Item #: SCP-6752
Object Class: Safe [Reclassification pending]
Special Containment Procedures: All 4,738 apprehended copies of SCP-6752 are to be kept in the mass storage wing at Site-59. Work is ongoing to find copies that remain in circulation.
Requests for study of the non-classified portions of SCP-6752 may be submitted to Site Director Naismith. As of 4/18/22, a moratorium has been placed on viewing any copy of SCP-6752. Any staff member who has been exposed to SCP-6752 is heretofore ordered to report to Site-59's third basement level for involuntary screening & risk analysis.
Description: SCP-6752 is a 700-page self-book book printed by the self-publishing company Lulu. The title is A Winner is YOU!, and the author is listed as P. Hudson Gock.
Though written in the broken dialect of English typical of TotleighSoft, the non-anomalous portions of SCP-6752 are meant to be a guide for readers toward a nebulous and ill-defined ideal of personal success. Much of Chapter Seven, "humbal begginings", has provided additional insight into some aspects of SCP-2803-A's origins, including its "occupation" prior to starting TotleighSoft.
Forty of the pages, designated 'unflawsing acktiffities,' consist of bifold illustrations that are made up primarily of dangerous cognitohazards. These twenty images are presented as exercises working toward self-actualization. The effects produced by viewing these exercises are universal among human subjects.
The author includes explicit warnings against viewing the exercises out of numerical order.
Non-anomalous excerpts from SCP-6752:
Aftre eaons of myy obversation of teh humans condititn, it is beeen determin that the keye to caratcer develvopment is EGO DETH. Jost look at the 'heerose jurney' by Joeseph Cambp Camblep Catoblepas Mr. Soup. The prossis is as follwos:
1. Caracter A has a fattel flaw
2. Caracter B gifts many badness an hurt for Caracter A
3. After sufishent hurt, Caracter A no longre is having flaw and becums beter persn than was
It sownds eazy, but is tro! In order for YOO, humen, to become beter humen, yoo must being punitched seveerly for yoor meeger existens until yoo is MAGNIFISENT. Yoo cans urround dis sentimint with all srots ov acadamaic jibbor jabbor, bot wen deconstrackted to its sores, dis is am being te ESSENTS of SELF BETARMENT!
For saek of eeziness, we is caling dis prosess: TEH UNFLAWSING!
Jost look up ons the teer-jarking glaoury that is being glorias TotleighSoft hom vidio series DOGM OVIE. Everi time we vizit da Frompt Resdidants, maincaracter Ryan Frompt must partack in the CYCEL of LOSS and DED DOG. And thro eatch spel of greef, he emertches az GREAT AND POWARFLE. For az maincaracter Ryan Frompt be is sayng his self: "i am becum grater guai dan wuz."
Bot, we is all bizy peeple. SOOOOOO, wit thes in maind… how kan we streemlien TEH UNFLAWSING?
Effects of Exercises:
Exercise | Test Subject | Effect |
---|---|---|
SCP-6752-2 | D-59522 | Subject fell on the floor and began convulsing. The onsite medical team was unable to resuscitate D-59522. Autopsy determined that the cause of death was the materialization of a foreign object in the center of the brain. Said object was an index card with the word "WRONG" written in permanent marker. (Note: SCP-6752-2 was the first exercise viewed by this subject; all subsequent tests have been conducted in order.) |
SCP-6752-1 | D-85102 | Subject suddenly and painfully voided their bowels. |
SCP-6752-2 | D-85102 | Identical to the effects of SCP-6752-1, but greater in intensity. |
SCP-6752-3 | D-85102 | Subject sneezed, which emitted identical excretions to the previous exercises. |
SCP-6752-4 | D-85102 | Subject experienced the effects of 6752-2 and 6752-3 simultaneously. |
SCP-6752-5 | D-85102 | Subject broke down in fits of uncontrollable sobbing.1 |
SCP-6752-5 | D-48779 | Subject cried out in extreme pain. After approximately five minutes, subject regurgitated a live guinea pig. The guinea pig calmly looked at the subject, vocalized, and promptly went into cardiac arrest. The vocalization was phonetically similar to the phrase "That was a tricky one. Nice job!" |
SCP-6752-6 | D-48779 | Subject lost consciousness for ten minutes, waking up in a state of agitation. |
SCP-6752-6 | D-98222 | D-98222 was implanted with SCP-2922 before undergoing this test and was briefed on its capabilities. Five minutes after unconsciousness, D-98222's respective SCP-2922-A instance received the following call: |
<Begin log>
Researcher McGregor: D-98222, come in.
D-98222: Yeah, hi, quick question — what the hell?
McGregor: What do you see?
D-98222: I'm back in my old bedroom from I was a kid. I'm tied to a chair. There's a guy in a bear suit. He's beating me within an inch of my life with a pair of riding crops and telling me I'm never going to be an astronaut with this attitude.
McGregor: You seem…calm about this.
D-98222: I'm banking pretty heavily on this being a bad dream.
McGregor: To be fair, you are unconscious.
D-98222: Score! …hey, what are you—
Unidentified Voice: Excuses you? This is a pry vat off-air betweens me and Mr. ██████. The fact that you weld spy yarn us is unthankable. …or perhap this was your ideal, Mr. ██████? …No. You hat your chants. We are darn here, guts her.2
D-98222: Works for me!
(D-98222 dies from cerebral hemorrhage. An index card reading "NISE TRI" is later extracted from his skull. No further SCP-2922 contact has been made with D-98222.)
<End Log>
Exercise | Test Subject | Effect |
---|---|---|
SCP-6752-7 | D-48779 | Identical to SCP-6752-6, but the period of unconsciousness lasted for twenty minutes. |
SCP-6752-8 | D-48779 | Subject was unconscious for thirty minutes. During this period, subject was visibly in physical pain. Upon awakening, subject expelled over 2,000 mosquitoes from their mouth. |
SCP-6752-9 | D-48779 | (Note: Upon beginning, this is the first test in which the subject expressed excitement rather than fear or disgust.) Subject proceeded to uncontrollably and painfully urinate for ten hours. Portions of the urine contained coarse grains of selenite, obsidian, and [DATA EXPUNGED]. Subject lost no bodily weight in the process. |
SCP-6752-10 | D-48779 | [REDACTED] (See addendum) |
Note: No further testing with SCP-6752 is allowed.