PlaguePJP: XX
by PlaguePJP & Ralliston
SCP-6591 performing his 'there is no spoon' trick.
Special Containment Procedures: Physical containment of SCP-6591 is not currently feasible due to its interdimensional travel capabilities. Interactions with SCP-6591 should be limited to the recording and documentation of Biz Wiz consulting sessions. Reviews of each consultation should be conducted for potential containment vectors.
Research into long-term metaphysical containment is ongoing at Site-666.
Promotional image from SCP-6591's website.
Description: SCP-6591 is Richard Marks, a 35-year-old male human from New York City, New York, USA. SCP-6591 is a former stockbroker, brokerage founder, seminar performer, and high-level thaumaturge. SCP-6591 gained its abilities after inadvertently consuming material relating to magical investing techniques from the Wanderers' Library.
SCP-6591 is capable of interdimensional traversal and spontaneous manifestation at businesses or anomalies that are experiencing "recession-level performance indicators".1 SCP-6591 can also be deliberately summoned through thaumaturgic invocation involving a branded notepad, one bottle of Jack Daniel's Tennessee Honey liqueur, and a non-refundable consultation fee.
SCP-6591 currently operates The Biz Wiz Experience, a consulting firm that targets struggling anomalous entities, organizations, and phenomena. While the advice given is invariably esoteric or commercially impractical, implementation of SCP-6591's strategies typically results in immediate, measurable success through means that defy conventional physics, economics, or ethics.
Addendum 6591.1: SCP-6591 Events
SCP-6591 EVENT.1
SUBJECT: The entity with a head resembling that of a songbird.
PROBLEM: The feathered lady wishes to become a high-end brand consultant for other native entities, cryptids, and minor gods. However, she who can fly is unable to use or market its name, appear in photos, or sign contracts without potentially suffering a loss of identity.
SOLUTION: SCP-6591 proposed a pivot to a "nameless brand identity platform" built entirely on indirect, accidental recognition. Instead of a name or logo, the brand is now represented with:
- A hexagonal shape that only appears when not looked at directly;
- A feeling of regretful desire;
- A scent described as "a shade of honey."
The campaign was subsequently launched under the project name " ." The various marketing changes could only be experienced during solar eclipses, leading to widespread virality within anomalous spaces.
Within one month of the campaign, our flying friend had secured three major clients: a wind nymph, the haunted house union, and "something" in Iceland. The businesswoman has since been featured in Dwell, Evil Vogue, and Bon Appétit.
SCP-6591 EVENT.6
SUBJECT: An interdimensional entity. Any conscious listener who hears its voice will experience instantaneous cerebral death.
PROBLEM: SCP-6591 determined that the entity wanted to start a podcast, believing that it had "a lot of important things to say about human connection." Previous attempts to record episodes have resulted in widespread fatality events and several of the entity's editors becoming abstract concepts before experiencing cerebral death.
SOLUTION: SCP-6591 advised the client to pivot the format toward a nonverbal emotional resonance podcast, titled The Feelcast.
Each episode consists of:
- Ambient white noise from a collapsing star;
- A relaxing guest monologue (recorded separately);
- And a series of pulsing waveforms representing the entity’s intended emotions.
The first episode was released anonymously on TikTok and X, receiving an overwhelmingly positive response. Listeners could not recall how they discovered the show nor what it contained, though all stated that they "felt seen." The Feelcast currently has over 380,000 followers across all platforms.
SCP-6591 EVENT.15
SUBJECT: Xul7, the owner and sole employee of NEEDFEED, a Three Portlands–based delivery startup specializing in the transport of cursed, enchanted, and/or metaphysically volatile food items.
PROBLEM: Xul7 has an average delivery completion time of 3 hours, 42 minutes, and 16 seconds, with a success rate below 40%. Its service has been described as unreliable and emotionally difficult by users. This is due to increasing interference from time loops, interdimensional traffic, and multiple instances of having to deliver items that don’t yet exist.
SOLUTION: SCP-6591 advised a strategic rebrand. Instead of NEEDFEED being marketed as a food delivery service, it would instead pivot to being an exclusive lifestyle disruption platform under the new name EOD. This new model pushes the inherent unpredictability of NEEDFEED as a feature rather than a flaw. Orders are no longer taken; instead, Xul7 uses its phase shifting to look forward in reality for its users, and delivers items they'll want in the near future.
During the first week of the relaunch, EOD saw a 300% increase in engagement, and two competitors ceased to exist entirely.
Addendum 6591.2: Foundation Involvement
Due to its nature, containment of SCP-6591 is highly impractical, if not impossible. While SCP-6591 has a frequently adversarial relationship with the Foundation, it will engage with Foundation personnel or affiliated entities if presented with an appropriately struggling business and/or the aforementioned summoning ritual. Below is an abridged list of the Foundation's attempts to contain SCP-6591:
Containment Attempt: SCP-6591 was invited to Site-120 under the guise of a formal consultation, during which it would be distracted long enough for thaumaturgic anchors to be activated.
SCP-6591 Response: SCP-6591 arrived at the Site and delivered a one-hour keynote titled Turning Red Tape Into Gold Thread, during which it proposed restructuring Site-120's budget into a tiered subscription program. The anchors were activated as expected, but SCP-6591 had already successfully filed for extrajudicial immunity as a Foundation contractor. Entity subsequently vanished after a Q&A session.
Containment Attempt: SCP-6591 was to be placed inside a simulated, failing Foundation front company designed to collapse under controlled conditions repeatedly. This would theoretically trap SCP-6591 within an endlessly failing enterprise.
SCP-6591 Response: Within 24 hours, SCP-6591 received interest from a known Marshall, Carter & Dark affiliate, secured external investment, and filed for anomalous business protections in Eurtec. The simulation proceeded to sell itself.
Containment Attempt: An emergency meeting of the O4 Council was held to discuss long-term containment of SCP-6591.
SCP-6591 Response: SCP-6591 appeared midway through the meeting, presented a reorganization proposal titled O4.5: Fixing a Failed Structure, and began invoking a thaumaturgic ritual, summoning sixty unknown individuals and giving them permanent positions on the O4 council. Efforts to remove these new councilmembers have failed, as any attempts to do so are rejected by that voting block.
In the following days, leading members of the O4 Council have reported an increase in financial distress among their family members.
Site-666 was subsequently assigned to research potential containment methods. Due to Site-666’s established relationship with Hell and its phenomena, it was hypothesized that Hell's ability to anchor spiritual or non-corporeal entities permanently could be utilized for the containment of SCP-6591.
SCP-6591 EVENT.22
SUBJECT: Director Randall House and Site-666, a Foundation Site within the Undervegas, posing as the Luxor Hotel at the intersection of Las Vegas and Undervegas.
PROBLEM: A lack of synergy and identity confusion.
SCP-6591 arrived at Site-666 unannounced. It claimed to have identified the core inefficiency of Site-666; a hotel is being operated by a man named House.
SOLUTION: SCP-6591 initiated a thaumaturgic "brand realignment process," causing Director House to transfigure into a fully functional boutique hotel composed entirely of human biological matter. Within the first three weeks of the hotel's opening, bookings from Tartarean entities increased by 250%.
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