rating: +324+x

This is the very model of an: SCP-900-J
Its object class is: Keter, so we'd rather that you'd stay away.
So follow to the letter these procedures for its keeping-in:
A cell at Site-11's what this creature should be sleeping in.
The walls are sealed hermetically with seven-layered steel doors each,
And anyone who says its name, we'll fill their head and veins with bleach.
Description: of 900-J is delicate, to say the least.
To put it most politely, it's a putrid planet-eating beast!
Its surname's a cognitohazard, first initial W.
(Just say "900-J" so that its name can never trouble you)
In short, a hostile monster that can class a day with X and K!
Let's lock it up and let it rot, this SCP-900-J.

This nasty beast was captured and discovered in a slaughterhouse.
Reports arose of disappearances of Foreman Stanislaus
And all of his subordinates in ways no one could understand
(With possible involvement of an agent from the Serpent's Hand).
Should SCP-900-J escape in a containment breach,
The world would be blown into bits from London to Daytona Beach!
It has no good intentions, and it thinks of humankind as lunch.
It even called my mom a piece of data I will now [EXPUNGE]!
To keep this beastie in a box is in itself impossible,
Though hell if we won't try, 'cause we're the ones you hold responsible,
The keepers of the human race, Foundation's here to save the day!
(We're running out of Thaumiels - can someone kill 900-J?)

Addendum from the fifth of May: It's gone, we don't know where it went.
It vaporized MTF Delta-10 (and told it to "get bent").
Two thirty-one is missing, too, the Scarlet King is furious,
Six eighty-two is terrified, but 9-9-9 is curious.
I hoped I'd never see the day that this would trickle out my lips:
900-J intends to start a revolution of the scips!
The Overseer council's saying prayers and going underground,
and called scenario Alpha-K, the-planet's-gone-to-Torture-Town!
Humanity's survival isn't looking very plausible,
So light up a 420-J and pray for the impossible—
Or take some hard amnestics, just enough of them to make you say
You never heard of anything called SCP-900-J.

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