numbers 69 or 420 in them any time soon, so you can all stop putting in reassignment requests), and some of the researchers have certain slots reserved just because they like the consistency of having the same number every time they submit a new entry, these decisions are made with no less levity than the rest of our containment methods. We've had containment breaches simply because the researcher overseeing a file typed one wrong number in the title.
That's not to say you need to start fretting over whatever designation you end up having when writing up your own files. You've made it this far into your career after all, and we're proud of each and every one of you. Almost 10,000 anomalies in containment, not even including lower priority anomalous items we have in storage? When I first started working here we had barely half that number. And that's on the work of all you reading this ramble of mine! Yet, more anomalies to contain means more numbers we have to pour over, more files we have to make sure don't mess with any other files, more submissions to approve, and so on.
But as long as you all follow SCP-9033, you should be fine. Some of you think it's needless to do this with every new file, but, and I realise this is a pretty bold ask, you'll have to trust us on this. Research into the anomaly is ongoing, and my inbox is open to further questions and insults.
Try not to work too hard, alright guys?
- Dr. Mulligan, lead researcher on SCP-9033
Addendum 9033-2: Interview.
Interviewed: Dr. Bark, assistant researcher assigned to SCP-9033.
Interviewer: Site Director █████.
Foreword: After initial implementation of SCP-9033 protocols, Dr. Bark was asked to elaborate more on its purpose and its own containment procedures.
<Begin Log>
█████: Doesn't this all seem a little unnecessary?
Dr. Bark: With all due respect, did you even read the description? I thought we made it pretty clear why it's necessary.
█████: You explained why you think it's necessary, with a vague explanation as to what you think it does.
Dr. Bark: Alright. While we have no direct evidence of a causal link between SCP-9033 and issues with filing and containment, you got me there, there is a correlation between SCP-9033 procedures being followed and fewer incidents with other items. SCP-9033 has already been approved, if you have any issues with it you can take it up with Mulligan. He'll probably just tell you to ask an O5 though.
█████: Hmm. Right. Do you have any ideas about how this "correlation" occurs?
Dr. Bark: None I'm going to write any papers about… However, I have a personal theory. Some of my friends who study pataphysics, whatever that is, talk about reality being something not wholly constant. Changes to consensus normality being disregarded as poor memory, time being messed with, that sort of thing.
█████: You think some reality bender is messing with the database… Just because?
Dr. Bark: That's not… Well, I suppose it's possible, we've both seen weirder cra— Stuff, I'm sure. What I mean is, maybe the database itself has some rules it has to follow? Occasionally prune or adjust itself to reflect what it should be, and our jobs being a little harder is a side effect of that.
█████ stares at Dr. Bark in silence.
Dr. Bark: … That's just conjecture on my part, though.
█████: There's still one issue. How do you make sure SCP-9033 isn't subjected to its own anomaly?
Dr. Bark: That was one of the trickier parts of figuring this thing out. We needed to have some form of coordination when it came to its number, but we also couldn't pick a specific number in case it would be needed later for some other anomaly. So, we did something simple, something that we could always undo later with nothing more than an email chain.
█████: And that would be?
Dr. Bark: We… We put it to a vote.
<End Log>