rating: +21+x


Item #: SCP-5316

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures:

SCP-5316 is to be kept in a standard Humanoid Containment Cell in Site-33. The cell is to be monitored for spikes in aspect radiation. Should a spike occur, thaumaturgically trained Site Security personnel are to inspect the cell's wards for any damage and make repairs as needed.

Physical force is authorized to restrain SCP-5316 in the case of a containment breach, but Site-33 staff are to refrain from causing damage to it beyond the capacity of its regenerative abilities to repair (the removal or destruction of 50% of its biomass without further medical intervention). Given the creature's manipulative abilities, the use of reasoning to convince SCP-5316 to return to its cell is not permitted.

SCP-5316-1 is to be kept in a storage locker in Site-33. Its use is prohibited without the written permission of the Site Director.

SCP-5316 is a currently-banished member of GOI-5917 "The Wandsmen". It refers to itself as "Kassar Ji'leth, The Fifth Wandsman of Xing, Scrivener of Secrets and Delver of Truth, SCP-5316." Like many members of GOI-5917, SCP-5316 takes the form of a quasi-humanoid avian entity. Its form is similar to that of Casuarius casuarius, the "Double Wattled Cassowary." It is 2.7 meters tall and weighs 134.1 Kg.

SCP-5316 is generally not physically aggressive, but it derives great pleasure from convincing other sapient beings to reveal their secrets. Outside containment, it has been documented to use methods ranging from social engineering, to thaumaturgic rituals, to torture to gain access to this information.

SCP-5316 previously possessed teleportation abilities before its Map of the Multiverse was confiscated by GOI-5917.

SCP-5316-1 is a small wooden and brass music box which plays "Pachelbel's Canon". When wound, the next sapient being the winder sees is compelled to sit down in front of the winder and answer any question the winder asks of them to the best of their knowledge for the duration of the song.

During the song, those questioned by the winder are unable to move or otherwise take any actions that would harm the questioner. The winder on the other hand may perform any actions they wish to those being questioned.

Evidence suggests that mind effecting drugs such as tetrahydrocannabinol are able to cause the responses given to the winder to be less coherent.


NOTE: The following documents were provided by SCP-5316 upon its delivery to Foundation Custody by GOI-5917. Their similarity to Standard Foundation Formatting is purely a choice made by SCP-5316. Do not allow this material to be confused with official documentation.

Interviewed: Doctor Tanisha Varadkar

Interviewer: Kassar Ji'leth, The Fifth Wandsman of Xing, Scrivener of Secrets and Delver of Truth.

Foreword: The following interview was recorded in Dr. Varadkar's new office in Site-87.

<Begin Log>

Kassar: Good Evening Doctor!

<Dr. Varadkar pulls a gun on Kassar.>

Dr. Varadkar: Who or what the fuck are you!? Sec-

<Pachbell's Cannon begins to play.>

<Dr. Varadkar sits down.>

Kassar: Splendid! Now, can you please state your full name?

Dr. Varadkar: Doctor Tanisha Varadkar.

Kassar: And what do you do here at Site 87?

Dr. Varadkar: I'm currently just settling in. I haven't had time to get assigned a project.

<Kassar disarms Dr. Varadkar as she sits there motionless.>

Kassar: And why did you leave your last posting with the SCP Foundation?

Dr. Varadkar: I… I was attacked. Or more in the wrong place when SCP-5946 breached containment.

Kassar: Yes, how is Lot? We didn't see eye to eye all the time, but I certainly respected his research ethic.

Dr. Varadkar: He's in pain… A lot of it is self inflicted. He thinks the only real power he has is to keep hurting himself… I think there's still a little hope there, somewhere deep inside, but he's deliberately repressing it… He's failed so much.

Kassar: Hmm… That would fit. It's good to hear he might spring back in a millennium or so though. Tell me, how do you feel about what he did to you?

Dr. Varadkar: I… I think he really didn't mean to. But that doesn't matter. He hurt me, made me be someone else. Even if it was a mistake… He hurt me. And he's still dangerous. Part of what he put in my head is still there. Part of me still loves him… I hate him for it.

Kassar: And his thaumaturgy? Has it improved since he was taken into captivity? Since he became SCP-5946?

Dr. Varadkar: I… I don't know. He's so far above our ability to measure it's hard for us to tell.

Kassar: I see… I suppose it was too much to hope that you would be able to measure such things. Thank you Doctor. You shall tell no one else of this meeting.

<Kassar performs the incantation needed to ensure Dr. Varadkar's silence.>

<Kassar leaves the office.>

<End Log>

Closing Statement: A rather unenlightening discussion. Though I can see why Dr. Varadkar attracted Lot's attention. He always had a soft place in his heart for strong women.
Never the less, the Foundation's Thaumaturgical measuring equipment appears to be sorely outdated. The effects of Lot's new numeric designation remain a mystery.

Interviewed: Doctor Quentin Harrison

Interviewer: Kassar Ji'leth, The Fifth Wandsman of Xing, Scrivener of Secrets and Delver of Truth.

Foreword: Dr. Harrison is a student of anomalous foods and a former biological researcher on a project of great interest to me. I met him in Ambrose Restaurants' latest little Bistro, the Rising Sun. I'm sure one of my colleagues will have more to say about the quality of the comestibles provided at a later date.

<Begin Log>

Kassar: Good afternoon Doctor!

Dr. Harrison: What-?

<Pachbell's Cannon begins to play.>

<Dr. Harrison sits back down in his chair.>

Kassar: Excellent. Now, I have a question about your previous assignment on SCP-2406 as a biological consultant. What was the Colossus' number?

Dr. Harrison: The… It was number 9.

<Kassar produces a piece of parchment and scans down it.>

Kassar: "Number 9, The Silver Blooded Martyr…"

<Kassar nods, pleased>

Kassar: A name by numbers… I knew the Mekhanites had dabbled with it before. They must have sought to empower their creation with everything they could and -.

<Kassar is interrupted by a waiter coughing.>

Waiter: Sir, we do not allow outside music in the restauraunt. Also, there will be consequences for perturbing our guest…

<Kassar bows, not wanting to cause a fuss. He places an Ortothan Gold Aureus on the table as a tip.>

Kassar: You have my deepest apologies. Please, give my regards to the head chef. Thank you.

<Kassar picks up the music box, pulls out his map, and teleports away.>

<End Log>

Closing Statement: Aside from being interrupted, a flawless confirmation. Though the Church of the Broken God has since ceased to favor the use of impositorial thaumaturgy, it appears their more ancient predecessors saw its advantages plainly. More importantly, the numerical name's resonance lends support to my theories. Further confirmation will be required before experiments can be conducted.

Interviewed: Junior Researcher Hadid

Interviewer: Kassar Ji'leth, The Fifth Wandsman of Xing, Scrivener of Secrets and Delver of Truth.

Foreword: At time of interview, the subject's mind was addled by large quantities of cannabis, causing the magic of my construct to have less sway. I shall need to research a more elegant counter to this effect when the opportunity presents itself.

<Begin Log>

<Kassar enters Hadid's bedroom via apportation.>

Kassar: Hello Researcher Had-

<Hadid immediately picks up a large joint from his bedside and lights it, taking a deep drag.>

J. R. Hadid: Ha! Gotcha.

Kassar: … What?

<Hadid takes another drag and coughs.>

J. R. Hadid: What, you thought you could run around interrogating all our crew without us putting the word out? I got the hookup from Papa Johns bitch! One hundred percent premium Fae Kush. Good luck getting anything with your little music-box no-

<Kassar picks up Hadid's limp hand and pins it to the bedpost with a dagger. Hadid screams.>

J. R. Hadid: WHAT THE FUCK!?

Kassar: You obviously have some potential boy, but Fae magic is a very fragile thing. Tie it to the law of blood just a little and it's sucked right into the dirt. Now…

<Kassar produces the music box and winds it as the inebriated researcher whimpers. The song begins to play.>

Kassar: Now, let us discuss those not-quite nameless friends of yours… You were on the project before they were given a formal SCP designation, correct?

J. R. Hadid: I… I…

<Hadid manages to stay quiet for about 6 seconds. Then his eyes became glassy.>

J. R. Hadid: Yes… I was there before they gave them a number.

Kassar: Good… And did you notice any difference in the behavior of the fae at the restaurant after they were given an SCP Number?

J. R. Hadid: Yeah… The Pizza was better. They moved faster…

Kassar: That's all I need to hear.

<Kassar took his knife and teleported away.>

<End Log>

Closing Statement: With this data, I believe I have enough for a field test.

Recovery Log: 4/10/2021

SCP-5316 was brought into Foundation Custody by members of GoI-5917 after being stripped of his Map of the Multiverse. GoI-5917 members requested that he be treated humanely, and apologized for his "rude and disruptive" behavior.

No further detail was provided as to why or how the decision to banish SCP-5316 was made. All GoI-5917 anomalies promptly teleported before any containment measures could be applied.


NOTE: The following was mailed to Foundation Site-33 with no return address, or attribution. Considering the format of the document, it was likely provided by SCP-5316 as a form of mockery.

Interviewed: The 4th Wandswoman of Chelon

Interviewer: Kassar Ji'leth, The Fifth Wandsman of Xing, Scrivener of Secrets and Delver of Truth.

Foreword: A crude interview before the end. But the pain was needed to complete my plan.

<Begin Log>

<Kassar approaches the 4th Wandswoman of Chelon's office>

Chelon-4: 5th Wandswoman of Earth, we are in complete agreement. I have already sent several letters to the Editors about-

<Chelon-4 spots Kassar through the open door. Kassar waves. Earth-5, also in her office, stands defensively in front of Chelon-4's desk. Chelon-4 narrows her eyes at the Wandsman.>

Chelon-4: Kassar. I suppose you finally responded to my summons?

<Kassar smiles.>

Kassar: Absolutely! I've decided, or rather the Editors have decided, to sanction my experiment.

Earth-5: About time you got what was coming to you.

Kassar: If you mean a large grant, then yes!

Chelon-4: I'm sorry what?

Kassar: Oh, you thought I meant the other form of sanction, forgive me, English is such a limiting tongue. I use it only for the Hatchling's benefit.

Earth-5: Bitch, I'm 48 years old.

Kassar: And I'm 387 years young. You're not on the streets of Milwaukee anymore, baby sister.

Chelon-4: Alright I've had quite enough of your posturing, brother, what Machiavellian nonsense did you throw at the Editors to convince them alienating ourselves from our most desperately-needed allies was a good idea?

Kassar: Oh, but we're not going to alienate anyone, exalted Arbiter. You're going to turn me in to the Foundation for being a very naughty anomaly…

<Chelon-4 looks genuinely shocked.>

Chelon-4: Kassar, I am furious with you for what you did to those poor people, but at the end of the day you are a brother. I would not turn you over to those torturing jailers for-

Kassar: Sister, it's fine. You're going to help me get something worth all the pain in the world, an SCP number.

Earth-5:… What?

Kassar: It's simple name magic really, each part of your name tells a story. The more that story is obsessed over by those with power, the more it spreads and the more inexorably it is tied to you, the more magical strength you can extract from it.
Granted, a Foundation number is a relatively concealed name, but it also a name that surrounds you with an air of mystery, and with people who have a pressing need to understand you…
To be an SCP is to have your very essence connected to the greatest powers in the multiverse. Frankly, I'm kicking myself for letting that old fool Lot think of it first.

Chelon-4: Kassar, have you gone completely mad!? You're sitting here with a straight face telling me your brilliant plan is to tie your true name to the names of the most dangerous things in the multiverse? That's like hooking yourself up to the power of a Star! You'll burn yourself to ash and take half the Earth with you!

Kassar: I am aware of the risks. Frankly I'm willing to take them, considering what's on the line if we fail in our little war against the dark I thought you'd understand.

Chelon-4: Kassar, we have several projects we can do to build weapons against the dark without alienating our allies or immolating our family.

Kassar: I have considered our current projects, and the piddling tinker toys you're building will do nothing but make the dark gods laugh in our faces before they tear our souls to shreds.

Chelon-4: Kassar, unless you've stumbled on some texts from the Grand Cartographers I'm unaware of, there is so much of the dark gods that is unknown to us that we have no way of knowing what preparations we will need. It is a black box…
And if you won't listen to me about this, at least listen to the Second Wandsman of Earth. You know full well what Foundation "containment" is like. I may want to teach you the error of your cruel ways, but no one deserves that Hell.

Kassar: .. I suppose that means you will not deliver me to the Foundation so long as you still see me as family?

Chelon-4: I… I won't defy the Editors, but they have not ordered me to help you. Get someone else to aid you in this madness. Family doesn't torture each other.

Kassar: I see. Well then, as you are the only Wandswoman the Foundation is even remotely going to trust, my path is clear. For what it's worth, I'm sorry.

<Kassar produces a handful of paralysis runes in the air and Earth-5 falls limp to the floor.>

<Before Chelon-4 can react, Kassar releases the key on the music box.>

<Pachbel's Canon begins to play.>

<Chelon-4 sits in its chair. Its eyes are filled with fear.>

<Kassar produces a knife and reaches for the limp form of Earth-5.>

Kassar: Family doesn't torture family, you say?

<End Log>

Closing Statement: After some convincing, the Arbiter agreed to turn me over. All is in place.

Note by Agent Briggs: Considering this information, I strongly recommend SCP-5316 be elevated to Keter class and given a non-standard designation. It cannot be allowed to keep its plan in motion.

Note by Director Nakamura: Denied for now. Your heart and head are both in the right place Briggs, but we have no idea what changing this thing's name will do to it. We also don't have confirmation of where that letter came from, and we don't even know if this SCP's thaumaturgy theories are accurate.

For now we just need to contain this monster as best as we can, and let the researchers come up with better locks for its door.

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