SCP-7965 - Soda Royale
rating: +17+x

Item #: SCP-7965

Object Class: Uncontained

Special Containment Procedures: As SCP-7965 has continued unimpeded for eighteen cycles and has not yet posed a threat to the veil, the anomalous world, or any factions therein, alongside its continued observation by the Global Occult Coalition, no resources are currently dedicated to containing SCP-7965 at this time.

The pocket dimension housing the SCP-7965 event is likewise guarded from the public by the G.O.C.

Description: SCP-7965 is a bi-decennial event which began on April 22nd, 1890, during which physical manifestations of popular soda brands compete in a deathmatch, the outcome of which influences the popularity of said beverages for the following five years.

The event itself takes place within a pocket dimension in Wisconsin, U.S.A., and always consists of eight participating members. While changes occasionally do occur amongst the roster, the most common members are the following:

  • John Coke
  • John Pepsi
  • Marisha Pepper
  • Sir Spriticus
  • Montague Dew
  • Serenity Fanta
  • Reverend Root
  • Sol Kissinger

As of 1975, all eighteen SCP-7965 events has been won solely by John Coke.

Addendum-7965 -1: SCP-7965 's Nineteenth Cycle

On 4/22/1985, SCP-7965's pocket dimension reportedly manifested as usual, with the standard eight members present. The following document was provided by the G.O.C. following the events of Addendum-7965-2.

Occurrence 1: T-00:00

SCP-7965's pocket dimension manifests; this cycle, the arena within is a 16 km2 area comprised most entirely of forest regions, interspersed only by clearings, ponds, streams, and a giant structure at the center, the likes of which is closed off by giant gates.

All eight contestants also manifest as usual, each apportating along the border of the area equidistant from one another.

Occurrence 2: T-00:31

Throughout the first half an hour, whilst surveying and exploring their surroundings, five contestants find and open hidden loot caches. The contents each contestant acquired from such discoveries are as follows:

  • John Coke acquires a quarterstaff and a better-in-a-punch soda
  • Sir Spriticus acquires a tomb of fizziness
  • Montague Dew acquires an obsidian short blade, along with a bombardier blast
  • Serenity Fanta acquires a bow and seventeen arrows
  • Reverend Root acquires three containment traps, along with a switchblade

Occurrence 3: T-00:39

Reverend Root places and activates two of their three containment traps in the western area of the arena and proceeds to hide in a nearby bush.

Occurrence 4: T-00:42

Serenity Fanta spots Sol Kissinger and immediately takes aim, firing a total of nine arrows at them in quick succession. Only one manages to graze their arm, while the remainder miss, and Sol quickly flees further into the forest. Serenity retrieves three unbroken arrows but makes no further attempts to pursue Sol at this time.

Occurrence 5: T-00:43

John Pepsi and Marisha Pepper encounter one another at a pond in the north-west region of the arena. Whilst Marisha is unarmed, John makes no attempts to assail her, instead choosing to offer a brief alliance. Marisha accepts his offer, and the two sit by the pond and exchange small talk.

Occurrence 6: T-00:47

Sir Spriticus casts the spell "from sky to ground, by fizz be found," the likes of which immediately reveals the current location of the closest contestant. As such, a stream of fizz begins rising in the distance, alerting Spriticus to Montague Dew's location about five to six hundred meters south. He then casts the spell "pop a cap, take a sip, protect my body from a hit," causing a defensive barrier to form across his body before beginning his trek towards Montague.

Occurrence 7: T-00:52

For the first time in nineteen SCP-7965 cycles, John Coke steps in a trap, causing it to activate and immediately incapacitate him through the use of thaumaturgically summoned bindings. This causes him to fall prone on the forest floor, following which Reverend Root emerges from his hiding spot wielding his switchblade. However, rather than immediately finishing John off, he instead begins the following monologue:

"It is by Selevant Soda's divine grace that I have been blessed to capture you this day. Time after time, battle after battle, you have evaded justice and due punishment. You have cheated and slighted, slain and tortured, all just to further yourself, yet it is your greed and lust for power that sees you before me now. I have been selected by our divine goddess to be your judge, to be your jury, and to be your executioner. And you are guilty beyond even an unreasonable doubt. It is with great pleasure that I shall take up my blade against you, and through wielding it I shall-"

The remaining seven minutes have been omitted for brevity and can be provided on inquiry.

Occurrence 8: T-00:57

John Pepsi and Marisha Pepper conclude their conversation and begin to part ways, though not before the following, brief exchange occurs:

Marisha: "This world wasn't meant for pacifism."

John: "I know."

Marisha begins making her way east, whilst John heads south.

Occurrence 9: T-00:58

Sol Kissinger is about to open a loot cache when they are suddenly ambushed by Montague Dew, who stabs them twice in the back before the obsidian blade shatters due to its brittleness. Sol reacts quickly, spinning on theirs heels before backhanding Montague. He stumbles back, given no time to react as Sol tackles him to the ground before beginning to relentless beat his head into the ground. Sol gets in sixteen strikes before Montague manages to slam their knee into Sol's back wounds, creating an opening that allows Montague to roll them both over before he starts relentless choking them. Sol struggles aimlessly, scratching at the ground around them, before eventually falling limp.

A loud popping sound them emanates throughout the entire arena, notifying all contestants that someone has been slain.

John Coke - John Pepsi - Marisha Pepper - Sir Spriticus
Montague Dew - Serenity Fanta - Reverend Root

Occurrence 10: T-01:02

Reverend Root concludes his monologue, throughout which John Coke has remained absolutely silent. Reverend then asks if John has any final words, to which he simply says "behind you" before Reverend is suddenly struck in the back of the head, causing him to crumble to the ground unconscious.

John Pepsi, who had struck Reverend with his quarterstaff, confiscates his last remaining containment trap, along with his switch blade, before making his way over to the still-restrained John Coke. Despite having been killed by Coke twelve times at this point, he still begins to cut him free, which prompts the following conversation:

Coke: So you'll hurt someone to save another?

Pepsi: You'll both still be alive. That's my pacifism.

Coke: And what stops me from killing him the moment you cut me free? From killing you?

Pepsi: Nothing.

Coke: Yet you'll cut me free regardless?

Pepsi: That's my way in this world. If you see me dead for it, so be it.

<Pepsi finishes cutting Coke free before handing them the switch blade.>

Pepsi: Do as you will.

John Pepsi leaves the now-unrestrained John Coke and Reverend Root behind as he begins to make his way east. After half a minute passes, Coke looks to Reverend, lets out a slow sigh, and begins to follow after Pepsi.

Occurrence 11: T-01:06

Marisha Pepper discovers a hidden loot cache containing a hunting rifle, four rounds of ammunition, and a summoning soda named Ferocious Fizz.

Occurrence 12: T-01:09

Serenity Fanta comes across the unconscious body of Reverend Root, who she prepares to finish off before stepping in his other, still-active trap, entirely restraining her.

Occurrence 13: T-01:14

Sir Spriticus reaches Montague Dew, who is still resting and recovering from his encounter with Sol Kissinger. Attempting to seize the moment, Sir Spriticus begins casting the spell "splinter flesh and shatter bone, oh sparkling water carry this corpse home." He is interrupted, however, when a bullet suddenly strikes him, shattering his defensive barrier and causing the spell to fizzle out. Spriticus immediately moves to hide behind a tree, but only manages to do so as another bullet strikes his leg.

Montague, now very aware of the two battling contestants, attempts to flee, only to catch a bullet to the shoulder that sends him stumbling to the ground. Marisha Pepper then fires her final round of ammunition directly through his eye, eliminating him. A popping sound then fills the arena, alerting contestants of the match's second death.

John Coke - John Pepsi - Marisha Pepper
Sir Spriticus - Montague Dew - Reverend Root

Occurrence 14: T-01:15

Sir Spriticus casts the spell "free as a bubble, quick as fizz, bring me somewhere that isn't this" causing him to teleport to a random point in the arena.

Occurrence 15: T-01:16

John Coke and John Pepsi, having heard the elimination pop, exchange the following words:

Coke: Another falls. That leaves six alive.

Pepsi: And two fallen, yes.

Coke: It is the nature of the game to kill. It is the nature of ourselves.

Pepsi: The nature of yourselves. Violence is not a path I'd willingly walk.

Coke: Surely you can't hold onto those golden ideals forever. What about five games from now? Ten? Fifty? No one's values are that unshakable.

Pepsi: You have killed me twelve times, John. And yet I chose not to seize my chance to return the favor. Perhaps, some day, I will falter and lose my way; succumb to this world's viscous cycle of violence and death. But not yet. Not today.

Coke: Then you will die. Over and over.

Pepsi: And when I do I will die true to myself. Can you say the same, John?

Occurrence 16: T-01:23

Reverend Root finally regains consciousness and discovers the now-restrained Serenity Fanta, struggling to break free. He curses before taking one of the arrows off of Serenity's person before stabbing it through their head, killing them instantly. He proceeds to take her bow and ten remaining arrows. A popping sound then fills the arena, alerting contestants of the match's third death.

John Coke - John Pepsi - Marisha Pepper
Sir Spriticus - Reverend Root

Occurrence 17: T-01:25

John Pepsi discovers a hidden loot cache containing a revolver, six rounds of ammunition, and pain-relief rum. Pepsi pockets the rum, but offers the revolver and its ammo to John Coke, who accepts with a quiet thank you. Pepsi seems to smile but does not otherwise acknowledge the gesture.

Elsewhere, Marisha Pepper also locates a hidden loot cache containing gauze and a machete.

Occurrence 18: T-01:30

As is the case with all SCP-7965 deathmatches, a giant siren fills the sky and a beacon appears at the center of the arena, marking the opening of the central structure of the arena. The structure's four gates also open at this time, and an announcement is voiced noting that all land outside of the central structure will be destroyed within the next fifteen minutes.

Occurrence 19: T-01:33

John Coke and John Pepsi begin to approach the center structure's western entrance when a volley of arrows suddenly begin flying from the trees behind them. Six of the arrows strike the area around the two, however one manages to catch Pepsi in his shoulder blade and another strikes Coke's calf. Despite this, Coke manages to limp behind some semblance of cover, however in doing so he leaves Pepsi in the middle of the clearing.

Pepsi, who had collapses from the impact of the first arrow, attempts to rise before another arrow strikes them in the hip, sending them to the ground again. Reverend Root finally emerges from the tree line at this point, knocking his final arrow as he approaches Pepsi, spouting the following:

"In the end, you sinners are all the same. Coarse hearted and cold, all you care about is perpetuating sin and anarchy and pain and tyranny. I had thought you different, John, I really did, but it seems even you have grown tainted and dark. I can only pray that Selevant Soda cleanses your heart. Consider this a servic—"

Reverend Root is cut short by John Coke shooting him in the head. A popping sound then fills the arena, alerting contestants of the match's fourth death.

John Coke - John Pepsi
Marisha Pepper - Sir Spriticus

Occurrence 20: T-01:35

John Coke returns to John Pepsi and they help each other remove the arrows that had struck them. Despite having no proper medical supplies, they fashion bandages out of their shirts — primarily the sleeves — and decide not to use the better-in-a-punch soda, nor the pain-relief rum, as they are both used to such wounds this many cycles in and know they are relatively non-fatal. They then, using each other to stabilize one another, walk into the central structure while having the following words:

John Pepsi: Didn't think you were capable of saving a life.

John Coke: Someone still died.

John Pepsi: But you shot them to protect me. Those kind of even out, I think.

John Coke: Shut up.

John Pepsi: Oh no need to act so stoic about it. I'm proud of you. <Pepsi pats Coke on the back, causing Coke to stare daggers at him.>

John Coke: Keep your damn mouth shut.

John Pepsi: You know, the old John Coke would've never saved—

John Coke: You say another word and this John Coke will put a bullet through your job.

John Pepsi: <Motions zipping his mouth closed before "throwing away" the zipper.>

John Coke: …you are insufferable.

Occurrence 21: T-01:36

Sir Spriticus, realizing that he will not be able to reach the center structure of the arena within the fifteen minute allowance, begins casting one final spell from the tomb of fizziness.

Occurrence 22: T-01:37

Marisha Pepper enters the central structure from the eastern entrance. Noticing this, John Coke immediately raises his revolver, taking aim upon Marisha. John Pepsi grabs his arm to keep him from pulling the trigger however. The following is a transcript of the ensuing encounter:

John Pepsi: She hasn't done anything yet, John. We can be better than this.

John Coke: There is no we here, Pepsi. If you're not going to help, get out of the way.

Marisha Pepper: Maybe he's right, Coke. Maybe we can be better than this. <Behind her back, Marisha begins slowly opening her Ferocious Fizz summoning soda.> Doesn't the bloodshed get exhausting?

John Coke: That's rich coming from you, Pepper! Your hands are as bloody as my own, and I've crossed blades and bullets with you enough to know you are unwavering in your bloodlust. <John cocks back the hammer of his revolver, keeping it pointed directly at Marisha.>

John Pepsi: John, please don't—

John Coke: Shut it.

John Pepsi: Come on, just give me a chance to talk her down.

John Coke: For the love of Selevant, will you just be—

<The sound of a soda opening is heard across the arena as Marisha finishes opening her summoning soda before throwing the bottle at the pair. Coke quickly returns his attention to Marisha, firing two shots in her direction as the soda can breaks apart mid-air and a wolf made entirely of soda manifests before them.>

<The wolf immediately charges as Pepsi, who throws up his quarterstaff in an effort to guard against the canine's unrelenting bites. This proves only partially successfully, as it quickly bites its way through the staff, breaking it in half before biting hard into Pepsi's shoulder. He lets out a scream in anguish before slamming one of the staff's halves hard into the wolf's eye, forcing it release its grip before using the other half to clock it hard in the side.>

<Coke, having heard Pepsi's scream, turns and fires a shot into the wolf, causing it to demanifest in a flurry of soda bubbles upon impact. The bubbles don't immediately dissipate, though, and instead begin filling the area around the two.>

<Marisha, using their brief blindness due to the fizz-fog, begins dead-sprinting at Coke with her machete in hand, reaching him just as the bubbles begin to dissipate.>

<Coke reacts as quickly as possible, barely evading Marisha's strike. She pivots quickly, slashing for his chest, though he maneuvers, forcing his shoulder to bare the brunt of the strike as he fires off a round into her stomach. She feigns collapse, dropping her blade as she slams her shoulder hard into his chest before using the momentum to flip him over her back.>

<Coke hits the ground hard, causing him to drop his gun which Marisha quickly kicks away. She bares down on him with her fists, striking him over and over and over, with him barely deflecting them with his arms. She is relentless in her strikes, cracking his jaw, breaking his nose, bludgeoning his eyes and neck and chest and anywhere else she can lay a hand on.>

<Pepsi appears behind Marisha, wrapping his arms around her in an attempt to yank her off Coke. He is partially successful, pulling her about two feet back before she slams her elbow right into Pepsi's nose, breaking it and forcing him to release his grasp on her. Nonetheless, it provides Coke with enough of an opening to regain some footing, allowing him to dodge her wide swing before countering with his own to her gut.>

<The two end up in a back-and-forth exchange of blows. Coke jabs her rips, Marisha catches his jaw. Coke trips her to the ground, Marisha twists and plants a firm kick in his check. Back and forth, fist after fist, a flurry of blows is exchanged. For moments, Coke is overpowering Marisha, then Marisha Coke, over and over, in a bloody cycle that sees each both go from steady and confident to beaten and shaken. Both stand at odds of one another, each on the verge of collapse. Coke plants his feet. Marisha steels her body. He goes for a wide hook. She moves to block. He feigns and instead goes for a hard upper cut. But she catches it still, before hitting him as hard as possible in the neck. Then again, and again, until his knees give out and he falls to the ground.>

<She stands, towering above him, smirking. And then the ground erupts beneath her feet and dozens of explosions detonate within the central chamber.>

Occurrence 23: T-01:45

Sir Spriticus finishes casting his spell just as the fifteen minute mark is reached. He smiles, and watches as the area around him is swallowed in a wave of blinding light, destroying everything in its path and killing him instantly.

A popping sound then fills the arena, alerting contestants of the match's fifth death.

John Coke - John Pepsi - Marisha Pepper

Occurrence 24: T-01:46

As the dust settles from the detonations caused by Sir Spriticus' spell, John Pepsi rises. Immediately he notices Marisha Pepper laying in the midst of rubble, who he quickly makes his way over to. Her wounds are severe: both of her legs are completely lost, and the remainder of her body is torn by shrapnel and thaumaturgic burns. He grabs her hand, holding it as he softly says "I'm sorry." She coughs, and he pours the pain-relief rum onto her wounds to ease her suffering. She stares at him all the while, before weakly smiling and closing her eyes.

A popping sound then fills the arena, alerting contestants of the match's sixth death.

John Coke - John Pepsi

Occurrence 25: T-01:48

John Pepsi suddenly hears a distant bout of coughing and quickly makes his way over to a still-conscious John Coke. He quickly takes Coke's hand and helps sit him up — unlike Marisha's wounds, Cokes only sustained a few thaumaturgic burns, though his stomach was speared through by a large piece of stone-shrapnel. The following conversation ensues:

John Pepsi: Stick with me, John. You'll be alright.

John Coke: You still here, Pep?

John Pepsi: Right by your side, John. I'm here.

John Coke: <He coughs up. Blood drips down his chin.> And Marisha.

<Pepsi shakes his head.>

John Coke: It's just us, then, huh?

John Pepsi: Just you and me, John. Here… <Pepsi pulls out his better-in-a-punch pop and offers it to Coke, who takes it slowly.>

John Coke: And you won't finish me off… will you? <Coke opens the pop.>

John Pepsi: Never.

John Coke: <Coke raises the healing soda to his lips before pausing.> That means I'll have to—

John Pepsi: It's okay. I won't hold it against you. It's just your nature.

John Coke: I did say that, didn't I? <Coke proceeds to pour the entirety of the soda onto the ground before dropping the can onto the now-destroyed arena floor.>

John Pepsi: Wh— why would you—?

John Coke: Just— be quiet and win for once, Pep. For me.

John Pepsi: Okay, John. I will.

<Coke closes his eyes and whispers "thank you" before resting his head on Pepsi's shoulder.>

After three minutes, a popping sound fills the arena.

John Pepsi

Occurrence 26: T-01:55

John Pepsi is declared the winner of the nineteenth SCP-7965 event. In the following minute, the entirety of the arena demanifests, along with its pocket dimension.

On April 23rd, 1985, directly following the conclusion of SCP-7965's nineteenth event, the Coca-Cola Company released New Coke. Due to the outrage that followed, both within the anomalous and non-anomalous worlds, the SCP Foundation is currently working with the G.O.C. to devise new containment procedures to ensure John Coke wins all future SCP-7965 events.

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