SCP-887 Log
rating: +174+x

This is a log of the decoded and assembled output of SCP-887. Researchers are encouraged to volunteer at decoding the massive backlog of content.

Researcher: Dr. Zara

Sample 887-2930: Twelve pages written in Latin, mixed with French. The text describes a political system in which the movements of the tides are used to determine the next government. The text later veers into an unusual level of detail regarding the outfits one should wear in such tide-selecting ceremonies.

Sample 887-3114: Eight pages of a crudely-drawn comic describing "Captain Backwards", his ability to enact an action after its effect and how he uses it to fight crime. The comic ends by Captain Backwards destroying himself to retroactively create the universe.

Sample 887-4011: 133 pages, written in corrupted Esperanto. A thorough description of the contents of an unwed maiden's bedroom as it existed in a seventeenth-century European city (specific location is undetermined at this time).

Sample 887-4281: A single page with five lines drawn diagonally across it with seventeen dots interspersed, in the manner of a musical notation staff. The resulting score, when played with pure tones through a synthesizer, induces seizures and short-term anterograde amnesia in 85% of the observed subjects.

Sample 887-5102: Fifteen pages covered in curved lines. A brilliant deductive effort by Dr. ██████ determined these to be contiguous sections of a single level map, depicting a 30 km² area of the surface of Saturn's moon Enceladus. Seven points in the map are circled.

Sample 887-5227: Four pages, English. A formal proposal to the United States government to introduce an eighth day to the week. This day would be employed in spiritual contemplation and the worship of pagan divinities the document calls "under-represented".

Sample 887-5836: Three pages covered with hexadecimal numbers, then torn into narrow strips. The assembled document was deciphered as machine code for a hardware driver called "LGCL_XPNDR".

Sample 887-6334: Three pages. A word-by-word replication of the primary report on SCP-657, with the exception he is called "Bernard".

Sample 887-3877: Eight pages, German. A folkloric tale of a boy born without a heart, who ventures into the woods and acquires one from a friendly old woman. He grows up and marries a beautiful lady, who dies giving birth to a demon that devours both.

Sample 887-4710: 96 pages, Akkadian. An extended research article on the properties of naturally occurring "earth lines", and how one might use them for transportation of cargo and projectiles. Several devices intended to employ these properties, built out of wood and lodestone, are outlined.

Sample 887-5005: Five pages, English. 272 different misspellings of the word "anthropomorphization".

Sample 887-9912: Six pages, Latin. A star chart clearly modeled after medieval European charts, but without any recognizable celestial body dispositions. Fourteen constellations are labeled: Pegasus, Sextans (sextant), Centaurus, Chimaera, Cygnus (swan), Lancea (lance), Trilobus (trilobite), Aranea (spider), Nonavulpecula (nine-tailed fox), Caudavorae ("tail-eater", apparently a self-devouring serpent), ████████, ██████, ████ ████████ and Leolacertus (lion lizard)

Sample 887-6776: 2353 pages, English. The phrase "Does the black moon howl?" repeated over 27 thousand times.

Sample 887-8312: 14 pages plus 22 sections of other pages. 637 names, 382 of which have been matched to professional photographers of over 30 nationalities. Research suggests most, if not all, have captured pictures of petroglyphs and scenery around Kata Tjuta and Uluru/Ayers Rock in Australia.

Sample 887-0566: 490 pages, Spanish. A story called "La última aventura de Don Quijote" and attributed to Miguel de Cervantes. While the first few pages are a reasonable simile of Cervantes' style, the narration becomes confused and then outright nonsense afterwards - notably, Dulcinea's dialogue is unintelligible, and Sancho spends several chapters repeatedly crawling out of a muddy pool.

Researcher: Researcher Voct

Sample 887-3162: 38 sonnets in what was identified as medieval Flemish (Antwerp dialect); each sonnet describes in allegorical terms the lives and political accomplishments of a deceased President of the United States; the last line of each sonnet is the President's last words, and the first several words of each sonnet form an acrostic representing a Latinized version of the President's name.

Sample 887-3788: The names and birth weights (in grams) of every member of the Parliament of Lithuania, beginning in 1991.
Note: Produced via SCP-978.

Sample 887-3789: The names of every attendee of the 1969 Woodstock Music Festival, in reverse alphabetical order.
Note: Produced via SCP-978.

Sample 887-3790: A list of 45 methods with which to permanently destroy SCP-682. Each method relies on the use of an SCP or related item which has died, been destroyed, or is otherwise permanently unavailable.

Sample 887- 5516: Five pages from the journal of SCP-451, written in mirror-reversed Pig Latin.

Sample 887-1486: Two thousand villanelles, each of which describes an SCP.

Sample 887-0094: Five hundred and eighteen pages of episode synopses, dialogue excerpts, annotations, critical reception, and "bloopers", for seventy-two episodes of the animated comedy The Simpsons, in the format used by popular Simpsons fansite ████.com. Analysis indicates that the episodes are predicated on the Simpsons characters having aged in real time beginning in 1997.

Sample 887-0908: One thousand six hundred and eleven pages of messages posted to an Internet mailing list dedicated to writing "slashfic" (amateur romantic/homoerotic fiction) about the past and present members of the United States Supreme Court; content includes critiques, unfinished drafts, and analyses of judicial decisions in terms of erotic value.

Sample 887-0944: Sketches of human dental records, labeled as belonging to the members of Jimmy Carter's presidential cabinet (identified by birth name and cabinet portfolio), dated to the last month of Carter's administration. Names and portfolios are misspelled, but sketches have been assessed by Foundation forensic dentists as plausible extrapolations of known medical data for the individuals in question.

Researcher: Dr. Sampi

Sample 887-6510: Thirty-one pages, in English. An extensive bio-ethics paper from the █████████ University Philosophy Department, condemning the practice of transplanting the brain from one's dying body into the body of one's youngest child.

Researcher: Dr. Edison

Sample 887-2310: Scripts for a Japanese dub of the first season of "I Love Lucy".

Sample 887-1810: A report on the founding of the Panama Canal. The report is written with a style and vocabulary consistent with an 11-year-old child.

Sample 887-3132: 500 pages of pure source code, seemingly unorganized, and written in C++. Efforts to compile code are ongoing, but comments indicate the program is [DATA EXPUNGED].

Sample 887-3137: 47 pages of Hexadecimal code. Code successfully compiles into a PNG image of Dr. ████████ in a speedo. Dr. ████████ claims no such picture was taken.

Sample 887-0031: Map of a country called "Lemuria", written in English, Circa 18██. "Lemuria" refers to a hypothetical land bridge that was thought to connect Madagascar with the rest of Africa, only to be disproved with the theory of continental drift. The map does not correspond with any known geography, above or below water. Interestingly, the capital of the nation is called "Atlantis".

Sample 887-5893: An extremely clever, detailed, and well-thought-out plan to assassinate Ronald Reagan and replace him with a Soviet spy.

Sample 887-5894: An extremely clever, detailed, and well-thought-out plan to assassinate Leonid Brezhnev and replace him with an American spy.

Sample 887-4324: A short story supposedly written by J.D. Salinger, meant as a prequel to The Great Gatsby.

Sample 887-2331: A complete roster of the Boy Scouts of America, circa 1983.

Sample 887-1123: A selection of random passages that begin with the letter "A", pulled from various "holy" texts. The most common texts cited were (in order): the Bible, the Koran, Dianetics, and the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Sample 887-4333: The words "HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!"

Sample 887-9913: A list of exactly 743 ways to skin a cat.

Sample 887-1111: The musical score for "SCP Foundation, The Musical"

Sample 887-1426: A Buddhist self-help book titled "Reincarnation & Nirvana: how YOU can beat the system!"

Sample 887-2361: A list of things a man named ████ █ ███ has eaten for breakfast.

Sample 887-4521: Blueprints for a 1:1 scale model of the Tower of London, built entirely out of toothpicks.

Sample 887-1802: An exhaustive list of every person ever theorized to have been William Shakespeare, complete with detailed bibliographic citations. This not only includes common theories (such as Sir Francis Bacon and the Earl of Oxford), but also impossible theories such as Queen Victoria, Cervantes De Leon, and Bram Stoker.

Researcher: Dr. King

Sample 887-6667: A schematic of poorly-rendered Chinese ideograms, linked by lines and curves, spanning 3 pages. The ideograms are names of chemical elements, and the schematic depicts the atomic structure of the amygdalin molecule.

Hey, isn't amygdalin found in… - Dr. ██████

Shh. - Dr. ██████

Researcher: Dr. Bridge

Sample 887-6228: 132 pages, in the style of a journal written in the second person, detailing the life of a juvenile Australian saltwater crocodile. Begins at its hatching day, ending abruptly as the crocodile is eaten by a larger crocodile of the freshwater variety.

Sample 887-8979: A list of the birth dates of every child with the first name of "Matthew" born during a month ending in "y" in the states of New York, New Hampshire and New Jersey between the years of 1936 and 1977.

Sample 887-3338: Blueprints for a Nintendo 64 game cartridge.

Sample 887-0277: The script for the first seven episodes of "That 70s Show", words written backwards.

Sample 887-0923: An extremely crude, if overly detailed, drawing of what seems to be SCP-914. Drawing is quite smeared from SCP-887's hand brushing over it during construction.

Sample 887-8558: A large, multi-page drawing of "King Ghidorah", a monster from the Godzilla film series.

Sample 887-2387: Page 443 of the 1977 Encyclopedia Britannica, written in chatspeak.
Note: Produced via SCP-978.

Researcher: Dr. J██████

Sample 887-3265: Pages 345 through 371 of "A History of the Second Russo-Belgian War", detailing the political and strategic justifications for detonating a device referred to as 'Theta-Nine' 30 km above Gdansk. Effects of the detonation are not documented.

Sample 887-8754: A list of the dates and times that a woman named W██████ S███████ has visited public toilets. The record covers the period from 1988 to 1995.

Sample 887-1676: An autopsy report for an unnamed 13-year-old girl, dated 12 May 2008. The cause of death is listed as 'asphyxiation due to plant matter blocking the trachea'.

Sample 887-3557: A roughly A4-size sketch of actress Milla Jovovich, labelled in the bottom as '13 of 393'

Researcher: Prof. Snider

Sample 887-6543: Seventy-eight post-it notes written in Mandarin Chinese, each one listing a single item typically found in a bathroom (toothbrush, toilet, shower cap, plunger, etc.).

Sample 887-1220: A detailed and illustrated list of every single part of a La-Z-Boy recliner, written upon a similar recliner in black sharpie marker. The total price of all items is included.

Sample 887-0332: When recovered, sample was a pile of broken glass with seemingly random strokes of green paint applied to each shard. When placed back together, the paint strokes formed the phrase "THIS WINDOW IS BROKEN".

Sample 887-4449: An 81-page young adult story written in English titled "The Fabulous Findings of Funky Ferret". The story is about the titular "Funky Ferret" who aspires to be a pirate and ends up going into space. The story ends abruptly in the middle of a sentence, in which Funky Ferret is sword-fighting with a robot pirate captain.

Sample 887-0887: One hundred and twelve sentences written in Spanish, each one announcing which number sentence it was ("This is the first sentence. This is the second sentence. This is the third sentence…")

Researcher: Dr. Garcia

Sample 887-2665: Copy of Kriegsmarine nautical chart of the Gulf of St. Lawrence, with legend (in German) dating the chart to November 1943.

Sample 887-2666: A play, written in Greek. The play is entitled "The Babylonians" and is in the style of Aristophanes. Aristophanes is believed to have written a play by that title in approximately 426 BCE but no copies of the text are extant.

Sample 887-2667: An extremely detailed log of observations of a 31-year-old woman named Agnes Cooper, covering a 26-minute period on October 18, 2004. The log describes the subject's movements, heart rate and body temperature fluctuations as she shops for groceries at a Piggly-Wiggly market in Nashville, Tennessee. The log is written in Afrikaans.

Sample 887-2668: A set of maintenance records for forklifts and cranes at Gdańsk Shipyard in Poland, dated from 1992 to 2016.

Sample 887-2674: Several pages of machine-readable bar codes, corresponding to ten-digit numbers. The significance of the numbers is unknown.

Sample 887-2676: A series of chess problems, designed using a 13 x 9 square-chessboard.

Sample 887-2677: Solutions to crossword puzzles published in the Sacramento Bee newspaper between July 23, 1971 and August 15, 1973.

Sample 887-2680: The character "g", repeated approximately 85,000 times. The document contains a table of contents, headings and subheadings, footnotes and handwritten marginal notes in a different handwriting, all consisting only of repetitions of the letter "g", but punctuated and formatted as if it comprised meaningful text.

Sample 887-2681: A map showing the locations of all Correios de Angola postal system mailboxes in Cabinda, Angola.

Sample 887-2682: Chinese horoscopes for all current roster players in the National Hockey League.

Sample 887-2684: A transcript of a Nahuatl-language conversation between two speakers. One of the speakers was named "Heart of Jaguar"; the other speaker is not named in the conversation. The conversation discusses weather conditions in central Mexico and the timing of a prospective military attack by the Aztecs on a neighboring Tarascan settlement; the attack evidently took place in the year 1508.

Sample 887-2685: A log of lightning strikes in Cuba over a 16-year period beginning in 1906. The log reports the date, time, longitude-latitude coordinates and energy of each strike. The log is written in Javanese.

Sample 887-2686: A series of motor vehicle certificates of title for hearses owned by funeral homes in Appleton, Wisconsin.

Sample 887-2689: A copy of several sections of a New Zealand statute regulating the use of asbestos. The text is transcribed in Pitman shorthand, indicating that the statute had been recited by a speaker with a strong Minnesota accent.

Sample 887-2690: Several versions of a description of the path taken by an ant walking across a floor in SCP-887's containment chamber. These include narrative descriptions in Serbian, in Haitian Creole and in Vietnamese; a long series of programming commands in the Logo programming language; an extended figurative description in Sanskrit mimicking the style of the Mahabharata; and a series of arithmetic functions using Mayan notation to express numbers.

Sample 887-2691: A fatwa, written in Farsi, discussing the times when an observant Muslim should pray and the direction he should face while traveling through seven-dimensional space-time in excess of the speed of light.

Sample 887-2692: A jeremiad, written in the Swampy Cree language (transliterated into Manchu script) that condemns a shade of blue described by the hex triplet #1034A6, and blames that color for the lax standards of morality of today's youth.

Researcher: Dr. ████████.

Sample 887-2704: A perfect copy of text of the English-language Wikipedia article on the Battle of Bunker Hill, consistent with an edit dated ██/██/2010.

Sample 887-2705: A photo-realistic sketch of the former US politician ████ █████ with writing in English around the image claiming that Mr. █████ was a 'lying son-of-a-bitch', had been complicit in the destruction of evidence related to [REDACTED], and was 'going to burn in hell'.

Sample 887-2706: A list of all people currently on the Electoral Roll for the British constituency of ██████████████, along with their past voting history. Written in German.

Sample 887-2707: A running account of the moves performed in the final match of the 1997 chess match between Garry Kasparov and the computer Deep Blue. The moves documented diverge from the moves that were actually performed after [REDACTED], and end with Kasparov winning the match. Writing in Russian.

Sample 887-2710: A 330-line poem, written in English with several spelling errors, describing the author's love of a woman named Janice.

Sample 887-2711: A 15-page critical analysis, signed by a Professor █████ ████, of the stage play Cardenio by William Shakespeare, with writing in Italian save for quoted passages of the play, which are in English. Cardenio is considered to be a 'lost' play (no copy of the play is known to exist).

Sample 887-2712: A shooting script for an unmade art film entitled Route 73, credited as being written by ████████ █████. The script consists of two unidentified men meeting at a bus stop and discussing various topics at length while waiting for a delayed bus. The script is credited as being influenced by the Samuel Beckett play Waiting for Godot. Written in Flemish.

Sample 887-2713: The latin phrase 'Cave Adsum' (Beware, I am here) repeated a total of 407 times. Writing is irregular and scrawled over both sides of a single page, with major differences in letter size, handwriting style, and direction of the writing.

Researcher: Dr. J██ N██████

Sample 887-2873: The complete text of Marcel Proust's À la recherche du temps perdu, in Klingon.

Sample 887-2874: Five hundred pages of "yo momma" jokes, which become steadily cruder and more explicit as the document progresses.

Sample 887-2875: A script for a play entitled Macbeth II: Banquo's Revenge. The play is stylistically consistent with Shakespeare's works.

Sample 887-2876: The complete list of side effects for a drug called "tetradifloxinol", which is fifty pages long and includes such entries as "bone implosions", "gender impermanence" and "temporal instability". No such drug is known to exist.

Sample 887-2877: A list which purports to be Kentucky Fried Chicken's "eleven secret herbs and spices". Barring poison oak (Toxicodendron spp), none of the names listed are known to apply to any plant species.

Researcher: Dr. Gallow

Sample 887-3387: Sewing patterns for a soft toy elephant, drawn to have a trunk that splits into three halfway along its length. Elephant has no tusks and prominent udders.

Sample 887-3391: One page, apparently from a script for a Bobble the Clown TV show. Bobble is demonstrating how to 'catch some more' cyclists by stringing wires across cycle trails. Handwriting is extremely florid and includes a border of loops and smiley faces around the page. Show not intercepted by the Foundation, though tone is a good match for known episodes.

Sample 887-3395: Twenty-three (23) pages of extremely detailed diagrams of how a bramble bush has grown over the shallow grave of four people. Bodies are marked as having been fully skeletonised; diagrams indicate the positions of every large bone as well as the shape of the bush. One skeleton is a juvenile female, the others juvenile males. Plant biologists estimate that the bush has been growing for three (3) years, and the steep sides of the grave suggest that it was dug in heavy clay soil.

Sample 887-3245: A full transcript of the 2003 Academy Awards ceremony. Matches actual event, except that each award-winner's acceptance speech includes the words "Heil Hitler".

Sample 887-3289: Fragmentary revision notes in English and Mandarin Chinese, course titles matching the University of Oxford 2008-09 year Computational Biology MSc course. Many references and criticisms made relating to an apparently unreliable Ubuntu release titled Perky Polecat with features (none anomalous) not present in any copy of this software to date.

Sample 887-3412: Page is entirely shaded in black apart from four long triangles and a circle left white, making the featureless head, arms and legs of a humanoid figure. All triangles taper to points at the extremities. DIE ANSTECKERIN written in capitals on the back. Title is in German; an approximate translation would be 'the woman who pins things down'.

Researcher: Dr. Wilkinson

Sample 887-3523: Seventeen (17) pages of what appear to be a discussion thread from an Internet forum, in modern Cyrillic script. Thread titled "Love and Death". Thread mostly consisted of praises and confessions to numerous serial killers, assassins and rapists, most notably the Russian serial killer Alexander Pichushkin. Other mentioned killers include Charles Manson, Mark David Chapman, and Yoshio Kodaira. Several thread participants express lust for the convicted murderers. No dates or URLs were included on the pages.

Researcher: Dr. Eriksson

Sample 887-6121: A play in the style of William Shakespeare that follows the plot of the novel I, Robot by Isaac Asimov. Apparently intended as a comedy.

Sample 887-6184: An illustration of the constellation Gemini, with the stars Castor and Pollux absent.

Sample 887-6305: A document in the form of a standard SCP object briefing in German, titled SCP-704121. The entirety of the Special Containment Procedures and Description are expunged, with the exception of the phrase "keep me locked up forever."

Sample 887-6322: An elaborate qualitative description of eight pieces of silverware, written in the first person. The author addresses each item by the name of a star.

Sample 887-6560: A choreography (in Labanotation) of a waggle dance that purports to allow a human performing it to direct honey bees towards a food source. The dance has not been tested.

Researcher: Dr. Selvece

Sample 887-7321: A 30-page literary analysis asserting that Holden Caulfield, the main character from the 1951 novel The Catcher in the Rye, is in fact a canine that has run away from his owners' house. Written in Persian.

Sample 887-7329: A poem entitled Kilometres Apart, detailing two anthropomorphized characters, "Kilomark" and "Milemary", who cannot be together due to differences in their measuring systems. Written in Esperanto.

Researcher: Dr. ███████

Sample 887-7427: A complete season of the television series [REDACTED], written in Hungarian using the "Rovas" script used prior to the adoption of the Latin alphabet. Notably, the show's setting and characters are altered substantially in order to provide an analogy of the political events of the Kingdom of Hungary (then a part of the Austrian Empire) between 1843 and 1848 from a Hungarian nationalist point of view. The season ends just before an event analogous to the Revolution of 1848 occurs, with a cliffhanger that the show promises will be picked up "next season".

Sample 887-7451: A 178-page novel entitled "The Ampersand's Coronation", written in English. The document consists of sentences, that, while grammatically correct, have no semantic value.

Sample 887-7463: A proposal to move the island of Madagascar from its location in the Indian Ocean to the middle of the Pacific Ocean to better harness the "energies" that exist there.

Sample 887-7471: A copy of the message inscribed on SCP-1050, translated into Spanish. Apparently signed by Charles II of Spain, who in addition to being King of Spain is also given the titles "Holy Roman Emperor, King of France, and Conqueror of the Daevites".

Researcher: Researcher Saramago

Sample 887-1990: The 2005 novel "Twilight", translated into Tswana. The character names "Edward" and "Jacob" are reversed throughout the text.

Sample 887-2011: A critical essay discussing mythological representations of the fictional island of Australia, dated 5th May 1998.

Sample 887-1709: A proclamation of the marriage of Shaka Zulu and Princess Alexandrina Victoria of Kent, giving his full titles and styles as "His Majesty Shaka, by the Grace of God, of the Zulu Nation King, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland King, Defender of the Faith, Emperor of India."

Researcher: Dr. Ox C. Moran

Sample 887-5674: 444 pages of an English dictionary. All words for describing smells are excluded. The entry for 'nose' is a string of expletives. The definitions of 'square' and 'triangle' are swapped.

Sample 887-4590: A Japanese strategy guide for the video game 'Pokemon:Blue.' The guide spends most of its time discussing the superiority of bug-type Pokemon and advantages of wearing shorts. The guide ends less than halfway through the game.

Sample 887-9090: A sequence of exclamation points and question marks. When converted into binary and run, plays Pong.

Sample 887-0511: A detailed story about a young O5-11 peeing in his pants in front of his friends.

Researcher: Dr. Bolo

Sample 887-9021: The names given to every pig fetus dissected at ██████████ High School between 1977 and 2014, in chronological order. Fetuses that were not given names by students are listed as "John Swine" (male) and "Jane Swine" (female).

Sample 887-4930: An extensive guide on how to conduct a "speedrun" of the video game Buck Bumble. The guide details numerous exploits and glitches players can use to get a finish time of under 30 minutes. Written in Middle High German.

Sample 887-1102: An intricate drawing of a thumbprint. Claimed to be that of an unnamed Scythian soldier.

Sample 887-7395: A newspaper advertisement detailing a perfume referred to as "Rotten Delights." The advertisement claims that the perfume will cause men to "drop like flies" and that "all the prettiest Diptera swear by it!".

Sample 887-3921: A continuation of the previous sample that details how and where to apply the perfume. Apparently intended to be read by flies in the family Tabanidae. Unlike the newspaper advertisement, the guide is written in Korean.

Sample 887-6743: A professional dissertation detailing the health benefits of adding amniotic fluid to baby formula. The dissertation gradually becomes more incomprehensible as it progresses, with the final section consisting of the phrase "LET US DRINK, LET US WEEP, LET US THRIVE" repeated 1192 times. The final page contains a diagram of an unknown protein.

Researcher: Dr. Cleverpork

Sample 887-9583: A map of Hakodate as it was in 1935. Locations are labeled in a creole of Ainu and Japanese.

Sample 887-9584: A list of all grocery stores in Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Michigan, transcribed into Inscriptional Pahlavi.

Sample 887-9585: The full names of all researchers at Site-57 filled into a crossword grid. Clues for the crossword refer to personal events within their lifetimes, with the exception of Dr. Cunningham, whose clue is a series of random alphanumeric characters.

Sample 887-9586: A description of a small house in Madrid, Spain, written in Georgian, extending for 79 pages. Grammar gradually diverges from standard Georgian, eventually becoming similar to that of the Lakota language.

Sample 887-9587: A 3-page transcript of a debate in Belgium's Chamber of Representatives over building an embattled wall between Baarle-Hertog and Baarle-Nassau. At various points in the debate, plans to introduce trained barred owls (Strix varia) as guards are mentioned.

Sample 887-9588: A photorealistic drawing of a western burrowing owl (Athene cunicularia) flying over a field of sunflowers. The reverse of the paper contains a poem in Spanish declaring a love for strawberries.

Sample 887-9589: A 35-page plan, written in English transcribed into the Hebrew alphabet, to replace the Statue of Liberty with an anthropomorphic lion, while keeping the crown, tablet, and torch intact.

Researcher: Dr. Langstrom

Sample 887-2817: A script for an episode of Murder, She Wrote with a plot revolving around the murder of an anartist in Backdoor SoHo. Corresponds to an unsolved murder from 1997.

Sample 887-5291: A transcript of a lecture about the benefits of using live animals in musical theater, highlighting the use of bears in the 1965 film The Sound Of Music as an example. Written in Dutch.

Sample 887-4273: A 376-page literary analysis of the Harry Potter fan fiction My Immortal, praising the work as parody, calling it "A cornerstone of early 21st century fan work."

Sample 887-8395: A grant proposal for funding to create a train system between Mars and Earth, citing a need for public transport. Written in Ortothan.

Researcher: Researcher Bunson

Sample 887-9643: Binary code which compiles into a WAV file of several alternate takes for a line from the Mission Hill episode "Plan 9 From Mission Hill (or, I Married a Gay Man From Outer Space)": "Wally, I respect you too much to lie to you."

Sample 887-9644: An ADR script for what appears to be a Latin-language dub of the Simpsons episode "Homer's Enemy".

Sample 887-9645: A facsimile of Junior Researcher Janvier's birth certificate.

Sample 887-9646: The lyrics to "ECNALUBMA" by They Might Be Giants, transcribed in the International Phonetic Alphabet.

Sample 887-9647: A transcript of a conversation in an unidentified Andamanese language (theorized by Researcher Bunson to be Sentinelese).

Sample 887-9648: A drawing and short biography of a non-existent Sanrio mascot character, Fantoro, an anthropomorphic elephant with a love for photography.

Sample 887-9649: "With Folded Hands" by Jack Williamson, translated into the Walloon language.

Sample 887-9650: A transcription of a Twitter status posted by Researcher Muyskens on October 4th, 20⬛: "i spent a quite frankly unreasonable amount of time reading wikipedia articles about the history of german, which isn't even remotely connected to my field of study (engineering). anyways how was everyone else's day"

Sample 887-9651: The phrase "don't get fancy with the bread" repeated 2,271,966 times.

Sample 887-9652: A rubberhose animation-style drawing of an LGBT Pride event in a city identified by signage as "New New Jericho".

Sample 887-9653: A list of every Canadian citizen born on February 29th.

Researcher: Dr. Anderson Harper

Sample 887-10000: The documentation for forty SCP objects between 3001 and 3999. All have been designated "SCP-3000".

Sample 887-10001: A detailed diagram depicting the chemical composition and production of [DATA EXPUNGED BY ORDER OF THE SITE-54 ETHICS COMMITTEE]

Sample 887-10002: Page six of an instructional guide for "Super Smash Bros Mandelbrot", written in Yiddish.
Note: Produced via SCP-978.

Sample 887-10003: A 198-page graphic novel, depicting Japanese math rock band Tricot performing a concert inside of an abandoned warehouse. Several inactive automatons are scattered throughout the building.

Sample 887-10004: Unknown; analysis suggests the contents of Sample 887-10004 constitute a potent antimeme.

Sample 887-10005: A photorealistic drawing of Dr. Anderson Harper, transcribing the sentence "Unknown; analysis suggests the contents of Sample 887-10005 constitute a potent antimeme." into a notebook.

Sample 887-10006: A logically-sound proof demonstrating that P = NP in all problems where:

  1. The days of the week play a non-trivial role in the problem.
  2. The problem in question begins and ends on a Tuesday.

Sample 887-10007: A logically-sound proof demonstrating that P ≠ NP in all situations not covered by Sample 887-10006.

Researcher: Dr. Simon

Sample 887-10133 A five-paragraph essay describing in great detail the importance of cooking meat completely to its center. Essay references both non-anomalous and anomalous dangers of eating raw meat. It also references some anomalous benefits to eating completely cooked beef.

Sample 887-10134: A photorealistic drawing of SCP-524 eating a Polaroid photo of a regular rabbit eating a carrot.

Sample 887-10135 The previous two samples with every word in alphabetical order, including the bolded titles and the researcher title above them.

Sample 887-10136: A set of words set on top of each other. The following text is the words written by SCP-887.

Meat patty

Sample 887-10137: A cartoonish image of a potato with hundreds of human eyes lining its surface.

Sample 887-10138: Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost but the word "horse" is replaced with mule, and the word "village" is replaced with hamlet.

Sample 887-10139: The phrase "NEVER FORGET THE ALAMO" above a picture of the flag of Texas. On the other side of the page, there is a detailed account of the Battle of the Alamo which seems to be from the point of view of the Mexican troops.

Sample 887-10140: A three-stanza poem where the point of view is that of a muddy puddle in the street. Nameless puddle reflects on its worth in the universe until a bird cheers it up by using it to bathe, mistaking the bird's simple actions as something more complex.

Sample 887-10141: A postcard for Loveland, Ohio with a cartoon image of local cryptid, the Loveland Frogman, on the right side.

Sample 887-10142: A drawing of a sailboat comprising of a half-circle of the boat, and a triangle with a line connecting it and the boat for the sail. A wavy line goes horizontally through the boat, resembling waves. A photorealistic image of a giant squid is seen looking at the boat from below.

Sample 887-10143: Every lyric to Weird Al Yankovic's parody song Eat It and a cartoonish image of Weird Al dressed like Michael Jackson in the music video for Beat It.

Sample 887-10144: Beethoven's Fifth Symphony written completely using onomatopoeia.

Sample 887-10145: A log of the lunar cycles for the next three years. Each changing phase has a little drawing of what the phase looks like.

Sample 887-10146: A recipe to make a bread and cheese sandwich.

Sample 887-10147: A recipe to make a bread and cheese "sandwitch", featuring a cartoonish picture of a witch on the beach eating a bread and cheese sandwich.

Sample 887-10148: An accurate sleep schedule of Dr. ███████ from the month of October in 198█.

Sample 887-10149: A Christmas card featuring SCP-999, SCP-2295, SCP-131-A and B, and SCP-111 instances around a Christmas tree. The phrase "Merry Christmas!" is placed above this scene.

Researcher: Researcher Binsworth

Sample 887-10250: A hyper realistic portrait of Former President Andrew Johnson. The year 18681 is written underneath the drawing.

Sample 887-10251: A 5-step guide on how to perform a proper handshake.

Sample 887-10252: A drawing of SCP-173 with the text "DONT BLINK" written in ominously-shaped lettering. A pile of 3 human corpses sits behind the sculpture.

Sample 887-10253: A happy birthday message for an anonymous person named John Doe.

Sample 887-10254: The lyrics for the song Midnight, the Stars and You from the film The Shining (1980) written in lettering that resembles text produced by a 1940's typewriter. Lyrics are paired with the music score.

Sample 887-10255: A complex topographical map of the Hawaiian Islands with labels showing the names of each island.

Researcher: Researcher V. ███████

Sample 887-10356: A proportionally exact (albeit at 1:100 size scale) diagram of a machine gun. The weapon appears to be intended to discharge a form of laser but uses and often makes notes of unknown materials or natural laws. Further, the ergonomics of the weapon are clearly not designed for human biology.

Notes: The language it is written in is mixed, with several changes throughout, ranging from Chinese to older dialects of English, to a cognitohazardous script.

Sample 887-10357: A five-page string of C++ code that cannot be run; AIC analysis has concluded it is a program for the random generation of a painting in the style of Spanish artist Pablo Picasso.

Sample 887-10358: Two pages excerpt of what appears to be an argument in extremely compressed text; a decompression key changes this into several terabytes worth of data. The subject appears to be an argument on advanced artificial intelligence, in which both parties use logically sound proofs that attack the other's.

Notes: The compression algorithm used has been noted, and considered for use in other applications.

Sample 887-10357: 777-page rewriting of the Bible. Appears to be a composite of all canons, uses New and Old Testaments. The script is anomalously capable of being read regardless of lingual comprehension and known tongues; illiterate persons appear to be rapidly educated and gain a college-level understanding of a random language. The text also will mildly compel readers to finish the book, and approx 98% of readers profess an increase in religiousness.

Notes: The text appears to change based on the person, as to best convince them. Scientists will receive scientific analyses, religiously inclined a mix of historical evidence and correlations between known history, science, and their faith.

Sample 887-10358: A manuscript entitled Shakespeare's Complete Works As Written By Infinite Monkeys. The manuscript is somewhat nonsensical but is comprehensible and analysis has found most of the plot to be without irregularity.

Sample 887-10359: A diagram for the design of a nine-millimeter handgun projectile of anomalous geometry capable of removing the capacity for aggression from the target. The bullet operates otherwise like a standard handgun round of that type. Testing has found the effects to be temporary, but extremely potent. A single impact will cause the effects for approx 1 min, with additional ammunition appearing to extend the effects for up to 5 minutes.

Notes: The projectile only is effective against humans; animals appear to have no effect. Samples submitted for limited distribution among MTF personnel.

Researcher: Researcher Lee Roy Carlson

Sample 887-10360: A complete transcript of every word spoken by SCP-058 between ██/██/████ and ██/██/████, written on both sides of a single sheet of paper in such small letters that it is nearly illegible.

Sample 887-10361: The word "The", written in large, ornate letters with various decorative designs drawn around it, particularly the letter "T".

Sample 887-10362: Detailed, step-by-step visual instructions for the assembly of a LEGO BIONICLE set. The set in question resembles "Sentrakh", a combination of the "Sidorak" and "Keetongu" sets, but heavily modified and including parts from a second "Keetongu".

Sample 887-10363: Feeding and care instructions for a pet "red-breasted dwarf allosaurus". Written in Basque.

Sample 887-10364: A list of seemingly random statements asserting that SCP-887 is a variety of objects, concepts, and individuals, including "bees", "Daveed Diggs", "utilitarianism", and "the next big breakfast sensation". In each case, all words with the exception of "SCP-887 is" have been crossed out.

Sample 887-10365: A drawing in the style of Scooby-Doo, Where are You?, depicting Dr. Gears, Dr. Light, Dr. Zyn Kiryu, Dr. Clef,2 and Professor Crow dressed as Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, and Scooby, respectively.
Note: I know what we're doing next Halloween. -Dr. Bright
Note: Absolutely not. -Dr. Light

Sample 887-10366: A document reading "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote "And then SCP-887 wrote Researcher Lee Roy Carlson's mother's phone number on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper," on a piece of paper."

Sample 887-10367: Researcher Lee Roy Carlson's mother's phone number, in Roman numerals.

Note: Well, that's enough of that. -Researcher Lee Roy Carlson

Researcher: Researcher Bunson

Sample 887-16321: The text of Isaac Asimov's short story The Immortal Bard.

Sample 887-16322: Un busquejo del personaje titular de la película Mi Vecino Totoro. El busquejo solo se puede describir en español.

Sample 887-16323: The entire English-language Pokedex from Pokémon Red and Blue, but with all the English Pokémon names replaced with romanized versions of their Japanese names.

Sample 887-16324: Researcher Bunson's grocery list.

Sample 887-16325: Sheet music for a piano transcription of every song from the "Fingertips" series from the They Might Be Giants album Apollo 18. Lyrics are not provided.

Sample 887-16326: Guitar tabulature for "Pokémon Theme"3, with the lyrics translated into the Leonese language.

Sample 887-16327: An unsolved nonogram puzzle. When solved, the picture formed is a QR code that links to a YouTube upload of the song "She Wants To Dance With Me" by Rick Astley.

Sample 887-16328: The entire text of the article "Doomy Tales Of The Macabre" on the Homestar Runner Wiki.

Sample 887-16329: A manuscript for a novel titled "Giving RAM to the Romans", credited to Matt Paulson. The novel is written as a first-person account from a character named Marcus Apibus, a citizen of Imperial Rome who, upon exiting a bathhouse, suddenly finds himself in Auckland, New Zealand in 2015. Soon after his arrival, he meets Professor Jonathan Richardson, a single father who teaches Latin at The University Of Auckland. Marcus moves into Jonathan's house shortly thereafter. The novel focuses on Marcus learning to adapt to the 21st century as he falls in love with Johnathan, with a major source of conflict being Marcus's attempts to learn computer literacy, and later computer programming, in order to be accepted into The University Of Auckland's Computer Sciences program, a goal he has been passionate about ever since hearing Jonathan describe the mechanics of a computer.

Sample 887-16330: The sentences "I hope whoever is reading this has a good day. Keep on keepin' on!"

Researcher: Researcher Paci

Sample 887-16360: A 54-page list of "Jokes Guaranteed to Knock your BLOCK Off!" that are "SCP-504 Approved!".


Sample 887-16362: A 68-page string of C++ code which, when ran, creates a program of a simple jumping game with the goal being to avoid the apples bouncing across the screen. Notably, when making contact with an apple and recieving a game over, it was discovered that Dr. King would yell a random expletive towards apple seeds.

Note: No, I do not care how "amusing" this is, we don't need to be causing other personnel to question their sanity. All testing of this program is to be prohibited. - O5-██

Researcher: Dr. Lydia Homme

Sample 887-16661: A drawing of a maze upon a grid, as well as the code for a python script intended to calculate the quickest path through.
Note: Boring. - Dr. Homme

Sample 887-16662: A drawing of sixteen different watermelons in various shapes, arrangements, and levels of ripeness.
Note: Boring. - Dr. Homme

Sample 887-16663: A section of a treatise on Saudi Arabian jurisprudence. The first part of a bibliography is included, and cites several nonexistent statutory codes.
Note: Boring. - Dr. Homme

Sample 887-16664: Multiple reproductions of what appears to be automated emails from Walgreens to various real persons, several of which overlap with each other. Each informs the recipient that their refill of lisdexamfetamine has been delayed due to being out of stock.
Note: Boring. - Dr. Homme

Sample 887-16665: A reproduction of the Massachusetts Bay Transport Authority subway map, below which SCP-887 has drawn a subway tunnel obstructed by a large wolf, facing away from the viewer.

Sample 887-16666: A transcription of the lyrics of the first three songs4 of the nonexistent album "Battle of New Jersey", ostensibly by the band Neutral Milk Hotel.
Note: Boring. - Dr. Homme

Sample 887-16667: The blueprints for an underground structure, above which sits a photo-realistic drawing of a desert valley. The largest room contains what looks to be an abstract statue with a door leading inside of itself; the contents of the statue have not been drawn or explained.

Sample 887-16668: A drawing, taxonomical classification, and description of Pseudica orthethel, a yet-undiscovered flowering plant supposedly located in the Greecian archipelago. The seeds allegedly function as a potent antidepressant and a medicinal abortant.
Note: Boring. - Dr. Homme

Sample 887-16669: A reproduction of a frame from what appears to be a missing Doctor Who episode, featuring the First Doctor.
Note: Boring. - Dr. Homme

Researcher: Dr. Alexander Avenlee

Sample 887-20001: An illustrative depiction of a female humanoid closely resembling SCP-085.

Sample 887-20002: A disconcerting illustration portraying a pale humanoid visage assumed to represent SCP-096.

Sample 887-20003: A catalogue containing 120 online usernames under the title "Distinguished Wiki Authors, also referred to as Gods."

Researcher: Dr. Quasar Starfield

Sample 887-20004: 324 pages, written in standard English covering the entire story of the book "Ender's Game" by Orson Scott Card.

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