"You have a secret cave with magic minerals in the walls, and you're using that as a shipping warehouse?"
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Info
SCP-8282: You Are Now Entering
byOliverMemphis
Welcome to the jungle. Also the cave, and the library, and the magic city, and Antarctica.
A forest in Romania, viewed through a gateway created by SCP-8282 using the "Future" card. Optical distortions are typical of Ways originating from this procedure.
Special Containment Procedures: The Research Liaison Team is to maintain a list of specific interaction protocols for each of SCP-8282-1 through -18. This list is to be informed by diplomatic communications with the relevant local authority (where one exists), mediated with the help of PoI-8282 (Jemima Ellbridge)..Containment of Argus-class objects is partially or wholly under the purview of a third party. A similar list is to be prepared for SCP-8282-19 through -44, with the expectation that they will become accessible in the near future.
If and when PoI-128 (Richard Sterling) is captured, SCP-8282 is to be downgraded to Safe-class.
Description: SCP-8282 is a thaumaturgic ritual used to open Ways to specific, pre-determined destinations (collectively SCP-8282-#). Recovered documentation describes SCP-8282-# instances as "locations of magical significance", although their actual nature varies dramatically; some are well-documented Nexuses and Free Ports, while others are extradimensional spaces accessible exclusively through SCP-8282, and others still are locations on Earth with no clear significance or notability at all. No pattern between these has yet been determined.
SCP-8282-A and -B are components of this ritual. SCP-8282-A is a deck of custom playing cards numbering 44 (though only 18 of these are currently in the Foundation's possession). Many of the cards borrow features and elements from conventional tarot and other divinatory items, but neither the deck as a whole nor its illustration style correspond to any other cartomantic or ludocentric deck known to exist. Each SCP-8282-# instance corresponds to exactly one card in SCP-8282-A.
SCP-8282-B is plimyrite, a dark grey, clay-like substance with a number of notable thaumaturgic properties, including its usage in SCP-8282. Specifically, the ritual requires a large surface constructed entirely of SCP-8282-B, upon which a gateway roughly the size of a typical door will ultimately be formed.
The Foundation currently possesses roughly 500kg of SCP-8282-B, all of which was seized in 1995 from an anomalous mining operation in south Wales. (It was later lost in a classified materials mishandling incident at Site-128 precipitated by then-Director Richard Sterling, and was only recovered in 2016 after said facility became defunct.)
Details of selected SCP-8282-# instances may be found in Addendum 2.
Addendum 1, Discovery: In January 2018, Site-91.A facility in Yorkshire, England specialising in thaumaturgical research. Director Iona Varga received the following email from an anonymous external address:
To: Dir. Iona Varga
From: b7c1df94430eff766e3f92233c881a11
Subject: You take it
Left something for you in a desk drawer at 128 reception. Instructions included.
You can deal with this better than me.
Site-128 logo, as of 2018.
It was assumed that this email referred to Site-128, a small Foundation facility in southwest England which had been shut down in 2016, and now remained as an abandoned building devoid of equipment or documents. A team of agents was dispatched to the facility, and discovered inside the reception desk a copy of SCP-8282-A (containing only 18 cards) and an instruction manual for SCP-8282. These items were subsequently transported to Site-91 for further study.
Addendum 2, Investigation: Drs. Lewis Flood and Kai Lassila were selected as the research leads for this item; both had previously been employed at Site-128, and the former was a qualified thaumaturge who had originally been the lead researcher on SCP-8282-B. Dr. Flood was permitted to perform SCP-8282 with a random card.No order in the cards was readily apparent; Dr. Flood proposed that the ritual might work more effectively with a randomly-selected card than an intentionally chosen one. and enter the corresponding location accompanied by an MTF escort, for a period not exceeding ten minutes. He subsequently produced the following summary report:
Expedition 1: SCP-8282-1
Date: 2018-01-14
Officer of Record: Dr. Lewis Flood
Card: Memory; illustration depicts a labyrinth of concentric circles, containing multiple strings of text in various unidentified scripts.
Description: A large, circular, atrium-like library with bookshelves lining almost all available wall space. A mezzanine level encircles the entire room and is accessible via staircase. Entire space shows signs of abandonment and decay; dust and broken tiles cover the floor, and the domed glass roof is caked with grime, severely limiting the amount of sunlight entering the room. Cursory inspection of books reveals exclusively blank pages; further inspection may be warranted. No sapient life is present, but the centre of the room features a life-size statue of a deer.
The next two tests found places similarly devoid of human life; the fourth, however, produced markedly different results:
Expedition 4: SCP-8282-4
Date: 2018-01-15
Officer of Record: Dr. Kai Lassila
Card: Sanctuary; illustration depicts a figure resting underground next to a fire, while a storm rages above.
Description: A sequence of large caves. The walls are stratified, consisting predominantly of beige, white and grey stone. See attached transcript for more information.
[Dr. Lassila and two MTF agents enter the gateway created by SCP-8282. Dr. Flood remains in the lab as operation control.]
Dr. Lassila: Control, I'm in a cavern. About the size of a small theatre, I'd say.
Dr. Flood: Do you have enough light?
Dr. Lassila: Lighting's fine, there's about six or seven industrial lamps mounted on the walls. Not sure what's powering them, I can't hear a generator or anything… it looks like the cables just connect straight to the stone. Maybe it's drawing power from the rocks somehow? Can't tell from here. There's other things installed on the ceiling as well. Might be for ventilation, but again I'm not sure.
Dr. Flood: Anything else of note?
Dr. Lassila: Nothing in this room, but there seems to be a passageway into another cave here.
Dr. Flood: Proceed, with caution.
[Footsteps on recording.]
Dr. Lassila: This room seems to be some kind of warehouse? There's just rows of shelves everywhere, and I'd say… maybe half of them are covered in boxes. Labels are scribbled on with marker, no pattern that I can make out.
Dr. Flood: Would you say there are signs of recent activity in this place?
Dr. Lassila: Probably? It definitely doesn't look abandoned, the same way the last ones were. Seems to be a desk here for managing inventory, so if I had to guess I'd say this is some kind of active logistics operation.
[Footsteps on recording.]
Dr. Lassila: OK, I'm going to change that 'probably' to a 'definitely'. I've just moved onto the next room, and there's another gateway here. Looks a lot like the one I just came through.
Dr. Flood: Anything else in this room?
Dr. Lassila: Just more tunnels to other caves. And… hold on.
Dr. Flood: What?
Dr. Lassila: Could you be quiet just a second, please?
[Ambience on recording.]
Dr. Lassila: OK, I don't know if the mic picked that up, but I think I can hear a piano? Very echoey, but I think it's coming from the cavern to my left. I'm going to… no, wait. It just stopped. Permission to—
[A loud siren begins to blare, drowning out Dr. Lassila's speech.]
Dr. Flood: Report. Report!
[After fifteen seconds, an unidentified individual enters the room via one of the tunnels, and presses a button on a remote control device to silence the alarm.]
[unidentified]: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?
Dr. Lassila: Never mind. Control, there's an unknown individual in here. Female, estimated late 20s…
[unidentified]: …and extremely pissed off with you. How the hell did you get in here?
Dr. Lassila: Could I have your name, please?
[unidentified]: No, you may not, you fucking… [sighs] OK, sorry, hold on. Did you come in through that?
[The individual points at the gateway immediately next to Dr. Lassila.]
Dr. Lassila: Why do you ask?
[unidentified]: Because this is not your place. This is my place, and if it's insecure, I need to know. So: did you come in through that door, or a different door?
Dr. Lassila: I need your name, please, before we do anything else.
[unidentified]: Would you mind phrasing that in a way that doesn't make it sound like you're from the forest of identity theft?
Dr. Lassila: …do you think that's where I'm from?
[unidentified]: No, but I've met people who are, and I don't trust them either.
Dr. Lassila: [sighs] My name is Kai Lassila. What's yours?
[unidentified]: Jemima Ellbridge. That door, or not?
Dr. Lassila: Different door.
Ellbridge: Show me, please.
Dr. Lassila: I don't think I can do that.
Ellbridge: Oh, for God's sake. Is it somewhere in one of these caves? Please give me any information at all to work with.
Dr. Lassila: I'm the one asking the questions here.
Ellbridge: No, you are not. Because from my perspective, you've just broken into my house, again. You are not the one who gets to demand answers right now.
Dr. Lassila: What do you mean, 'again'?
Ellbridge: After Three fucking Portlands, is what I mean.
Dr. Lassila: I haven't been to Three Portlands.
Ellbridge: You… No, you haven't, have you? Foundation's not allowed in there. Wait, what the hell did you do, then?
Dr. Lassila: How do you know we're Foundation?
Ellbridge: You have a labcoat, a radio, and a paramilitary escort. Don't insult my intelligence, thank you. Tell me about the door you came through. Does it look like this one?
[Ellbridge gestures at the gateway.]
Dr. Lassila: I can't disc—
Ellbridge: Mr. Lassila.
Dr. Lassila: Doctor.
Ellbridge: Doctor Lassila. Kindly explain to me why I'm supposed to trust someone who's currently an intruder on my property.
Dr. Lassila: You said we're breaking into your house again, yes?
Ellbridge: Yes.
Dr. Lassila: No, not again. We weren't involved the first time.
Ellbridge: Do you know who was?
Dr. Lassila: No, but we might be able to find out. If you help us.
[Silence on recording.]
Ellbridge: This conversation doesn't end without me explaining stuff, does it?
Dr. Lassila: Probably not, no.
Ellbridge: …fine. But it doesn't end without you explaining stuff either. We clear?
Dr. Lassila: Why are we trusting you?
Ellbridge: Because if I had the power to do anything meaningful to you, I would have kicked you out of here already. We can take the fact that I haven't as a relationship of mutual understanding.
Dr. Lassila: Alright. Did you make your gateway using a special card?
Ellbridge: Yes. Did you?
Dr. Lassila: Not me personally, but yes, we did.
Ellbridge: Where did it come from?
Dr. Lassila: The cards?
Ellbridge: Ah, cards plural? Interesting. Yes, where did they come from?
Dr. Lassila: Why do you ask?
Ellbridge: Because I have — or had, until recently — the only copy of those cards anywhere in existence. I'm having to remake them all from scratch right now, because some fucking bastard stole them all last week. And if I ever find out who, I'm going to bash their head against that bit of clay there and see what gets dented worse. So: where did they come from?
Dr. Lassila: Just to check, it was eighteen cards, yes?
Ellbridge: It was forty-four.
Dr. Lassila: Oh. We got given eighteen.
Ellbridge: Got given them by who?
Dr. Lassila: Anonymous. Someone emailed us from a burner account to say "we've left them at this location, here's some instructions for the ritual, you deal with them please". Beyond that, we know as much as you do.
Ellbridge: Alright. Fine. I believe you, I think. I'm guessing you're doing recon missions for all the cards?
Dr. Lassila: We're intending to. We've only done three others so far.
Ellbridge: Any of them have people in?
Dr. Lassila: No, not yet.
Ellbridge: Right. Word of advice: some of them do, and some of those people are going to be even less happy about your presence than I am.
Dr. Lassila: We'll keep that in mind.
Ellbridge: You could also let me finish. I'm willing to help you guys, help make sure you don't cause any diplomatic incidents with those cards, if you help me find who stole the rest of them. You'll make no effort to detain me, or invade my home again. First and final offer.
Dr. Lassila: I… will need to consult with some people about that.
Ellbridge: Fine. Meet me back here in 24 hours, and don't touch shit in the meantime. Deal?
Dr. Lassila: [over radio] Lewis?
Dr. Flood: Fine by me.
Dr. Lassila: Alright. 24 hours.
Ellbridge: Great. Now fuck off, please.
An investigation found no evidence of any significant affiliation between Ellbridge and any Groups of Interest, hostile or otherwise; her offer was therefore accepted, and she was brought on as a consultant to help document SCP-8282. Expeditions resumed the following day, under Ellbridge's guidance.
Expedition 6: SCP-8282-6
Date: 2018-01-16
Officer of Record: Dr. Lewis Flood
Card: Bazaar; illustration depicts a bustling marketplace with three prominent towers in the background.
Description: A basement in the city of Three Portlands, one of the largest anomalous enclaves in the world. As Foundation activity in Free Ports such as this one is severely restricted, Dr. Flood entered the Way wearing plain clothes, accompanied only by consulting thaumaturge Jemima Ellbridge rather than an MTF escort.
Ellbridge: Welcome to 3Ports.
Dr. Flood: Mind if we go outside to confirm?
Ellbridge: Sure. Door's over here.
[Footsteps on recording.]
Dr. Flood: Is this your house?
Ellbridge: Think so, yeah. If it's not, then no-one's noticed.
Dr. Flood: What does that mean?
Ellbridge: My dad owned this place, before he passed. The will didn't mention it anywhere, so I'm not sure it's technically mine… but he died seven years ago, so if he'd given it to anyone else, I think I'd know by now.
Dr. Flood: Sorry to hear that. Was he a thaumaturge as well?
Ellbridge: Yeah, he was the one who made the cards. Some of them, at least, and I made a bunch more after he taught me. He made lots of little magical trinkets and what-have-you, then he'd sell them in places like this. Setting up all these Ways was a pain, but it's quicker than taking the normal entrance.
Dr. Flood: You said he sold the stuff he made. Did he ever sell any copies of the cards?
Ellbridge: Not that he ever told me, and I don't think he'd have any reason to. Mainly because almost no-one else can actually do the ritual, because no-one has an entire wall's worth of magic clay.
Dr. Flood: Oh, yeah, I was going to ask about that. Does that stuff have a proper name? Because 'plimyrite' we came up with in-house.
Ellbridge: No idea, to be honest. I probably should have a name for it, 'cause half the cave's made of it. Why 'plimyrite'?
Dr. Flood: [inaudible]
Ellbridge: What was that?
Dr. Flood: Doesn't matter.
Ellbridge: No, go on.
Dr. Flood: It's from the Greek for 'flood', apparently.
Ellbridge: Of course it is.
Dr. Flood: Look, I didn't pick it, alright? I don't even love it as a name, honestly.
Ellbridge: Bet you signed off on it, though.
Dr. Flood: The rest of that story's very long, and I don't think you're cleared for it.
[Approx. five minutes of extraneous audio removed for brevity.]
Ellbridge: For the record, I was in here when the cards got stolen.
Dr. Flood: What do you mean?
Ellbridge: I came through 3Ports for… some stuff, then I went back to that house to find the gateway had disappeared. I think someone must have broken into the building, walked through into my actual house in Somerset where I do the rituals, stolen the cards, and then let themselves out. I changed the locks after that.
Dr. Flood: Noted. Do you come here a lot?
Ellbridge: I come through here a lot, yeah. Don't stay to visit all that often.
Dr. Flood: Meaning?
Ellbridge: Meaning the walk from that house to the American exits are a hell of a lot quicker and cheaper than a trans-Atlantic flight.
Dr. Flood: You're in America pretty often, then?
Ellbridge: Oh yeah, definitely.
Dr. Flood: How come? What do you do?
Ellbridge: Just… stuff.
Dr. Flood: Come on. I told you the plimyrite thing, you can tell me this.
Ellbridge: …deliveries.
Dr. Flood: Deliveries.
Ellbridge: Yes.
Dr. Flood: Delivering what? Stuff you can't send via a normal courier?
Ellbridge: Sometimes.
Dr. Flood: Meaning stuff they won't let through customs. Right?
Ellbridge: No comment.
Dr. Flood: You've got a unique access route to one of the most important locations in the anomalous world, and you're using it to smuggle stuff across international borders?
Ellbridge: Still no comment.
Dr. Flood: You have a secret cave with magic minerals in the walls, and you're using that as a shipping warehouse?
Ellbridge: At least I'm using it. You people just lock stuff in boxes for all eternity.
Dr. Flood: OK, I'm going to stop this conversation before someone gets fired.
Expedition 9: SCP-8282-9
Date: 2018-01-17
Officer of Record: Dr. Kai Lassila
Card: Future; card is solid black save for the title text.
Description: An uninhabited area in Antarctica. Ellbridge claims that this card's destination is in fact a random point on the Earth's land surface, 'rerolled' each time the ritual is performed.
Expedition 12: SCP-8282-9
Date: 2018-01-17
Officer of Record: Dr. Kai Lassila
Card: Future; repeated tests were conducted with this card, in order to verify Ellbridge's claims and study the distribution of the selected destinations.
Description: A forest in the State of Bahia, Brazil. See attached transcript for additional information.
Dr. Lassila: How many more of these tests do we want to do? I'm just worried about the risk of this door showing up in a populated area.
Dr. Flood: I'm happy to make this the last one. I think there's a forest on the other side right now, so at least we don't have to worry about this one being populated.
Dr. Lassila: Right. Whenever you're ready.
[Dr. Flood, Ellbridge, and two members of MTF Rho-18 enter the gateway. Dr. Lassila and the other three agents remain in the lab.]
Dr. Flood: All clear. Yeah, this is definitely a forest. It's not totally uninhabited, though, we are near a path… so probably want to make this quick just in case anyone shows up.
Dr. Lassila: Noted. You got a GPS reading?
Dr. Flood: Yep, this says we're in Brazil. Latitude thirteen point one four two—
[Radio contact is abruptly lost. Security footage from the lab at this time shows the gateway shimmering, and the destination behind it visibly changes.]
Dr. Lassila: Lewis? You there?
[Silence on recording.]
Dr. Lassila: Dr. Flood, please report.
[Silence on recording.]
Dr. Lassila: This is Dr. Kai Lassila to Dr. Lewis Flood, do you read me?
Rho-3: Sir? The door.
Dr. Lassila: Oh, fuck. Uh, that's not the forest any more.
Rho-4: The view through the gateway's very distorted, but I would say that looks like a desert.
Dr. Lassila: Which is not a forest. You guys have a spare GPS tracker, right?
Rho-3: Yes.
Dr. Lassila: Great. Go through there right now. Report coordinates immediately.
Rho-3: Copy.
[Rho-3, -4 and -5 enter the gateway.]
Rho-3: This is indeed a desert, Control. Latitude 16.24843 north, longitude 15.60191 w—
Rho-4: There's another gateway! About twenty metres from ours.
Rho-5: And there's a person walking around. Who is that?
Rho-3: Permission to engage, Control?
Dr. Lassila: Granted.
Rho-3: Hey! Identify yourself!
Rho-5: He's running to the door! Move!
[Running footsteps on recording.]
Rho-4: And… he's gone. He went through his gateway and then it disappeared behind him. Just vanished.
Dr. Lassila: Right, get back here, now. I don't think this thing is stable.
Rho-3: Copy.
[All three agents return to Site-91 through the remaining gateway.]
After losing contact with Control, the agents accompanying Dr. Flood and Ellbridge activated an emergency distress beacon; all four individuals were subsequently rescued by personnel from Site-34.
In their debriefing at Site-91, Dr. Flood and Ellbridge reported that the gateway had suddenly vanished behind them without explanation. They described some of the theories they had discussed as to the cause of the disappearance, including:
- The card used in the SCP-8282 ritual was damaged or defective in some way;
- The SCP-8282 ritual had been conducted improperly;
- The SCP-8282 ritual had somehow been conducted a second time after they had entered the gateway, triggering a 'reroll' of its random destination.
Dr. Lassila's observations appeared to confirm the last of these theories. The individual spotted by Rho-5 was presumed to possess his own copy of the Future card and was attempting to use it at the same time as the researchers; furthermore, it was supposed that the two cards were entangled, such that performing the SCP-8282 ritual with one would instantly randomise the destination of both to the same location.
Ellbridge: That doesn't make any sense.
Dr. Lassila: Why not?
Ellbridge: How would there be another copy of the card? There's only one, and we have it.
Dr. Lassila: I don't think that can be true. The agents saw that guy come through his own gateway.
Ellbridge: How?
Dr. Flood: I think we need to entertain the idea that your dad gave someone else a copy of the deck, early on. That early copy is what we picked up from Site-128, which is why it's incomplete. The guy who stole your copy — which presumably is the same guy who showed up in the desert — still has the full deck.
Ellbridge: How would we confirm that?
Dr. Flood: You said your dad made some of the cards, and you made the rest? Right?
Ellbridge: Yes.
Dr. Flood: Did you make any of the cards that we currently have?
Ellbridge: Let me see them.
[Dr. Lassila hands Ellbridge the deck, which she quickly looks through.]
Ellbridge: Nope. These are all old ones.
[Silence on recording.]
Ellbridge: Oh.
Dr. Flood: Yeah.
Ellbridge: OK, so this guy… we can't just keep calling him 'this guy'. Do you have a number for him or something?
Dr. Lassila: No, we probably should.
Ellbridge: PoI-8282?
Dr. Lassila: PoI-8282 is you, Jem.
Ellbridge: Oh. 8283? I don't know how your numbering system works.
Dr. Lassila: Not like that.
Dr. Flood: We can find some other relevant number, right?
Ellbridge: You said you found these cards at Site-128? What about PoI-128?
Dr. Flood: That number's not free, is it?
Dr. Lassila: No, PoI-128 is Richard Sterling.
Ellbridge: Who, sorry?
Dr. Lassila: Doesn't matter.
Ellbridge: No, no, I know that name.
Dr. Lassila: You know that name? How?
Ellbridge: Oh, God, I think he was one of Dad's friends? He knew quite a lot of folks in the anomalous community, sometimes he'd have them round to talk shop. Why? How come he's on your radar?
[Silence on recording.]
Dr. Flood: Oh, for fuck's sake.
Ellbridge: What?
Dr. Flood: Is that what he was fucking doing?
Ellbridge: Is what what he was doing? When?
Dr. Lassila: I have to go and make a call. And then I have to… probably go update a whole bunch of document classifications very quickly. Meeting dismissed.
FOUNDATION PERSONNEL FILE (ABRIDGED) |
|---|
Dr. Sterling in 2004. Richard SterlingPosition: N/A Dr. Sterling was the Director of Site-128 in Somerset, England from its founding in 1989 until his presumed death under mysterious circumstances in 2004. He is currently under a long-running internal affairs investigation surrounding:
For additional information on this investigation, contact Drs. Oliver Memphis or Kai Lassila of the Research Liaison Team. |
Ellbridge: You're joking.
Dr. Lassila: Nope. I don't have permission to show you the full report on this guy, but let's just say it's very long. And fairly chaotic. And I think extremely funny, right up until the part where it causes multiple deaths.
Dr. Flood: I thought it was funny up until the part where I got demoted to a shithole Site for twenty years.
Ellbridge: Yeah, what's with that part? What's it mean by 'erroneous reassignment'?
Dr. Flood: Is she cleared for that?
Dr. Lassila: That part specifically, yes. It's relevant to her expertise.
Dr. Flood: Right. We seized half a ton of plimyrite from some Welsh mine. Or rather, I did — I was in charge of the stuff. Which meant that when it vanished from the Site two weeks later, it looked like it was my fault.
Ellbridge: Was it your fault?
Dr. Flood: No, it was Sterling's fault. He hid it in some random storage room on-Site. And nobody realised, because after working at 128 for long enough, you got trained not to ask awkward questions like "why is this stationery cupboard Director's access only?"
Ellbridge: Jesus Christ. And you think this guy got given the old cards?
Dr. Lassila: I think he got given the old cards and stole your new ones.
Ellbridge: Why do you think that?
Dr. Lassila: Because I'm looking at his file photo, and I reckon if you added 14 years to it, you'd get the guy on that bodycam footage from the desert.
Ellbridge: Is that the best evidence you've got?
Dr. Lassila: We also have some fairly scattered reports from various intelligence sources suggesting that he's been hiding in Three Portlands for the last couple years, where we can't get him… which would at least line up with what you said about the theft.
Ellbridge: Why, though? What's the point?
Dr. Flood: Maybe he knew about your deal? Maybe he knew some of your deal, broke into your house in 3Ports, recognised the cards as a more complete version of his own set, and decided to steal them then and there?
Ellbridge: But again, why? If he's fine in 3Ports, why try and mess stuff up even more?
Dr. Flood: Unless he doesn't think he's fine.
Dr. Lassila: Very possible. Those same scattered reports suggest that he's essentially a paranoid asshole at this point. He's been stuck in the same small, isolated city for at least the last year and a half, he doesn't talk to a lot of people, and he's constantly afraid that someone's out to get him.
Ellbridge: I thought you were out to get him.
Dr. Lassila: A lot of people are, to be fair. Apparently he's pissed off half the city one way or another. Screams at people, refuses to pay them for stuff, sometimes runs active scams, and generally acts like a lunatic in public. For what it's worth, though, I don't think we should waste time trying to fathom his motivations. Whatever he's trying to achieve, it probably doesn't make a lot of difference to us.
Ellbridge: OK, so… I get how he has my new deck. Why do we have his old one?
Dr. Flood: Maybe one of the people he upset stole it from him? That would go full circle quite nicely.
Dr. Lassila: Oh, God, I think you're right.
Dr. Flood: You think so?
Dr. Lassila: That anonymous email we got. "You can deal with this better than me." What do we want to bet that "this" isn't referring to the cards?
Dr. Flood: Someone gave us Richard Sterling's old copy of the deck so we would capture him? We're not unpaid contract police.
Dr. Lassila: Yeah, I know. That's why I've had my head in my hands for the last twenty seconds.
Ellbridge: Well, what are you concerned about?
Dr. Lassila: I don't like that someone else is effectively trying to get us to do their bidding. I think the higher-ups won't be amused by that.
Ellbridge: Do you want to get hold of the rest of the cards?
Dr. Lassila: Well, yes.
Ellbridge: Do you want to get hold of the guy who's been repeatedly fucking up your shit since the late 80s?
Dr. Flood: Yes.
Ellbridge: OK, so you're not doing someone else's bidding. You're doing your own bidding, which happens to align with what someone else wants.
Dr. Lassila: I take your point. I'm still not sure how much we can meaningfully do, though.
Ellbridge: How come?
Dr. Lassila: Presumably what Sterling is doing is just hiding in various different Free Ports for as long as possible. Which is a very good strategy for him, because the Foundation can't conduct official business in any of those places.
Ellbridge: I can.
Dr. Lassila: Not on our behalf.
Ellbridge: I can do stuff on my behalf. Then it just happens to align with what you want. Nice how things work out, isn't it?
Dr. Lassila: OK, but with all due respect, what are you going to do? You can't just capture a guy, and you don't have the resources of an international paramilitary. Do you have the resources of an international paramilitary?
Ellbridge: No, but I have the diplomatic connections of one. I know someone who lives or works in every location in this deck — all the ones that have people in them, at least — and those people talk to other people, and to each other. If Richard Sterling's managed to piss off half the Portlands just by living there, I reckon I can get him blacklisted from every Free Port in the world.
Dr. Flood: Interesting. Should we write up a project proposal?
Ellbridge: No.
Dr. Lassila: No, because then it becomes Foundation business, and then both of us…
Ellbridge: …are fucked?
Dr. Lassila: I was going to phrase it more tactfully, but yes. The official explanation on record needs to be that we anticipate the situation will resolve itself in due time, and we are simply waiting for Dr. Sterling to be forced out of hiding. We can monitor the situation, but anything else that happens is the result of independent actions taken by unrelated parties. Everyone clear on that?
Further information on this situation will be added when available.
NOTICE FROM THE RECORDS AND INFORMATION SECURITY ADMINISTRATION
The following updates to this file are provisionally classified pending review. By continuing, you confirm that you are in possession of Level 5/8282 clearance.
-Maria Jones, Director, RAISA
Over the next several weeks, Foundation intelligence sources (including Ellbridge) confirmed that Dr. Sterling had attempted to access numerous Free Ports, and had either fled or been forcibly removed from each. This culminated in the following communication, received by the O5 Council on 10 February 2018 and subsequently forwarded to Dr. Lassila:
Foundation,
An individual identifying as "Richard Sterling" recently entered the Wanderers' Library, seeking asylum from forces unspecified. This message is to inform you that we have ejected him from the premises, owing to:
- his known status as a senior agent of your organisation;
- his usage of an unsanctioned and insecure Way as a means of ingress;
- his general disrespectful behaviour and profane language.
We have closed the gateway through which Mr. Sterling entered, and have returned him to your custody. You are invited to take this message as a reminder that we are not, as a general rule, open to your personnel — especially those engaging in conduct such as his.
Regards,
The Eighth Archivist
Dr. Flood: Jesus Christ.
Ellbridge: I didn't even talk to the Library. If he managed to get himself kicked out of there, that's fully on him.
Dr. Flood: Has he been returned to our custody?
Dr. Lassila: O5's put all Sites on alert, but no response so far.
Ellbridge: Why do they think he still works for you, if he disappeared 14 years ago?
Dr. Lassila: I'm willing to bet they didn't get the memo. 128 was one of the smallest Sites we ran, and no-one else in the Foundation ever gave a shit about it. It may be that no-one outside the Foundation cares either. I'm sure the Library has better things to do than update their records of that hellhole.
Ellbridge: In that case, do they think 128's still operating?
Dr. Flood: Oh, God, that's where they've sent him, isn't it?
Dr. Lassila: Yep. We'll send a team.
Dr. Flood: Wait, how long ago did we get that message?
Dr. Lassila: About an hour.
Ellbridge: So he might not still be there.
Dr. Flood: Might have booked a train to Portland. It's only an hour or two from there, right?
Dr. Lassila: Oh, I bet he has. Jem, can you go through into 3Ports and wait at the UK entrance?
Ellbridge: I can, but you might want to send a team to wait at the other side, 'cause they might just not let him in the door any more.
Dr. Lassila: Alright, I can send half of Rho-18 there, and the other half to scout around 128.
Expedition 26: SCP-8282-6
Date: 2018-02-10
Officer of Record: Dr. Lewis Flood
Card: Bazaar
Description: See Expedition 6 above.
Notes: Dr. Flood and Ellbridge entered Three Portlands and proceeded to monitor the exit leading to Portland, UK for roughly two hours. After neither they nor the team of agents monitoring the city's exterior saw any sign of Dr. Sterling, the two instead forced entry into his residence within Three Portlands; neither Dr. Sterling, his copy of SCP-8282-A, or any gateway produced by SCP-8282 were visible.
Ellbridge: He's definitely not there.
Dr. Lassila: But he still has the cards?
Ellbridge: Seems so.
Dr. Lassila: Which means he's probably going to try and do the ritual again. And to do that, you need a giant chunk of plimyrite. So… where else is there plimyrite?
Ellbridge: Well, my house. That's pretty close to 128, I think.
Dr. Lassila: I'll send the task force there.
Ellbridge: No, I can get there quicker through the cave.
Expedition 27: SCP-8282-4
Date: 2018-02-10
Officer of Record: Dr. Lewis Flood
Card: Sanctuary
Description: See Expedition 4 above.
Notes: Dr. Flood, Ellbridge and two agents entered the cave, and proceeded through the existing gateway into the latter's personal residence. No sign of Dr. Sterling, or any forced entry of any kind, was visible. However, Ellbridge noted abnormal phenomena in the cave itself during their return; see attached transcript for more information.
Dr. Flood: He's not there, Control. No sign of—
Ellbridge: Shut up.
Dr. Flood: What?
Ellbridge: Sh-shh.
[Faint knocking sounds, once every few seconds, are audible.]
Ellbridge: [whispering] What is that?
Dr. Flood: [whispering] I thought it was just cave noises.
Ellbridge: Not this cave. That doesn't happen.
Dr. Flood: Is someone else in here?
Ellbridge: That doesn't make sense. They should have set off the alarms, like Kai did last time.
Dr. Flood: Should we check anyway?
[Approx. five minutes of extraneous audio removed. Dr. Flood, Ellbridge and the agents split up to explore the cave, finding it empty.]
Dr. Flood: Nothing?
Ellbridge: Nothing, but I think it's loudest in that direction. In the piano room.
Dr. Flood: Why do you have a piano in here?
Ellbridge: I like playing with the reverb, it sounds cool. But the knocking's definitely coming from that way.
Dr. Flood: It's from outside, maybe?
Ellbridge: I didn't think there was an outside. I thought this was a pocket world that you could only get to using those cards.
Dr. Flood: If there's no outside, why haven't we suffocated? Because that one door into your house should not be enough to ventilate a cave of this size. Where do those things in the ceiling go? And also, where's the plimyrite from?
Ellbridge: What?
Dr. Flood: If the plimyrite's from here, and you need it to do the ritual that gets you in here, where did it come from originally?
Ellbridge: I don't know.
Dr. Flood: I do, 'cause I found it. Control, I have a suggestion.
Dr. Lassila: Yes?
Dr. Flood: Aflendid.
Dr. Lassila: What about it?
Ellbridge: Where the hell's that?
Dr. Flood: Aflendid. Village in south Wales, used to be a mining town. It kind of has a history of anomalous geology, and it's where we first found this stuff.
Ellbridge: So?
Dr. Flood: When did your dad start making these cards?
Ellbridge: I dunno, early-mid '90s? I was a little kid.
Dr. Flood: Oh, thanks. But the mid '90s was when we found the mine. We thought we exhausted it, there wasn't any more plimyrite, but… I guess your dad got hold of some. Probably moved a bunch into 3Ports at some point, if that's where Sterling's been operating from recently. Meanwhile, the clay that we pulled out of Aflendid is the stuff that's now at Site-91. That is where it all comes from, and if there's more of it here, that might mean we're directly under the town. And I think that knocking is Sterling, on the surface, trying to dig out enough plimyrite to use as a door.
[Silence on recording.]
Dr. Lassila: That's an insane theory, but in the absence of a better one, I move we adopt it.
Dr. Flood and three members of MTF Rho-18 were dispatched to the village of Aflendid, and eventually discovered Dr. Sterling in a disused mining tunnel adjacent to the town, attempting to dig his way through to the seam of plimyrite using only a single shovel.
Dr. Flood: Hello, Richard.
[Dr. Sterling turns to face Dr. Flood. He appears startled, panicked, and noticeably short of breath.]
Dr. Sterling: Who are you?
Dr. Flood: Your memory going? Or was it just not worth remembering the guy you sent to New fucking Jersey for two decades?
[Silence on recording.]
Dr. Flood: Lewis Flood. I would say it's a pleasure, but… you know. Catharsis might be a better word.
[Dr. Sterling pauses, and then lunges at Dr. Flood with his shovel. He retreats after the agents raise their guns.]
Dr. Flood: Oh, for God's sake, Richard. You ran a Site for fifteen years. You know damn well that one old guy is not going to win a fight against a Foundation field team. Put the shovel down, and come with us.
Dr. Sterling: I'm a citizen of Three Portlands. You can't arrest me without causing a diplomatic incident.
Dr. Flood: Why didn't you go there, then?
[Silence on recording.]
Dr. Flood: Oh. You did. You just got there before we did, and they told you to piss off. Right?
Dr. Sterling: How the hell are you getting any of this?
Dr. Flood: I don't know if you noticed, Richard, but people don't like you. I don't like you. Three Portlands doesn't like you. The woman you stole those cards from certainly doesn't like you — and we're going to need those back, by the way. Even the Library sent us a courtesy note to tell us they'd got rid of you.
Dr. Sterling: You're lying.
Dr. Flood: I'm lying, am I? The guy who stole half a ton of magic clay and made that my fault, the guy who literally faked his own death, is telling me I'm lying? Great. That's good to hear.
[Dr. Sterling places the shovel on the ground, and pulls his copy of SCP-8282-A from his pocket. He appears to inspect it for a moment, then suddenly turns around to face the partially-exposed plimyrite and hurriedly performs SCP-8282.]
Dr. Flood: Get him!
[The MTF agents advance as a gateway forms in the clay, dust cascading as the remaining rocks around the opening fall away. The Way appears to waver slightly as he jumps through, as though unstable.]
Rho-3: Where's he going?
[As soon as Dr. Sterling enters the Way, he is tackled to the ground by a waiting Jemima Ellbridge. He drops the cards as he collapses, and they scatter through the air. Ellbridge waves her free hand, and all 44 cards begin flying around the room in spirals before forming a neat stack in her palm. She steps back and looks at Dr. Sterling, who attempts to get up but is restrained by the agents before he can flee.]
Ellbridge: He's in 3Ports. Hello!
Dr. Sterling: No, no, no, no, no…
Ellbridge: Yeah, sorry. Were you always this predictable? Or just lost your touch?
[Dr. Flood enters the gateway.]
Dr. Flood: Sorry, how did you do that? With the…
[Dr. Flood waves his hand around in imitation.]
Ellbridge: When I said I was a cartomancer, I meant it quite broadly.
Dr. Sterling: [groans] Hang on, are you Tom Ellbridge's kid?
Ellbridge: Yep.
Dr. Sterling: You're working with the fucking Foundation?
Dr. Flood: Yes, she is. Why weren't you?
Dr. Sterling: I worked for the Foundation for 25 years!
Dr. Flood: No, you didn't. You built an entire Site on a bundle of lies. Who were you actually working for?
Dr. Sterling: I wasn't working for anyone. Get the fuck away from me.
Dr. Flood: Richard.
Ellbridge: That's probably true, to be fair.
Dr. Flood: What do you mean?
Ellbridge: When I was asking around last week, I found out some really interesting things. Do you know what he's actually been doing for the last decade and a half? Mostly, he's just been running a bunch of different scams. Selling magic items that aren't, charging extortionate rates for useless consulting advice, that sort of thing. Basically, it's what I would be doing if I actively hated everyone else in the world.
Dr. Flood: We were vaguely aware. We just never figured out why, what agenda he was trying to advance.
Ellbridge: Why would he be doing that? You've presupposed he's secretly working for the Hand, or the Insurgency, or… how many of these bloody groups are there?
Dr. Flood: Too many.
Ellbridge: But they all have their ideology. They all care about how the anomalous world should be run. He doesn't care about that shit. I've met a dozen grifters just like him — and the thing about them is, grifters don't need ideology, except as something they can peddle to everyone else. He's scamming on his own behalf. He's not working for anyone except himself.
Dr. Flood: Interesting. Is that a fair assessment, Richard?
[Silence on recording. Dr. Sterling is unresponsive.]
Dr. Flood: Richard? You there?
Ellbridge: I could be wrong, but I think he's currently speedrunning the five stages of grief. Give him a minute to get out of depression.
Dr. Flood: No, I'm happy to make it last longer, actually. Hey, Richard, you want to know something interesting? You know how we never gave that material an actual name? Since, you know, you disappeared it before I even had a chance to write up its file?
Dr. Sterling: It's called thaumic clay, you idiot.
Dr. Flood: Eh, bad name. Won't catch on. Anyway, we picked a better one a few years ago.
[Dr. Sterling sighs in exhaustion.]
Dr. Sterling: Let me guess. SCP-dash-bunch of numbers?
Dr. Flood: Well, yes, that's its formal designation. Nobody calls it that, though. We call it plimyrite.
Dr. Sterling: Plimyrite?
Dr. Flood: From the Greek plimmyra. Meaning 'flood'.
[Dr. Flood grins insincerely at Dr. Sterling, and gestures to the agents to lead him through the gateway to Site-91. The agents comply; Dr. Sterling does not struggle, seemingly lacking the energy. Ellbridge holds up her new copy of the Bazaar card, and shakes it until the gateway to Aflendid vanishes.]
Interrogation of Dr. Sterling is ongoing, but has so far revealed the working theories of Ms. Ellbridge, Dr. Flood and Dr. Lassila to be largely accurate. His older copy of SCP-8282-A had been given to him as a gift by one Thomas Ellbridge in the mid-1990s, and was stolen by parties unknown shortly after he himself stole Jemima Ellbridge's more expansive 44-card deck.
Further queries surrounding this investigation should be directed to the Research Liaison Team.
Addendum 3, Subsequent Observations: Subsequent to Dr. Sterling's capture, a debriefing was conducted at Site-91.
Ellbridge: So what happens now? Our deal only went as far as getting the full set of cards back.
Dr. Lassila: Yeah, and I think you know that we can't just give them back to you. Not without me getting chewed out by everyone in my chain of command.
Dr. Flood: I can confirm that losing valuable anomalies isn't popular with the management.
Ellbridge: What would you use them for, though?
[Silence on recording.]
Ellbridge: I'm genuinely asking. Because half of these cards go to abandoned places that I don't think would be much use to you, and most of the others go to Free Ports, which you guys aren't even allowed into. Not on official business, anyway.
Dr. Flood: I've seen your report on where the rest of the cards go. There's not no use cases there. We could… I don't know, get from here to Sloth's Pit very quickly.
Ellbridge: I can make you a copy of that card, if you want. I could make you a copy of the whole deck, if you gave me a couple months.
Dr. Lassila: And leave the other copy to you, so you can keep on running maybe-illegal deliveries? How am I going to justify that to Director Varga?
Ellbridge: [shrugs] The Foundation's job is to maintain the Veil, right?
Dr. Lassila: Yes.
Ellbridge: Am I threatening the Veil?
Dr. Lassila: …not obviously.
Ellbridge: Was I threatening it before, back when I had the full deck?
Dr. Lassila: …not that I'm aware of.
Ellbridge: No. And if I had, you'd know, and you wouldn't be working with me. You'd have vetoed my offer on day one. I don't want to take down the Veil, frankly. I like being the only one with a magic cave, as you've well noticed. And I also like being allowed in the Portlands.
Dr. Flood: Yeah, what's the status on that? Do they know you're working with us?
Ellbridge: Probably not. But even if they did, my consulting relationship wih you right now — officially speaking — consists of me making sure you don't storm into a Free Port guns blazing and fuck up everything in a mile's radius. I think even someone who doesn't like the Foundation would agree that's probably a good thing.
Dr. Lassila: Well, we'll take your proposal under advisement. It's still going to be a tricky proposal to write up, you understand, and we've all had a stressful few weeks. So… give me a couple days, and I'll try and figure something out.
Ellbridge: If you just need to de-stress, well… I guess that is another use case of the cards.
Dr. Flood: What do you mean?
Ellbridge: I know a place.
Expedition 28: SCP-8282-19
Date: 2018-02-11
Officer of Record: Dr. Kai Lassila
Card: Light; illustration depicts an idyllic coastal area with a lighthouse.
Description: An idyllic coastal area with a lighthouse.
Notes: Dr. Lassila, Dr. Flood and Ms. Ellbridge all entered the location together, and remained there for approximately one hour. No audio log is included, as it consists of extraneous and irrelevant material.
Ellbridge subsequently agreed to continue her consulting relationship with Site-91. She will produce a full copy of SCP-8282-A for research purposes and will advise on the usage thereof, in exchange for the return of the original deck to her and minimal interference in her affairs.
A full manifest of all SCP-8282-# locations is available upon request from Dr. Lewis Flood, Senior Researcher at Site-91.