rating: +87+x

SCPnet v1.3.7 active
jeptb@scpnet:~$ access SCP-6774

Item #: SCP-6774 (Formerly SCP-97-J)

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: Embedded agents are to be placed in all factories involved in the final steps of paperclip manufacture, and allowed to privately test all batches of paperclips with key phrases before shipment. Any instances of SCP-6774 detected in this process should be reported to Thaumatology for containment.

Instances of SCP-6774 are split between storage in Thaumatology's specified object storage and general object storage in Site-19 sub-basement J, with the majority now housed in the former. Any employees working within the vicinity of storage are to be screened for beliefs in conspiracy theories.

SCP-6774-1 is to be housed in a standard modular containment unit, with modifications to their cell to ensure their body is anchored to the physical plane. SCP-6774-1 may not leave their cell for any reason without these same modifications being present anywhere they are brought.

Description: SCP-6774 is the activatable personality "Preppy", which has affected slightly above 1 in 700,000 newly manufactured paperclips since approximately November 2013. In practice, global paperclip manufacturing produces between 6 and 10 instances of SCP-6774 every year. The Foundation currently has 45 instances of SCP-6774 in containment.

SCP-6774-1 is PoI-83873, a former member of the GoI "Gamers Against Weed", who is contained due to their use of and involvement in the creation of SCP-6774. See Incident 20210213-19-3 for more information.

SCP-6774 instances are activated when concern is voiced in their vicinity for a number of topics surrounding the apocalypse. The nature and likelihood of the apocalypse discussed does not seem to have any bearing on the likelihood of a given instance of SCP-6774 activating. The area in which SCP-6774 activation can occur is quite wide, with testing indicating a radius in the range of 500m with a given instance at its centre.

Once activated, SCP-6774 instances (heretofore "Preppy") will transport themselves to the speaker and attempt to provide advice on the topic at hand. Preppy cannot speak, and communicates through floating text overlayed on nearby surfaces.

Preppy's knowledge surrounding these issues seem quite limited, with little to no knowledge on subjects such as preventative measures or community building. Instead, Preppy attempts to steer its guidance toward topics it is more familiar with - chiefly, the building and maintenance of defensible bunkers, the efficient long-term storage of foodstuffs and the use of weaponry for hunting and combat. Preppy is admant that an apocalypse is imminent, although the nature of said apocalypse changes easily to agree with the individual being given guidance.

Preppy is resistant to any discussion of its past or comparisons to the Clippit1 virtual assistant created by Microsoft, attempting to steer any conversations towards discussion of theories that the Gates family are nonhuman entities.2

SCP-6774 first came to the Foundation's attention in October 2013 following a number of reports of a talking paperclip, with other correlating minor details. Investigation was initially conducted by the Department of Thaumatology, but once a link was established to GoI-5869 ("Gamers Against Weed"), the case was taken over by the Department of Other, who handled all GoI-5869 anomalies between 2013 and 2016. A teenager in ██████, ███████ was identified as a possible suspect in the creation of SCP-6774, but fled their home with the use of an instance of SCP-6774 when approached by covert agents and has not been found since.

Interview log, November 3rd, 2016

Notes: For clarity, writing produced by SCP-6774 has been edited in-line with the researcher's communication with the entity.

Director Gerald: I'm in a similar situation, unfortunately. My sister has been a worry to me recently, getting into these Facebook groups about perpetual motion and proclaiming, oh, mountains being trees?

Researcher Black: "There are no forests", yeah, love that one. Ah, sorry, that's insensitive. That one's really sunk its hooks into folks.

Director Gerald: 'No, no, that's alright. I have a thick skin. I suppose it's just hard to argue with her on any of this when, well, when realistically my reasoning is "No, Sarah, because I know what they're actually hiding from you. Comic Sans is killing people!"

Researcher Black laughs, then mimes gesturing to a board behind her, describing lines between points on the board as she speaks.

Researcher Black: "There's a ghost in our toilets that haunts us if we don't wipe, and the government hired an eleven year old to contain it!"

Both laugh. After a moment of silence, Director Gerald sighs.

Director Gerald: I guess if I believed what she believed I'd also be going around saying the shadow government is keeping Big Tree from us? I sometimes worry my empathy there is overriding-

An instance of SCP-6774 appears between the researchers and begins addressing Director Gerald.

Hello! You said: "The Shadow Government is keeping Big Tree from us".
Would you like to:

  • Begin work to protect yourself and your loved ones
  • Find out just how deep this rabbithole goes
  • Find likeminded patriots who will fight by your side when the time inevitably comes

Director Gerald: Ohhhh, dear. Well, Imani, perhaps let's not report this one to the council, alright?

Researcher Black: We're not worried on this one? But it's not free roam?

Director Gerald: Impossible to truly contain, unfortunately. Go back to your box, please, Preppy, we're having lunch!

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Director Gerald: You know what? This is… Imani, this is impromptu field training, alright? Interview Log, SCP-97-J, commencing…

Researcher Black shows Director Gerald her wristwatch.

Researcher Black: 1:23 PM.

Director Gerald: 1:23 PM. Preppy, tell me how the world ends.

When All Hell Breaks Loose, the true Trees - what sheep call the mesas - will be the last haven. You will need to be prepared to defend your Tree against those who would take it from you. It looks like you don't have what it takes right now.
Would you like to:

  • Find a nearby shooting range to join
  • Purchase landmines to protect your property
  • Find likeminded patriots who will fight by your side when the time inevitably comes

Director Gerald: You see? The item is repeating itself already. It's only got so many phrases to throw at you, Imani. This thing isn't truly intelligent. Are you?

If you'd like to know more about my functions, just ask! I can help you with all sorts of problems.
Would you like to:

  • Dig and maintain a waste pit.
  • Debunk common non-believer arguments
  • Experience Rapture
  • Begin work to protect yourself and your loved ones

Researcher Black: "Experience Rapture"?

Director Gerald: Imani, no-

You want to Experience Rapture. Please hold.

Director Gerald.: Oh dear. Oh dear. Imani, stand up, stand there. Of utmost importance - don't move. You can breathe, you can fidget, but don't move from your spot. You'll be back in a minute or so.

Researcher Black: Understood, sir. I'm sorry. I'll see you in a m-

SCP-6774 and Researcher Black disappear. Director Gerald begins moving tables and chairs away from the spot where Researcher Black was standing.

Director Gerald: Well, this one is definitely coming up in the next council meeting.

When prompted, Preppy may offer to allow users to "Experience Rapture". If accepted3, Preppy will transplant the user's body fully into an unknown plane of existence, currently dubbed 'Rapture'. Rapture has yet to be properly explored as it presents a number of physical, spatial and thaumic threats which cannot easily be navigated. Exploration grants have been denied with consideration to the lack of a current need for a better understanding of SCP-6774. After a minute has passed, if the user does not ask Preppy to extend their time in Rapture, they will return to the material plane. Any movement performed in Rapture will be matched relative to the point of disappearance. As this can lead to intersection with other objects on return, there is a high chance of physical harm on return if the explorer moves within Rapture having not planned their route in advance.

Incident 20210213-19-3

On February 13th, 2021, the Gamers Against Weed associate "heartshapeddox" used the stolen keycard of Junior Telecommunications Officer Eric Robinson to gain access to sub-basement-J of Site-19, where a number of instances of SCP-6774 remained in object storage.4. Magic activity was detected when the user attempted to activate SCP-6774, and a Thaumic anchor was activated onsite to prevent the user's escape via Rapture.

[^C]jeptb@scpnet:~$ close
jeptb@scpnet:~$ telnet 25

Hi Gerald,

Long time no talk - sorry to make it a matter of work. It's come to light that the recent kerfuffle in the basement may have been a Person of Interest attempting to steal SCP-2779. Parazoology were asked to take a look at SCP-6774's documentation to see if we can contribute any information. I've found myself feeling like there's something missing from this documentation, as it stands? A good lead in 2013 on the object's creator seems to have been dropped after just one escape. Then the recent break-in - no investigation apparent for how the intruder got their hands on this keycard. And I'm only realizing as I type this, but why would the keycard of a Telecommunications employee with Level 0 access be enough to get all the way down to the basement without being intercepted?

I'm sorry if this comes off as accusatory - I know your department gets all sorts of badmouthing and I don't mean to contribute to that. I'm hoping you'll have an explanation that clears everything up.

Bartley Jept
Director, Area-12 Parazoology

Hi Bart,
I'll keep this brief: we do in fact have an explanation! I've just given you access to the documentation for Asset Clyde, as well as some relevant additional documentation. Sorry about the confusion - access is need-to-know, and you didn't need to know previously, since we had no idea 2779 was related. And sorry also for the state of the documents currently - I've had to chop out some of the identifying information and this operation is a work in progress. I'll make sure you're looped into future meetings on this, at least while we're looking into the 2779 connection.

And yes, it's been a while! We're having an open mic in the basement canteen tonight - perhaps the sense of humor mightn't be your style, but if you wanted to come on down, drinks are on me.

See you there,

Open attachments? Y/N
jeptb@scpnet:~$ Y

Asset Outline: "Clyde"

Designation: Asset-IPBC, "Asset Clyde"

Clearance: Personnel of Grade 4 or higher with purview over items relating to GoI-5869, "Gamers Against Weed". Lower-rank personnel at discretion of their relevant Grade-4 approver.

Maintenance: Asset Clyde's cover story is to be maintained in-house to any uncleared personnel. Story comes into use on any documentation relating to GoI-5869.

When accessing and documenting chatlogs obtained from GoI-5869, outline that chat logs were recovered from a raid on either a GoI "headquarters" or the domicile of a member.

Human Resource documentation surrounding Junior Telecommunications Officer Eric Robinson should reflect that they were recruited as standard procedure from an initiative within ███████ College ██████, where they were studying at the time. JTO Robinson's move to the States in November 2016 is to be recorded as a personal move which was facilitated by Telecommunications.

Description: Eric Robinson is the assumed name of Asset Clyde, a Foundation-affiliated mole recruited in 2013 after their creation of SCP-6774. A long-time trusted member of GoI-5869, the asset is uniquely positioned to discreetly feed information to the Foundation directly from the group's private chat rooms. As the protections imposed on all related chatlogs are highly difficult to decipher, the speed with which the asset can relay time-sensitive information makes them crucial to the capture and continued containment of all related items. Asset Clyde has been a primary asset in the capture of over 13 objects in the database and has alerted the Foundation of GoI-5869 activities which could have lead to veil-breaking scenarios on multiple occasions.

As the asset was obtained by the Foundation in 2013, and the asset was 14 years old at the time, the object's handler (Dr. Gerald) has successfully been able to focus on a gradual conversion/recruitment process which has steered the asset away from their prior beliefs and towards the Foundation's key goals. As an embedded asset, the user is fluent in GoI-5869's in-jokes and language and is highly competent at mimicking this style and assumed viewpoint to retain trust within the organisation. The Foundation has gradually steered the asset to become a "lurker" - a member of chat who is trusted but does not often engage unless directly addressed ("pinged") by another member. This reduces the Foundation's need to doctor logs to keep the asset's presence hidden.

Handling of the asset has proven difficult to transfer following the reallocation of GoI-5869 objects out of the Department of Other into more specialized departments in 2016. Asset Clyde demonstrates a high degree of loyalty to Dr. Gerald and the department as well as a general distrust of other departments and individuals working for the Foundation.5 As such, Dr. Gerald has remained their handler through the departmental change and is to remain so until his planned retirement in 2033.

As many members of GoI-5869 have reason and capacity to launch attacks against the Foundation's records, it has been judged necessary to keep Asset Clyde's involvement off the record. It has also been judged necessary to limit knowledge of the asset's real name and online handle to the asset's handler.

Interview Log, June 1st 2013

Asset Clyde's voice cracks as they speak.

Clyde: I. Fuck, fuuuck. I caaaaan't. They're my friends.

Dr. Gerald: I know that, ██████. We know that. We don't want anything that you don't want yourself - to make sure your friends, and everyone else, stay safe. Don't you want to make sure your friends are safe?

Asset Clyde wipes snot from their nose with the hem of their shirt. Dr. Gerald unclips a kerchief from their pocket protector and offers it to Asset Clyde, but this is declined.

Clyde: This isn't - you're tricking me. You're not- janitors are fucking cops.

Dr. Gerald: Honestly, ██████? Most of the time the moniker "janitor" fits us far better. There's a lot of people out there making messes and not cleaning up after themselves. Like public littering. The jokes your friends make - ██████, these jokes… they hurt people.

Clyde: No. No, no, we want to make people l-laugh. They're goofs. We have - we have rules, we're not monsters, we, we don't kill!

Asset Clyde attempts to slam their hands against the table in emphasis, but is restrained by their cuffs. Dr. Gerald glances to the observation glass behind Asset Clyde, then produces a key. Dr. Gerald begins speaking as they uncuff Asset Clyde.

Dr. Gerald: ██████… doesn't it seem to you that a group that needs an explicit "No Killing" rule - even if they're as well-intentioned as can be, as I'm sure your friends are - doesn't it seem to you that a group like that, you'd want to make sure someone else was keep an eye out for them? To make sure they're ok? To make sure they're not a danger to others by accident?

Asset Clyde rubs their wrists.

Clyde: No, we-

Dr. Gerald: ██████, people coming back from Rapture are dying because they intersect with objects in this plane when they return.

Asset Clyde shakes their head and hiccups.

Clyde: That's - that's a bug but we patched it. It was safe.

Dr. Gerald: Your friend, "HSD", told you it was safe, right? Helped you design it? But we've examined it, ██████, and every time you punched through it was creating holes. Rips, in the very fabric of the plane. It was hurting people, ██████. Because of what "HSD" told you, you were hurting the souls of everyone who ever stepped foot near those rips for months later. Draining life from them. Do you understand the scale of that, being used in an urban center? The cumulative decades, centuries of life you were pulling from the city? For a joke?

Clyde: No no no no no no no they're my friends-

Dr. Gerald: And how do you feel this will affect people with issues distinguishing reality from fiction? We're trying to contain as many as we can now but you've got a inanimate objects out there telling dozens if not hundreds of people that doomsday is coming. If just one of them really believes it, how is that going to affect their life? What might they do? Your friends don't think about these things like we do, ██████. They need somone out there who does.

Clyde: We don't want to hurt anyone it was a goof it wasn't- it was to help HSD, he's stuck he's… he's from there I just wanted to visit… I don't…

Asset Clyde balls their hands into fists, pushes them against their eyes and screams. They continue talking in this position. Dr Gerald pats them on the shoulder.

Clyde: I can't leave them, I don't have any other friends. I don't… at school, they-

Dr. Gerald: ██████, ██████. I don't want you to stop seeing your friends.

// Asset Clyde looks up, lowering their fists to their mouth in order to look at Dr. Gerald.//

Clyde: You don't?

Dr. Gerald: No, no. Of course not! We know you love them very much. We want you to help us keep them safe. Could you be their protector, for us?

Dr. Gerald places the cuff key in Asset Clyde's right hand. Asset Clyde gazes at it for some time.

Clyde: For- for them. I can be their protector, for them.

GoI-5869 Chatlog Excerpt, December 9th 2020

orbhorse: dude how baked are you we haven't had a bot in like years
bluntfiend: Whhh?
warysue: tiedyeduck: sorry dude yeah I'm just Still Angry and I'm putting that on you
heartshapeddoxx: did you fuckin see i was online and time-teleport back to like 2008, friend
kkrule: just tweeted about it warysue!
bluntfiend: Where's oinky friend ;_;
warysue: I'm going to go up to the station and let them know What's Coming .
heartshapeddoxx: ren and me are working on it, blunt. Janitors have her rn so github updates are a no-go. Although…
warysue: these pigs are gonna Regret not listening to me
<- warysue left
bluntfiend: Pigs? :D
heartshapeddoxx: since I'm here, anyone seen ████████? He helped out with some of the code for oink back in the day, especially her shifting planes. we tested it out w our first goof
bones: ████████ continues to be an active member of chat, although they only engage in conversation rarely. You can find them in the sidebar currently.
heartshapeddoxx: idk if - oh cool. ████████? New name? she/her? :0
kkrule: ████████ usually asks not to be pinged :)
heartshapeddoxx: ah soz ok shoud I not have pinged, then
bluntfiend: Ping away my guy I'm not your dad.
you: oh shiiiiit hey felix long time
you: dw about the ping
harmpit: buntlfeind will ysou be my enw dad
you: oh man missed you my dude. how's mr bone's wild ride?
lesbian_gengar: actually yeah it's been ages since we've heard an update from MBWR
heartshapeddoxx: p good! Ren and me have the server properly set up now, though we use it more for osrs6 these days than for chat here. Seems like bones has taken up a lot of my old duties, eh? Or perhaps bones is chatbot?
bones: Debatably. I would not assume to claim your role in the server socially, of course.
harmpit: blnutfiend you dno't even nteed o be agood dad juts send me €20$ on my bith rdays k
heartshapeddoxx: no friend assume away I'm like nevar here
heartshapeddoxx: neway ████████, I am hoping you could help me with a ~heist~
you: a heist? forreal or forgoof?
heartshapeddoxx: forreal unfortunately, in this time. Perhaps we will goof again afterward!
harmpit: yuo coudl tak emebwoling some tmime
you: that'd be nice, man. who's getting heisted?
heartshapeddoxx: janitors
bluntfiend: Whoa, what?
kkrule: what!
harmpit: bluntfndei pls fukc my mom
lesbian_gengar: WHAT
you: lets uh
you: lets take this to DMs

Recorded conversation, Site-19 J-list Object Storage, February 13th 2021

Clyde:…here, aren't I? So I'm not saying we shouldn't be doing this, but I guess - I guess I just don't… I don't know, I don't get it. I know Oinkers means a lot to you and Ren but… the janitors are scary, man. We meme about them and all but-

PoI-83873: This Foundation is pussies don't worry.

Clyde: No, they're- take this seriously, Felix. They're real fuckin' powerful. What if you get- what if we get captured?

PoI-83873: I understand your confusion, friend. It is simply - she does not know why she is trapped, yes? She does not understand why she is not at home, warm and safe with carrots to munch. Renard and I, we discuss this. We cannot leave her stuck in a cell. I do not think I could forgive myself if I abandon her. You see?

Clyde: I… Yeah, man. Lets get her back with her dads. Here, SCP-6774. The doomer Clippy we made, do you remember?

PoI-83873: Of course! ██████, you know I based Oinker's ascension protocols on your work, yes? The movement between planes, it is not so easy. You are the reason Ren and me, we can be together, friend. We were not so active in the chat at the time but I must have said this to you.

Clyde: You… I don't think you ever did, actually. I never knew that.

PoI-83873: You are very close to both of us, friend. Perhaps when we break her free, you will put that clever mind to work and we will figure out how you can visit us in the astral server, eh? On a basis that is not seven seconds and is not so, ehhh, permanent as Renard decided.

Clyde: I'd like that a lot, Felix. I love you, you know. It's nice to get to hear your accent in person.

PoI-83873: I know. I'm sorry I have been away so long.

Clyde: Um, so… so, I'll leave the directions to Parazoology here, right. Once I holepunch up to Corb- to Rapture, I can hand you Preppy and you can holepunch down into the material plane. Your astral body is going to manifest physically, and that will let you get the update to Oinkers. It might feel weird, being back here after so long over there.

PoI-83873: We already know this, friend. You tell the air?

Clyde: No! No, just - just makin' sure we're both on the same page. Ok, Preppy, Rapture me. Transferring in 3, 2-
There is a loud shuffling of papers as Asset Clyde activates SCP-6774 to ascend planes. A few seconds later, a similar shuffling sounds as PoI-83873 activates SCP-6774 again to descend planes. Immediately, a loud chime can be heard as a Thaumic anchor activates within the room, locking PoI-83873 into the material plane. More quietly, a door can be heard clicking open behind PoI-83873.

PoI-83873: Verpus. What is-

Agent Imani Black: Drop the paperclip and hands on your head.
PoI-83873: Go fuck, pig! Preppy, Rapture now!
A series of low-register bleeps can be heard.

Agent Black: Well. Your holepunch not working, huh? Hands on the head now, ghostboy.

Clicking can be heard as Agent Black places Felix in magically-neutralising cuffs.

PoI-83873: You could not have- these protections are not… This was planned.

Agent Black: Whatever you want to think, sir.

PoI-83873: If this was planned, then… Then… No. ██████, you can hear me. You are not - you are not a janitor, friend? You have not become a janitor? Please come back and tell me you are not, please, I cannot bear it if this is true. ██████ please, please.

PoI-83873's voice fades as they are removed from the room. After a few minutes, a shuffling of papers can be heard as Asset Clyde returns to the material plane.

Dr. Gerald: Hey, ██████.

Clyde: Hello, sir.

Dr. Gerald: You did something very difficult today. Something to protect your friend, even if he doesn't understand that. You understand that, right?

Clyde: I'm not- I'm not a janitor.

Dr. Gerald: No, of course not.

Clyde: I'm the filth.

Dr. Gerald: Ahh, kid. No you're not, I promise. We'll work on that together, ok?

GoI-5869 Chatlog Excerpt - Admin chat, February 15th 2021

-> you joined
lesbian_gengar: I mean, I have vague memories of the rain stream being mentioned back in - what, 2016?
bluntfiend: They've said warysue can vouch for them, right? We'll just ask her when she drops in chat, she can decide whether or not we let them in.
bones: I've issued a private message to warysue. I will advise when we receive a response.
you: Guys I have really bad news
you: about Felix. Heartshapeddoxx.
jockjamsvol6: Oh fuck. The heist went bad, didn't it?
bluntfiend: Christ. OK, that's- very bad, right?
you: the janitors got him. I managed to escape via Mr bones wild ride with a Preppy but it was close.
jockjamsvol6: doxx wrote like… most of our chat security is him, right? The magic end of it anyway.
bones: I can begin action to reconfigure our security protocols now. I've built on all the protocols as they stand, but at their core this is heartshapeddoxx's code. The time it will take to unthread and rewrite it will be significant - weeks, if not months. It may be pertinent to consider the option of shutting the chat down entirely until we have built new protocols from scratch. In the meantime, our locations may become compromised. This is not so much of an issue for those of us with our own protections, but anyone in any of our chats may be at risk.
bluntfiend: Did we not have backups for this?
you: There's another option.
jockjamsvol6: doxx is a fucking ghost gay who lives with his boyfriend in an entire other plane of reality why would we need backups for this
bluntfiend: Don't suggest what I think you're going to suggest, dude.
you: Felix and I weren't strong enough to take on the janitors on our own - but you guys, together? If we work fast, we could take them by surprise, before they've had time to turn Felix against us.
bones: That is extremely inadvisable.
you: We don't know what's happening to him in there. Even if it's a bad idea… we need to consider it.
lesbian_gengar: jfc just catching up but this is not the right move. I SAID the heist was a terrible idea.
bluntfiend: No, ████████ is right.
bluntfiend: Stupid or not, we have to consider this.
you: consider it, yeah. That's all I'm asking. For Felix and for Ren.
bluntfiend: Listen, ████████: pitch it. You have a plan?
you: Yes. I do.

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