SCP-5846-J

rating: +27+x

NOTICE FROM THE 'PATAPHYSICS DEPARTMENT

On 08/07/22, the following footnotes anomalously appeared on SCP-5846. The identities of the entities referred to as "Tstaffor" and "Fishish" are as of yet unknown. A warning of highly meta.And hopefully funny! references are to be noted.

Item#: 5846-J
Level2
Containment Class:
safe
Secondary Class:
none
Disruption Class:
vlam
Risk Class:
warning

sunnyvale_stripmall.png

SCP-5846-J-2-1 before construction of Site-58.

Special Containment Procedures: Site-58 has been built around the ██████ Plaza strip mall in St. Cloud, Florida..This is actually a reference to the board game Smash Up. The blackbox here is "Rhodes" as in "Rhodes Plaza Mall," a card from Smash Up. I somehow did this reference not realizing I made the exact same reference in my first SCP, SCP-5847 :/ As of 31/10/21, no possessive names are to be included in the store name on SCP-5846-J-1..I spent a lot of time going over how to make the possessive name thing work well.

All further experimentation of SCP-5846-J is to be recorded in Experiment Log 5846-J..I changed this from a link to the collaborative log, to a link to the original 5846. Before the spooOOoky Tstaffor anomalously edited it! (made it a dumb joke article)

Description: SCP-5846-J is an empty storefront located in the ██████ Plaza strip mall in St. Cloud, Florida..Yaaawn. repeat sentences much? SCP-5846-J-1 is a marquee with the words “by the Better Business Brothers” on its base and a set of marquee letters..Aww. I remember when I was a wee baby author, hoping to start a whole GoI in her second-ever SCP. Oh to be that naive again. When the letters are arranged inside the marquee to spell the name of a business, SCP-5846-J will enter its active phase morphing into a store relating to the name spelled on SCP-5846-J-1, hereafter referred to as an SCP-5846-J-2 instance..Blah blah blah blah. All this professional writing style is getting boring. I don't feel like doing this anymore. Ugghhhh! Three to seven days after the activation of SCP-5846-J, it will revert to its inactive state1..Yuck! This was back when I still put footnotes before the period. It looks terrible to me now.

SCP-5846-J-2 instances vary in size2, style, and anomalous properties..I'm done talking about these boring sciency sentences. How about I interview someone instead! Hey, FishishFishish you wanna distract me from the hell I've subjected myself to? Employees inside SCP-5846-J-2 instances utilize anomalous tools, abilities, and phenomena to perform their jobs..Fishish: Sure.

Addendum 5846-J-1: Discovery Log.Have you read this article?

SCP-5846-J was discovered on 1/9/21 after reports of people appearing frozen in time in front of a store..Fishish: The one with the businesses? Yeah, I gave it a read.
I'm definitely a real SCP reader that reads SCPs.
The demanifestation of SCP-5846-J-2-1 was observed and Research Site-58 was built around SCP-5846-J over the course of the following month..What are your thoughts on it? You better make this reviewGLOWING or I will ruin you!

Addendum 5846-J-2: Experiment Log.Fishish: I LOVE FORMAT SCREWS!!! I LOVE FORMAT SCREWS!!! Wait, I didn't say that. I said I LOVE FORMAT SCREWS!!! Weird.
Some tests have been removed for brevity..Very good very good. Anyway, I'm gonna kick you out now. I just passed you in the author rankings. L + get ratio'd + you don't exist. For a full log of tests please see Experiment Log 5846-J..Fishish: crying emoji crying emoji crying emoji

Instance Number: SCP-5846-J-2-1.These stupid instance numbers are pure torture to read out loud. I could easily have shortened these up a bit.
Date of Manifestation: 16/8/21.Why am I even putting the author notes on the date? "ThIs DaTe Is CoOl CaUsE iT hAs TwO wHoLe 1'S iN iT!"
Name on SCP-5846-J-1: Super Quick Mart.To be honest, I only really added this one so the picture I found would work for the article.
Notable Anomalous Properties: Time inside SCP-5846-J-2-1 passed twice as fast as normal..[Instert creative author note here] Anyone leaving SCP-5846-J-2-1 was frozen in place for half as long as they were inside SCP-5846-J-2-1..Has having to say "ess see pee dash five eight four six dash jay dash two dash one" twice in a single sentence shown you how fast these instance numbers are gonna get old yet?

Instance Number: SCP-5846-J-2-2.I don't know why I'm wasting so much of my precious time on earth on this stupid article.
Date of Experiment: 16/9/21.I guarantee you it's gonna be deleted within a day of me posting it anyway.
Name on SCP-5846-J-1: Susan's Selections Grocery Store.I'm really tuned out from whatever this SCP is talking about at this point. I'm just gonna see how much I can mess around with these fancy footnotes.
Notable Anomalous Properties: All employees had 2 meter long arms with a total of 5 elbow joints..Can I put images in these things? mpreg1.png All items for sale were levitating 3.2 meters off the ground..I can! I did not expect that to work. How about links? A sign reading “Need anything?.Y/N, should I add these footnotes to the quoted sentences too? Just ask..Just kidding, I'm already doing that. You can't stop me! You choose your items, and we get them for you!.Ok, I regret having done this. All it did was add more work for myself.” was at the entrance to SCP-5846-J-2-2. .Quick mental health check, I have been at this for over an hour and I'm not even halfway done… Any attempt to retrieve an item by Foundation agents was met with active hostility and being escorted out by employees..Finally, something actually worth giving an author note on again! This is the first iteration to use a possessive name so I made the hostility present, but not very severe. Agent Saylor discovered the only way to obtain an item without being asked to leave was to ask an employee to retrieve it for you..What a special little boy. So wholesome. I hope nothing really horrible happens to this guy before the end of the article!

Note: Due to his expertise in solving how to interact with SCP-5846-J-2-2, Agent Saylor has been assigned as Head Explorer of future SCP-5846-J-2 instances..Agent Saylor is a reference to my dog. His name is Sailor. We named him after 3 months of not being able to find the right name and then on a drive back from the beach, I was rambling out random ocean-related words we could name him, and Sailor stood out as a great name for him!

Instance Number: SCP-5846-J-2-3.Aaaaand we're back to the nothingness sentences. I have nothing to note about these Instance Numbers…
Date of Experiment: 24/9/21.wOw! Who would've guessed!? It's a couple of days after the last test! Such important and worthwhile info for you to read!
Name on SCP-5846-J-1: Begging for Bagels.Illiteration
Notable Anomalous Properties: All bagels present inside SCP-5846-J-2-3 were sentient and capable of slight locomotion..I've got was to many animate food articles at this point. I've got like 5 of these buggers! When Agent Saylor ordered a bagel, the cashier proceeded to coax the bagel into the bag3 before handing it to Agent Saylor..CONTENT For three hours following consumption of the bagel ordered from SCP-5846-J-2-3, Agent Saylor reported a churning in his stomach..UNDEAD BAGEL! UNDEAD BAGEL!

Instance Number: SCP-5846-J-2-4.Sanity status update: Each minute I spend doing this has started to feel like an eternity.
Date of Experiment: 29/9/21.ENOUGH WITH THE DATES!!!!!
Name on SCP-5846-J-1: Get a Ghoti4.Great job on th pun Tstaffor. You're really funny. haha.
Notable Anomalous Properties: After purchasing a fish, Agent Saylor experienced an inability to shave the facial hair around his mouth and chin..Get it!??! Cause Ghoti sounds like Goatee!!! Once the fish expired, Agent Saylor’s facial hair could be cut again..Oh phew! I thought he was gonna be stuck with a beard forever. What a happy ending :)

Instance Number: SCP-5846-J-2-6.Ess see pee dash five eight four six dash jay dash two dash six.
Date of Experiment: 11/10/21.one one slash one zero slash two one (Tstaffor has fully lost her mind at this point.)
Name on SCP-5846-J-1: Pirate Pete's Pirate Eats.ON NO! SAYLOR DON'T GO IN THERE IT'S GOT A POSSESIVE NAME!!!
Notable Anomalous Properties: All employees were incorporeal humanoids dressed in pirate garb..THEY'RE GONNA KILL YOU MAN!!! STOP!!! After ordering the Scallywag Scallops and Cannonball Cocktail, Agent Saylor requested a take-out container to bring the food back to Site-58 for testing..Oh my god! He has headphones in! He can't hear us! OH MY GOD!!! All entities within SCP-5846-J-2-6 immediately gathered around Agent Saylor and aggressively escorted him out of SCP-5846-J-2-6..Oh, that wasn't so bad. Nevermind.

Note: Agent Saylor requested to select the name on SCP-5846-J-1 for the following experiment, which was granted..Ok, I've just googled cool facts. wanna hear one? "The chicken is the closest living relative to the Tyrannosaurus Rex." idk, I just think that's kinda cool.

Instance Number: SCP-5846-J-2-7.These things for making the footnotes are really long and take while to type out :/ like look at this thing: "[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]CONTENT[[/span]]"
Date of Experiment: 17/10/21.I just realized. I could just copy/paste these…
Name on SCP-5846-J-1: Planetary Putt Putt Minigolf.YEEEEESS! This is making this soooo much easier! Boost of energy please get me through the rest of this!
Notable Anomalous Properties: During Agent Harris, Agent Saylor, and Agent Salomon's playthrough of the course, floating glowing disc “powerups" appeared throughout each hole..nope. the energy boost did nothing for my already expired mood. When an Agent hit their ball through a disc, one of three effects manifested and a disembodied baritone male voice shouted the powerup’s name..This is the store I'd most want to go to. IRL magic powerups would be super awesome!

“Multiball” Powerup: The golf ball splits into two balls half the size of the original ball..I found a typo in the original 5847 while writing this thing. It was a while back. I've fixed it already so you'll never know what it was! Mwuhahaha!! If a 5th “Multiball” powerup is triggered by the same ball, the ball disappears and a new ball appears at the start of the course..I wrote "ball" way too many times in this sentence, jeez.
“Speed Up” Powerup: For the rest of the hole, no matter the power put into the swing, the golf ball will start out rolling at 13 meters per second..Can you tell I just wanted to say 30 miles per hour but had to translate it to metric?
“Free Retry” Powerup: After hitting this disc, at any time after their shot, the player may shout “Activate Retry!.People always point this out as some sort of pothole. "how could they have discovered you need to say 'activate retry'?" Oh, I don't know, maybe they were given some sort of explanation on what the powerups did?! What, are you not told a single thing when you go to play minigolf? Do you just grad a club and ball that's lying on the ground and start hitting it!? Of course they would be able to learn the rules from somewhere!!! ” which causes their ball to disappear and reappear where they took their last shot..Wouldn't this be an awesome thing to have in real life? A full on rewind time button localized to a specific object. Really cool. Great job to whoever wrote this article for coming up with all this stuff.

Instance Number: SCP-5846-J-2-9.Two more babyyyy! I can't do this!
Date of Experiment: 24/10/21.mmmm number :P Imma munch it on up!
Name on SCP-5846-J-1: Just Pas-Sun Through Sun Tanning Salon.[Insert clever author note here 2: Ruiz From Your Grave]
Notable Anomalous Properties: Upon entering SCP-5846-J-2-9, the employee at the front desk instructed Agent Saylor to sit in the waiting room..Shoutout to the song "Veridis Quo - Daft Punk" that I've been listening to on repeat for the entirety of writing this article. Over the course of an hour in the waiting room, Agent Saylor's skin tanned to the equivalent of 2-3 weeks' worth of tans in a tanning bed..Ok. I can officially say I'm out of ideas. I just spent multiple minutes trying to think of a thing to put here and came up with nothing. Agent Saylor stated he was "Excited to get a great beach bod just in time for fall!".Ironically, talking about having nothing to put there, gave me something to put there!

Instance Number: SCP-5846-J-2-11.Aww man, I miscounted. This is the second to last one. What a disheartening realization.
Date of Experiment: 31/10/21.I think I put the wrong date here. I meant to put ██/██/██. Oopsies!
Name on SCP-5846-J-1: Harry’s Halloween Costume Emporium.I've warned him about this on multiple occasions already. If Saylor goes into this possessive name store, that's on him. That's on him!
Notable Anomalous Properties: During Agent Saylor's first sweep of SCP-5846-J-2-11, no anomalous activity was recorded..The calm before the storm… Seeing no employees in SCP-5846-J-2-11 Agent Saylor attempted to retrieve a costume to check it for anomalous properties..You really shouldn't be doing that Saylor. When Agent Saylor touched a costume, all costumes inside the store became animate and assaulted Agent Saylor..Told you so. Idiot. By the time rescue efforts cleared SCP-5846-J-2-11, Agent Saylor had died..RIP the personification of my dog. (Wait… did I write a furry???)

Note: The following instance was not caused by interaction with SCP-5846-J-1..This whole ending bit didn't exist in the first couple of iterations of the draft. It just ended with Saylor getting murdered. Instead, it manifested immediately after the demanifestation of SCP-5846-J-2-11..I'm really happy I got some really great feedback and added this final log. It's a really nice ending to the article. The following note was found taped to the door upon manifestation:.Did I need to split the last two footnotes into separate notes? No. Did doing that and also making this one to talk about it get 3 more of these things done? Yes!

We're sorry to hear about your colleague's passing..Me too. He was my sweet little childhood pet! As a reminder, the owner's manual clearly states to never include a possessive name in a business's title..RTFM

We thought you might need this!.How sweet of them! I think they'd make a great GoI to write about! HINT HINT

-The Better Business Brothers.Does this count as a sentence? Eh, I'll add a footnote here just in case.

Instance Number: SCP-5846-J-2-12.🎉🎉🎉🎉
Final log!!!
🎉🎉🎉🎉

Date of Manifestation: 14/11/21.I NEVER WANT TO SEE ANOTHER DATE IN MY LIFE!!!!
Name on SCP-5846-J-1: Forget-me-not Funeral Home.No one could possibly still be reading this at this point. I can just put random text and I bet no one would even notice. Xgdfgfbojxgaerbu QEF7i5 k7k5 = 2F
Notable Anomalous Properties: Agent Saylor's funeral was scheduled to take place in a non-anomalous funeral home at the same time as SCP-5846-J-2-12's manifestation..Pssst, if you're still here and did notice. Start talking about popcorn in the comments. I want anyone who comes to this article and just skims it and goes to the discussion page to be really weirded out from seeing all the comments talking about some non-existent popcorn. Give it any attributes you like. Go wild! or if you aren't creative here are some comments you could just copy word for word: "Wow that twist with the popcorn being alive really surprised me! +1!" "I don't know about the whole popcorn monster thing, but it was still really fun overall! +1!" "Liked article. Popcorn. +1!" During SCP-5846-J-2-12's service, many family members and friends of Agent Saylor manifested in the funeral hall..Each sentence feels like a punch to the gut at this point. Why couldn't I have picked a shorter article of mine? Records of all attending persons showed them to be at the non-anomalous service at the same time..Can confirm. Am Agent Saylor's corpse. Interactions differed in both services with the humanoids inside SCP-5846-J-2-12 giving more in-depth eulogies and appearing more emotional throughout the service..im done get out


rating: +27+x

Porridge

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