It was handed to me directly. Dr. McKinsey Sultan walked into my office, tears in her eyes, and slammed it on my desk. Told me to take it.
Written for DumbCon2026. I'm extremely sick while I'm finishing this up. Prompt was a razor that adds more hair instead of removing it, and I got inspired pretty much immediately for this take on that prompt.
| Item #: SCP-7534 |
Level 1/7534 |
| Object Class: Euclid |
Classified |
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-7534 is held at Site-81 in Low Risk Storage. The current research supervisor is Dr. Susan Muller.
Update 01/02/2026: Current whereabouts of SCP-7534 are unknown. Recovery is considered low priority.
Description: SCP-7534 is an electric razor. All product branding and manufacturer information have been removed from SCP-7534 via abrasion.
SCP-7534 exhibits a minor ectoentropic effect in that it does not require any continued source of power to function.
When SCP-7534 is enabled and run along the surface of a human subject's skin, contacted areas rapidly grow hair.
Following the events of 01/02/2026, it is speculated that SCP-7534 may possess additional anomalous effects. Further analysis pending.
Addendum 7534.102: SCP-7534 was reported missing on 01/02/2026 with several other objects. Security footage suggests intrusion by anomalous means.
For further information, see Investigative Report: Incident S81-010226.
Relevant documents are included below.
Investigatory Committee Hearing Re: Incident S81-010226
Date: 01/09/2026
In Attendance: Level 2 Classified, see Investigative Report: Incident S81-010226.
Testifying: Dr. Susan Muller.
The following is an excerpt of Site-81 Investigatory Committee proceedings relevant to the documentation of SCP-7534.
Speaker: Let's make this quick.
Speaker: You have been appointed to the SCP-7534 project since 04/19/2023.
Muller: That is correct.
Speaker: Historical record states the object was voluntarily surrendered into Foundation custody.
Muller: That is correct.
Speaker: Can you elaborate on the details of this acquisition?
Muller: Alright, well, I certainly can. It was handed to me directly. Dr. McKinsey Sultan walked into my office, tears in her eyes, and slammed it on my desk. Told me to take it.
Speaker: Such is not standard procedure for the logging of newly discovered anomalous objects.
Muller: Correct. I do believe she wanted to be rid of it as soon as possible. I was supervising several other projects she was assigned to at the time, so I suppose that's why she immediately came to me.
Speaker: Upon acquisition of the object, you alerted an on-site response team immediately as per protocol and were assigned to the project. You did not schedule a preliminary interview with Dr. Sultan regarding the acquisition of the object. In fact, no interview with Dr. Sultan regarding the object is on file.
Muller: That is correct. Review of site surveillance and activity logs determined that the object arrived to Site-81 in a shipment of otherwise mundane hygiene products. Dr. McKinsey's acquisition of the object was purely coincidental, and this was the first time she had used it. I deemed the preliminary interview unnecessary and formally requested it be omitted from acquisition procedure for SCP-7534.
Speaker: Well then, what exactly did Dr. Sultan say to you when she provided you with the object?
Muller: She wasn't especially coherent, so a lot of it was just babbled out. She just said "Take it away from me!" when she put it on my desk, and I only really got snippets from her after that. "What sick joke is this?" "They're trying to make me a man," and other things to that effect. Nothing of relevance to the object's origin.
Speaker: Did Dr. Sultan's emotional state upon retrieving the object not strike you as odd or worth investigating?
Muller: No, not at all. I have some history with her, and I understand there are some things she does not take lightly. It wasn't hard to see why it upset her, you know how… those types are, yes?
Speaker: Please clarify the meaning of 'those types' in this context, for the record.
Muller: Transgender.
Speaker: I see.
Speaker: Immediately following the acquisition of the object, initial testing and observation was performed on Class-D personnel.
Muller: That is correct. It went without incident.
Speaker: Reports indicate no further experimentation with the object, including no use of the object on a subject's body above the neck.
Muller: Yes, that is correct. The object was deemed low risk and low value, and usage of the object on facial regions was deemed liable to cause unnecessary injury to Class-D personnel through mundane reaction to its anomalous effects. It was considered a waste of Foundation resources.
Speaker: What you mean to tell me, Dr. Muller, is that the person responsible for relinquishing this object was not interviewed and its effects were not fully explored for approximately two years until its theft.
Muller: That is correct. It was not an object of perceived importance or value. In fact, it was nearly logged simply as an Anomalous Object.
Speaker: Are you aware that Dr. Sultan left the Foundation in June of 2023?
Muller: I am. She always did seem quite stressed here.
Muller: If I may, I do not believe that anyone at the Foundation is at fault for the events surrounding the object. It was an unfortunate happenstance that further properties and information regarding it fell within the Foundation's blindspots. Nothing more.
Speaker: Is that all, Doctor?
Muller: I have no further comment.
Speaker: Thank you for your time, Dr. Muller.
Muller: Likewise.
Recovered Audio, Foundation Company Vehicle, Site-81 Topside Parking
Date: 01/02/2026
The following audio log was recovered from the dashcam of a Foundation-issued van in the Site-81 topside parking lot. The van had not been moved for several days prior. Surveillance footage displays no excursion from the vehicle.
Unknown 1: Alright, still getting used to the teleporty glasses, but—
Unknown 2: It isn't technically teleportation.
Unknown 1: Whatever. I'd still work here if I were that pedantic.
[Quiet laughter is heard.]
Unknown 2: You were a lot more timid last time we were at 81 together.
Unknown 1: Yeah? And I was afraid of a little hair. Hadn't hit the gym in my life.
Unknown 2: And you're jacked, kinda hairy, and not afraid of pissing off the Foundation itself now.
Unknown 1: Had enough of this talk when we first met back up, didn't we?
Unknown 2: I think we're having more than enough talk in general right now.
[Slight creaking is audible.]
Unknown 2: Got eyes outside the van. Don't have an exact map, but I know the gist of the way around.
Unknown 1: I'd sure hope so.
Unknown 2: Main things I'm looking for will be lower down. There's a good checkpoint to pop back in and get our bearings in storage right where 7534 is held.
Unknown 1: Won't be hard to grab.
Unknown 2: What did you want with it anyway? Enough to put it on the list for this whole stunt we're pulling, I mean.
Unknown 1: Heard a bit of an urban legend that sounded like it, and it clicked.
Unknown 2: What did?
Unknown 1: Didn't think about it until way after when I first used it, but the hair it put on my legs… It was a silver gray, and I'm sure as hell not that old yet.
Unknown 2: You're probably going to have to explain this to me later.
Unknown 1: Right. Save the sidetracking for when we're out of here.
Unknown 2: Yeah, I don't want to linger. We can have surprise on our side if we don't sit around and get noticed before we even make a move. Should be in and out before they can do anything if we're quick.
[There's a short pause and more creaking.]
Unknown 2: Let's get in there.
[No further activity is detected.]
Post Made to Parawatch Forums
The following post was made to Parawatch Forums on 03/22/2023 and subsequently archived by Foundation webcrawlers. A potential link to SCP-7534 was noted on 01/07/2025
mr_awes0mesauce 03/22/2023 11:12:53 #82983232
I've heard an urban legend. Don't ask how, since where I've lived the past few years is anything but urban. Certainly didn't start anywhere around here. They say an electric razor exists, a few different stories about why, but if you try to shave with it, it doesn't shave the hair away. It shaves you away. Makes you a monster or reveals your "true self" or something depending on who you ask.
I'm a newbie here, if you couldn't tell, but I think I might've seen it or something like it. I don't shave my body hair much, and I don't own an electric razor for that matter. Think I had a guest over who left the thing in my bathroom. I think the legend goes it finds its way to you, make of that what you will.
I felt like trimming up the other day, so I grabbed the thing. Touched it to my skin, and… I don't really know. Between that and a couple days later, my memory is blank. Neighbor said she saw someone she thought was some kind of cop pull into my driveway, but that's it. Something in me wants to say I just got distracted and didn't bother to shave in the first place? What do you all think?
Surveillance Log, Foundation Discreet Surveillance System
Date: 01/05/2026
Location: Residence of Dr. McKinsey Sultan, former Foundation researcher
The following is an automated recording within the dining room of Dr. McKinsey Sultan, believed to be relevant to the documentation of SCP-7534.
[A woman is seated at a dining room table, identified by the prominent anomalous hole through her chest as PoI-9621, formerly employed by the Foundation as Dr. Ross Tolmony. She is currently wanted for the theft of SCP-9669-2 and disruption of standard disciplinary procedure.]
[Dr. Tolmony is seated facing toward the camera's right, presumably speaking to someone out of frame, identified through contextual information as Dr. McKinsey Sultan.]
Tolmony: Well, you got everything out of here you're still attached to?
Sultan: That'll be the last of it.
Tolmony: Can't stay much longer, so take it in.
[Dr. Tolmony gestures around the room and briefly glances around herself.]
Sultan: That sentimental?
Tolmony: If you don't, you'll regret it. I can tell you that.
Sultan: Sorry, you're right. It's all been weird. Like an uncomfortable dream.
[Dr. Tolmony raises an eyebrow.]
Tolmony: It's a bit late for second thoughts now.
Sultan: That's true! I'm not feeling… remorseful. I'm really happy with… the changes, and the peace of mind you promised.
Sultan: I guess leaving everything behind is just… rough, huh?
Tolmony: Yeah. It is. I can't promise it'll be sunshine and rainbows where we're going next, but it'll be a lot safer than here.
[The sound of chair legs being slid a short distance across the floor is audible from just outside of frame.]
Sultan: I'm not coming back, am I?
Tolmony: I mean, you could any time you wanted, but… Wouldn't recommend it.
[Dr. Tolmony gazes blankly forward for a moment.]
Tolmony: Maybe it'll be safe again someday. Probably not anytime—
[More scuffing of chair legs is heard. A furred hand ending in claws becomes visible in frame and takes up a large portion of it.]
Sultan: Stop. I can't do this. No more 'maybe'.
[Dr. Sultan clenches her fist.]
Sultan: Look at me, Tolmony, the things you've done, the things I've done as of late!
Sultan: We'll be the difference.
[Dr. Sultan steps forward and leans over the table. Her body is covered in gray fur, and she possesses long, dark hair with two pointed ears at the top of her head. The start of a tail is visible on her back at her waist and drapes out of frame. She wears ripped jeans and a white t-shirt.]
Sultan: I'm not stupid. I get what I'm saying, but even if we have to run today, we'll come back. We're going to make our world one where we can live in peace.
Sultan: No one like us should have to hide.
[Dr. Tolmony nods her head. She gains a solemn expression.]
Tolmony: I'd like to believe that.
[Dr. Tolmony reaches into her pocket and retrieves an instance of SCP-9669, which she puts on.]
[Dr. Sultan nods and does the same.]
Tolmony: This kind of ambition is going to kill me someday.
Sultan: Then don't go down without a fight.
[Dr. Tolmony reaches for her temple. Both persons disappear instantaneously.]
Archivist's Notes: A full search of the property was conducted shortly after the recording was taken and flagged by automated surveillance processing systems for potential anomalous or disruptive activity. No trace of either individual featured in the recording could be found.
