SCP-6149
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SCP-6149

Item #: SCP-6149

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-6149 is to be kept in a Foundation parking garage. The key to SCP-6149 is to be kept in a locked box requiring one site director and two senior members of staff to unlock. Anyone Class-C or higher may request to use SCP-6149, but must obtain written permission from a director or overseer first, and must sign a waiver. No more than six people may use SCP-6149 at any time. SCP-6149 does not require maintenance, oil, or fuel. A tracker must be installed on SCP-6149 during use, and on the person of anyone using it at all times.

Description: SCP-6149 is a blue 1968 Volkswagon van with a sticker reading "Merkavah"1 on its passenger side. Various other stickers decorate its side and rear, and it is missing a license plate. The interior of the van contains a mini-bar with an unlimited amount of alcoholic and non-alcoholic refreshments, as well as a variety of snacks and food. The interior also contains a small drawer with one CD, one cassette tape, one eight-track tape, and one vinyl record, which alter their appearance and content according to the user's taste. All forms of recorded media contain the same ten-thousand songs, including genres of jazz, pop, blues, reggae, rock, and metal, all made between 1964 and 1997. The dashboard is equipped to play all forms of media. The fuel gauge always reads Full, while the total mileage always resets after every use. There are no registration, insurance, or dealer papers available. Any attempt to issue a new license plate results in the plate vanishing after one hour.

SCP-6149 is an omnidirectional, omnispatial transportation device equipped with Absolute Safety features. It can travel in any direction, across any plane of existence, barring areas one might consider to be an "afterlife". The speed at which it travels is hypothesized to be instantaneous, although any driver or passenger will experience chronal displacement. Once inside, any driver or passenger is completely protected from all outside forces, be they physical, thaumaturgical, cognitive, chronal, etc. As a side effect, drivers and passengers experience severe hallucinations, nausea, headaches, euphoria, lack of coordination, paranoia, time displacement, and dementia, none of which are fatal or long-term. As of the time of this recording, most of these effects can be treated, although no hallucinatory protection measures have succeeded. The origin of SCP-6149 is currently unknown, as are the identities of any previous owners.

SCP-6149 was discovered next to a sign reading "Monkey's Eyebrow" by Foundation researchers investigating the Ohio River. The team was originally sent to the area to follow up on reports of various cryptids, but were later waylaid by police reports of an unlocked "drug mule van" without a license plate "mysteriously appearing" next to the aforementioned sign. Upon arrival, agents Liang, Silva, and Dunharrow interviewed two officers present, one of whom had suffered hallucinations after attempting to drive the vehicle. The officer was not under the influence of any cognitohazardous effects prior to entering the vehicle, anomalous or otherwise. After offering to perform their own investigation, Agent Liang discovered its first anomalous property, that of the unlimited beverage and snack bar. Agent Silva discovered audio logs inside the vehicle, which were played (see Addendum-B). The logs were initially dismissed by agents and police as "the ramblings of someone under excessive drug consumption". Agent Dunharrow attempted to start the vehicle, resulting in spontaneous relocation, and contact was briefly lost. Dunharrow was later recovered by an MTF team in the steppes of Mongolia, suffering from hallucinations, nausea, dementia, and loss of coordination. The vehicle was tentatively labeled as anomalous and sent back to Liang and Silva while Dunharrow recovered. The recovery team exhibited similar side effects as Dunharrow, with one agent attempting to damage the vehicle, to no effect. Both police officers were summarily given amnestics, the vehicle and its contents confiscated by the Foundation, and the audio logs were taken into consideration for possible future tests. In an attempt to return to the nearest Foundation site, Agent Silva (under hallucinogenic influence) accidentally crashed the vehicle into an abandoned building, but the transport and passengers suffered no damage. Multiple tests were later performed (see Addendum-A).

Addendum-A: TESTING LOGS 01 - 06

Test 01: D-class #50050 volunteered for test. Was assigned to drive one kilometer north on Foundation test site 203-B. Departed 0703, arrived .01 seconds later, although he claimed it took "a few years". Subject emerged from van yelling about "a giant cat dressed up like a cartoon burglar, being chased by a goblin with a head five times its body mass, and an anthropomorphic rat wielding a banana chainsaw". Subject lost balance and collapsed, then vomited. Subject attempted to recite Whitman's "I Sing the Body Electric" and claimed "it's all real". Subject later recovered, and since no physical harm was done, was temporarily relieved of further testing.

Test 02: Two D-class assigned to drive to Oahu, Hawaii. Departed 0810, arrived .01 seconds later, although they each claimed separate times had passed (two minutes and eighteen centuries). Both subjects expressed extreme distrust and paranoia towards one another, despite not having any prior familiarity. Detailed an experience involving "talking pizza that asked us to play a Muddy Waters song" and "a two-headed black cat the size of a Mastiff who recreated the opening scene to 'Waiting for Godot' with itself". Both subjects later recovered, with no physical harm done.

Test 03: Four D-class assigned to drive for thirty minutes across a mine field. Normal transportation time observed. Fourteen mines were detonated with no damage done to vehicle or passengers. Passengers emerged arguing about the Knights of the Round table, what ingredients went into a "seahorse omelet", and whether "the flying red and yellow orbs had five talons on their mechanical claws, or six". Subjects later recovered, no physical harm done.

Test 04: Five D-class and one researcher assigned to drive to the center of Betelgeuse, collect data, and return in one hour. Departed 1722, arrived .01 seconds later according to Foundation astronomers (all passengers claimed separate amounts of time had passed). Contact cut off due to solar radiation but regained 59:59 minutes later. Vehicle returned to Foundation completely intact; passengers also intact, but each suffering from various hallucinations. All team members later recovered; data acquired during mission preserved.

Test 05: D-class #50050 was given SCP-093 (blue) and was successfully transported. One D-class and one researcher experienced with 093 were assigned to physically recover him via transport and return him to the Foundation. Departed 0600, arrived .01 seconds later according to D-50050, who was currently under assault by SCP-093-2. Transport team rescued D-50050, but returned with SCP-507 in tow, whom none of them could account for. Despite his prior experience, D-50050 still experienced hallucinations, albeit different types. SCP-507 also experienced hallucinations but was inclined to brush them off as "a part of the world he had just been in".

Test 06: A D-class was given a head-mounted camera and asked to drive to Venus and remain for one week, cataloguing whatever she could. Departed 0700, arrived .01 seconds later (claiming it took "maybe thirty seconds"). Subject was instructed not to leave the vehicle unless otherwise authorized. Subject consumed three meals per day and drank seven liters of ice water, one liter of grapefruit juice, 250 ml of bourbon, 500 ml of beer, and one liter of sarsaparilla over the course of the week. No ill effects from Venus were recorded on transport or subject. Subject attempted to return to Foundation but "got lost and landed in a world full of water, where dragons flew and people could use magic". Subject made three more attempts to return, citing her hallucinations as detriments. Subject made landfall on an undiscovered Earth-like exoplanet, a world "filled with bacteria big enough to cast shadows over me", and a place "colored like a black-and-white film, with people who looked like Hindu gods". Video feedback confirmed all areas were not hallucinations, but subject's descriptions of them were greatly exaggerated.

Further tests pending approval. Indeterminate if benefits of transportation outweigh drawbacks.

Addendum-B: Included is a transcribed audio log found underneath one of the passenger seats. Two civilians, who have only been identified as "Traveler" (who narrates) and "Passenger", detail a majority of their experiences, giving unique insight to SCP-6149. Some parts of the recording have been edited, but notes have been inserted explaining these edits, along with other explanatory notes when necessary. The majority of the transcription has not been altered in any way. The Foundation is currently unable to locate the two civilians for further comment or amnestisation.

Personal note: "Due to the nature of their experiences, I don't think amnestics are necessary. They themselves have difficulty believing it happened—and so would I." —Prof. Reuben Bialowieski

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