Now's your last chance to dial that number. Chances are like that, rushed and squeezed in… I have this nasty habit of never knowing when my last one comes.
Yeehaw Junction.
Item #: SCP-8105
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Yeehaw Junction has been cleared of civilians and converted into a Foundation front and research facility. As such, containment efforts primarily entail the installation and maintenance of radio signal jammers along segments of highway within SCP-8105's area of effect.
Description: SCP-8105 is the designation for an anomalous radio signal that periodically interferes with devices located within a 40km radius of Yeehaw Junction, Florida. During occurrences, radio devices fulfilling an unknown criteria within the radius of activity will be forcibly retuned to 105.7 FM. Following this, the station will begin broadcasting a program of obfuscated origin taking the form of a talkshow segment, hosted by an individual self-identified as Danny Campo. Following the conclusion of the program, all affected devices will return to their previous tunings.
The program will frequently prompt listeners to dial the show's hotline in response to questions posed by the aforementioned Danny Campo. As of 02/11/2023, no such number has been provided on-air. All attempts to identify or contact Campo have been unsuccessful.
Selected Audio Log Transcript:
<Begin Log>
Danny: You're listening to 105.7 Easy FM - Old Listening for New Problems, and it's time for today's Speakeasy with Danny Campo, presented by yours truly, old Danny, Dan, or whatever, you all know who I am by this point. It's some lovely weather tonight, crisp, dry, a bright starry night. Looking out the window of my studio here, I can see we don't have a lot of clouds in the sky tonight. Perfect for stargazing with a special lady.
Danny: I remember when I was younger, not that I'm old, mind you, but back in my high school days, driving out to the Purdy Flats, parked out front in my Chevy.
Danny: Just late at night, waiting for a certain special someone to sneak out the front window to spend some time with me, laying on the flatbed, staring at the skies. It was easy to do the cutesy little things then; nuzzling doesn't work as a man with stubble, now. Too prickly, and then you get the whole lecture. Not worth the hassle nowadays. I'm sure the ladies can relate, too.
Danny: Tonight's a good night for the kids up to no good, to maybe steal a moment away from the house, sneak off with some fling. I would do it again too, but it's just not as charming, you know. It's fine enough to sneak away at 2am when Study Hall's your first period, and Miss Hader'll gladly turn an eye when you conk out then, but 2am, and you get home at 3, and whew, clock in at eight? Is a hickey worth getting through the dayshift on two espressos and a dream? Hard to wager.
Danny: The kids'll enjoy tonight's starry patchwork. A shining endorsement from Campo, unless it were my daughter- hah. Funny, that. You know, maybe it'd be better if some of those youthful endeavors were skimped out on. What's a guy gonna do when that dime you snuck out for trots off with a different goof? Clock in at 8, eh? I need the sleep and I don't wanna risk that girl's tears keeping me up at my age. Not that I'm old, wink. Ah.
Danny: They never really tell you how your words bounce off the wall. Radio wasn't my first gig, it took some time to get used to just, talking out there. I wonder if some of my little gags need retiring. How old am I, anyway? John told me to pick up that bit, you know. I'm not terribly aged, just had a nasty smoking habit. Gives my voice a bit of weariness, they say. I think I sound my age, no?
Danny: Well, anyhow, I've been waffling for a bit, so we're gonna open up the line now. Say, how's this for an icebreaker: Tell me about a time you went stargazing? You know what to do- Just dial up ol' Danny! Pick up the phone and watch that easy-to-remember hotline seem to enter itself in! Any minute now…
Danny: Oh, here we are-
Danny: This is Danny Campo, you're live on the Speakeasy!
Caller: Hello?
Danny: You're live, sweetheart.
Caller: Oh my god, hi, hello! I'm a big fan of the show, I've been listening for-
Danny: Slow down sweetheart, I need a name.
Caller: Oh, Tina. My name's Tina.
Danny: Tina, Tina, Tiny Tina, hah. Alright, where are you from, Tina Turner?
Caller: Well, I live out by Loxy, and uh, well I grew up outside Raleigh.
Danny: I knew I heard a twang! Love me a little country gal. And tell me, Tina, what do you do for a living?
Caller: Well, I'm just a flipper at a burger place, doesn't matter which.
Caller: It's not much anyways.
Danny: A woman of America! I salute you- wait, you're not the miss who always messes up my quarter-pounder with too much mayo, are you?
Caller: No, sir, I never! I've been doing this for 17 years now, I'm practically a professor.
Danny: I knew my girl Tina wouldn't do that to me! And please, sweetheart, call me Danny.
Caller: Ah, you're too much!
Danny: Alrighty then miss Tina, you're my lucky little caller so I'm gonna ask you a very-very special question, and I want you to give me your best triple combo of an answer. I wanna hear from you about a special time you went about stargazing.
Caller: I'm afraid I'm not much of a stargazer, Danny, but I remember once when I was much younger, I was about seventeen, the same year I dropped out of high school and vanned away from my pa's house. I was swept up in Joplin & Young, brought my vinyls in that wagon and gone. I ended up in PR by eighteen, and I had shacked up with this strapping young guy named Julio.
Caller: He came right back up to the states with me and we lived in New York for a bit. Had a little studio we cocooned up in. I was washing dishes and he had a gig at a dry cleaner's that paid the rent. One night I threw up in our little stall, and I couldn't have known, but I knew. Eighteen, but I knew. Julio worked late that night but I stayed up until he got home. Spent two dollars and thirty seven cents on a calzone, and swiped a bottle of cola. Julio got home, saw the food, and frowned, said we don't got it like that. I told him "cayate" and that we ought to go up to the roof to eat.
Caller: I felt young still, damn it. He rolled his eyes, but his handsome little face softened a bit, and I dragged him by the hand up to the roof. I set the food beside and we laid on our backs up at the sky.
Caller: I think in my head I wanted it to be this sort of movie-like scene. I told him, I said "Julio, I'm pregnant." You could smell the gasoline from the streets down below. A few honks here and there. We weren't looking at each other, just up in the sky. He said, "You can't even see the stars anymore." I didn't know why he said that. I was pregnant by him, I guess I expected more from his reaction.
Caller: We ate the calzone together.
Caller: I noticed the stars weren't what I expected either. The brightest light was a bit buried in the city. Probably Chase.
Caller: Didn't know then.
Danny: How heartwarming, Tina. Tell me, you keep the baby?
Caller: Well, of course I did! He's still with us now. My special boy, River. Went to college and everything. Fought like hell to get that kid there. Love him lots.
Danny: He a momma's boy?
Caller: He used to be, I don't know what happened. Wanted to meet his dad and I never heard from him again. I hope he comes home one day.
Danny: Well, Tina, thank you so much for sharing, and I hope your boy phones home soon. Sadly, your time is up, but stay tuned for our other callers. I'm sure there's a plethora of folks eager to call in and share all their bits about stargazing!
Caller: Bye bye! Thank you for having me, Danny.
Danny: Don't forget to… Speak easy! Haha.
Danny: Alright, that was Tina! Tina, Tina, Tina. Any young men listening, remember to ring up your mom every once and a while. I remember how much I regretted not talking to my ma more before she passed. We never got along all that well, you know. I'm the spitting image of my dad, and that's where all the trouble began. It's that time old tale, who hates each other more than enemies? Lovers, eh? Sad but true, sad but true. I don't think it ought to be that way, but hey, what do I know. Divorced twice. "Too much of a romantic" they said. Maybe there's not enough romantics left? Big shiny degree for what.
Danny: Before I go too off the path, though, don't forget to call that hotline! It's always a pleasure to speak to my listeners. Remember that number! It's easy to dial, and absolutely free. Your fingers will seem to dial it faster than you can say "Was it always my fault?"
Danny: I really do love what I do, folks. Radio wasn't my first calling. Or my second. Or my third, fourth, and fifth, actually. I kind of hated radio for a while. But I've really grown to love it. As I'm sure devoted listeners may know, I spent a great deal of time in other fields, other, much less profitable careers. But you know what they say, eventually you learn to hate something if you try hard enough. Bills, Bills, Bills.
Danny: Here on Easy FM, being that little voice on the table is something I'm good at, something people listen to. Isn't that enough? But what, a nag? People listen to anything.
Danny: Saw some comedian on TV five pints away from "I hardly knew her!", and it makes me wonder, really wonder. I could do that! If I had the chance. I like to think I'm a pretty funny guy here. I make you all laugh, and you all phone in to get a little taste of it, right?
Danny: Danny Campo is a self-made man. A man who is ready to answer this new call- Hello this is The Speakeasy with Danny Campo you are now live!
Caller: Danny? Hello? Can you hear me?
Danny: You are live!
Caller: Daniel, I'm pretty sure you can hear me, are you there?
Danny: Oopsie! Must have had the wrong number. Don't worry though, folks, we've got another caller right on the way, coming… now!
Danny: This is The Speakeasy with Danny Campo and you are live on the air! Say hello to 105.7 Easy FM!
Caller: Hey, hello.
Danny: Real stoic guy, eh? What's your name, boss.
Caller: Dave. Didn't think I'd actually get through.
Danny: Well, you did! How's it compare to your idea?
Caller: It's alright, I guess.
Danny: High praise. Now tell me, tough guy, what do you know about fluffed up stargazing? Ain't that for pansies?
Caller: Don't have time for stars now. I listen to your show driving home from work along the junction. Work on a site in Jupe, live in Saint Pete. Long drive. Good pay. Driving now, actually. Good signal. You're right about the sky tonight, it's pretty clear. Caught a few glimpses so far.
Caller: I've been working in construction for a while. Money's good now. Fought like hell to organize, but it worked out. Me and my buds cracked a few beers about it afterward. Great guys, love their wives and kids. They've got a fire in their eyes about it. I do well in work, but not amazing. Kinda just a day to day guy. Not super ambitious. Not to say I'm a slacker, I still work hard. But I'm happy with where I am. Seems to suit the guy I am. Not a thinker, never have been. I liked school a little, making friends.
Caller: College was never in the picture. My family's working like me, and I never had the head for it anyways. The summer after I graduated from Belleglade High, I picked up a job digging pipes. Lousy pay even for then, but it was work, and I didn't have any better options with a record. I had slinked into a bar with a fake a few weeks into work, somehow, I guess because I didn't look my age. Did this pretty regularly from that point on.
Caller: One day, I saw this girl, super out of place, real pretty thing, at the bar. Man, I remember Lily like yesterday. Only woman I ever loved. We caught on pretty quick, and so that summer we had a little thing going.
Caller: One night she asked me to take her to Dreher to lay on the hill, 'cause the stars were supposed to be real bright. That girl was always so much better than me. Her mom and dad were old money, and she was studying African Art. Used to run my head off about all sorts of things I didn't understand. We were looking at the stars.
Caller: She taught me how to find Big Dipper then told me I was the love of her life. I didn't say nothing. Put out my cigarette on her arm and stormed off into my truck.
Caller: Never spoke to her again, best thing I could've done for her. How am I supposed to be a provider for a woman like that?
Danny: How fast does that truck of yours go?
Caller: I don't know, don't own it anymore. Was always just a thing to get me places.
Danny: Well, Dave, you made the right call! I know I would've done the same thing if I knew I was gonna hold back a bright young flame. Thank you for calling, Dave. Sincerely.
Caller: Yeah, yeah, keep up the good work Danny. I'll be driving.
Danny: Well, we've had two interesting callers tonight. I'm gonna keep the line open for a little bit longer, but our time is going to be meeting its end very soon. Only 10 more minutes until our one hour of uninterrupted smooth tunes. Now's your last chance to dial that number. Chances are like that, rushed and squeezed in.
Danny: I have this nasty habit of never knowing when my last one comes. A man is multitudes of mistakes in a crockpot. It builds character. One of my mistakes was fighting radio. I have a thing here, where folks like you call and tell me things. Isn't that neat? Like a little Revere on the road. Splayed upon my back of steel.
Danny: Come on, dial it up. It's my cross to bear. I could do this all night, really. The window here gives a little peak of the sky. It's pretty, isn't it? That's the funny thing about this little city. I could walk three blocks down and know you're still looking up at this same sky. I move out of a place, you move in.
Danny: You sit on the same benches, eat the same food. But our little bubbles don't quite align, do they? How's the mustard chaise?
Danny: Drat-
Danny: This is The Speakeasy with Danny Campo, you are now live!
Caller: Hey, Danny, you got time for me?
Danny: Always, Jack. What's on your mind? For any unfamiliar listeners, this is Jack calling. He's been my trusted caller for, what is it, 14 years now?
Caller: It's been a trip. Been on the ground since day one.
Danny: He's truly my number one fan, that man. So, Jack, what's your take on stargazing?
Caller: You know, Danny, I was quite the romantic when I was younger. I took lots of pretty girls on fabulous dates through the years.
Danny: I'm aware, Jack. Wife can't fathom how you've never sealed the deal.
Caller: A man is more than just his feelings. Stargazing is fine and well, but the stars aren't around at Publix. Brioche buns and mandarins and halibut, 30% off. What's a telescope good for? Won't help out at the cookout. All my friends around me have a wife and kids. I still gaze upwards. Can't see the grass anymore. Danny, you look up, too? Your wife likes that.
Caller: I can point out all the shapes and such. I still somehow feel like nobody ever really sees them like me. Maybe you, but not a whole lot of others. I listened in on the calls tonight, Danny. Do you think Tina still thinks of Julio? You should've asked her.
Danny: Maybe I should've, Jack. Poor lady.
Caller: I guess he didn't want her the way she wanted to be wanted. Sad that. It's kinder though, more benevolent, than something nastier, dirtier. Is it boring to want something so average? Stability?
Danny: I don't think so, Jack. It's a crazy world out there. I like to think this station of mine helps make everything a bit more normal.
Caller: Maybe, Danny. Maybe. I always think back to that year, that wonderful, saccharine year. Spending that entire year gazing at the stars. You look up so long that you forget to catch your feet. Come to and there's bills on the floor and a reporter knocking on the door. Career wise.
Danny: It knocks for everyone, Jack. Nobody is ever really unique in that. I'm here in this station now, but not forever, I imagine. Eventually I clock out too. Everyone does. But I can't tell you how to live your life, Jack. It's your life.
Danny: I just chat with you.
Caller: Do you think we could ever stargaze again?
Danny: Well, Jack, I can't really, uh. Would you look at the time. I'm afraid I'll have to cut our conversation short, as we've gotta wrap up The Speakeasy. Rest easy, Jack.
Caller: Dan…
Danny: Well folks, we laughed, we cried, we all wanted to punch Dave for being a sexist prick… but it's about time I signed off. The wife is making pork loin tonight: charbroiled! Yum! This was The Speakeasy hosted by yours truly, Danny Campo, and I'll be heading off now. Enjoy your one hour of uninterrupted music, starting….
Danny: Now.
<End Log>