After I was crucified, the world was not lit. I was left hanging by my children, for real.
Special Containment Procedures: All SCP-7678 posts should be labeled as misinformation before the account is deactivated.
Description: SCP-7678 is a group of social media accounts with the username "Jesus Christ" which are present across ~40% of social media websites. These include, but are not limited to, Twitter,1 Reddit, and Tumblr. These accounts radiate high amounts of digital Akiva radiation2, and it is currently unknown if the accounts are operated by the biblical figure.
SCP-7678 accounts typically attempt to spread Christian values, often using slang terms and incorrectly using features built into the website that they are using. Upon an SCP-7678 account being deactivated, it will reactivate ~72 hours later.
The image associated with SCP-7678. There are no known hazards present in the image.
Discovery: SCP-7678 was discovered on 23/02/2023 when an excerpt from the Bible was placed on every website. This excerpt, Genesis 11:7, details the action of God separating a unified language into several languages. The purpose of this is currently unknown, but the image has the same digital Akiva radiation signature as all SCP-7678 messages. Using this Akiva radiation signature, Foundation webcrawlers were able to find the source, now recognized as SCP-7678. A disinformation campaign describing the image as a cyber-attack was successful.
Update: Based on messages sent by SCP-7678 following the discovery, it is theorized that SCP-7678 might have seen this image and misinterpreted it.
Addendum 7678.1: Below is the first post that SCP-7678 made to the subreddit "r/atheism."
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r/atheism • 10 hr. ago by Jesus Christ |
Accept Me As Your Savior
I'm sure you've all heard of me. I am Jesus Christ, God the Son. I know you haven't heard from me in a while. This is because I have been taking a mental health break from humanity. Now that I am back, I have a received a glow-up.
After I was crucified, the world was not lit. I was left hanging by my children, for real. None of it was a vibe. Now, I have come back to absolve you all of your sins once more. When I first returned, I found something truly shocking. Belief On God is being slept on! You are all simping for Twitch streamers instead of stanning the true Lord. If you believed in God, you would realize that it hits different.
I understand that all of you in this subreddit are atheists, which means you do not believe in God. This is a big yikes, and I hope to fix that.
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AwesomeAtheist • 9 hr. ago |
While I appreciate the dedication, please shut the fuck up. This goes against rule 1, go fuck yourself.
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Following this, SCP-7678 was banned from the atheism subreddit for "roleplaying." 72 hours later, the anomaly reappeared and began repeating the phrase "this ain't it, chief."
Addendum 7678.2: Below is the first post that SCP-7678 made to the popular social media website, Tumblr.
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Jesus Christ |
So I was reading the bible the other day because my dad owns it and I died for your sins before I could see how he represented me, (which is kinda your fault) and I'm confused. If you all started using "AD" after I died, what do you do now that I'm back?
#thebible #jesusisthebest #loveme #ongod #why are so many people drawing me #oh God what are these pictures
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The message was widely perceived as satire. Soon after posting, SCP-7678 left the site. Notably, SCP-7678 appears to have stopped using slang terms. Analyzing the replies to its original r/atheism post indicate that this change was made due to insults directed at the anomaly.
Addendum 7678.3: On 17/07/2023, an SCP-7678 account posted a message to Twitter asking for a blue checkmark next to it's username. This is typically used to display the officiality of an account.
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Jesus  @therealsavior |
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Hello, my children of Twitter. It has recently come to my attention that people think I'm fake. Upon consulting the Twitter commandments, I have found that the best way to fix this is by getting a blue checkmark next to my name. I have talked to my Father and he has agreed to let one of you into heaven if you buy me a checkmark.
2:43 AM · July 17, 2023 · 1 M Views
1,902 Retweets 97 Quote Tweets 28.1 K Likes
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Tim @tim69420 · July 22 Replying to @therealsavior Why would anybody do that. Stop roleplaying, wake up, and stay in the real world. |
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Jesus @therealsavior · July 22 Replying to @tim69420 My child, Timothy Smith, I know your life might seem awful living at 138 Cypress Lane, Dallas, Texas, but things can get better if you just accept me into your life. |
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Tim @tim69420 · July 22 Replying to @therealsavior I don't know how the fuck you know that, but I'm reporting you. Enjoy the ban, loser. |
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Jesus @therealsavior · July 22 Replying to @tim69420 I don't think your mother, who goes to my father's house every Sunday to pray for your father who is currently battling cancer, would approve. |
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Tim @tim69420 · July 22 Replying to @tim69420 Reported to Twitter and to the police. You're a fucking creep. fox.com |
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Incident 7678.1: On 09/08/2023, multiple messages were sent to all Foundation staff by SCP-7678. It is currently unknown how SCP-7678 managed to force his phone number to display as "Jesus Christ" despite it not being saved in any researchers' phones. Given the circumstances surrounding the messages, the irrelevant messages have been highlighted.
Jesus Christ
Hello. This is Jesus Christ, the we clawed savior. Yes, I have slid into your
Sorry, it sent. I'm not used asking to why voice text
Is that… Miley Cyrus?
Sorry, speech to text always picks up songs. Let me wrecking turn it ball off
Yes, I have slid into your DMs. No, I am not trolling you.
You might've heard about my contributions to saving your souls, which is why I'm wondering why you want to "contain" me. I am trying to help.
While we are sorry for the inconvenience that we've presented in obstructing your goals, you have to understand that you are anomalous, and we can't allow you to continue. Please turn yourself in before permanent actions are taken.
brb
Following these messages, all water in every Foundation site was suddenly transformed into red wine for 24 hours. While the exact mechanisms behind this change are unknown, the wine was genetically identical to every human.
Additionally, the last message sent by SCP-7678 had a digital locational tag attached which matched Vatican City. A proposal for an MTF expedition into Vatican City to retrieve the anomaly is pending. PoI-7678 "Jesus Christ" is now considered an enemy of the Foundation.