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THE FOLLOWING FILE DESCRIBES A SAFE CLASS ANOMALY.
The burgers sold in SCP-7403.
SPECIAL CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES: SCP-7403’s anomalous property is not visible or apparent to the naked eye. SCP-7403, at this time, is to be regarded as a non-anomalous series of restaurants.
DESCRIPTION: SCP-7403 is the designation of two four restaurants currently operating under the corporation Brilliant Burgers. These restaurants are located adjacent from each other. While SCP-7403 would normally be regarded as non-anomalous, all included buildings emit an infinitesimal amount of radioactive particles. The aforementioned particles move slowly, do not seem to harm any beings, biological or otherwise, and will always have a half-life of approximately one second.
SCP-7403 was discovered following a social media post regarding the unusual placement of the SCP-7403 instances. This post was viewed by 1.4k users prior to Foundation intervention, at which point the image was altered into an amnestic meme and investigation into SCP-7403 was officially conducted.
ADDENDUM: On 8/21/2093, a flyer was printed out by an instance of SCP-7403. This flyer contained the following message:
BRILLIANT BURGERS: NOW HIRING
I am here to discuss the terms of our agreement.
Yeah, yeah, something about expanding the corporation. So, what were the terms?
We buy out your corporation, and we expand it.
And.. Expanding it, as in..?
We have our ways.
THE FOLLOWING FILE DESCRIBES A EUCLID-CLASS ANOMALY.
SPECIAL CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES: SCP-7403’s anomalous property is not normally visible or apparent to the naked eye. When spreading is imminent, Foundation cover stories are to be published suggesting that the affected building has been bought out, and the previous owner of said building is to be amnesticized.
DESCRIPTION: SCP-7403 is the designation of thirty restaurants operating under the previously obscure corporation Brilliant Burgers. All instances of SCP-7403 are bureaucratohazardous pointers, propagated by radioactive particles. When emitted particles come into contact with a manmade structure, a bureaucratic shift in authorital custody over the affected building occurs. This results in the building no longer being associated with the original owner, instead directing all association with the as-of-now anonymous CEO of SCP-7403, designated PoI-7403. The velocity of SCP-7403 particles is directly proportional to the number of SCP-7403 instances.
I never agreed to this.
So what? It’s all perfectly legal, thank you very much.
Fuck you. I never wanted this for my business.
Well, it’s not going to stop. You wanted success, you got it.
THE FOLLOWING FILE DESCRIBES A KETER CLASS ANOMALY.
SPECIAL CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES: Due to SCP-7403’s highly conspicuous presence, along with its bureaucratic anomaly preventing intervention by the Foundation, the Veil has officially been retired and all remaining establishments are to simultaneously engage in a class-action lawsuit against Brilliant Burgers, the primary party behind SCP-7403.
DESCRIPTION: SCP-7403 is a virulent bureaucratic parasite currently occupying the town of Delaware, USA, currently residing in 100 200 300 400 500 600 1,000 manmade structures1 and fully converting them into a fast-food establishment named Brilliant Burgers. On occasion, a billboard will be set up on the front of establishments. The contents of this billboards are as follows:
BRILLIANT BURGERS
BEST BUNS IN THE BUSINESS
THANK YOU VERY MUCH
SCP-7403 spreads through virulent radioactive particles, which increase in speed exponentially with each conversion. These particles can be diverted, but the great number of currently existing instances of SCP-7403 prevents the simultaneous containment of all particles.
Additionally, as of 12/30/2096, all instances of SCP-7403 have begun to engage in slightly unusual practices. These practices include:
- Usage of lion meat as an ingredient,2
- Messy preparation of food, often resulting in food poisoning at most, and
- The menu contains vehement swearing.
Billboards? I never agreed to this!
It’s all still perfectly legal.
Go ahead and hide behind your stupid ‘legal’ shit.
THE FOLLOWING FILE DESCRIBES AN APOLLYON CLASS ANOMALY.
SPECIAL CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES: SCP-7403 has spread to approximately 91% of Foundation sites. Negotiations are being made with PoI-7403.
These negotiations are currently being attended to by a third party. This third party is to be identified as swiftly as possible and dealt with accordingly. Due to an apparent bureauhazardous effect, this party cannot be legally separated from conducted meetings.
As of now, any direct attempts to shut down SCP-7403 or otherwise prevent members of the public from criticizing the business are considered unlawful.
DESCRIPTION: SCP-7403 is a virulent bureaucratic parasite currently residing in over one million manmade structures. This parasite transfers custody over affected buildings to the party currently believed to be managing SCP-7403. Following this process, affected establishments will be reconstructed into an instance of SCP-7403. This process is presumed to be anomalous in cases where it is impossible to be performed.
On 12/30/2096, all instances of SCP-7403 have begun to engage in slightly unethical practices. These practices include:
- Usage of lion meat as an ingredient,3
- Messy preparation of food, often resulting in food poisoning at most,
- The menu contains vehement swearing,
- 29% of all prepared meals and beverages contain an anomalous chemical, resulting in heavy food poisoning or spontaneous cell death,
- Customers who do not fully consume their ordered meal in under an hour will be dragged into a closed and windowless room, which contains an indeterminate number of lions,
- The pungency and temperature of food items grossly exceeds safety standards, and
- All drink containers served appear to be leaking. The source of the leakage cannot be located.
The following was the first meeting organized between Sheldon Katz, head of the Foundation Legal Department, and PoI-7403 (confirmed to be a non-anomalous human named Chris Frake. Currently middle-aged.) and the unidentified third party.
Katz: Have a seat.
All three parties sit in chairs on opposite ends of a large table.
Katz: You know why you’re here.
Frake: I can explain.
Third party: Don’t.
Katz: And who might you be?
Frake: I don’t know who he is. He caused all of this.
Katz: But you’re the CEO of Brilliant Burgers.
Frake: My business was struggling. He offered to buy it out, and I agreed.
Third party: DON’T.
Frake is visibly agitated, pointing vehemently at the third party.
Katz: Let him speak.
Frake: He said he was going to expand it. He did this.
Third party: I’m telling you, it’s all perfectly legal.4
Katz: Wait.
Silence.
Katz: Shit.
Katz has a visibly shocked expression while the third party is visibly laughing in a mischievous manner.
Third party: I knew you’d catch on eventually!
Katz: No..
Frake: Do you.. know this guy?
You disgust me.
Disgusting or not, it won’t change anything.
THE FOLLOWING FILE DESCRIBES A LEGALLY UNCONTAINABLE CLASS ANOMALY.
As of 1/4/3000, approximately 97% of all manmade structures on earth have been converted into SCP-7403.
Description: SCP-7403 is a semio-bureaucratic parasite currently propagating a ΨK-Class “Unjust Verdict” scenario.5 SCP-7403 cannot be contained due to the extensive legal restrictions on the prevention of its spread,6 and it has been confirmed that SCP-7403 has been made into a worldwide threat by YWTGTSYT, a corporation previously restricted to an anomalous convenience store. The anomalous properties of YWTGTSYT appear to have been applied to SCP-7403, eliminating all chances of eradication.
Congratulations, you fucking asshole, you just ended the fucking world.
Thank you very much.
You breathe heavily. It’s over, they’ve won.
You can’t leave. You don’t have anywhere to go, chances are you don’t even own a house anymore.
The building you’re inside, Site-7403, is the last site left- Perhaps even the last building left. It was built underground, barricaded by radiation-insulating material.
You are the director of this site.
There is a knock on the door behind you.
You get up from your chair and approach the door, slowly, but when you open it, nobody is there.
But then, you look down.
There is an eviction notice on the floor.
You read the notice with a shocked expression, and immediately dart for the exit.
You climb out of the bunker. The first thing you see is a billboard.
From your angle, it’s hard to read without the sunlight shining in your face, but you can just barely make out the words.
BRILLIANT BURGERS
BEST BUNS IN THE BUSINESS
THANK YOU VERY MUCH