That's the Addy Temirkhan guarantee!
SCP-7133's storefront
Item #: SCP-7133
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: All buildings surrounding SCP-7133 have been acquired by the Foundation and all residents and businesses relocated under Standardised Cover Procedure 7184 "Local Redevelopment". The street SCP-7133 is located on has been fenced off, with STF E-37 "Umarells" maintaining a permanent outpost under the guise of temporary construction offices.
Foundation webcrawler Metatron.IO is to monitor social media groups focused on the local area, along with all local advertising firms, for mentions of "Addy's Solus per Caro", SCP-7133, and SCP-7133's business address. Any identified advertisements are to be removed and replaced with antimemetic advertisements for Foundation front businesses. Posts claiming to be from SCP-7133 are to be deleted immediately.
Description: SCP-7133 refers to the owner and operator of "Addy's Solus per Caro", an anomalous beauty parlor located in Lytham St Annes, England. The building itself appears to be a part of SCP-7133, as it has never been observed leaving the premises, and all attempts to remove it by force have failed.
SCP-7133 resembles a middle-aged woman of Turkic descent, with short, dark hair and a noticeable limp. It wears a floor-length black dress, with a leather apron, and black latex gloves at all times, leaving no skin below the neck visible.
SCP-7133 offers a common range of non-anomalous beauty treatments, such as manicures, waxing, and microdermabrasion. It also prominently offers an otherwise unspecified treatment advertised as "a Bone-Deep Cleanse", see Addendum-7133-1 below.
Discovery: The Foundation was alerted to the existence of SCP-7133 in December of 2015 following a spike in automatically flagged social media posts mentioning common traits of Sarkic carnomantic techniques. Class-C amnestics were administered to all affected civilians, with their posts being removed, and a cover story deployed through local news sources explaining the reported events as the result of a gas leak. SCP-7133 was identified as the common factor between reported events, and a preliminary cordon was established around the building.
Addendum-7133-1: On 17/12/15 Foundation Agent Kim Sel-gi was deployed to investigate the SCP-7133. She was ordered to request the "Bone-Deep Cleanse" and follow along with the procedure until anomalous activity was confirmed, at which point she was directed to exit the establishment.
<feed starts>
[The storefront of "Addy's Solus per Caro" is visible, a cardboard skeleton standee is displayed in the shop window holding a sign advertising the "Bone-Deep Cleanse"]
Kim: Camera on command, confirm receipt.
Command: Confirmed agent, you're clear to enter.
[Agent Kim enters the store, a door bell ringing once as the door opens and again as it swings closed. SCP-7133 can be seen standing behind a cashier's desk, flipping through an appointment book. It turns its head to face Agent Kim as she enters, and smiles broadly.]
SCP-7133: Good morning, welcome to Addy's Solus per Caro, I'm Addy, would you like to make an appointment or are you ready to shed that weight now?
Kim: Uh hi, yeah I'm ready to shed the weight I suppose.
SCP-7133: Excellent! It's been a slow day so I've got the time to slot you in immediately. What are you looking for today?
Kim: I think the bone deep cleanse? What does that entail exactly?
SCP-7133: Oh marvelous, excellent choice! It's a very simple procedure really- we just get in there and really work out all the stress, I'm sure you'll love it. I just have a few questions so we can tailor the experience to your needs if that's okay with you?
Kim: Oh um. Okay yeah that's fine.
SCP-7133: Excellent! Firstly, the cleanse comes with an optional hair removal service. It won't take much longer, and no extra cost, is that something you're interested in? And if so how much, all over, just the limbs, bikini?
Kim: All over I suppose, how d—
SCP-7133: Grand, I'll get that noted. Second, any particular tension spots to be aware of? Shoulders, lower back, scalp, what should I be looking for?
Kim: I guess I tend to carry a lot of stress in my— uh— shoulders maybe?
SCP-7133: Not to worry, I'll get that cleared right up for you. Finally, would you like to receive promotional offers from us in future? Not that we expect you'll need to come back in any time soon, we're very thorough here.
Kim: Oh, no that's okay I don't think that'll be necessary.
[SCP-7133 laughs.]
SCP-7133: Excellent! We're all ready to go then, follow me to the private booth in the back if you would.
[It turns and moves towards the back of the store, its lower body obscured from the camera by the counter. Agent Kim walks behind it into a featureless booth, roughly two by five metres, with flat pink walls and a pink curtain separating it from the rest of the store. SCP-7133 closes the curtain behind her.]
SCP-7133: Thank you, now we're going to need you to take those clothes off I'm afraid, there's a shelf at the back there and a hook here to hang your coat.
Kim: Oh, okay yeah I'll just um. Yeah, okay.
[She removes her clothes, hanging the coat holding the discreet field camera on the hook by the curtain, ensuring a clear view of the entire booth, folding the rest neatly on the low shelf on the back wall.]
SCP-7133: Excellent! Now just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and relax.
[SCP-7133 places a hand on Agent Kim's sternum.]
Kim: Right okay, so what are you going to start wi—
[Agent Kim is cut short as SCP-7133 gently shoves her in the chest. There is a grinding noise as Agent Kim is pushed backwards, her cutis1 remaining upright where she had stood. The grinding noise can be heard again as she is pushed back a second time, leaving her muscular system standing behind her cutis. The process repeats a third time, separating her nervous system from her skeleton which remains upright behind her muscular system.]
SCP-7133: Oh aren't you lovely, you clearly look after yourself! We like to see that, it makes our job so much easier, so thank you dear.
[At this time, command orders an immediate mission abort and MTF extraction operation. Local dispatch provides a 10 minute ETA for a four man unit attached to Pi-1 "City Slickers".]
SCP-7133: We'll start with the skin, you said all over hair removal yes?
[SCP-7133 chuckles.]
SCP-7133: Oh sorry deary you can't respond can you? Well I'm pretty sure you said all over, so I'm very sorry if I'm remembering wrong there.
[SCP-7133 removes a tool resembling a facial roller from its apron pocket and reaches into the upright cutis of Agent Kim, which parts smoothly around its hands.]
SCP-7133: Very simple but very effective, we just push the hairs out from the inside, quicker than waxing, lasts much longer than shaving, and pain free to boot!
[It begins moving its arm up and down in short motions within the cutis, beginning within the neck and proceeding across the left shoulder and down the arm. Fine hairs fall to the ground with each pass of the roller.]
SCP-7133: I promise your skin is going to feel absolutely divine after this, that's the Addy Temirkhan guarantee!
[SCP-7133 chuckles and begins humming as proceeds to the right arm, followed by the front of Agent Kim's torso. It turns its back to the camera as it works on her back, before lowering itself to proceed to her legs. It appears to sink into the ground in a single motion, no bending or crouching is apparent. The process takes 237 seconds in total.]
SCP-7133: There, looking good enough to eat deary. Now to clear out all this dead skin.
[It places the roller back into its pocket, and retrieves a second tool, roughly resembling a paint scraper, which it proceeds to slide across the surface of Agent Kim's cutis, broad flakes of dead skin falling away with each stroke. The process takes 102 seconds in total.]
SCP-7133: Excellent! One down, two to go, we'll have you right as rain in no time.
[Placing the scraper back into its pocket, it moves around Agent Kim's cutis and approaches her muscular system, where it retrieves two instruments, resembling a pick comb and knitting needle.]
SCP-7133: Now this bit is a little more complex, lots of fiddly bits I'm afraid, but I promise to be careful, and you'll feel better than you have in years once we're done!
[SCP-7133 sinks into the floor once again, and reaches out to Agent Kim's left foot with the needle implement. It slowly lifts her extensor digitorum brevis2 with the needle and applies the pick comb to the muscle, combing through the strands and working its way across the foot from left to right. It proceeds to repeat this process for each of the muscles in Agent Kim's left leg, working upwards to the pelvic floor. Once it reaches the top of the leg, it shifts itself slightly to the side, and repeats the process for her right leg. It takes 278 seconds to complete the procedure on both legs.]
SCP-7133: Sa'arn's teeth, you must get a lot of use out of these legs of yours deary, they were in a sorry state to say the least. But they'll be right as rain now, should put a real spring in your step!
[SCP-7133 laughs as it wipes its brow with the back of its sleeve and rises out of the floor. Its laughter is cut short by the sound of a rifle butt striking the shop door. It pokes its head out of the curtain and raises its voice but does not change its tone.]
SCP-7133: Sorry dearies, I'm with a client right now so the shop is closed up, feel free to leave a note or take a walk and come back later and I should be able to slot you in.
[It slides back into full view of the camera and returns to picking and combing Agent Kim's muscular system, beginning at the pelvic floor and working around her back one muscle group at a time. It does not react to the sound of gunfire from the front of the building.]
SCP-7133: I do apologise for the interruption there deary, but don't you worry, I understand this is a very compromising position to be seen in so I promise there's no risk of anyone getting in, that's the Addy Temirkhan guarantee!
[It laughs to itself and then resumes humming tunelessly as it continues combing through Agent Kim's internal oblique muscles3. At this time, command directs the responding MTF to divert around the terraced street and approach the shop from the back.]
SCP-7133: I can tell you work out, your abdominals are as tight as any I've seen, and I've gotten a good look at plenty in my time let me tell you. I do love to see a client look after themselves, the body is a temple after all, but it hurts to know it's hurting, you know?
[It works its way up Agent Kim's pectoral muscles, and begins combing at her left shoulder.]
SCP-7133: You were right about carrying stress in the shoulders, dear oh dear, these are going to take a minute to set right but I can just imagine the relief when we're done here. When's the last time you could really relax these deary?
[SCP-7133 stares intently at the shoulder, carefully picking at a knot in the upper trapezius4, as the MTF approaches the back of the store. There is a very soft squelching noise as the comb passes through cleanly.]
SCP-7133: That's got it! Wow, that's going to feel just lovely for you deary.
[A crash can be heard from the rear of the store which SCP-7133 does not react to, its eyes are focused on the left masseter muscle5.]
SCP-7133: There we go, neat and tidy, everything all straightened out for you deary. Just a quick polish and you'll be all ready to go!
[Gliding around Agent Kim's muscular system, SCP-7133 returns the needle and comb to its pocket and retrieves a tool that appears to be a handheld buffer wheel. Further crashing can be heard from the rear of the building, accompanied by indistinct yelling. At this time, command authorised the use of shaped charges to gain access to the store's rear entrance.]
SCP-7133: Now I know this may seem unnecessary, but strong buildings are built on firm foundations deary, and we just want to make sure yours are as clean and relaxed as the rest of you will be.
[SCP-7133 flicks a switch on the buffer wheel, which emits a low whine as it applies the edge to Agent Kim's parietal bone6 and begins polishing her skull to a shine. A muffled detonation can be heard, followed by a strangled yelp and the sound of a rifle hitting tiled floor.]
SCP-7133: I am so sorry about the noise deary, some people can be very pushy when you tell them they have to wait, but I gave you the Addy Temirkhan guarantee, and that's worth its weight in gold!
[It laughs louder than before, while clipping the buffer wheel to its apron and raising both hands to open Agent Kim's skull at the coronal suture7.]
SCP-7133: Inside and out, what good would a bone deep cleanse be if we weren't thorough now deary?
[SCP-7133 holds Agent Kim's skull open with its left hand as it unhooks the wheel with its right and reaches it inside the open cavity. At this time, the MTF report Pi-Delta lost, trapped inside a wall of flesh now barring the rear entrance. Command orders the unit to make all attempts to penetrate the obstacle and to consider the trapped agent lost if not immediately extricable. Combat knives are deployed on the mass with no success.]
SCP-7133: There we go deary, that's the tricky bit done- smooth sailing from here on out, don't you worry.
[SCP-7133 removes the wheel from Agent Kim's open skull and slides the parietal bone back into place, sliding a single thumb across the coronal suture which seals behind it. It proceeds to polish her clavicles8, left humerus9, radius, and ulna10 in quick succession, before reaching the wheel up inside her ribcage to reach the clavicles from behind. At this time, Pi-Alpha has scaled the rear of the building, and begun attempting to force entry into an upper storey window]
SCP-7133: We always leave the hands and feet till last here, far too delicate to do them with the wheel you see deary, we'll come back for those later don't you worry.
[It runs the wheel across each rib individually, first from within the ribcage and then from outside, leaning around her skeleton to polish each rib in a single motion. Proceeding from there down the length of the right arm, before shifting its whole body around Agent Kim's skeleton to begin working on her spine.]
SCP-7133: Have to lift the shoulder blades to get at the underside I'm afraid deary but don't you worry, I'll put them back right how they were.
[There is a grinding noise as it lifts Agent Kim's left scapula11 away from the rest of her bones, followed by her right, they remain stationary once SCP-7133 releases its grip on them. It lifts the wheel to continue polishing.]
SCP-7133: Almost done deary don't you worry, we'll run down the length of the spine here. Just making sure everything is where it's supposed to be, you wouldn't believe how many people come in here with some back condition they never knew they had. I would never say we work miracles, but a little relief is more than many get and I'm always so happy to give it where I can.
[SCP-7133 speaks in a lower tone, there is a softer and less cheery tone to its voice. Pi-Alpha successfully breaches an upper window and lowers a rope for the rest of the unit to follow.]
SCP-7133: Oh deary, you must spend all too much time on your feet, this hip is all out of sorts. You really must find the time to rest properly, but I'll get this set right for you here.
[There is a sudden crack as SCP-7133 applies pressure to Agent Kim's right pelvis and it pushes forward slightly.]
SCP-7133: Excellent! That'll do you right deary.
[As it speaks, the upper window the unit are attempting to enter through snaps shut, a row of teeth slicing through the rope and sending all but Pi-Alpha falling back to ground level. Pi-Alpha proceeds through the building towards the stairs to the store.]
SCP-7133: We'll just get those spry legs of yours polished up and we'll have nothing left to do but the hands and feet.
[SCP-7133 runs the wheel the length of each leg before deactivating it and returning it to the apron pocket, from which it pulls out a plain black polishing cloth.]
SCP-7133: Nothing fancy here, just a bit of elbow grease and a very careful hand, good thing I have two of them!
[SCP-7133 grins broadly, before it tilts its head slightly and hurries to the curtain. Pi-Alpha can be heard rounding the corner and approaching the booth.]
Pi-Alpha: Raise your hands in the air and exit the booth slowly. Any sudden movements and I will shoot, any hesitation and I will shoot an—
[Pi-Alpha is interrupted by a hand emerging from the tiling and wrenching the rifle from his grip.]
SCP-7133: Sir, I appreciate your enthusiasm to patronise my business but I really must insist that you wait until I am finished with my client.
[It clicks its fingers and Pi-Alpha is dragged by the wrist through the front door and deposited on the pavement outside. SCP-7133 returns to the booth and adopts an exaggerated frown as it sets to work running the cloth between the metacarpals12 on Agent Kim's left hand.]
SCP-7133: I cannot apologise enough for the interruption deary, sometimes it's hard to believe manners still exist in the world.
[It busies itself running the cloth across each bone in turn, humming tunelessly to itself, before sinking back into the floor up to its armpits and repeating the the process on each foot. At this time, command cancelled the retrieval operation, and officially declared both Pi-Delta and Agent Kim lost in action.]
SCP-7133: Excellent! All done down here deary, give me just two seconds and we'll have you feeling yourself again.
[SCP-7133 rises back to its full height and stands itself in front of Agent Kim's cutis. It places its right hand in the centre of her chest and pulls slightly, appearing to encounter minor resistance. Agent Kim's nervous system begins to move forwards, where it meets and passes through her skeleton. SCP-7133 continues to pull, as her skeleton and nervous system slide forwards into her muscular system, and finally all three glide through the back of her cutis and settle in place. SCP-7133 lets its arm fall back to its side, and Agent Kim slumps forward, sucking in a long breath. She gasps, coughs, and falls to her knees.]
SCP-7133: Oh deary, you're all out of sorts.
[It rests a hand on her shoulder for a moment.]
SCP-7133: I'll give you a moment to get your breath back while I go get you rung up now. Take your time to get dressed and come see me at the desk once you're ready.
[It swivels in place and glides through the curtain, leaving Agent Kim alone in the booth. She remains slumped on the floor for roughly two minutes before sucking in a breath and raising her head.]
Kim: What the fu— What the. What the fuck was—
[She looks around for a moment before standing, retrieving her clothing, and covering herself up.]
Kim: Command, I uh— I can confirm anomalous activity at the location. Um, I'm going to uh— I'm going to go and pay I guess.
[Agent Kim clothes herself hurriedly and exits the booth, walking shakily to the front desk.]
SCP-7133: Hello there deary, feeling a little better?
Kim: Uhh yeah I guess, just um— getting used to my own skin again I guess.
[SCP-7133 laughs heartily.]
SCP-7133: Excellent! Well then, that'll be £85 deary, cash or card?
Kim: Um card, yeah.
[SCP-7133 slides a Point of Sale Terminal across the counter to Agent Kim, who retrieves an unmarked black card from her coat pocket and presses it to the contactless reader. The machine beeps, and SCP-7133 smiles.]
SCP-7133: You've been an absolute delight deary, do come back any time, though I should doubt you'll need to for a good long while. Have a lovely day now!
[Agent Kim nods hesitantly and exits through the shop door, the door bell chiming twice, and turns off her discreet camera.]
Agent Kim was collected shortly after for debrief. Pi-Alpha and Pi-Delta were retrieved unharmed from the front and rear of the building respectively. The store remained locked for the remainder of the day.
