SCP-6314

There are no easy answers to questions like this. Parting is always difficult. No amount of goodbyes, and no amount time spent together, will change that. If anything, that will just make it harder.

rating: +82+x

Item#: 6314
Level1
Containment Class:
uncontained
Secondary Class:
none
Disruption Class:
none
Risk Class:
none

Special Containment Procedures

Now that Hypothetical Lifted Veil Scenario 2217 has been realized, all contained SCP-6314 instances (with the exception of SCP-6314-W) are to be released from Foundation custody. Dr. Kothari has been entrusted with the task of redistributing SCP-6314 to the custody of appropriate groups and individuals.

Description

SCP-6314 is the collective designation for a set of 25 anomalous animals which appear to have been designed as pets for children. Each instance is of a different species and displays different anomalous qualities, but all possess the following traits in common:

  • Negligible senescence. Though adults, SCP-6314 do not appear to age or grow.
  • Cellular regeneration. SCP-6314 rapidly regenerate from physical injuries.
  • Perfect health. SCP-6314 have never contracted any illnesses, pathogenic or otherwise.
  • Anomalous diet. SCP-6314 do not appear to require either food or water to survive, but become increasingly uncomfortable after long periods without either. Instances will consume food appropriate to their species or any form of commercially available pet food, typically preferring the former. Regardless of diet, no waste is produced; food and water vanish upon reaching the instance's stomach. Carnivorous and omnivorous species refuse to consume other vertebrate animals; those capable of speech universally claim that doing so would be "gross."
  • Enhanced intelligence. Many instances display intelligence roughly on par with a human. Said instances are also fluent in English, though most are illiterate.
  • Domestication. SCP-6314 are universally docile and friendly toward humans, especially children.
  • Branding. All instances bear markings somewhere on their bodies which spell "[instance's name], by Dr. Wondertainment". Each instance was recovered alongside, or able to produce when asked, a variation of the same document. Reproduced below is the version that accompanied SCP-6314-S, the first instance contained.

Addendum 6314-1

SCP-6314-A, -B, -D, -E, -G, -L, -M, -r, -U, and -X are not in Foundation custody, and in most cases their whereabouts unknown. As these objects are presumably no more dangerous than the instances that are in containment, and would therefore qualify for the anomaly release program were they contained, efforts to locate them have been abandoned.

Attached is a relevant log of messages between Dr. Kothari and Site-66 Director Louis Martin.


Addendum 6314-2
carlos.jpg

SCP-6314-C sleeping in its habitat

hubert.jpg

Hubert the Hilarious Humuhumunukunukuapua'a in Hubert the Hilarious Humuhumunukunukuapua'a's aquarium

napoleon.jpg

SCP-6314-N being held by Researcher James (age 13)

SCP-6314-C is a male Hydrochoerus hydrochaeris (capybara). The air within a 2.4-meter radius of the object remains at a constant 21.1 degrees Celsius regardless of other conditions.

Hubert the Hilarious Humuhumunukunukuapaua'a is a male humuhumunukunukuapaua'a. Cannot be referred to with pronouns, nicknames, abbreviations, or other terms that do not contain the word "humuhumunukunukuapaua'a". References to groups of which Hubert the Hilarious Humuhumunukunukuapaua'a is a member (such as "SCP-6314") are not affected by this property.

SCP-6314-J is a male Aurelia aurita (moon jellyfish). It lacks stinging cells, and patches of dark pigmentation on its bell form the shape of a "smiley face".

SCP-6314-N is a male Neurergus kaiseri (Kaiser's mountain newt). When held by a human and instructed to "Clean my room!" the object telekinetically moves nearby waste and dirty laundry to the appropriate receptacles.

Due to their animal-level intelligence and relatively mundane properties, SCP-6314-C, -H, -J, and -N were entrusted to GoI-466 ("Wilson's Wildlife Solutions") for appropriate care and potential future adoption. For the sake of simplicity, Drs. Kothari and Carlson delivered these instances to WWS personally, and were assigned a Foundation-owned Tesla Cybertruck for this purpose.

Audio and video below, and elsewhere in the file, was recorded by Drs. Kothari and Carlsons' EyePods.2


Addendum 6314-3

SCP-6314-F is a male Puntius semifasciolatus (gold barb fish) possessing a miniaturized human face. A tiny top hat is permanently affixed over its dorsal fin.

Due to their obvious similarities, SCP-6314-F was entrusted to the former SCP-527, now designated PoI 527/01 in accordance with anomaly release policy. Drs. Kothari and Carlson delivered SCP-6314-F to PoI 527/01 shortly before his departure from Site-19.


Addendum 6314-4
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SCP-6314-I. Object was juggling small rocks, but ceased upon seeing the camera, claiming to be camera shy.

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SCP-6314-T. Surfboard not pictured.

SCP-6314-I is a male Amblyrhynchus cristatus (marine iguana). The object can perform a variety of "tricks," including various feats of acrobatics, dancing, and singing, but is reluctant to do so before large groups, claiming "stage fright".

SCP-6314-T is a male Tamandua tetradactyla (southern tamandua). The object can telekinetically manipulate bodies of water and its surfboard3 to perform assorted tricks. Both instances are capable of speech, though SCP-6314-T possesses an exaggerated Southern California accent.

Due to their human-level intelligence and desire and ability to perform "tricks," SCP-6314-I and -T were entrusted to Herman Fuller's Circus of the Disquieting. Though the Circus was not located near Site-66 at the time, its liaison Victor Chan offered to send Circus representatives to the Site via Way. To prevent possible security breaches or violent incidents, the meeting was instead arranged for nearby public location.


Addendum 6314-5
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SCP-6314-K politely requesting more honey

SCP-6314-K is a female Potos flavus (kinkajou). Instance is exceptionally friendly and polite and enjoys "cuddling".

Due to its human-level intelligence and negligible entertainment or educational value, SCP-6314-K was not suitable for adoption by the organizations to which previous instances had been entrusted. Dr. Kothari proposed that the object be used as intended, as a child's pet, and adopted by a family familiar with anomalous phenomena. The adoption took place at Site-66, as the chosen family were retired Foundation personnel with sufficient clearance to know of its existence and lived reasonably close by.



Addendum 6314-6
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SCP-6314-O emerging from its nest upon hearing that Researcher James (age 13) needed help learning multiplication tables

SCP-6314-O is a male Micrathene whitneyi (elf owl). Object is highly intelligent and capable of speech. When asked for assistance with a homework assignment, it gains the knowledge necessary to complete the assignment and attempts to help complete it. The gained knowledge is lost upon completion of the assignment.

Due to its educational value, SCP-6314-O has been relocated to the International Center for the Study of Unified Thaumatology in Three Portlands, where it will be part of that institution's tutoring program.


Addendum 6314-7
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Unable to determine context or content of above photograph.

SCP-6314-P is not believed to exist, as everyone knows there is no such thing as a pangolin.5 The purpose of its inclusion in the document that accompanies other SCP-6314 instances is unknown. It is likewise unclear why a habitat for a small mammal was constructed between those of SCP-6314-O and SCP-6314-Q, when this occurred, or who was responsible. When this chamber was first noticed by Researcher Carlson, it contained the following items:

  • vegetation normally native to tropical areas
  • traces of powdered ant remains, various vitamins and minerals, and agar
  • the following note:

As everyone knows there is no such thing as a pangolin,6 it is believed that this note constitutes some form of subterfuge or attempted deception by "L.S."


Addendum 6314-8

SCP-6314-Q is a male Equus quagga quagga (quagga). It possesses no notable properties beyond those shared by all instances.

As SCP-6314-Q is potentially immortal and one of only (at time of writing) three living quaggas, it has considerable conservation value. After experimentation with a female quagga7 determined that the object's offspring do not inherit its anomalous properties, all specimens were entrusted to the Quagga Project for use in quagga re-breeding efforts.

Logs relating to the transfer of SCP-6314-Q's custody have been omitted, as they did not involve notable interactions with sentient anomalies or Groups of Interest.

Update: Shortly after SCP-6314-Q's transfer, the Quagga Project and all its assets were acquired by Marshall, Carter, and Dark LTD. All quagga specimens, including SCP-6314-Q, were relocated to an unknown location, and the object's whereabouts remain unknown. Dr. Kothari was not informed of this development, as it occurred after the events of Addendum 12.


Addendum 6314-9
sammy.jpg

SCP-6314-S posing for the camera in its habitat

SCP-6314-S is a male Lampropeltis elapsoides (scarlet kingsnake). Though intelligent and capable of speech, its vocabulary consists almost entirely of words beginning with the letter "s". It possesses a cognitohazardous effect that limits speech directed at the object to such words.

SCP-6314-V is a female Micruroides euryxanthus (Sonoran coral snake), though scales that would normally be red on a non-anomalous coral snake are instead a vivid violet hue. Instance has similar properties to SCP-6314-S, but related to the letter "v" instead of "s". Unlike other SCP-6314 instances, -V is generally hostile toward humans, particularly those it perceives as authority figures. However, Dr. Kothari has gained the instance's trust over time and with the assistance of SCP-6314-S.

SCP-6314-S and -V share a close emotional bond and are able to communicate with each other nonverbally. For this reason, and because SCP-6314-S's presence seems to have a calming effect on -V, both instances were contained in the same habitat.

Much like SCP-6314-K, SCP-6314-S was slated for adoption by retired Foundation personnel. SCP-6314-V was deemed unacceptable for adoption or transfer to GoI custody, however, as its human-level intelligence, venomous nature, general hostility, and documented anarchist tendencies made it non-negligibly more dangerous than a non-anomalous animal.

Logged below is Dr. Kothari's initial attempt to separate SCP-6314-S from SCP-6314-V.

Following this incident, Dr. Kothari requested more time to locate an appropriate post-containment home for SCP-6314-S. Director Martin granted this request, on the condition of no further delays in the redistribution of SCP-6314 instances.


Addendum 6314-10
wilhelm.jpg

SCP-6314-W in storage

SCP-6314-W is the vacant shell of an unknown species of sea snail. When the shell is asked a question, the voice of an elderly male speaks from within and provides general advice in response. Object remembers content of previous conversations.

Due to its general usefulness, and to prevent the future assembly of all 25 instances in the same location, SCP-6314-W will remain in Foundation custody. Reassignment to other personnel or permanent storage is pending, but it remains in Dr. Kothari's possession for the time being.

Below is a transcript of the last recorded conversation between Dr. Kothari and SCP-6314-W.


Addendum 6314-11
yancy.jpg

SCP-6314-Y reciting "Sailing to Byzantium" in its outdoor enclosure

SCP-6314-Y is a male Bos grunniens (domestic yak). Instance has perfectly memorized all written works of W. B. Yeats8 and all biographies of Yeats published before the year 2000.

As it is effectively the world's leading expert on W. B. Yeats, custody of SCP-6314-Y was offered to several museums and historical and artistic societies associated with Yeats. Based on the accommodations for the object offered by those organizations that were interested, Dr. Kothari selected the Yeats Society of Sligo to take custody of the instance. Logged below is the final conversation between Dr. Kothari and SCP-6314-Y.


Addendum 6314-12

The footage transcribed below was compiled from Site-66 security cameras and Researcher Carlson’s EyePod.


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