rating: +106+x

Album cover for SCP-5895's 4th studio album, recovered February 13th, 2014.

Item #: SCP-5895

Object Class: the simpsons farting

Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP-5895 are currently contained within a sound padded room at Site-98's recreational wing with a Sony brand Playstation 3 and a copy of video game Rock Band 3 along with all equipment suited for said video game. SCP-5895 instances have been given complete freedom to entertain themselves as to occupy and prevent agitation in subjects, but under no circumstances may any instance of SCP-5895 come into contact with a musical instrument. In the scenario an instance comes into contact with or creates a musical instrument, MTF Sigma-88 "Party Poopers" are to be sent within SCP-5895's containment chamber in order to confiscate said musical device. If a delta-class auditory tremor is in progress, it is encouraged that Foundation personnel destroy any instruments, or in severe cases, attempt to detain and sedate instances of SCP-5895.


Other side of the aforementioned album, giving names of songs.

Description: SCP-5895 is a collection of multi-colored humanoid entities with inconsistent body proportions hereby referred to as SCP-5895-1 through 3. When an instance of SCP-5895 comes into contact with a musical instrument, it will proceed to play at volumes disproportionate to the volume said instrument could conceivably produce. If all instances are to play music in unison, anomalous movement in Earth's tectonic plates occurs, tying SCP-5895 directly to volcanic activity throughout the planet. This is referred to as a delta-class auditory tremor. Additionally, sounds emanating from the effects of SCP-5895 can be noted as extending anywhere from 10-25 kilometers. Listening to said audio is known to cause mild temporary synesthesia. Each instance of SCP-5895 is extremely social and enjoy talking to each other as well as Foundation staff on site. Occasionally, instances of SCP-5895 have been noted to create musical instruments through unexplained means. While effective in creating noise, SCP-5895 instances do not seem to enjoy using them, and only seem to create instruments when in states of depression or boredom.

SCP-5895-1 is escorted into an empty soundproof room, with Dr. Alex Merzbow telegraphing questions over an intercom

Dr. Merzbow: Good afternoon, 5895-1. Are you ready to begin the interview?

SCP-5895-1: Heyo, doc. Yeah, that's fine.

Dr. Merzbow: Thank you. Please identify yourself.

SCP-5895-1: Why? You know who we are. Samesame and stuff.

Dr. Merzbow: Interesting name. Please identify, simply for the sake of documentation.

SCP-5895-1: Simon. My name is Simon, but as far as I'm concerned here, I'm an "instance" of SCP-5895. Your ways of naming things? Not for me. Me and my bandmates can't ever really decide on a solid name on our band, so we usually change the name every few weeks. It totally sucks for Mort, or who you call "Instance -3", who's in charge of art like promotional posters and stuff. Thanks for letting us express ourselves in other ways.

Dr. Merzbow: No worries. So long as you comply with the requests of personnel, more rewards will come your way. The other day Junior Researcher Harley figured he would give away his old VCR so I suggested that it could be yours in the foreseeable future. You live in a recreational wing of our facility. Tons of VHS tapes there for you to see.

SCP-5895-1: Oh fuck.

Dr. Merzbow: We thought that would have piqued your interest. On with the rest of the interview.

SCP-5895-1: I'm here to answer whatever questions you've got. Better not be lying about the VCR though.

Dr. Merzbow: Do you know where you come from?

SCP-5895-1: While I was fighting these drug lords, I fell into a vat of concentrated punk rock jam.

Several seconds of silence pass.

SCP-5895-1: Ok, you aren't laughing, sorry. My first memory is the same as Mort's and Phil's. Time doesn't pass for us really. Years feel like they go by in seconds. It's what happens when you don't age; my first memory was somewhere in Japan. Must have been a really long time ago because it was barely populated, and there was absolutely no cool tech around. No amps, nothing. Initially as we integrated into society we were seen as these super important beings, but that changed at our first gig. Music just felt right. It feels right. Me and Phil were given guitars and Mort was rocking the bongos. God, we must have attracted the attention of the entire country. We played for a few solid days, and nobody seemed to mind. I remember laughing when some guy told me how delicious our sound was. It was a nice time until it wasn't.

Dr. Merzbow: What happened?

SCP-5895-1: I'm getting there, slow your roll. The ground began to shake. Us playing on a beach is less than ideal, considering how awfully our zone was trashed by that killer wave. Shit was a tragedy. We went from being gods to the harbingers of doom. It sort of sucked, but we were mainly just bummed out because we couldn't play anything anymore. We're down to play near water again, but yeah. We have a better plan now for tsunamis.

Dr. Merzbow: Do you feel remorse for the homes and environment your "gigs" cause?

SCP-5895-1: Truth be told, no. The planet is big, gonna take a while before you guys don't feel like it's worth protecting anymore. I'd rather be a matchstick than a lighter. I like to see the wood curl up and burn. The more we jam out, the hotter it gets. You're just upset because we'd be killing you faster than you've already been killing yourselves.

Dr. Merzbow: Ah. I see. Do you have memories of every single show you have performed?

SCP-5895-1: God yes. It's hard to forget them, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Neither would Mort and Phil. Our best show? Pompeii, for sure. Damn, it was raining rocks. Easily our highest point. Nobody expected it either, we played so punky and loud. The whole city was covered in ash by the time we were done. Metal. We've sort of been chasing that high ever since then. Our last show was underwhelming. Probably our biggest disaster was Mount Saint Helens. We didn't even know that its top was gonna come off. Don't get me wrong, it was cool and interesting, but our instruments got completely trashed. We have a plan though. A really good one.

Dr. Merzbow: Oh? Tell me more.

SCP-5895-1: Yellowstone.

Dr. Merzbow: I see. How do you plan to pull a stunt like that off?

SCP-5895-1: Wouldn't you like to know? This interview is over, dawg. We play loud, and we play proud. When we get to Wyoming? Shit is gonna be explosive.

> SCP-5895-1 is captured making a drumbeat of sorts with the bottom of its chair. Microphone audio quickly becomes inaudible as MTF are escorted into the room to detain SCP-5895-1. Under no circumstances is SCP-5895 to be within 700 kilometers of Yellowstone National Park. Relocation to Oceanic Site Alpha-7 pending.


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