rating: +84+x

Item#: 6716
Containment Class:
Secondary Class:
Disruption Class:
Risk Class:



Special Containment Procedures: Containment of SCP-6716 is currently not considered necessary and she is to continue in her duties pending further observation.

SCP-6716-1 is contained in the break room near the Tactical Theology wing of Site-89.

Description: SCP-6716 is Her Eminent Patience and Grace Junior Researcher Jacquelyn Roberts,1 who was accidentally elevated to minor deific status during research on akiva radiation; see attached incident report for further details. Researcher Roberts is now a minor divine entity with abilities analogous to the guardian deity of a single low-influence household. Her primary sphere of divine influence covers the providence of caffeinated beverages and pre-packaged snacks with a secondary focus on guardianship of Site-89 Tactical Theology staff.

SCP-6716-1 is the coffee-maker used by the research team prior to the apotheosis2 event, which is now a minor divine artefact and spontaneously produces high-quality coffee up to about twelve litres per day except on weekends. The coffee is anomalously effective at relieving fatigue and lacks the typical negative side effects of caffeine.

While Roberts is on duty at Site-89, small food items will spontaneously manifest in the fridge and snack cupboard of the same staff break room.3 Food manifested takes the form of pre-sealed snacks and easily prepared foods such as instant noodles, and is of established brands.

Researcher Roberts has also occasionally demonstrated various superhuman abilities in protecting staff from imminent danger. On one occasion she was able to cross a conference room at inhuman speed4 in order to catch fellow Junior Researcher Roakson when leaning back caused a faulty portion of his chair to snap and him to fall over backwards. This ability is poorly understood—it manifests only rarely and does not work during staged accidents. The low level of akiva radiation produced by Researcher Roberts suggests her divine powers would only be sufficient to cover occasional minor accidents. Staff are advised not to depend on this effect in any serious danger.

ADDENDUM: Incident Report SCP-6716-1

Background: Prior to the incident, Researcher Roberts was a non-anomalous graduate student studying Esoteric Calculus under Dr. Simon Thornby in the Tactical Theology division of Site-89. She was praised in her latest performance review for her even temper and ability to provide emotional and practical support to her team in high-pressure situations. In the weeks leading up to the incident, there was a temporary standoff between the Foundation and certain sects of the Horizon Initiative. Short notice demand for effective countermeasures in a potential confrontation created a great deal of pressure on Tactical Theology research staff to work long hours in order to produce results.

Careful examination of the research team's behavior during this period has revealed patterns of interaction which parallel certain religious rituals, as well as a generally reverential attitude toward Her Patience.5

Coffee-Related Prayer-like Behaviors

Upon discovering a full pot of freshly brewed coffee in the break room, staff members frequently would make statements like "God, thank you Jackie," despite her absence and the lack of evidence that it was her who filled it. This assumption is estimated to have been correct a little under half the time.
Ritual Significance
Addressing Researcher Roberts like this in her absence likely contributed to alignment of devotion vectors and adjustment of immanence values. The assumption that benevolent gestures originated from Her Patience was an indicator of faith-based piety.

Honorific Modes of Interactions

When addressing Researcher Roberts, members of the research team frequently concluded with some expression of gratitude along the lines of "Thank you so much for your patience Jackie," or "You've been a saint, thank you." Roberts would very consistently respond to this by saying "Oh, it's no big deal!" to which the team member would respond, "No, really, thanks!"
Ritual Significance
Repeated displays of gratitude serve to solidify devotion vectors, as in the coffee example. The extremely consistent "call and response" format of the interaction "it's no big deal" followed by "no, really, thanks" has parallels in many known rituals and likely caused a gradual buildup of sacral potency around Her Patience.

Offerings to Regain Favour

During a rare period of several days in which Researcher Roberts failed to perform to her usual standards by, for example, arriving late, snapping at coworkers and taking poor notes during testing, the rest of the team interpreted this as a sign of stress from overwork rather a reflection of her character. Numerous members offered gifts and sent messages to reassure Roberts that she was appreciated but should not push herself beyond her limits.
Ritual Significance
The staff's tendency to retain an unblemished view of Roberts despite evidence to the contrary demonstrates an elevation of piety and formation of immanence vectors. The offerings presented to Her Patience parallel those often given to deities in order to assuage wrath and garner favour, such interactions are known to stabilize the flow of devotion and thereby prevent major fluctuations in immanence values.

Record of Apotheosis Event, January 6 2021

1:10 AM: Several members of the research team are assembled in a conference room. Thaumaturgical diagrams have been carefully sketched on the table, tallow candles placed at significant intersections of lines provide the only light in the room. Two junior researchers are reciting a prayer in unison while Dr. Thornby monitors the akiva radiation. Everyone involved looks haggard and exhausted.

1:11 AM: Researcher Roberts carefully opens the door. Her form is silhouetted in the doorway as light streams around her into the darkened room. She is carrying a tray with coffee and snacks, and comments that if the team intends to work right through the night they will at least need more caffeine.

Dr. Thornby turns to the face Researcher Roberts, squinting a little at the light of the hallway. "Oh my god, Jackie, you're a godsend, thank you s-" Thornby is cut off by the akiva radiation detector he is holding, which has begun to beep.

At this point the candles in the room spontaneously extinguish. All team members present except Researcher Roberts join in the chanting prayer as Roberts enters the room. Light clings to her body, illuminating the space around her even after she leaves the doorway. She distributes coffee and hard biscuits. Each person briefly pauses in their prayer to engage in the same call and response behavior mentioned previously as they receive their coffee.

1:15 AM: Upon completing the task, Roberts leaves the room. The candles spontaneously re-light themselves as the door closes. Upon sipping from their coffee, all present seem to suddenly recover from a dazed state and begin excitedly reviewing data from the akiva monitor.

The full mechanism of this apotheosis event is not understood and replication attempts have proven unsuccessful.

SCP-6716-α-4 Clearance Detected. View additional file?

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