rating: +69+x

Item #: SCP-7527

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Due to its nature, direct containment of SCP-7527 is impossible. However, public knowledge of SCP-7527 has been growing exponentially by non-anomalous means since 2017, and continued exposure carries a risk of an LK-class "Lifted Veil" scenario, at minimum.

As such, Foundation webcrawlers are to suppress as much information online about SCP-7527-A as possible, particularly among conservative communities on social media. Journalism pertaining to SCP-7527-A is to be discreetly intercepted and removed.

All seven instances of SCP-7527-B are kept in a standard containment locker at Site-59. Viewing SCP-7527-B for research purposes may only be done by employees with a score of 50 or higher on the Naismith Memetic Resistance test. Upon discovery, additional instances of SCP-7527-B are to be reclaimed and contained in the same manner.

Due to the circumstances of SCP-7527-B's recovery, research is ongoing into the level of threat posed by SCP-7527-A.

Description: SCP-7527-A is Sylvester "Slimmy" Kincaid (Hereafter SCP-7527-A), an American film actor who allegedly starred in 489 motion pictures from 1935 until his death in 1978.

No birth certificate, death certificate, or other civilian documentation have been found for SCP-7527-A. All studios responsible for his films have been unable to locate evidence that SCP-7527-A was ever an employee, or that production was even attempted on any of his films. For all legal intents and purposes, SCP-7527-A never existed.

There are currently only two forms of evidence for SCP-7527-A's existence:

  • 18 people who claimed to have worked with SCP-7527-A. Only three of them are still alive at the time of writing: Clint Eastwood, Malcolm McDowell1, and Mel Brooks2. Eastwood3 is the only one among these three who expressed any positive opinion of Kincaid. However, all expressed ignorance of more specific details about SCP-7527-A.
  • 7 instances of SCP-7527-B, VHS videocassettes of the following films starring SCP-7527-A:
    • Horse!
    • Everyone In Montana Is Now Mrs. Kincaid
    • Nope, That's Not How You Do It
    • I Ain't Your Tovarisch
    • What Does a Prairie Dog Deserve?
    • A Full Colorado Breakfast
    • What Happens To People Who Don't Like Beer

SCP-7527-A appears exclusively in Westerns and plays either the leading man or a mentor figure. During these films, SCP-7527-A's character is unquestionably beloved by all characters except antagonists, never receives lasting physical damage, and goes through no character development.

He also exhibits anomalous strength and reality-warping abilities, but these powers are portrayed as something mundane that his character has always been capable of doing. As such, level of special effects is often incongruent with those available during the year of production shown in the film credits.

These films usually contain heavy-handed moral messages conveyed through SCP-7527-A's character. These messages are often bizarre and transgressive compared to films from the time of produciton; for example, Everyone In Montana Is Now Mrs. Kincaid is about SCP-7527-A's character violently coercing every individual being in Montana to marry him, including corpses, livestock, wildlife, plants, buildings, land, artworks, fictional characters, furniture, clouds, and concepts.

Reactions to these messages from other characters are universally positive by the end of the film, either through character development, subjugation, or eradication.

SCP-7527-A's anomalous effects manifest when the name "Slimmy Kincaid" is heard or viewed by a human subject, who will then be compelled to aggressively defend the career, lifestyle, works, and values of SCP-7527-A - regardless of whether or not the subject knows of SCP-7527-A's existence.

This does not always happen with a human subject, but the chances of a manifestation event can increase if the subject has heard the name before, expresses conservative political beliefs, or is a fan/participant of romance and action films set in the American West and/or South.

Testing Log: SCP-7527-A/42
Date: 7/15/2023
Interviewer: Dr. Maria Gant
Interviewed: D-57159

<Begin Log>

Gant: Good afternoon, D-57159. This will just take a few minutes.

D-57159: Bullshit, but okay.

Gant: I'm going to read out some words, and you're going to tell me the word you associate with them.

D-57159: Is this a prank?

Gant: "Jumprope."

D-57159: Because this sounds like a prank.

(Gant stares in silence at D-57159 for five seconds.)

Gant: "Jumprope."

D-57159: Fine. "Playground."

Gant: "Dog."

D-57159: "Woof."

Gant: "Democrat."

D-57159: "Pussy."

Gant: "America."

D-57159: "Freedom."

Gant: "Slim."

D-57159: "Thin."

Gant: "Slimmy."

D-57159: …"Thinny?"

Gant: "Kincaid."

D-57159: "Someone's last name?"

Gant: "Mr. Slim Kincaid."

D-57159: Uh, "Word game that doesn't make sense."

Gant: "Slimmy Kincai-"

D-57159 suddenly stands up, slamming the table with both hands.

D-57159: Get his fucking name out of your mouth, bitch! You DO NOT get to cancel the last great artist of the silver screen! If there were more actors like him in Hollywood, maybe American culture wouldn't be choking on its own goddamn feces!

Gant: "Potato."

D-57159: No, YOU'RE a potato!

Gant: No, I mean the word you associate with "potato."

D-57159: "Meat and!"

Gant: "Windmill."

D-57159: "Dutch."

Gant: "Apple."

D-57159: "Pie."

(D-57159's eyes widen. He slowly sits down. His anger turns to bewilderment.)

Gant: "Hat."

D-57159: Um, "Fedora."

Gant: "Parrot."

D-57159: "Iago." - Hey, quick question.

Gant: Yes?

D-57159: Was I yelling a few seconds ago?

Gant: Yes. Remind me, what were you yelling about?

(He rubs his forehead, trying to figure it out.)

D-57159: Fuck if I know.

<End Log>

Addendum 1 - SCP-7527-B: All contained instances of SCP-7527-B were recovered from the basement of Hallingdans Manor, a farm in Rockford, IL that had been converted into a compound for the Children of the Scarlet King. On September 17th, 1988, due to infighting plaguing the organization's Great Lakes region, rival factions within the compound entered a five-day shootout, reducing the onsite population by 87%. As such, the Foundation was able to raid the compound without incident.

SCP-7527-B-1 through -7 were initially believed to be mundane entertainment for the residents, analysis of the credits for every film indicate that the Children of the Scarlet King were at least partially involved with production. There were at least 158 additional videocassettes onsite, but they had been destroyed by fire. A partially destroyed mail-order catalog onsite named at least 482 additional SCP-7527-B films, listing them as "long-form values pieces to help spread the word."

Addendum 2 - Excerpts from SCP-7527-B:

Film Name: Horse!
Co-Stars: Malcolm McDowell (Deputy Paul Hatcher), Cloris Leachman (Sister Mary Bloodcow)

<Begin Log>

(Sheriff Kincaid and Deputy Hatcher rush to the edge of a cliff on their horses. The horses stop when they notice the cliff.)

(There's a dramatic orchestra sting. A passenger train has been derailed. Some of the cars are on fire.)

Hatcher: Dammit!

(Kincaid nods stoically.)

Kincaid: That's a dammit-able sight if ever I seen one.

Hatcher: We were too late! Think of all the people who died…

Kincaid: A man thinks about what he damn well pleases. It's plenty disgustin', though. Them wheels are built for bein' on rails. Here they are, failin' their one duty.

(He lights two cigarettes at once.)

Someone oughta hurt them wheels.

Hatcher: No, it's my fault.

Kincaid: What in Sam Hill are you —

Hatcher: No, really! We could have caught up with those train robbers if I weren't taking my sweet time. I slowed us both down.

Kincaid: Well, lemme ask you a question.

Hatcher: Yes, I'd like to turn in my —

Kincaid: Naw, naw, not that. And no, you may not.

Hatcher: Then what's the question?

Kincaid: Was it you movin' them legs? Was it you with the hooves, eatin' too much hay, makin' my be-hind awful uncomfortable?

(He dismounts.)

Hatcher: Well, a good rider makes a good horse, and —

(Kincaid scruffs his own horse by the neck. He sticks his tongue in the horse's ear. The horse suddenly starts screaming and flailing. Additional tongues slither out from the nostrils and the other ear. He sucks his tongue back in, causing blood and unidentifiable bits of gore to spew from the ear. The horse falls down, dead.)

Kincaid: I win.

(Hatcher stares at Kincaid, open-mouthed.)

Hatcher: …what was that?

Kincaid: It's self-explanatory. If a horse can't do its horse jobs correctly, it don't deserve to be a horse. So I unhorsed it.

Hatcher: With your tongue?

Kincaid: Is that gonna be a problem, son?

Hatcher: I mean…

Kincaid: You're takin' too long to answer. Apologize with your body.

(Hatcher's left hand falls off. SFX: Wilhelm scream. He falls off his horse.)

(Kincaid picks up his amputated hand and starts sucking the the skin off the fingers.)

Hatcher: I will never hurt you again, Sheriff.

Kincaid: Not bad, not bad. Bark like a dog.

Hatcher: Woof, woof, woof, woof.

Kincaid: Hot damn, it's good to have your flesh as my property! Now, eat your horse, son.

Hatcher: Woof, woof. C'mere, hossie…

<End Log>

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