SCP-6599
rating: +260+x

by PlaguePJP & J Dune


:root {
    --timeScale: 1;
    --timeDelay: 0s;
}
 
/* Converting middle divider from box-shadow to ::before pseudo-element */
.anom-bar > .bottom-box { box-shadow: none!important; }
.anom-bar > .bottom-box::before {
    position: absolute;
    content: " ";
    width: 100%;
    height: 0.5rem;
    background-color: rgb(var(--black-monochrome, 12, 12, 12));
    transform: translateY(-0.74rem);
}
 
/* DIVIDER */
.anom-bar > .bottom-box::before {
    animation-name: divider;
    animation-duration: calc(0.74s * var(--timeScale));
    animation-delay: calc(0.1s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay));
    animation-iteration-count: 1;
    animation-timing-function: cubic-bezier(.32,.38,.39,.94);
    animation-fill-mode: backwards;
}
 
/* CLASSIFIED LEVEL BARS */
div.top-center-box  > * {
    animation-name: bar;
    animation-duration: calc(0.45s * var(--timeScale));
    animation-iteration-count: 1;
    animation-timing-function: ease-out;
    animation-fill-mode: backwards;
}
div.top-center-box > :nth-child(1) { animation-delay: calc(0.2s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.top-center-box > :nth-child(2) { animation-delay: calc(0.32s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.top-center-box > :nth-child(3) { animation-delay: calc(0.45s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.top-center-box > :nth-child(4) { animation-delay: calc(0.61s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.top-center-box > :nth-child(5) { animation-delay: calc(0.75s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.top-center-box > :nth-child(6) { animation-delay: calc(0.95s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
 
/* TOP TEXT */
div.top-left-box, div.top-right-box {
    clip-path: polygon( 0% -50%, 150% -50%, 150% 100%, 0% 100%);
}
 
div.top-left-box > *, div.top-right-box > * {
    position: relative;
    animation-name: bottomup;
    animation-duration: calc(0.65s * var(--timeScale));
    animation-delay: calc(0.5s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay));
    animation-iteration-count: 1;
    animation-timing-function: ease-out;
    animation-fill-mode: backwards;
}
 
/*-----------------------------------*/
/*-----------------------------------*/
 
/* CONTAINMENT, DISRUPTION, RISK CLASSES */
div.text-part > * {
    clip-path: polygon( 0% 0%, 100% 0%, 100% 100%, 0% 100%);
    animation-name: expand2;
    animation-duration: calc(0.5s * var(--timeScale));
    animation-iteration-count: 1;
    animation-timing-function: cubic-bezier(.12,.41,.27,.99);
    animation-fill-mode: backwards;
}
div.text-part > :nth-child(1) {
    animation-name: expand1;
}
div.text-part > :nth-child(1) { animation-delay: calc(0.6s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.text-part > :nth-child(2) { animation-delay: calc(0.75s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.text-part > :nth-child(3) { animation-delay: calc(0.86s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
 
div.main-class::before, div.main-class::after {
    animation-name: iconslide;
    animation-duration: calc(0.45s * var(--timeScale));
    animation-delay: calc(0.8s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay));
    animation-iteration-count: 1;
    animation-timing-function: cubic-bezier(.12,.41,.27,.99);
    animation-fill-mode: backwards;
}
 /* BOTTOM TEXT */
div.main-class > *,  div.disrupt-class > *, div.risk-class > * {
    white-space: nowrap;
    animation-name: flowIn;
    animation-duration: calc(0.42s * var(--timeScale));
    animation-delay: calc(0.75s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay));
    animation-iteration-count: 1;
    animation-timing-function: ease-out;
    animation-fill-mode: backwards;
}
 
/*-----------------------------------*/
/*-----------------------------------*/
 
/* DIAMOND */
div.arrows {
    animation-name: arrowspin;
    animation-duration: calc(0.7s * var(--timeScale));
    animation-delay: calc(0.6s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay));
    animation-iteration-count: 1;
    animation-timing-function: cubic-bezier(.12,.41,.27,.99);
    animation-fill-mode: backwards;
}
 
div.quadrants > * {
    animation-name: fade;
    animation-duration: calc(0.3s * var(--timeScale));
    animation-delay: calc(1.4s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay));
    animation-iteration-count: 1;
    animation-timing-function: cubic-bezier(.12,.41,.27,.99);
    animation-fill-mode: backwards;
}
 
div.top-icon, div.right-icon, div.left-icon, div.bottom-icon {
    animation-name: nodegrow;
    animation-duration: calc(0.4s * var(--timeScale));
    animation-delay: calc(1.4s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay));
    animation-iteration-count: 1;
    animation-timing-function: cubic-bezier(.12,.41,.27,.99);
    animation-fill-mode: backwards;
}
div.diamond-part {
    clip-path: polygon( -10% 0.37%, 120% 0.37%, 120% 100%, -10% 100%);
    animation-name: diamondBorder;
    animation-duration: calc(0.8s * var(--timeScale));
    animation-delay: calc(0.5s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay));
    animation-iteration-count: 1;
    animation-timing-function: cubic-bezier(.32,.38,.39,.94);
    animation-fill-mode: backwards;
    will-change: box-shadow;
}
 
/* MOBILE QUERY */
@media (max-width: 480px ) {
    .anom-bar > .bottom-box::before {
        display:none;
    }
    .anom-bar > .bottom-box {
        box-shadow: 0 -0.5rem 0 0 rgb(var(--black-monochrome, 12, 12, 12))!important;
    }
    div.top-center-box  > * {
        animation-name: bar-mobile;
        animation-duration: calc(0.9s * var(--timeScale));
    }
    div.top-center-box > :nth-child(1) { animation-delay: calc(0.1s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
    div.top-center-box > :nth-child(2) { animation-delay: calc(0.2s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
    div.top-center-box > :nth-child(3) { animation-delay: calc(0.3s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
    div.top-center-box > :nth-child(4) { animation-delay: calc(0.4s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
    div.top-center-box > :nth-child(5) { animation-delay: calc(0.5s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
    div.top-center-box > :nth-child(6) { animation-delay: calc(0.6s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
 
}
 
/*--- Motion Accessibility ---*/
@media screen and (prefers-reduced-motion: reduce) { 
    div.anom-bar-container { --timeScale: 0!important; }
}
 
/*-------------------------*/
 
@keyframes divider {
    from { max-width: 0%;  }
    to { max-width: 100%; }
}
 
@keyframes bar {
    from { max-width: 0%; }
    to { max-width: 100%; }
}
@keyframes bar-mobile {
    from { max-height: 0%; }
    to { max-height: 100%; }
}
 
@keyframes bottomup {
    from { top: 100px; }
    to { top: 0; }
}
 
@keyframes expand1 {
    from { opacity: 0; clip-path: inset(0 calc(100% - 0.75rem) 0 0); }
    to { opacity: 1; clip-path: inset(0); }
}
@keyframes iconslide {
    from { opacity: 0; transform: translateX(-5rem); }
    to { opacity: 1; transform: translateX(0); }
}
 
@keyframes expand2 {
    from { opacity: 0; width: 1%; }
    to { opacity: 1; width: calc(100% - 0.25rem); }
}
@keyframes fade {
    from { opacity: 0; }
    to { opacity: 1; }
}
 
@keyframes flowIn {
    from { opacity: 0; transform: translateY(20px); }
    to { opacity: 1; transform: translateY(0); }
}
 
@keyframes arrowspin {
    from { clip-path: circle(0%); transform: rotate(135deg); }
    to { clip-path: circle(75%); transform: rotate(0deg); }
}
@keyframes nodegrow {
    from { transform: scale(0);}
    to {  transform: scale(1);}
}
@keyframes diamondBorder {
    from { box-shadow: -0.5rem -20rem 0 0 rgb(var(--black-monochrome, 12, 12, 12)); }
    to { box-shadow: -0.5rem 0 0 0 rgb(var(--black-monochrome, 12, 12, 12)); }
}
warning.png
Item#: 6599
Level2
Containment Class:
keter
Secondary Class:
none
Disruption Class:
keneq
Risk Class:
danger

SLICE.png

SCP-6599-1, interrupting a live weather report to assault the broadcaster


Assigned Site Site Director Research Head Assigned Task Force
Area-179 Dir. Joseph Barrow Maxwell Coates N/A

4386553053_c654e4e85d_b.jpg

Aftermath of an ALT-F4 Event in Blodgett, Missouri

Special Containment Procedures WALDO.aic currently tracks all known accounts under the username “HOGSLICE.” Posts from this account are to be taken down as soon as possible.

Should an ALT-F4 EVENT occur, embedded Foundation agents in law enforcement are to recognize the markings of an ALT-F4 EVENT and effectively contain the situation following standard Veil Protocol.

Update 2014/11/19: Following the events detailed in Addendum 6599.6, SCP-6599’s object class is pending reclassification to Neutralized.

Description: SCP-6599 is a collective of internet accounts registered under the username HOGSLICE. SCP-6599 are present across 68% of all websites that allow for account creation, though activity is centered on hobbyist message boards, with the oldest recorded instance dated to 1999. SCP-6599 accounts are somewhat knowledgeable about the topic of the website they are posting to, as well as extremely active, posting upwards of 100 times a day across all accounts in the form of responses to other users. Accounts have been observed to post contemporaneously with one another, though typing pattern analysis, coupled with SCP-6599's anomalous effects, indicates that the likelihood of SCP-6599 being multiple individuals or an organized effort is remarkably low.

SCP-6599 accounts are English-speaking, and communicate in a hostile, argumentative pattern consistent across all instances, insulting users and making boastful statements about themselves. This behavior often prompts action by site moderators, who will most likely implement a ban on the account. To date, there have been no recorded instances of an SCP-6599 account attempting to circumvent a ban.

If an individual engages an SCP-6599 account in a combative way, such as insulting the instance or provoking a response from SCP-6599, an ALT-F4 Event is likely to occur. These events result in a hostile entity, designated SCP-6599-1, manifesting near the individual's present location a short time after the argument. Analysis of SCP-6599 activity has determined only 40% of engagements result in the appearance of SCP-6599-1

SCP-6599-1 is a humanoid entity resembling professional wrestler Scott Rechsteiner1. SCP-6599-1 is sapient, sentient, with an estimated intelligence similar to that of an average adult human, and anomalously enhanced strength and durability. After manifesting, SCP-6599-1 will locate the individual it had engaged in an argument with online, and proceed to verbally berate and physically batter them to the point of hospitalization. SCP-6599-1 will then demanifest from its target's location. While no fatalities have resulted from an ALT-F4 event, SCP-6599-1 frequently causes damage to the surrounding area during its assault.

Addendum.6599.1: Discovery

SCP-6599 was discovered on March 28th, 2008 on Parawatch.net.

GregTheCarp 03/28/2008 (Mon) 16:54:32 #74439151


Favorite Cryptid thread?

Big fan of the Squonk personally. It's a little pig-looking thing from Pennsylvania that cries because it's so ugly. People track it by looking for a path covered in tear stains. When people find it dissolves itself by crying.

Wonder if it's saying something that I like it…

Whatever.

HOGSLICE 03/28/2008 (Mon) 17:08:43 #19288745


WHAT KINDA BETA SHIT IS THAT. WOMEN CRY. CHILDREN CRY. I DONT. BE FUCKIN BRAWN. BE FUCKIN HEAVY.

MOTHMAN IS WHERE IT'S AT. OF COURSE YOU WOULDNT KNOW THAT BECAUSE YOURE TOO BUSY CREAMING YOUR PANTS OVER A LITTLE IDIOT THAT NO ONE HEARD OF. THE MOTHMAN CAN FLY. IT HAS RED EYES THAT PEER INTO YOUR SOUL. YOU WOULDNT KNOW THAT THOUGH, BECAUSE YOU DONT WANT TO LOOK ANYTHING IN THE EYES BECAUSE YOUR FATHER NEVER TAUGHT YOU RESPECT.

GROW A PAIR. MOTHMAN OR BUST.

—HOGSLICE

GregTheCarp 03/28/2008 (Mon) 17:10:56 #74439151


I don't know why you're so upset about this. Chill out, man. I just want to talk about some cryptids is all. Sorry if my choice offended you…

HOGSLICE 03/28/2008 (Mon) 17:11:32 #19288745


DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO AGAIN. YOUR CHOICE WAS STUPID AND YOU SHOULD FEEL UPSET ABOUT IT. GO CRY ABOUT IT LIKE THAT DUMB THING THAT DOESNT EVEN EXIST.

—HOGSLICE

GregTheCarp 03/28/2008 (Mon) 17:15:12 #74439151


You know what. I was having a shit day and wanted to talk with some nice people and you just ruined it.

Go fuck yourself.

HOGSLICE 03/28/2008 (Mon) 17:15:34 #19288745


THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME.

—HOGSLICE

The operator of the 'GregtheCarp' account, Oregon resident Gregory Kaplin, was discovered later the same day with a fractured skull, two broken femurs, and a shattered humerus. A police report that was filed by Kaplin described a humanoid entity that appeared, attacked him, and disappeared from his home. WALDO.aic's anomaly detection software was triggered and the prompted Foundation investigation. Following confiscation of relevant materials, discussions on how best to contain SCP-6599 were held at Secure Facility Area-179.

Addendum.6599.2: Notable Examples

Notable examples of SCP-6599 behavior have been catalogued below.


Date: 2010/12/12

Website: Muppet Central - A forum dedicated to discussion of Jim Henson's The Muppets and associated works.

Description: Incident occurred in a thread posted by user 'Thog_Life'. Exchange has been transcribed below.


MUPPET CENTRAL

Explore Forum Help My Account

Thog_Life

Super exciting find! An acquaintance of mine has located the singing ship from the “In The Navy” sketch. Owner is a relative of a former Henson prop engineer, and is debating either auctioning it off, or donating the item to an archive of Muppet memorabilia.

Image album here.

What say you, Muppet Central? Any takers?

Reply | Share | 19 Replies

HOGSLICE

NO, NO ONE WANTS THIS SHIT, CANDYASS. I HATE THOSE DAMN PUPPETS (NOT CALLING THEM THE M NAME THATS STUPID)

I KNOW I’M GOING TO SHATTER DREAMS HERE BUT I DONT CARE BABY THATS WHAT I DO. JIM HENSON (CONMAN) IS A FRAUD AND HAS THROWN THE WOOL OVER YOUR EYES FOR DECADES….

YOU WATCH HIS SHOWS WITHOUT EVEN QUESTIONING WHATS ON THE SCREEN IN FRONT OF YOU. FROGS DO NOT TALK. BEARS CANNOT DANCE. DUMBASS RED GUYS WHO LOOK LIKE THEY LIVE IN A THROAT DONT PLAY DRUMS AND FRUIT AINT DO CHEMISTRY. YOU CAN SEE THE STRINGS WHEN THEY MOVE. THEY ARE PUPPETS!!!!!!!!! MOTHERFUCKER. I HAVE PUPEETERED IN THE PAST ANYONE WITH HALF A BRAIN, HALF THE BALLS, AND ANY EXPERIENCE IN THE PUPPET BUSINESS CAN TELL YOU THAT SHOW IS ALL PUPPETS

I SAW THIS IN THE 70S, WHEN YOU WERE STILL IN DIAPERS. I WASNT FALLING FOR THAT SHIT! THE (P)UPPETS ARE FAKE AND FOOL TINY BABY DUMB CHILDREN WHO DON'T DO ANYTHING WITH THEIR LIVES.

PAY FOR SOME ACTORS, JIM…. OR PUT MY FIST UP YOUR ASS LIKE A REAL MAN AND ADMIT YOU USE PUPPETS.

-HOGSLICE

SENT FROM MY IPHONE


Aftermath: Thread developed into an argument between SCP-6599 and other Muppet Central users concerning the purpose, popularity, and production of The Muppet Show that lasted for 7 pages of posts before disciplinary action was taken by a moderator.

Hours following the ban, Georgia resident Jamal White, operator of the 'Thog_Life' account, reported SCP-6599-1 entering his residence via detaching the front door with its hands. Entity brandished a banjo and delivered a rendition of "Rainbow Connection" with lyrics lampooning Henson and the Muppets, while assaulting White with the object to the point of unconsciousness. An excerpt of these lyrics, which SCP-6599-1 repeated unceasingly throughout the incident, have been transcribed from a recording of the assault and included below.

SOMEDAY I'LL FIND IT
A REASON TO GIVE A SHIT
ABOUT HENSON, THE MUPPETS
AND YOU

Upon SCP-6599-1's exit, White's wife filed a police report and admitted to him the hospital, where he was treated for blunt trauma, a fractured carpus, and internal bleeding in the brain. Following treatment, standard Veil retention protocol was enacted, and amnestics were administered to the White household.


Date: 2011/4/28

Website: MoneyBeetle - A Japanese message board for insect fighting enthusiasts to congregate, bet on competitions, and discuss the sport. The website had recently come under scrutiny from law enforcement after the murder of a hobbyist following a dispute over winnings from a tournament.

Description: Incident occurred in a thread posted by user 'PrizeCricket'. Exchange has been transcribed below. Messages have been translated from Japanese, with the exception of posts made by SCP-6599.


PrizeCricket 5h
MEGATHREAD: DISTRICT 11 COMPETITION
I'd like to thank everyone for participating in the District-11 semi-final competition yesterday! The prize money has been distributed, and MoneyBeetle's very own Doki has taken the winnings, with his female Dock Bug 'Cirno' demolishing the competition! Here's to a successful remainder of the tournament!

54 Comments

Emperor 5h
Exciting matches, as to be expected from the District-11 superstars. They have been uploaded to my YouTube channel.

I thought that the Mantis was going to win in that last match, but I guess Cirno really is the strongest!

HOGSLICE 4h
DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL ANY OF YOU ARE SAYING BECAUSE I ONLY SPEAK AMERICAN BUT IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH OF A BADASS MOTHERFUCKER MY HERCULES BEETLE IS.

YOU THINK YOU'RE A BIG MAN? BULLSHIT. MEET ROCKY, HE'S A MACHINE RUNNING OFF THE FUMES OF PURE HATRED AND SIN, JUST LIKE HIS DADDY. I FOUND HIM OUTSIDE A YMCA. LOOK AT HIM.

28449361185_b26ef58b36_b.jpg

THAT'S HIS SHELL, WOO MAMA, IT'S TITANIUM. IN CASE YOU BUG FIGHTING 'PROFESSIONALS' HAVE ANY MORE DOUBTS, LET ME LIST SOME OF HIS FEATS FOR YOU:
  • ROCKY PULVERIZED AN ANT INTO A FINE PASTE AND ATE HIM TOO
  • ROCKY TOOK ON FIVE MILLIPEDES AND WON
  • MY DOG BRUTUS IS SCARED OF ROCKY
  • ROCKY TRAINS DAILY AND IS PROUD TO BE A WINNER LIKE ME
  • I WOULD NOT ABANDON HIM LIKE YOUR DUMBFUCK FATHER WOULD

YOUR BUGS ARE PUSSY VOMIT, AND WOULD NOT SURVIVE A DAY IN THE WILD, SO IT'S A GOOD THING THEY'RE KEPT IN CAGES. HA. I DIDN'T LAUGH BTW, THAT'S A BITCH THING. I DON'T DO THAT.

AND YES, I NAMED HIM AFTER ROCKY BALBOBA THE MOVIE, WHAT A BADASS MOVIE. WOW. I BET YOU NEVER HEARD OF IT, KID.

I WILL CRUSH YOU MISERABLE PIECES OF SHIT.

- HOGSLICE

PrizeCricket 4h
Slow down, cowboy. Are you lost? That's a great beetle, but we have a specific thread for showing off our prized pets. This is a commemoration for a tournament, which you did not participate in. Besides, this is not an English-speaking forum. Please use a translation service, they are incredibly easy to use and we would love to talk with you!

HOGSLICE 4h
MOTHERFUCKER YOU ARE MAKING ME BREAK MY SHIT

break.jpg

Aftermath: Thread was then flagged by Foundation .AICs and removed from public view. Nakatosa resident Seo Hirotada reported SCP-6599-1 entering his residence via emerging from underneath the floorboards, despite the home being built on flat ground. Entity assaulted Hirotada with punching gloves, repeatedly asking if the victim had ever seen "Rocky". When the victim fell to the floor, SCP-6599-1 unlocked multiple cages containing exotic insects, and poured them atop Hirotada's body. SCP-6599-1 lept in the air, and drove its elbow into his chest. SCP-6599-1 demanifested, and Seo contacted law enforcement and was later admitted to a hospital with a shattered rib cage. Standard Foundation Veil retention protocol followed.

Addendum.6599.3: Containment Log

Following a period of data collection related to SCP-6599, attempts to contain the anomaly were authorized by Area-179's Containment Authority under the direction of Researcher Coates. Attempts are listed below.

Proposed Containment
Lure SCP-6599-1 via use of a D-Class subject. Subdue SCP-6599-1 with tranquilizer darts.
Result
SCP-6599 account engaged on a forum related to scrimshaw. SCP-6599-1 manifested, battered its way into Area-179's Testing Chamber α-4 and immediately attacked D-662833. Tranquilizer darts were unable to penetrate SCP-6599-1's skin and effectively sedate it. D-662833 survived with a fractured skull, three broken vertebrae, and a broken tibia.

Proposed Containment
Lure SCP-6599-1 via use of a D-Class subject. Test Chamber α-5 will be refitted with conductive flooring and wall panels. These will be electrified until SCP-6599-1 is subdued.
Result
SCP-6599 account engaged on a board related to square dancing. The door to Test Chamber α-5 was left open and a path was cleared. Upon SCP-6599-1 entering, the chamber was electrified; this was ineffective, as SCP-6599-1 was able to withstand the voltage, remarking that the feeling was "weak as shit". D-109682 was grabbed by SCP-6599-1 and thrown at the opposite wall, electrocuting them. D-110465 suffered 3rd degree burns on 60% of his dermis and two broken arms.

Proposed Containment
Lure SCP-6599-1 via use of a D-Class subject. With approval from O5-5, Agent Woodcock, wielding SCP-5175, will then be implanted into Test Chamber α-6 to confront SCP-6599-1.
Result
Incident-6599-029. See Addendum.6599.4

Addendum.6599.4: Incident-6599-029

Personnel Dossier - Agent Woodcock and SCP-5175


2685868547_108d2399ef_b.jpg

Agent Woodcock, performing a parlor trick with SCP-5175

SCP-5175 is an ornate Morrocan knife harboring an incorporeal entity, designated SCP-5175-1, which claims to be the spirit of a Japanese samurai named Kuroitanken Hanzo. When wielded by its host, Agent Woodcock, SCP-5175 is capable of removing any form of life from baseline reality upon laceration. Due to a specific set of circumstances related in the crosslinked file, SCP-5175-1, and by extension SCP-5175, is intrinsically linked to Agent Woodcock, and the two share a connection that would lead to Woodcock's employment with the Foundation.

Agent Damien Lawrence Woodcock, Captain of Mobile Task Force Ω-5 "Damien's Angels", is stationed at Area-179 for the purposes of wielding SCP-5175, as the object has proven successful in the neutralization of dangerous anomalies. While Woodcock has demonstrated immaturity and character unbecoming of a Foundation Agent, most likely attributed to his unconventional background, his effectiveness in various neutralization, decommissioning, and tactical efforts has proven him a valuable asset to the Foundation.


[[BEGIN LOG]]

SCP-6599-1 appears outside Test Chamber α-6 and punches through the plexiglass viewing area, shattering the glass. The entity climbs into the chamber through the window. The interior lights have been turned off.

SCP-6599-1: WHO THE FUCK TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS? I DON’T LIKE THE DARK UNLESS I’M HAVING SEX, WHICH I’M NOT, SO TURN THE LIGHTS ON.2

Agent Woodcock, who is levitating via the use of SCP-5175-1, kicks SCP-6599-1 in the stomach before darting back into the shadows. SCP-6599-1 frantically looks around the chamber, attempting to find the source of the blow.

SCP-6599-1: HEY, WHAT THE HELL? WHY DON’T YOU COME OUT AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN? PISS CLOWN. SCUM FISH.

The lights flicker, and eventually stabilize— revealing Agent Woodcock, who holds SCP-5175 outward in a defensive position. SCP-5175-1 hovers above him. Woodcock wears a modified SICA3 suit, which is capable of enhancing his performance on the field.

Agent Woodcock: Holy crap! Scott Steiner! That’s so badass!

SCP-6599-1: YOU LOOK LIKE YOU MANAGE A GAMESTOP.

Agent Woodcock: Is that a— Whoa! That’s a skull tattoo, the one on your bicep. I have one just like it, but with more flames and there’s also a snake coming out of the eyes. There’s a banner underneath it that says “No Gods, No Ma-

SCP-6599-1 punches Woodcock in the stomach, staggering him.

SCP-6599-1: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Woodcock spits out a wad of blood.

Agent Woodcock: Heh, I see. We can talk later. You are still my opponent, and I will duel you, with honor! Control, play my music!4

Woodcock’s armor begins blaring the song “96 Quite Bitter Beings” by music collective CYK. Woodcock demonstrates approval at the song, squealing in glee.

Agent Woodcock: Prepare to be vanquished by DEATH KNIFE, bitch!

Woodcock calls out before launching himself into the air using SCP-5175-1. He attempts to stab SCP-6599-1, but the entity dodges.

SCP-6599-1 grabs Woodcock and throws him into the wall, causing minor damage. Woodcock counters, springing from the wall with the assistance of SCP-5175-1. Woodcock juts the knife forward, stabbing and cleaving. SCP-6599-1 dodges, displaying uncharacteristic agility.

Agent Woodcock: You’re pretty good!

SCP-6599-1: YOU’RE NOT SO BAD YOURSELF, DIPSHIT.

SCP-6599-1 throws a punch, but Woodcock does so at the same time. The two fists clash, pushing against each other. SCP-5175-1 uses its hands to put pressure on SCP-6599-1’s wrist.

SCP-6599-1: IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING—

Agent Woodcock: JoJo reference?!? He’s kind of like a stand actually if you th—

SCP-6599-1 I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS. HE’S A SKELETON THOUGH, THAT’S FUCKING COOL, BROTHER.

Agent Woodcock: A samurai skeleton!

SCP-5175-1 grabs SCP-6599-1 and throws it to the ground.

Agent Woodcock: You had enough yet?

SCP-6599-1: ME? I’M JUST GETTING STARTED.

Agent Woodcock: You ever dance with the devil in the, uh, under the, in the moon?

SCP-6599-1: THE JOKER SAID THAT. I FUCKING LOVE THE JOKER. HELL YEAH, BRO.

SCP-6599-1 leaps to its feet, and readjusts its sunglasses, which are now visibly cracked. The entity charges forward, but Woodcock counters with a punch from SCP-5175-1, who now stands in front of the Agent. The two exchange blows for a period of time, fighting to a stalemate.

Agent Woodcock: I’m thinking of getting a portrait of the Joker on my thigh.

SCP-6599-1: THAT’D BE SICK. WAIT, I’M FIGHTING YOU. STOP DISTRACTING ME.

Agent Woodcock: Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.

SCP-6599-1 goes to punch Agent Woodcock, but he ducks, and uses SCP-5175-1 to slide towards the entity’s torso. Woodcock drives the blade into SCP-6599-1’s torso.

Agent Woodcock: Tsuki no ringo dakedenaku, meiyo o motte korosu. Watashi no petto o sayōnara.5

SCP-6599-1: GODDAMNIT. THAT AIN’T NO POCKET KNIFE, SON.

Agent Woodcock: Sucks having to end this so early. I was having fun.

SCP-6599-1: NEVER HAD ANYONE WHO COULD ACTUALLY KEEP UP WITH ME BEFORE. YOU DID ALRIGHT. I’D BUY YOU A BEER, YOU PIECE OF SHIT.

Agent Woodcock: In the next life then, okay?

SCP-6599-1: IF YOU’RE GONNA FINISH ME OFF, DO IT RIGHT, BASTARD.

SCP-6599-1 grabs SCP-5175 and twists the knife further into his torso.

Agent Woodcock: Y-You’re…

SCP-6599-1: A BADASS MOTHERFUCKER.

Agent Woodcock: Hell yeah, you are!

SCP-6599-1: THAT WAS KIND OF… F…F-FU—

Purple mist surrounds SCP-6599-1, and the entity disappears. Tears are seen forming in Agent Woodcock’s eyes. He sheathes SCP-5175, and exits the testing chamber.

[[END LOG]]

Addendum.6599.5: Behavioral Changes

Following the altercation with SCP-5175-1 and PoI-3445, SCP-6599 and SCP-6599-1 were presumed to be neutralized, as was the case with other anomalies that had been lacerated by SCP-5175. However, SCP-6599 accounts resumed activity the following day, though a number of changes in posting behavior were noted. SCP-6599 began writing opening posts instead of responses, seemingly inviting communication from others. Secondly, SCP-6599 accounts began posting exclusively on websites related to psychology, therapy, anger management, self-improvement, and life advice at a rate less frequent than its previous activity levels. Below is an abridged list of examples.

Website: FlowersGalore - A website dedicated to advice and do-it-yourself "life hacks" regarding personal gardens.

FLOWERS GALORE


HOGSLICE 08/23/2020
HELLO DOUCHEBAGS.

SOME ASSHOLE TOLD ME I NEEDED TO TOUCH GRASS AND WHEN I DID I REALLY LIKED IT. I WOULD LIKE TO GROW MORE GRASS PLEASE.

I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS. ANSWER THEM OR IM GONNA THROW SHIT:

  • IM VERY TALL DOES THAT SCARE THE GRASS LIKE IT DOES PEOPLE?
  • I LIKE THE SMELL BUT IT ONLY HAPPENS WHEN IT GETS CUT. DOES THE GRASS LIKE BEING CUT OR IS IT A BITCH?
  • I WANT TO HAVE THE MOST GODDAMN GRASS THIS SIDE OF THE COUNTRY. HOW MUCH GRASS IS THAT. I ALSO WANT ENOUGH TO SHOVE UP THAT FUCKER WHO TOLD ME TO TOUCH GRASS'S ASS

THANK YOU

-HOGSLICE


Website: r/selfimprovement - A subreddit dedicated to self improvement and helping others in the community grow.

WHAT I LIKE TO DO
submitted 7 months ago by HOGSLICE
191 comments share save hide give gold report crosspost

WHEN I GET MAD SOMETIMES I GO OUTSIDE AND PRETEND I'M A CHUCKHOG. I TEAR THE GRASS UP WITH MY HANDS AND DIG A HOLE UNTIL I FORGET WHAT I WAS ANGRY AT AND I HAVE A SICK HOLE TO PLAY IN.

—HOGSLICE

HOW DO I NOT BREAK ANYTHING WHEN I THINK OF THE MUCINEX COMMERCIALS AND THAT FUCKER BALL OF MUCUS.
submitted 6 months ago by HOGSLICE
206 comments share save hide give gold report crosspost

I HATE THAT ASSHOLE HE THINKS HE'S BETTER THAN ME. I DON'T WANT HIM TO WIN.

—HOGSLICE

I WANT A FRIEND
submitted 5 months ago by HOGSLICE
80 comments share save hide give gold report crosspost

—HOGSLICE

I THINK I WILL GET A THERAPIST
submitted 4 months ago by HOGSLICE
302 comments share save hide give gold report crosspost

I WAS WATCHING THE SOPRANOS (DIDN'T KNOW I COULD RESONATE WITH ITALIANS SO MUCH) AND THAT GUY TONY AND I HAVE A LOT IN COMMON. HE HAS A THERAPIST AND SHE SAYS HE HAS ANGER ISSUES.

HE ALSO KICKS ASS AND HAS LOTS OF SEX AND I IDENTIFY WITH THAT PART MORE BUT MAYBE I WILL SEE A THERAPIST TO HELP ME FIND A FRIEND.

—HOGSLICE

This pattern continued uninterrupted for months. On 2012/6/11, all SCP-6599 accounts ceased activity, and went offline. Redesignation to Neutralized remains pending.

Addendum.6599.6: Update

On 2014/11/19, all accounts registered to Area-179's SCiPNet server received the following email in their inboxes.

No further activity on any SCP-6599 account has been noted, and SCP-6599-1's whereabouts are currently unknown.


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