SCP-6074 Interview 18/7/1992
Interviewer: Agent Castor, Senior Officer of MTF Gamma-84.
Interviewed: SCP-6074
<BEGIN LOG>
Agent Castor: How did the Disciples know where we were storing you?
SCP-6074: This is so disgusting. Cutting me out of a dead man’s belly is lower than I thought even the philistines of the Foundation were capable of going. You know I’m a collective consciousness right? You could bake me into a lovely fresh focaccia and I could talk just as easily.
Agent Castor: Answer the question.
SCP-6074: Ugh, fine. You had me fed to a dozen or so sweaty plebians in a prison cafeteria, hardly a situation fit for bread of my illustrious lineage, and hardly releasing me to the world as I so politely requested. The Disciples made me a counter-offer, although it appeared to concern them greatly to do so. Lots of arguing over sacrilege and the desecration of a precious relic. Really, as if fine dining could ever be considered desecration.
Agent Castor: What are you talking about? What did the Disciples do?
SCP-6074: They baked me, and they distributed me. That’s all I ever really asked. More precisely, they arranged for my presence at ‘Fête du Pain’. Ah, to be savoured and enjoyed by so many who truly appreciate the joy of bread. All that was missing was the chance to converse. The Disciples were very keen that I not draw attention to myself, and so I had to be content with merely listening to their praise, without adding my own thoughts.
Agent Castor: And for that, you gave the Disciples your location? People died!
SCP-6074: Yes, well, people die every day. Life and death matter little in the face of art, and there is no greater art than the creation and consumption of bread.
Agent Castor: How did you even know where we’re holding you?
SCP-6074: Well, it wasn’t exactly difficult to put the pieces together. Your D-Class may not be told where they are kept, but they each have little snippets of information. Conversation fragments overheard from passing guards, the position of the stars as glimpsed through a window, the weather conditions and flora and fauna present in the yard outside. And I also offered a lovely chap named Greg some choice gossip about his fellow prisoners in exchange for hiding little pieces of me here and there throughout the facility.
Agent Castor: Listen to me now SCP-6074.
SCP-6074: Actually, I’d prefer you call me-
Agent Castor: I don’t care what you prefer. I am going to make you a final offer. Either you accept and help us root out and contain every last Disciple, or I make your strange little life very unpleasant.
SCP-6074: And how exactly do you plan to do that? You can leave this part of me in a dingy little locker all you want, the rest of me is still out there making wonderful loaves. Do you really think I care if this fragment is left to idle?
Agent Castor: No. No, I’ve been listening to you Mr Bread, and I’ve been thinking about what makes a wretched little monster like you tick, and I realised something. You’re not art, and you’re not even bread, really. You’re just a colony of single-celled fungi with delusions of grandeur.
SCP-6074: What on Earth are you talking about, my good sir? I am art and artist both, you need simply ask the critics of the ‘Fête du Pain’!
Agent Castor: No, you’re just yeast. And by itself your yeast can’t even so much as talk, it’s barely anomalous at all. So if you don’t help us, we’ll root out and defeat the Disciples and their so-called Ascendant Pope without your help. And then when all that’s left of you is safe and secure in an underground cell, that’s when we’ll put you to work. Because yeast isn’t just used for making bread.
SCP-6074: What, you’re going to start me brewing beer? nervous chuckling Hardly the worst fate in the world.
Agent Castor: No Mr Bread, we’re going to turn you into Marmite.
long silence
SCP-6074: You wouldn’t.
Agent Castor: We would. In fact I’ve already had the plan accepted by the Site Director. I have authorisation to start mass producing your yeast cells so that we can start extracting and salting batches, ready to be turned into Marmite rations for every D-Class in every Site we have.
SCP-6074: Well then. What is it you propose? I warn you, I still have some dignity. If all you offer is a choice between Marmite and miserable isolation I’ll take my chances with the Disciples.
Agent Castor: Oh, I think you’ll find my offer acceptable.
Negotiation details redacted
<END LOG>
Closing Statement: After much discussion, SCP-6074 accepted the offered terms and has provided a large amount of actionable intelligence on GOI-1112. POI-Σ18 has been contained and efforts are underway to find and contain the remaining Disciples.
In exchange for SCP-6074’s assistance in this area, a sample of its yeast has been provided to GOI-116. No attempts are to be made to recover this sample, or bread baked with it, unless given explicit authorisation by MTF Gamma-84.