Her brand new department was barely off the ground and it was already grinding her into the dirt.
Special Containment Procedures: Given that SCP-8186 is theoretical, containment is currently neither possible, nor desirable.1
Description: SCP-8186 is the designation for a fixed point in the human noösphere2 that links to all extant examples of subjectively pleasing mineral or mineraloid matter. Put simply, it is a self-contained metaphysical construct that both is, and is representative of, every rock perceived positively by at least a singular individual, or the collective human consciousness.
At the time of this document's creation, the existence of SCP-8186 has not yet been empirically proven. Research to prove its existence is ongoing.
Dr. Juliet Grey stared blankly at the open draft on her monitor. Glancing at the veritable mountain of documentation strewn across the rest of her desk, she leaned back heavily in her chair, releasing a sound somewhere between a sigh and an unoiled hinge. Without taking her eyes off the ceiling above her, she reached out for the coffee perched on the desk's far corner, promptly fumbling the mug onto the stone floor of her new office. Juliet leapt from her chair, letting out a small screech before realising the mug had been empty. A slim comfort, but at least things weren't going quite as wrong as they could have.
Having shuffled the shattered remains of the mug into the corner of the room, Juliet stretched her back into an arch, ignoring the disconcerting cracking noise it made as she did. She walked stiffly over to her office window. It wasn't a real window, of course, seeing as Site-46 was some 20 meters below ground, hidden away from both the prying eyes of the public and the unforgiving outback sun, but the effect was very convincing. She had been assured the tech that made it possible was very exciting, derived from some phenomenon or another that the Department of Artistic Anomalies were going gaga over, not that Juliet could find much reason to care. In truth, she couldn't find the time to care either; her brand-new department was barely off the ground and it was already grinding her into the dirt.
Confident that looking out of her not-window had done exactly nothing to improve her mood, she returned to staring at the draft she was expected to be presenting by 10 AM tomorrow, and endeavoured to pretend she couldn't feel the panic rising in her chest every time she thought about that. This project was far too important to the Department of Geology to let her own anxieties ruin it for everyone. It was the first time they had collaborated with another department, and Juliet was determined to give the best impression of her little team that she could. From what she had heard from Dr. Fatukasi, there was a surprising level of enthusiasm among fellow researchers for their success. Apparently, someone at Site-19 had referred to her department as 'The UnderDoGs' and the joke had taken off. Juliet herself didn't really see the funny side, but then she hadn't seen much other than her office and her bed for the past few months. She was getting distracted again. Flipping open the nearest binder, she leaned forward and started typing.
Discovery: SCP-8186 was first theorised by Dr. Folorunso Fatukasi, Deputy-Director of the Department of Geology, following an inter-departmental conference. Dr Fatukasi had been at the conference to discuss the ongoing development of the Fixed Geological Points theory3, where he met with a delegation of researchers from the Department of Metaphysics.
According to Dr. Fatukasi, Dr. Larry Rasmussen- one of the Metaphysics researchers- took a particular interest in his theory, and posed the question of whether the fixed points were necessarily physical in nature. The current formulation of the theory proposed that fixed geological points may contain some form of metaphysical or esoteric component4, but had assumed that the fixed points would always exist primarily in realspace.
Dr. Fatukasi and Dr. Rasmussen maintained a correspondence over the proceeding months, formulating the theoretical basis, and experimental predictions, for the proposed noöspheric fixed point. On 14/10/2026, Drs. Fatukasi and Rasmussen submitted a proposal for a joint research project between the Department of Metaphysics and the Department of Geology into their theoretical fixed point, hereafter referred to as SCP-8186.
She sat back again and groaned. It was all wrong. Too many clauses, too many asides, muddying the information, and swinging wildly in the direction of the official Foundation Style Guide without hitting anything of substance. This had all been so much easier with -7186. Sure, she had had to fight Anderson for every inch on that project, but it was all that she needed to focus on. Now, she had three prospective projects that she hadn't even had time to look at, on top of a deluge of other paperwork waiting for her in her peripheral vision.
"It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be done." She muttered to herself, leaning towards the monitor, chin resting on a single-balled fist.
The details could be fixed later, but a half-finished draft wasn't much use to anyone. What more did the entry need? The theory could be addended by Fatukasi and Rasmussen. That was the point of collaborating across departments after all, delegating the work to the people with the experience to handle it. The project was still in the proposal stages, Rasmussen may have been a genius but getting him to submit research proposals on time was like getting blood from a stone, so was it worth tacking it on as an addendum?
Juliet dropped her glasses onto her desk and rubbed the heels of her palms into her closed eyelids. By the time she opened her eyes, the glasses had slid to the very edge of the disorganised rabble of documents. Panicked, she lunged across the desk, counterproductively shunting the eyeglasses over the edge and onto the hard stone floor. Amidst the sound of fluttering paper, Juliet heard the faintest crack. She didn't move for a minute. Lying awkwardly across the folders she hadn't read, the binders she didn't quite understand, and the assorted papers she was pretending weren't there, the Director of the Department of Geology screwed her eyes shut and wanted to cry.
When she opened them again, the documents were all still there, her glasses were still broken on the floor, and the draft was still unfinished. So she sat back into her chair, squinted slightly at the screen, and muttered once again.
"It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be done."
Addendum: Having secured an agreement to fund the project from Dr. Lotulelei5 and Director Juliet Grey, the SCP-8186 joint research team submitted the following pilot study proposal6.
The pilot will seek to establish three key points:
1. That location is a meaningful concept within the human noösphere.
- Hypothesis 1a. Noöspheric objects occupy a singular conceptual space within the noösphere.
- Hypothesis 1b. Logically connected concepts that are conceptually adjacent will subsequently occupy adjacent conceptual space.
- Hypothesis 1c. This conceptual space can be meaningfully mapped in a manner analagous to realspace.
2. That technology derived from the failed Elmwoods Engine project can be applied to identify a specific conceptual location within the noösphere.
3. That a specific conceptual location can be ontologically tied to the Geological Fixed Points theory.
If the pilot study is successful in proving these key points, it is the belief of the researchers involved that the existence of SCP-8186 can be definitively proven, and significantly progress our collective understanding of the nature of Geological Fixed Points.
The proposed methodology involves the construction of a simplified Elmwoods Engine (tentatively titled the Fatukasi-Rasmussen Autocognitive Cartography Apparatus, or F.R.A.C.As.), intended to map the conceptual paths within the noösphere extraphysically travelled when an individual mentally engages with a subject. Once complete, research subjects will be placed within the F.R.A.C.As. and presented with a sequence of minerals and mineraloid matter. The subjects will be asked to describe the presented objects one by one, in whatever manner they feel, and the conceptual paths this cognitive exercise produces will be recorded and mapped by the F.R.A.C.As. along with the specific descriptors provided by the subjects.
The intention is to prove that geological concepts share a broadly similar conceptual space and to map this noöspheric space. If this is achieved, then it should be possible to locate and isolate the noöspheric location of SCP-8186, by establishing that all perception of subjectively pleasing solid or aggregate mineral or mineraloid matter routes through a singular conceptual space which cannot be accounted for as representative of any other geological concept.
Juliet unfolded herself from the hunched position she had adopted over her keyboard and stretched. Leaning back in her chair with her eyes closed and her head rolled back she felt her mind swimming. With a heavy sigh, she glanced over at the clock adorning the otherwise bare walls. 2:23 AM. She sighed once again, doubtful she would be seeing her quarters tonight, and reached a hand out to take a swig of her undoubtedly cold coffee. A frown briefly split her face when the hand grasped at empty air. She took her eyes off the mocking timepiece to locate her missing and much-needed caffeine. In the very corner of her vision, she glimpsed a shard of broken ceramic brushed up against the wall. Juliet sighed a third time and gave herself the luxury of letting a single tear pool in her eye before turning her attention back to her desk. It wasn't perfect, but it was done, that would have to be enough for now. It wasn't enough, but it would have to be, so she drafted a boilerplate review request email, attached the completed draft, and sent it off to Rasmussen and Fatukasi.
Before they could even finish forming in her mind, she realised how ironic the words would be, buried as she was under 20 meters of earth and 4 months of paperwork:
"Onwards and upwards."
A single laugh escaped her lips, stone-faced and mirthless, as she leafed open a personnel transfer request and got back to work.