rating: +107+x

Item #: SCP-5875

Object Class: Euclid (formerly Safe)

Special Containment Procedures: Original Containment Procedures (19/11/2016)

Mail addressed to Foundation employees is to be checked before delivery for signs of being an SCP-5875-1 instance. All SCP-5875-1 documents are to be stored in opaque containers in a secure documents locker. Future activities of the Pataphysics Department must be closely reviewed for anomalous effects.

Additional Procedures, Emergency Revision 14 (26/06/2017)

Any unsolicited physical mail to a Foundation employee from an organization known to be fictional must be seized unread and stored as an SCP-5875-2 instance. Site security are to report and develop countermeasures for any anomalous mail delivery attempts.

Additional Procedures, Current Revision

Employees deemed to be sufficiently loyal to the Foundation may be granted permission to read SCP-5875-2 instances addressed to them. These employees must document all proficiencies gained, unplanned travel, and any other anomalous effects occurring after reading the correspondence.

Description: SCP-5875 is an organization of sapient, information-based entities existing between pataphysically linked universes, known as the "Good Times Resolution Club." SCP-5875 has the stated goal of "Promoting happier endings."

The Foundation first encountered SCP-5875 after 13/11/2016 when a Pataphysics Department research team attempted to send a probe into the space below our universe along the pataphysical dimension. It is believed that this created some manner of informational aperture through which SCP-5875 can interact with our universe. SCP-5875 is capable of interacting with baseline reality by causing the anomalous manifestation of letters addressed to Foundation personnel (Similar to the way SCP-1020, and SCP-1269 communicates with their targets). They almost always entreat the recipient's assistance in some manner of task SCP-5875 is trying to accomplish. These letters come in two varieties, designated SCP-5875-1 and SCP-5875-2.

SCP-5875-1 instances are written in the language the recipient is most familiar with. However, the language is heavily broken: the authors of the letters seem to have a very poor grasp of syntax, with words, phrases, clauses, and punctuation used and arranged erratically. Despite this, the meaning of the letters is generally understandable, though with difficulty. No SCP-5875-1 instance has ever recognizably explained how its recipient can help SCP-5875 should they decide to.

On 25/06/2017, the following SCP-5875-1 instance was found in the mail of the SCP-5875 containment lead:

The Good Times" Resolution Club this saying=

Hey Friendations!

We just don't get it, do we? Punching that circle bush no, us mistakered. Asking for some help hand; and no? Thought rudemanding -us/thee? Our intented can"t they comprehense? Yalls language tough on us'.; arcane form and perfect structure mandate clutchold all the meaning so it won"t sink in space. Spacesuits for thinks [Idea Astronauts]. We do'nt make em like you, mostly needn"t. Our helpless caused of this? Slightly real, but not out of whole cloth;'. The big real = no ticket down. Taking other look we reckonize you can't dive down for talk at us. Being through your lovely seenarios-/-narratevents all the time, we"re reasoning you could just think-all down here. Right though not - like your thinks need wordsuits, you need spaceships.

Club Scigentists fresh made idea. Language good, brainships doublegood. Bye-Bye.

This was the last SCP-5875-1 instance recorded1. It was initially concluded that this meant that SCP-5875 had recognized that recipients of their letters were unable to aid them, and that their species finds syntax challenging because they aren't accustomed to encoding their communication in language, likely because they communicate in terms of pure intent through some form of telepathy2.

On 26/06/2017, the first SCP-5875-2 instance was received. Addressed to a Site-87 researcher, it was not removed by existing SCP-5875 containment procedures due to its dissimilarity with SCP-5875-1 instances. The researcher was seen on security camera reading it, before laying on the ground and falling unconscious. Another researcher connected the incident to SCP-5875. Subsequently, SCP-5875 was quickly reclassified as Euclid and its containment procedures were revised. However, after the researcher had regained consciousness and spent two weeks under controlled examination to ensure they suffered no adverse effects in the long-term, it was decided that SCP-5875-2 recipients should be allowed to read their instances under controlled conditions, leading to the current revision of the containment procedures.

SCP-5875-2 instances are letters that purport to be from a fictional organization, generally from a fairly widely known fictional universe. When examined with a Pickman-Sinclair Narrative Fluctuation Detector, SCP-5875-2 instances read as strongly expositional, and in particular are strongly associated with the "Call to Adventure" phase of the Hero's Journey or Monomyth. Unlike SCP-5875-1 instances, their language is easily intelligible and well constructed; it is believed that this is because they're constructed using human-made narrative information as a basis, instead of being written by SCP-5875 members from scratch.

These letters describe a problem that is appropriate to the organization, and never make reference to SCP-5875 by name. When an SCP-5875-2 instance is read by the individual to whom it is addressed, the individual feels the immediate need to sit or lay down in a place where it is safe to do so. Once they do this, they fall unconscious for a period ranging from 30-60 minutes. Upon waking, they recall arriving in a surreal world inhabited by the species SCP-5875's membership is composed of, designated SCP-5875-A. SCP-5875-A instances are perceived as having inconsistent, shifting appearances, but being generally humanoid. Once there, they recall aiding a group of SCP-5875 members3 with a problem that is thematically similar to the one described in the SCP-5875-2 instance, and awakening shortly after the mission concluded4. Pataphysics department personnel who have been recruited in this fashion characterize the world as a complex and chaotic combination of narrative devices and worldbuilding elements from the enormous amount of narrative information passing through the area SCP-5875-A lives in. Affected personnel also report acquiring new skills and proficiencies upon waking. These also are generally thematically relevant for the fictional organization their instance was purportedly from.

The world SCP-5875-A lives in is not actually a universe and does not exist materially. However, as it is made up of information that emulates a universe, a disembodied human consciousness experiences and navigates it as if it were a universe they are physically present in. Further, a human consciousness' informational and conceptual superstructure is much more resilient to external influence than those of SCP-5875-A, giving humans a greater resistance to hazards that threaten SCP-5875-A instances5. This is why SCP-5875 considers human help valuable on certain potentially hazardous missions.

Multiple affected personnel, including the first Foundation employee to be affected by an SCP-5875-2 instance, report that while they have always arrived pataphysically below our universe, they have heard SCP-5875 members refer to a top or above branch of their organization. As SCP-5875 members located pataphysically above our universe could manipulate the incoming narrative information that determines events in our universe, it has been decided that the Foundation should create and maintain a positive relationship with SCP-5875 by responding to their requests.

What follows is a partial list of received SCP-5875-2 instances, and the results of their reading.


Fictional Organization: VFD (A Series of Unfortunate Events)

Excerpt from Letter: "… in a villainous flagrance of duty, some among our members have exposed one of our library sanctums to the elements, a word which here means…"

Problem Faced: One of SCP-5875's data storage units had its informational shielding damaged such that the surrounding information flow could corrupt or overwrite the data if not corrected. Interacting with such unshielded storage units can be hazardous for SCP-5875-A instances, but was substantially safer for the recruited Foundation archivist.

Skills Gained: Knowledge in the fields of cryptography and fire fighting techniques.


Fictional Organization: Starfleet, The United Federation of Planets (Star Trek)

Excerpt from Letter: "…located in a remote area of the Beta Quadrant, scans suggest this planet has extensive dilithium deposits. However, the Romulan Star Empire has learned of it as well…"

Problem Faced: A region rich in unbound narrative devices, which SCP-5875's species can mine and make tools out of, was discovered by SCP-5875. However, another group known as The Cowboys, whose relationship with SCP-5875 is tense and antagonistic but not actively hostile, also learned about the region, and SCP-5875 wished to secure their claim to the area first. The recruited Foundation guard was meant to avert potential conflicts with the Cowboys using intimidation.

Skills Gained: Theoretical and practical understanding of Foundation Faster-Than-Light drives, varied geopolitical information that gave them a more positive view of human civilization's future prospects.


Fictional Organization: The Resistance (The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess)

Excerpt from Letter: "…Do not be lulled into complacency, this twilight that has fallen on Hyrule is unnatural and dangerous. But with your help, we can do something about it…"

Problem Faced: Many among the SCP-5875-A populace noticed an unusual increase in tragic, hopeless, and melancholic elements in passing narratives and narrative fragments. While investigating the phenomenon, SCP-5875 learned that a notorious SCP-5875-A organized crime syndicate was responsible, draining the passing information of positive, optimistic, and just themes and plot developments. Their goal was to draw energy from these drained qualities, but also to promote an environment in their own world that would be more conducive to their own future success. SCP-5875 and the Foundation MTF agent were able to shut down the operation and return the taken elements to their original narratives.

Skills Gained: Skill at fighting with a broadsword and shield, knowledge of several hostile extradimensional and/or pluripotent entities known to periodically reincarnate after being defeated.


Fictional Organization: S.H.I.E.L.D. (Marvel Comics)

Excerpt from Letter: "… the man is believed to have accidentally fallen into a chemical vat in a biochemical research facility, granting him metahuman ability. The purpose behind his current rampage is unclear, but he must be stopped in any case…"

Problem Faced: A criminal on the run from SCP-5875-A law enforcement for destroying a vehicle they had stolen for a joyride broke into an SCP-5875 research facility. Inside, they were inadvertently exposed to a powerful generalized MacGuffin, granting them a much greater control over the information comprising their environment. They used this ability to strike back at law enforcement and random bystanders until SCP-5875 agents and the recruited Foundation criminologist neutralized and arrested them.

Skills Gained: Knowledge of techniques used to engage with humanoids with anomalous capabilities as used by several different groups of interest.


Fictional Organization: Oberon's Court (A Midsummer Night's Dream)

Excerpt from Letter: "…saw I that Thalia, Muse of comedy, walked in that field when she imagined a tale of such surpassing humor that she wept from laughter. And noted I where her tears fell, for now grow there strange flowers. The juice of them on pond'ring heads laid will grant man or woman the merry wit of seven fools. Pray fetch me this herb, and the fair folk's night will be lightened…"

Problem Faced: SCP-5875 researchers forecasted that a particularly humorous joke or event presented widely to the populace at a certain upcoming time would be emotionally beneficial to an exceptionally high number of SCP-5875-A in a difficult or painful low point in their personal narrative. In response, several SCP-5875 members and the recruited Foundation junior researcher collected and refined several components of joke narratives (set-up, double entendre, word-play, punchline, etc.) and synthesized them into a comedic skit. The junior researcher described the skit as an extremely dense and complex piece of referential humor, and consequently reported "not getting it." It was clearly well received by the populace, however.

Skills Gained: Greater ability to recognize and correct misunderstandings that could lead to interpersonal conflicts, a general sense of being funnier and more articulate.


Fictional Organization: Earth Defense Force (Godzilla)

Excerpt from Letter: "…the monster Megaguirus has resurfaced and is projected to arrive in Osaka. So called 'defender' monsters like Godzilla or Mothra are nowhere to be found, this is humanity's fight alone. With your support, we can defend Osaka and drive the monster back…"

Problem Faced: A metastatic meme complex, a complex system of memes and concepts that behaves much like a predatory life form by consuming and subsuming other ideas, concepts, or information into itself, somehow exited the human noosphere,6 arrived in SCP-5875-A's world, and began consuming its informational content. This included information making up residential and metropolitan areas. An alliance of SCP-5875 forces, the recruited Foundation memeticist, and several Cowboys were able to destroy the core of the complex, rendering it inert and effectively dead. Fortunately, all of the SCP-5875-A instances and most of the environmental information consumed by the complex were able to be extracted from it and restored. The Foundation memeticist suffered serious psychic injury in the conflict and was brought to an SCP-5875-A hospital to repair her mental information structure, using both direct manipulation of the information and therapeutic memetic agents.

Skills Gained: Protocols and methodology for responding to Large Scale Aggressor-type anomalous entities and non-anomalous natural disasters. Additionally, she gained a basic understanding of SCP-5875-A medical techniques while being treated, and is working on developing them for use by humans.


Fictional Organization: The PAC Institute (The PAC Institute Wiki)

Excerpt from Letter: "… a severe memetic anomaly has manifested approximately 30 miles from your location; over 100 civilians have already been hospitalized and it poses a major threat of breaching the veil. It is understood that SRT Xi-14 (Mindsweepers) is on assignment, but your support is requested if at all possible…"

Problem Faced: A highly unusual narrative began passing through SCP-5875-A's world. Its content was deeply unpleasant, graphically portraying humanity's subjugation and eradication by an enormously powerful entity of unclear origin and nature. This was portrayed in a manner that indicated the creator of the narrative found these events pleasing and desirable. SCP-5875-A instances who tried to modify the narrative information to create a more positive outcome or destroy the narrative entirely suffered severe psychic damage and had to be hospitalized, leading to mass panic among the populace. SCP-5875 members and the recruited Foundation containment specialist were able to relocate and contain the narrative in order to prevent it from harming SCP-5875-A society. Notably, the narrative has a highly atypical informational structure that suggests the creator of the narrative is not human, but its presence in a region dominated by human-made narratives suggests that the creator is on Earth. A Foundation investigation to determine the identity and location of this narrative's creator is ongoing.

Skills Gained: Even greater knowledge of Foundation containment theory and practice throughout history, a basic understanding of the field of pataphysics as the Foundation currently understands it.7


Fictional Organization: The Ghostbusters (Ghostbusters)

Excerpt from Letter: "Have you ever dealt with powerful specters? Could you fight a ghost afflicted by an abomination holding it between life and death? If such an apparition were corrupting our city, could you aid us? If the answer is yes, then don't wait another minute, pick up a phone and call. We're ready to recruit you!"

Problem Faced: An anomalous phenomenon that distorted the information comprising SCP-5875-A's world was spreading in a remote area near an SCP-5875 training facility. The distortions were of a consistent nature, described by the recruited pataphysics researcher as causing stationary objects and terrain to be "covered in black thorns." While searching for the source of the phenomenon, several abnormalities in the topography and topology of the area suggested portions of the terrain had been erased, but contacted geographers who study the area did not recall the area being different in the past. What occurred after this is unknown; upon waking the visibly frightened researcher quickly wrote a note reading "If they're still there, you won." He then immediately contacted Pataphysics Department archivist and general assistant Enkidu.aic and demanded an amnestic and memetic agent regimen to erase the climax of the most recent narrative he was a part of from his memory, in order to avoid breaking the generalized LUCID CHALICE Protocol. Department monitoring equipment and subsequent SCP-5875-2 instances confirm that SCP-5875 and its world still exist.

Skills Gained: None

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