Special Containment Procedures
Instances of SCP-7889-1 are to be contained within a secure storage locker at Site-94.
Description
SCP-7889 is an anomalous phenomenon affecting Dr. Peterson's office at Site-94. Each day at approximately 11:59 AM, a copy of SCP-7889-1, a DVD entitled "Die Funny", will appear on Dr. Peterson's office along with the following note:
Dear Dr. Peterson,
We heard you were feeling down, so we decided to send you one of the funniest movies that our team has ever made. It's got all your favorite actors and we know you'll enjoy. Have a good time!
Love,
Your Friends at Vikander-Kneed
SCP-7889-1 is ostensibly an action comedy starring John Travolta and Danny Devito, produced and distributed by GoI-5889 ("Vikander-Kneed Technical Media").1 SCP-7889-1 has an extremely potent antimemetic effect that affects everyone who views it except for Dr. Peterson.
Discovery
SCP-7889 was first discovered by Dr. Peterson on 10/4/2022. However, he refused to report it and instead used the steadily increasing number of SCP-7889-1 instances as paperweights or stored them within his desk.
SCP-7889 was accidentally discovered by Dr. Samuel Gold on 3/2/2023. Dr. Gold then forced Dr. Peterson to report it to the Foundation.
Discovery Log
Date: 3/2/2023
Subjects: Dr. Peterson, Dr. Gold
[Excerpt begins.]
Dr. Peterson and Dr. Gold are sitting within Dr. Peterson's office, discussing a television show. Suddenly, an SCP-7889-1 instance appears on Dr. Peterson's desk.
Dr. Gold: Jack, what is that?
Dr. Peterson: Oh, that's nothing.
Dr. Gold: Jack, it literally appeared out of thin air on your desk.
Dr. Peterson: Well…
Dr. Gold: Has this happened before?
Dr. Peterson: A couple of times. I didn't think it was a big deal.
Dr. Gold then walks over to the desk and inspects the SCP-7889-1 instance.
Dr. Gold: "Love, your friends at Vikander-Kneed." Jack, you know we have to report VKTM shit. Why the fuck did you hide this?
Dr. Peterson: Because nothing good ever comes from a VKTM tape.
Dr. Gold: That's your excuse for negligence?
Dr. Peterson: Name one good VKTM anomaly. I'll wait.
Dr. Gold pauses to think.
Dr. Gold: Well, it worked out pretty good for Lillihammer back at 43.
Dr. Peterson: So you're saying I should expose myself to a dangerous anomaly so I have a chance to have sex with God?
Dr. Gold: That's not what I'm saying. Actually, that's exactly what I'm saying. I see your point.
Dr. Peterson: That's not all. They don't even make good media. There's no reason to watch a VKTM tape.
Dr. Gold: Are you actually getting upset at this?
Dr. Peterson: I'm serious here. Their social commentary schtick is bullshit. "Oh, we satirize capitalism!" Fuck you! You aren't doing anything special! Shit, the only- the only reason they're still in business is because they cashed in on the NFT craze!
Dr. Gold: I think you've made your point.
Dr. Peterson: No, I haven't. I haven't even begun to make my point on the many reasons that there is no good reason to watch a VKTM tape.
Dr. Gold: I'm still turning this in.
Dr. Peterson: Really Sam?
Dr. Gold: I'm sure it won't be that bad.
[Excerpt ends]
Experiment 7889.07
Testing with D-Class personnel revealed that the film was highly antimemetic and had no obvious infohazardous properties, as determined by a Wozny-Leinnes Meme Detector. Due to a potential link with Dr. Peterson as well as Dr. Peterson's high cognitive resistance value, it was decided to have Dr. Peterson test the anomaly.
Experiment Log
Date: 3/4/2023
Subjects: Dr. Peterson, Dr. Gold
[Excerpt begins.]
Dr. Peterson and Dr. Gold are sitting within the testing chamber, a television in front of them. A copy of SCP-7889-1 has been inserted into the television. The movie has been paused at the 00.01 minute mark.
Dr. Peterson: I hate you for this.
Dr. Gold Just do it.
Dr. Peterson: Fine.
Dr. Peterson unpauses the film. The screen shows the logo for Vikander-Kneed and quiet classical music is playing. Suddenly, the music switches to loud rock and roll music and large letters fly towards the front of the screen at high speeds. Dr. Peterson, surprised by the sudden tone shift, falls. The letters read "FUCK YOU JACK".
Unknown Male Voice: (from the television) We at Vikander-Kneed Technical Media do not appreciate the slander that "nothing good ever comes from a VKTM tape." We hope you learn your lesson.
The television turns itself off.
[Excerpt ends]
Additional Notes: Dr. Peterson is now unable to view recreational media, as any attempt to do so results in him perceiving the media as advertisements for Vikander-Kneed products.
Incident 7889.01
On 3/14/2023, Dr. Peterson performed an unauthorized test of SCP-7889-1, motivated by the results of the previous experiment.
Experiment Log
Date: 3/14/2023
Subject: Dr. Peterson
[Excerpt begins.]
Dr. Peterson is sitting in front of the television. The screen is the same as it was at the end of Experiment 7889-07. Dr. Peterson appears to be highly agitated.
Dr. Peterson: I said I'm sorry. What more do you want from me?
The television does not respond.
Dr. Peterson: Please? I just want to finish Better Call Saul.
The television does not respond.
Dr. Peterson: Please? I take it back! You're not too bad! Misfortune Gorge was hilarious! Come on VKTM, I won't do it again. I'm sorry for this.
The television does not respond.
Dr. Peterson: All I'm asking for is one last chance here.
The words on the screen change to "FINE". Suddenly, the film's content changes to that of what appears to be a typical film. Dr. Peterson sits in a chair and begins to view it.
Although originally apprehensive, Dr. Peterson begins to get more engaged with the film and starts commenting on it.
Dr. Peterson: (laughing) This is actually pretty good.
[Excerpt ends]
Additional Notes: Dr. Peterson refuses to comment on the actual content of the film, but has given it "five stars". A spokesman for Vikander-Kneed explained that Dr. Peterson is "forgiven".