We're being forced to take drugs! Help!
SCP-726-EX being handled by Agent Roarke.
Item #: SCP-726-EX
Object Class: Explained
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-726-EX is kept in a low-priority secure objects locker.
Description: SCP-726-EX is a metal dowsing rod made of copper and bound with grey gaffer tape. The object was allegedly capable of detecting anomalies, but has since been labelled non-anomalous and reclassified as Explained.
Discovery: SCP-726-EX was first discovered by security personnel which apprehended two trespassers utilizing the object on the above-ground portion of Site-55. The following document is an interview with the apprehended subjects.
Interviewed: Lucas Borges and Michael White
Interviewee: Agent Nowak
Foreword: Both apprehended subjects were located wandering the grounds of the above-ground Site-55 cover location (a tinned food cannery).
<BEGIN LOG>
Nowak: Alright. Let us begin. I want you two to know that you're not in trouble. At least not yet. I just need to know how you got onto this facility.
Borges: Are you some kind of G-man?
White: No, you idiot. What's a G-man doing in a food cannery? He's probably just pissed at us.
Borges: Oh shit, are you gonna call the cops?
White: Please don't call the cops. We can pay for the hole we cut in the fence.
Nowak: Focus, boys.
White: Well… we, uh… we cut a hole through your fence.
Nowak: I'm well aware of that, what I want to know is what compelled you to two to come in here. There are very clear no entry signs all over the place.
Borges: We were just following the thing.
Nowak: This thing? [Nowak holds up SCP-726-EX]
Borges: Yeah.
Nowak: Why were you following this object?
[Both are quiet for ten seconds.]
Nowak: If you don't answer I'm afraid I will have to call the police.
White: No! Don't do that!
Borges: Please don't! We'll talk. But you gotta promise not to laugh.
Nowak: I can't make such promises. But do go on.
White: We… we were looking for paranormal things.
[Borges nods in agreement. Both eagerly look at Nowak.]
Nowak: Looking for… paranormal things? And this thing… [Nowak holds up SCP-726-EX again] … led you here?
White: Yes.
Nowak: I see. Give me a moment, boys.
[Nowak exits the interrogation room and hands SCP-726-EX to Agent Roarke. Agent Roarke is instructed to take the object to Inbound Object Processing for examination and analysis. Nowak returns to the interrogation room.]
Nowak: Now, where were we… Ah, yes. I'm going to have to ask a few more questions.
Borges: Aww, come on mister. Please just let us go. We didn't do anything bad!
White: Except cut a hole through your fence.
Borges: B-but we can pay for that!
White: Yeah! Come on, mister.
Nowak: Focus. [Muttering] God, I hate teenagers.
White: Yes sir.
Borges: Yes sir.
Nowak: I want you to tell me how you came across this object.
Borges: We bought it from this weird old dude.
White: Yeah, we met him on the Parawatch dot net forums.
Nowak: Parawatch? Please explain what that is.
White: It's a website dedicated to hunting the paranormal.
Nowak: And this old man… what is his name?
[There is a five-second silence.]
Nowak: Don't make me call the police.
White: I don't know his name.
Borges: Yeah, he never told us. I promise.
Nowak: Surely you know his online handle then. Also, you boys should be more careful about meeting strangers from the internet.
Borges: His username was foghat 641 or something like that.
Nowak: Like the band?
White: What band?
Nowak: Oh, nevermind. So let me get this straight. You came here because you were following that object which you got from an old man that you met online.
Borges: Yes sir.
Nowak: How… reckless of you.
White: We promise we won't do it again.
Borges: Yeah, promise. And we'll pay for your fence too. We're really sorry.
White: Really sorry.
Nowak: I won't call the police. But I will be doing this.
[Nowak presses a button underneath the table. Two aides carrying amnestic tabs enter the room.]
White: What is that? You're not gonna make us take drugs, are you?
Borges: What kind of factory is this?!
Nowak: Just something to ensure the events of tonight don't get to anyone who shouldn't be hearing about them.
[Borges and White resist amnestization.]
White: What the hell, dude? Help! Somebody help!
Borges: We're being forced to take drugs! Help!
[The aides produce anesthetic solutions from their pockets and proceed to inject Borges and White.]
<END LOG>
Afterword: Borges and White were deposited in White's car and placed on the city outskirts. False memory 25-E (Party Fade-out) implanted.
Addendum 726.01: The following are logs of the Inbound Object Processing Department regarding SCP-726-EX.
IOP DEPARTMENT
Object ID: 726
Assesment: Object is allegedly capable of detecting and pointing towards anomalies. Testing follows.
| Test | Result |
|---|---|
| SCP-726-EX is handled by Agent Roarke. | SCP-726-EX points to SCP-5057. |
| SCP-726-EX is handled by Researcher Lance. | SCP-726-EX points to SCP-3803. |
| SCP-726-EX is handled by Researcher Powers. | SCP-726-EX points to SCP-4949. |
| SCP-726-EX is handled by Lead Researcher Chambers. | SCP-726-EX points to SCP-3923. |
Summation: Object is to be assigned Thaumiel object class and used in locating further anomalies.
Addendum 726.02: The following log is a recorded conversation between Lead SCP-726-EX Researcher Chambers and Containment Director Kirby.
Foreword: PoI-1221 ("foghat64") was located and interviewed by Foundation agents. No anomalous activity or allegiance was found. This prompted further investigation into SCP-726-EX to determine if anomalous properties were present in the object.
<BEGIN LOG>
Kirby: Chambers.
Chambers: Kirby.
Kirby: I assume you know why we're here.
Chambers: I read your email. What's your issue with my dowsing rod?
Kirby: I don't think it works.
Chambers: Bullshit. It works. I've seen it with my own two eyes.
Kirby: Have you actually tested the damn thing?
Chambers: Of course I have. It pointed out anomalies with no problem.
Kirby: Take a look at this.
[Kirby places a file on the table. Chambers reaches forward to grab it.]
Kirby: PoI-1221 came back clean. They're as baseline as it gets. Only thing anomalous about them is how much he sweat when we questioned him about the kids.
[Chambers rifles through the attached files.]
Chambers: That doesn't change the fact that this thing works.
Kirby: You tested it in a facility full of anomalies. Of course it's going to point at one, it's a fucking dowsing rod. Those things are pseudoscience at best and shmuck-bait at worst, and those kids got played for schmucks. What's worse is we're getting played for schmucks now because of your insistence that it works.
Chambers: Then how do you explain how they got in here?
Kirby: Anybody can wander onto the top level of the Site. It's by the highway, for crying out loud. Just admit you were wrong about the thing and we can all move on.
Chambers: You're telling me this was all a big coincidence.
Kirby: Yes.
Chambers: But… I saw it respond to anomalies right in front of my eyes!
Kirby: Oh geez. Here we go again. They are simply responding to the random movements of whoever was holding them. You twitch and they move. Think of it this way, you're in a facility full of anomalies. Where does the god damn thing have to point for it not to point to an anomaly?
[There is a ten-second silence.]
Chambers: The ground, sir.
Kirby: God damn it, George.
<END LOG>
Afterword: Following 20 more minutes of conversation (redacted for brevity) Lead Researcher Chambers conceded and the object was formally reclassified as Explained.
